Chapter Fifteen

Sunlight started to fade from the large windows behind us indicating dusk's imminent arrival. My pack leader's left hand stroked the fur along my neck while her right hand looked over some parchment that smelled like old man and onions.

Court had been relatively tame today. No one shouted, and only a few dared to link eyes with me, the dark queen's fearsome beast. I'd witnessed fear in each of their gazes. They remembered my violence from days past. Good.

"This seems like an adequate arrangement for both your house and my court, Lady Rhulson," the queen said, looking back at the faerie standing before her.

"I'm pleased you think so, your grace. I know House Rhulson will feel safer within the bounds of the Raven Court than we have for a century in the Worm Court. And we're happy to pay the tithe you require for annexation into your queendom," the noble said, bowing her head.

The queen looked once more at the parchment.

"I presume this is just a draft?" she said. "I noticed there are no details in here about the sapphire mines your family controls. That was part of the bargain we struck, was it not?"

"Of course! Of course," the fae stammered, lifting her head to face my pack leader. "The final draft, which I'll deliver quickly for your signature and appraisal, will include details about the sapphire mine our family is surrendering to your control. Your court will take possession of the mine at Gondir's Point. My family will keep the other two further west."

Fae in the court looked back and forth, while the queen gazed over the parchment one last time.

"Acceptable. You'll have to wait until after our annual Dryad Festival to finalize this business, but I have confidence you'll be part of the Raven Court before the next full moon," she said, standing up.

I climbed out of the throne, and stretched, revealing my full height, claws, and fangs, to the assembled nobles. Then I stood at my pack leader's side, waiting for her to speak again.

"I will ride for our home at Minnow Burrow to draft that final agreement and return after your festival," she said, bowing and then walking away, dusty yellow cloak trailing behind her.

Whispers marched across the room as lords, ladies, as well as those that were both and neither, began to discuss the inclusion of a new house into the Raven Court. One man spoke of the additional feathers needed to secure it. A feminine voice questioned why the Worm Court was willing to let this house depart. None of this held interest for me, of course. So I tuned out.

"This concludes court for today. If you have further matters that require my attention, bring them in a few days. And if it's urgent, speak with Barsilla. Otherwise, I'll hope to see most of you at the festival in Perch once the moon is high in the sky," my pack leader said.

With that, everyone dispersed, gradually clearing the room until it was just the queen and myself.

But, before the doors shut, footsteps echoed across the ground, and I turned to see who was approaching us now. A lingering lord? No, this scent was familiar. It bore a strong resemblance to coconut. It belonged to none other than my inner girl's bedmate. She'd not seen me in this form, but I recognized her scent from the memories of my inner girl. The two were quite fond of each other, and Lily was recognized as a pack member. Even if it was a pack of two.

I saw a short memory of the inner girl being rather bitchy this morning because her bedmate had been absent for two nights in a row. She hadn't slept well alone, it seems.

"Well, well. If it isn't my most accomplished wing. What do you have for me now, Lily?"

The half-fae bowed before our queen and then spoke softly.

"Nothing good, I'm afraid. Your grace, I've been given reason to believe you'll soon face a threat from House Harroldsen. It seems they still hold quite a grudge after your pet murdered the head of their house," Lily said.

Her tone was like glass. There wasn't an ounce of the warmth I saw of this half-fae in my inner girl's memories. This felt like an entirely different being, one who did not yield even a shred of personability from her neutral stance to her calm voice. Every secret she held in an iron grip, and none could pry them from her except the Raven Queen.

"So they weren't satisfied with the payment I left them under our court accords," Varella said.

She sighed and looked upon her wing with an expression I didn't recognize. Though I'd say exhaustion likely played into it.

"How will they retaliate?" my pack leader asked.

Lily lowered her head a little bit.

"I don't know, your grace. Sometime within the next day or two, most likely. Maybe while the dryads are here in Perch to add insult to injury," Lily said.

