Chapter 16: In the Court of the Crimson King Pt 02

Time stopped...

Or to be more precise it was erased

Skipping the whole process... all to fall straight to the final result

Kira noticed it immediately as she seemed to have skipped much of the way to the assholes, something truly unheard of.... Unless it was -Oh no

It was clearly the power of a specific Stand, one that depending on how it was confronted could be the worst of the enemy.

King Crimson

- Shit - Spitting on the ground with a nasty expression he hurried his pace to get there faster, the assholes were his to kill if he damn well pleased (He was still mad at Guren for eating his pudding and Ryu for breaking his beloved gun) As if he was going to give up their precious sources of entertainment to someone else!

Oh shoot, he was already starting to sound like one of those villains with dubious sexuality and IQ lower than an overweight guy's self-esteem, another reason to get even more upset.... Those guys were unbelievably pathetic!

- 'Damn, I hope Guren is ready for a beating' - He knew it was unfair to hit someone more or less ''innocent'', but damn it, hitting the asshole was almost as much fun as hitting stupid Shinji.

Even drugs couldn't become as fun or addictive as that simple action

.............

Ghiaccio moved nimbly skating on the ice that formed on the ground, White album was in charge of lowering the temperatures around him to form it, thus freezing the air in the place where everyone was.

The experience of using it for assassinations had really forged its combat style in a very good way... Although it would certainly be better if there was a river or somewhere with water nearby.

But whatever, you can't have everything in life.

So it wasn't so incredible for him to hit and deflect Carplex's shots or avoid Edu's quick cuts, who certainly couldn't give his all since he was a bit paranoid that someone might attack him from behind.

- Let's go! - shouted the Italian as a smile full of disdain and mockery formed on his face - Make this at least minimally entertaining! Although I wouldn't blame you for being idle after all.... It's me you have as your opponent! -

It wasn't hard to notice that he took the assholes as if they were just lowly buffoons, seeing them as if they weren't that different from the homeless sheltering in the area or as a buffoon who didn't really get to give Kira the same laugh with his exploited jokes and banter

Okay, it was official

Both Edu and the others had a strong desire to knock the teeth out of the guy in the otaku costume.

- Ice huh? - Said Carplex with a pissed off tone - I hope you want to test my little friend! - He shouted as he pulled out a flamethrower - And just so you know, I'm not talking about the one in my pants -

It wasn't the most practical... But it was the most satisfying, that was indisputable.

- ...Does that even exist? I thought it was a myth, like dignity in a furro or a functional brain in a Peruvian - Edu asked while Guren and Ryu kept their silence, although by their looks it was more than obvious that they agreed with the words of the Venezuelan.

- Of course it exists! What?! Do you want me to show it to you?! -

- No faggot, if you want to show it to Kira, he'll like it for sure -.

Ghiaccio's eyebrows drew together as he felt his blood boil as he was ignored by the group of assholes in front of him.

- They're not going to fight?! - he shouted with a grimace of disgust and anger.

- Ñao, otakus don't talk here - Guren said as he took the mask getting ready to put it to use.

It was time to test fire against fire (metaphorically speaking).

If a crackpot with a bizarre power was his enemy.... Then he would use the power of a bizarre asshole to face him!

...........

Kira was shocked to see the scene before his eyes.

Guren had turned bald, his face had turned green (Like the Hulk but meh), if the normal Guren could already be considered a kind of semi-buffoon this one would be as if he had become the god of assholes.

- Oh~? The kitten really is afraid of water! - Said the asshole as he tried to throw Ghiaccio into a pool of lava with some weird monster piranhas.

- Somebody get this freak off of me! -

Ignoring the spectacle, the furry sat down next to Carplex and Ryu, who was eating popcorn next to Edu.

The Venezuelan, unlike his companions, instead of paying attention to the asshole, was playing with his pet, Pochita the chainsaw demon.

- ...What the fuck happened here? - He asked while pointing to the front - And who was the idiot who gave Guren too much sugar? -

- No idea, I think he got into it from the cheap weed - Carplex said while laughing and hugging Ryu, yeah definitely nothing homo, but well that's the way it was, what could you expect from Carplex in stoner mode?

- Carplex... Is it going to be by hook or by crook? - Asked the edgy while he was signaling the blind man to take his hands off him, with only one Guren he had more than enough.

- Playing between friends is not bad Ryu... -

- Shut your mouth before I shut it for you -

Ignoring the interesting almost yaoi banter between Carplex and Ryu, Kira had really started to get bored while watching the fight.

(KW: Poor Guren, they already make him NTR).

And to be honest was disappointed, it looked like Hanna Barbera cartoon chase but with cut budget.

How could I make it funnier? After all, no one liked to be bored, least of all him.

A smile appeared on his face as a rather silly idea seemed to form in his head.

Why not make an old meme come true?

- Soft & Wet! - With his call the Stand made his presence known, surprising his companions who watched in pure shock.

