MY FATHER'S IDEA

Having a father is a blessing in disguise. One person is close to my heart, making my heart beat strangely. Great sense of humor and.....Unfriendly? No! My father loved me, and he motivated and inspired me a lot.

That bold man gave me quotes to leave with. Quotes like:" Take one idea. Make that one idea your life- think of it. Dream of it."

Live on that idea. Let the brain, nerves, and every part of the body be full of that and leave every other idea alone. My father taught me the way to succeed. To this same day, I still believe and live with every word on that of that quote. I believe that it's the same quote that brought me this far.

Reflecting on it consistently, even during difficult days. That's the role my father played in my life.

Frequently, people say that a girl has to bond with her father to reach a point where she can handle serious situations and make wise decisions and choices. I didn't get it back then, but now I truly get everything my father installed in me.

I believe that watching her baby girl leave wasn't exciting for him. Especially the part where he has to let go of all the parenting since I am too grown to be babied. No hard feelings. I am grown. He had to figure out a way to do it. But I am grateful for the moments we spent together because some people were not lucky enough to experience those. Falling for his children is what my dad did not do and that, my friend, that! It's all a cherishable treasure.

I miss him a lot nowadays. I have no time to visit at home because of a lot of work I have. It's too much on the plate. Having unexpected relationships with hateful people. I wish I knew how cruel is this world.

The 7-year-old me loved my father so much because he was never too tired to play with me. That's where I learned chess and basketball: I became great at that brain-cracking game. I used to be the one doing checkmates so I could win the game. I only won at school playing against my opponents but not in the house. My father always won no matter how hard I tried biting him. But I always had a comeback. Basketball. That's where victory spelled out my name. The only place where I could defeat my father, I was good at it. Playing in the backyard on Saturdays. Making bets on money. A person who won would get all the money, which I got every time.

The was one time when my mother caught us making a bet. Scolding my father as if he was a baby. But then after that day, we didn't back any bets involving Benjamins. How ghosty! From my point of view, I thought that my mother was jealous as I have been spending a lot of time with my father than her. Maybe that's what made her upset but that didn't stop the game from going on. Not until I turned 11 that my puberty was activating. My mood swings during my period. When I thought of playing, I felt lazy and disgusted. Didn't want to mess with dirt, also not forgetting the fact that I got so uncomfortable around my father when I was on my period. I would lock myself in the room and stir on the ceiling laying on my bed.

I didn't want to play anymore which made me feel childish and annoyed. Puberty didn't stop me from spending time with my dad. We talked about serious life issues with my father. That's the place where I got motivated, inspired, and gave me quotes to live with. Apart from that, we would talk about history and watch heroic movies which kind of made me feel like I am being boyish, you know, Spiderman, Thor, Captain America, etc. That didn't matter to me at all. But not forgetting that there was one time my father and I took a walk. Counting cars. Red ones were my favorite but my father never told me his favorite. I had this desire that maybe one day I will know his favorite color so I could buy him a car. Just for appreciation.

Right now all I can do is remember his hilarious jokes. Looking back over my life, a lot has changed. The surroundings and people around me. All being strangers to my heart-working mysteries of which when you get to know you won't want to refer back. I still love him and l.....hmm.....

Also for me, letting go is the hardest part of the journey. But I have to get my life together. When I was a little girl I kept thinking that adulthood was entertaining and very easy. Which is not true as I view my life. I thought of myself being this grown. What if nearly leads to my death? I am not trying to be suicidal but it's a fact for me. What matters is that I have lived my purpose just like my father taught me. I never thought I could be this independent. Thinking that it was going to be so scary. Which was not right. But what I can say is that the energy I had when I was a child is slowly fading like beads pieces lost in an unspeakable room.

It's great I had to spend time with him. His words which I will never forget although he is not getting any younger. I feel proud to face the world with a smile because of what my father has installed in me. I am so grateful to him. He did play his role in my life. My father didn't put me in a position where I feel like he is a disgrace. He was that disciplined father: never caught him smoking, never caught him drinking. Although my mother told me that he drinks, he never wanted to drink in front of us. He found it terrible teaching to install in his children. I am sure where ever he is, he is proud of his fatherhood.

Nobody understands my life better than I and no one will ever explain it to me better than myself. Finding inspiration from a parent is something treasure for you finally keep. I can be at a point where I can brag about that bond for it feels great and deserving. Things like this are things we wished we had during childhood. This little seed grew into a big strong tree.

Annie is very lucky. I thought. For I found inspiration from childhood. I can learn and accept what life brings to me. Some of the situations are situations that we cannot control. We just have to make peace with it. Peace is something you give to yourself. It's something that is not expected to get from people.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°💕°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°