The queen considered these words for a moment before looking at her throne. I hadn't a clue what she was thinking. The thoughts of two-legged folks are usually lost on me. And the fae added an extra layer of confusion.

"It can't be helped, I suppose. Will they target my pet?" she asked.

Lily shook her head.

"Best as I can tell, they hold you responsible for the attack."

That was bullshit. I alone was responsible for killing the fae in question. My pack leader had nothing to do with it. If the family sought revenge, let them seek me.

Of course, I couldn't express this will, because I did not carry the ability to make words, as the bird lady and her spy did. I could only hope the inner girl would say them for me when the time came.

"Very well. Let me know if you discover anything else," Varella said.

Nodding, I saw the spy sneak a glance at me. There was a subtle gleam in her eye that wasn't present moments ago. And then, just like that, the glass was back. She stood rigid, waiting for the queen to say anything else that came to mind. Maybe another order or dismissal.

Instead, my pack leader did something I did not expect. She grinned, looked down at me, and then back at Lily.

"Go ahead, my wing. We're alone here," the queen said.

"Are you sure, your grace?"

"It's been two days since you've seen her. We have a few minutes before I have to start preparations for tonight," Varella said.

Within a second, the glass shattered, and Lily was the girl I knew from memories I borrowed from my other self.

She was on her knees, kneeling in front of me with a huge smile plastered on her face.

"Holy cow! You're so huge and fluffy, Sierra! I had no idea how big you'd get! How do you keep all this squeezed inside that little human body of yours?" Lily asked, placing her hands on either side of my face and rubbing her fingers up and down.

This was the inner girl's bedmate alright. No question about it. If wolves could sigh, I would have, because this energy was so very much.

Then the half-fae threw her arms around me and buried her face in my fur, hugging me tightly.

"You're so goddamn soft! How is this even possible?" Lily squealed in delight. "I know this is probably driving you crazy, but your inner girl loves me to death, so there's not much you can do about it."

I let loose a light growl. My chest rumbled in moaning protest. And Varella chuckled, watching us in amusement.

"Ohhhhh, big scary Sierra! I'm so frightened. Listen to that growl. That's the voice of a fearsome beast, yes it is!" Lily mocked.

She released me just long enough to kiss my nose and then tightly embraced my neck once more.

Bedmate or not, I was three seconds away from tearing the inner girl's pack member apart. My growl echoed louder.

"Make all the noise you want, puppy. But you won't so much as lay a fang on me. I've got diplomatic immunity," she said.

I didn't need to kill her. Just taking a leg would send a sufficient message. And then my inner girl couldn't be mad. She'd still have her bedmate. And with one less leg, my inner girl would have more room on the bed.

"You've grown quite close to my pet," Varella said.

"I love her dearly," Lily said, without hesitation.

The Raven Queen thought on this for a moment. Around us, the hall fell silent. No one walked by the door outside.

"She loves you too, my wing. More than she can put into words. So tell me this. Do I have a rival for her affections in you?"

Lily shook her head as she patted my own. I heard her heartbeat pick up slightly. The spy was gone. This was my inner girl's pack member.

"Sierra only views me as a friend, your grace. I am not competing for her romantic affection," the spy said.

"And yet, I can't help but wonder if my pet accidentally gave you her heart. Metaphorically, of course. I've held the actual thing in my hands, unlike you," Varella said.

The two finally made eye contact.

"Forgive me, your grace. I'm confused. You told me to befriend her. I can't believe that in your foresight you'd fail to see this as even a tiny possibility," Lily said.

My pack leader cocked her head to the side. Were they fighting over my inner girl? This didn't feel like a fight, but there was definitely some tension present. At least, Lily seemed tense. The queen was as airy as usual.

"You assume I'm angry about this, but I can assure you, my wing, I am not," the queen said, looking down at me.

I made no move.

"If you're not angry, then. . . can I ask why we're having this conversation?" Lily asked.

The bird lady looked back at her again.

"We're having this conversation for two reasons. First, to establish that if my pet does come to realize her feelings for you, I will not stop you from acting upon them. Second, to clear any confusion about what will happen if these feelings do come to pass. I will not surrender any claim I have upon my pet, Lily. Know this: Her heart is mine. Her gaze is mine. Her future is mine. Any relationship you establish with Sierra Chelsea will exist within those confines, or not at all. Are we clear?"

I heard Lily's heart beating faster now, and her face appeared flushed. Looking back and forth between the two, I'm not sure what I expected to happen next. But I'm sure my inner girl would make sense of it when she reappeared.

"Why did you ask me to befriend her, knowing this might happen?" Lily asked.

No grin remained upon the queen's face. Instead, she sighed and walked closer, placing her hand on my head and moving it back and forth slowly. Lily took a step back.

"When my pet looks at me, she's enamored, struck by the beauty her glamour-less kind cannot achieve, and entranced by the simultaneous power and generosity I wield over her," my pack leader said. "But you, Lily, are half human. There are parts of my pet's heart you can reach and connect with that I am simply unable to because of my nature. Put simply, her affections for us are different. I wish to see how they evolve given time."

"It. . . satisfies your curiosity to see whether she comes to love me as well as you, my queen?"

My pack leader shrugged. It was such a strange gesture to see her make with all the power she wielded. A shrug.

"Perhaps it's that simple. Or maybe through the centuries, I've just lost the ability to tell the difference between love and morbid curiosity," she said, leaning over and kissing the top of my head. "Regardless, I want you to know there's room enough in Sierra's young heart for two women to love her. And I don't want her distracted by mortal concepts of shame or guilt."

Silence once more seized the room. That is. . . until a piskie entered from the large doorway across the court.

"Your grace, it's time to start preparing for this evening. The dryads have entered Perch and are likely preparing for your offering as we speak," the piskie said, holding her clipboard.

My pack leader nodded and took one more look at Lily.

"Coming, Barsilla," she said.

But before the queen left, she turned to her spy. I watched her lean in closely, mouth just short of Lily's ear. And she whispered, "If she comes to recognize her love for you, and you hurt my pet in any way, I want you to be sure of one thing, Lily Raiella Lancaster. My birds will feast upon your flesh for days while you scream."

The spy went rigid, her back and shoulders tightening more than I'd seen previously. Gone was the girl playing with a fluffy dog— er, wolf.

With that, the Raven Queen turned back to me and placed a hand on my head again. I felt her magic stir within me, coursing through my wolfheart and waiting for a command.

"I'll see you again soon, my faithful beast. But for now, I call you forth, Sierra Chelsea. Return to your mistress."

Smoke engulfed my body as I once more returned to slumber, awaiting the next time I would be called, by either my pack leader or the full moon. It was a tossup as either could be just days away.

***

I emerged nude from the smoke and stood on two feet before my mistress, Barsilla, and Lily. The Raven Queen leaned down and placed a kiss on my cheek, causing my heart to skip along at a refreshed pace. The next thing I knew, I had her feathered cloak wrapped around me.

Then she grinned, looked at Lily with a wink, and left with her left-hand lady.

Lily stood quiet and waited for them to leave. When only the two of us remained in court, she quietly asked, "Do you have your inner wolf's memories?"

"Yeah. Why?"

She started to lead me back toward our bedroom, and I reached inside for whatever my inner wolf had seen and heard.

By the time we made it back with the door shut behind us, I was stunned and speechless. My heart felt frozen in time, and I leaned against the doorframe, not knowing what to feel or say. How could I have been so clueless? Why did the queen know how I felt about Lily before I did? And what the fuck was I supposed to do now?

"I see you're all caught up," Lily said.

I didn't even nod.

My brain was so overloaded, I didn't even know what questions to ask to start making sense of this. Feelings. Realizations. Choices. Did someone replace my decision-making software with Windows ME? Because that's about how functional I felt right now.

Of course that wasn't naked platonic cuddling. How on Earth did I not put the pieces together sooner? I'd fallen for my best friend. Shit on a stick. This was bad.

I took a deep breath, but it didn't seem to help.

I am so fucked, I thought. This is just terrible.

And my mistress knew about all this? She knew this could happen, and she still went along with putting Lily in my path.

Replaying the memory of their conversation in my head again, I held my face in my hands. I wanted to jump into the lake and let it carry me to the bottom where neither of these beautiful women could see me anymore.

"Look, I know this is a lot, Si. But you don't have to make any decisions right now. You don't even have to say anything," Lily said, but I was buried too deep in my thoughts to acknowledge her words.

Nothing was making sense anymore.

"Do you want me to go?" Lily asked.

Wait. Hold on. Maybe that was the problem. I was expecting this to start making sense. But I was a werewolf in the land of Faerie. What had Lily told me the other night?

"Everything here is weird. And nothing is," she'd said.

So why was I now expecting things to start making sense? That, in and of itself, made no sense.

"It's okay, Si. I'll just head out and let you be alone so you can think," Lily said, turning to go.

Was this such a problem? Or was I just overcomplicating things like I always did? I spent most of my life twisted like a pretzel trying to anticipate what might set off my Dad. But there was never any logic to his rage. It took him and caused me pain without rhyme or reason. After years of failed compromises and experiments, I failed to understand how his mind worked. It was all random. The strongest psychic in the world couldn't predict his moves.

But he wasn't here anymore. I'd seen to that.

I was in Featherstone now, the pet of a dark queen of Faerie. I cared deeply about my mistress. And I also had feelings for my best friend. Both seemed pretty damn invested in my happiness. So why was my brain throwing a tantrum?

Oh no, I thought. Two fae love me. My wallet's too small for my hundred-dollar bills, and my platinum shoes are too snug.

Lily moved closer to the door, and I blocked her path.

"Is something wrong, Si?" she asked in a quiet tone.

"Yeah, the girl I'm crushing on is trying to leave, and I haven't seen her in two days," I said.

Her eyes searched mine, and I'm pretty sure her stomach was doing somersaults. Of course, the only evidence I had for this conclusion came from my guts doing the same thing.

"The girl you're. . . crushing on?" she whispered, eyes widening.

"Yeah, she makes me feel safe and giddy. When I'm with her, I have to fight a constant grin because I don't want her to think I'm a doofus. And I'm afraid that if I let the smile on my lips get too comfy, it'll never want to leave," I said.

Lily formed a smile of her own as I spoke.

"And. . .what do you intend to do with this girl?" Lily asked, tapping her left foot lightly on our bedroom floor.

"Kiss her and ask her to be my date for the Dryad Festival tonight," I said, stepping closer and planting my lips on Lily's.

She was so damn soft, and I heard a small gasp escape right as our lips touched. A spark lit in the pit of our bellies, and we held each other tight.

I pulled away to breathe for a second but kept my forehead pressed against hers.

"Lily, I'm done making excuses to avoid being happy. I want you. But. . . I also have feelings for my mistress, which I know complicates things. Is there any way you can be with me despite that?"

The half-fae smiled and ran her fingers through my hair, causing me to shiver. She thought for a moment and nodded.

"I think there's more than enough of you to go around, Si," she said before kissing me again. That spark burned brighter and brighter as we kissed for the next several minutes.

When we stopped, giggles eventually replaced our kissing, like neither of us could believe what'd just happened. But it did happen. And dammit, I wasn't going to feel bad about it.

This was going to get complicated, but I'd witnessed my mistress navigate the intricacies of managing multiple houses, as well as the endless egos of lords and ladies within her court. I'd seen her avoid a war. No part of my feelings or place in this world remained simple.

So fuck it, I thought. I'll be with them both.