- Go! -

With an impressive speed two bubbles formed in the air after the Stand hit the unsuspecting idiots, inside them two pairs of eyes could be seen floating.

- Invalid fight! - he shouted as he smiled as he saw that Ghiaccio and Guren were now missing their eyes.

Nodding totally satisfied with his work Soft & Wet faded away and Kira approached to try to pet Pochita.

Opportunities like that were not to be wasted.

*Grrrr

Unwilling to be touched the demon twirled his lock as if he wanted to cut it off.

- Don't even try Kira, I already taught him what to do if you approach him - Edu said while petting his tender but dangerous pet.

- Is it so bad that I want to pet him? -

- It wouldn't be if you weren't a fucking animal rapist! You're not banned from zoos or veterinaries for nothing," shouted a voice all too familiar to everyone.

Soon a curtain of smoke rose up before disappearing leaving a door that soon opened to reveal Curious, Necro, Zek and Tanya.

- ... Are you kidding me? - Said Kira as she burst the bubbles, the moment had passed so it was no longer time to use them.

A whole show ruined!

Truly a pity

....

Without wasting any more time Guren took advantage of the moment when Ghiaccio was distracted, no matter how strong he was he had a time limit.

One that was already dangerously close to end

Fucking Kira! Was it necessary for him to ruin his moment to shine?!

He practically turned him into an unfunny joke (just like Carplex) in front of Ryu and Edu!

He thought as he planned to steal her beloved dessert one more time and eat it in front of him.

Pissed off he took out thousands of explosives from his pockets along with a titanium reinforced rope.

Using inhuman speed he tied up a shocked Ghiaccio, soon proceeding to ignite the dynamite and start the time bomb timers.

- Ohhhh! You will have a very explosive and shocking farewell, my dear friend! - Said Guren as he smiled sweetly at him - Say hello to Krillin and Yamcha for me! -

- What?! When?! -

- Meep meep - Once his lines were said, Guren made the characteristic Looney Toons running sound before running towards the other assholes and hiding them behind his incredibly safe and ultra-resistant barrier... made out of carnival balloons of course.

In fact, if you looked carefully you could see Pochita playing with a balloon poodle that for some mysterious and pendejo reason seemed to have gotten a life of its own

- Guren, you're going to kill us! - shouted Ryu as he was once again used as a human shield.

Zek was wasting no time after all.

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Omake 08: A bizarre adventure in the supermarket

The day began as an ordinary one

A week had passed normally after the events that took place in the most stupid, stupid and bizarre holy grail war.

But the assholes were not without exciting moments!

Such as this...

Going to the supermarket to hunt for bargains

They each had their own battle for dominance (especially Kira and Ryu) because no matter how much of an asshole they were...

Bargains were something they had to get no matter what!

This was their effort and stinginess!

A sign of power, rebellion, and limitless stupidity!

In the bakery

There you could see a spectacle of ultra asshole proportions!

- Cover me! - Ryu shouted at Guren while using a strip of French bread as a sword.

Thus blocking the furious attack of the housewife he was fighting against.

- I have to get the bids! - shouted the mistress as she received cheers from her children.

Guren meanwhile could only be seen fighting a hit-and-run battle with the lady's husband using bags of flour as projectiles.

*Puff

- Where is your honor you scum! - shouted the man while he was covered from head to toe with white powder - Come out and fight like a real man! Aren't you afraid of shame?! How many family dinners or bakers do you plan to ruin with this scandalous flour battle! Did it never occurred to you to think about it? -

The man looked angry and indignant with Guren...

- ...Do you even know how much bread you eat every day? Or do you ask ants for permission to step on them? My way of thinking is so simple that it's not even funny, old man," said Guren.

Yes, that the assholes had forced him to start reading JoJo seemed to have affected him a little bit.

...Needless to say, the man took it upon himself to beat the idiot for saying such insensitive things in front of his children.

..........

But this wasn't the only battle going on in the place and that was easy to notice.

In the corridors you could see Kanade and Angello fighting with an army of kids for candy (Kanade could infiltrate very well among them being an ultra dwarf loli).

And Angello had a very good acting talent, which only helped the cause even more since he was pretending to be the older brother of his asshole partner.

But who knew they would end up being discovered because of Kanade?

- You ruined everything! - shouted Angello as he ran off carrying as much candy as he could fit in his arms.

- Why is it my fault for hitting those brats for asking me what elementary school I go to! - Kanade shouted offended by what her stupid henchman was saying.

Fortunately for them there was still hope

- Come with me if you want to live," said Curious as he knocked out the security guards along with Necro.

- We - Necro said as he unloaded the supplies to a fainted and beaten Guren in the van they had stolen.

- Same thing," answered the Mexican, "Where are Kira, Carplex and Fore? - He asked when he noticed that there were a few assholes missing.

- Grrr Stupid Dani! - Kanade growled as Kay and Angello tried to make an effort to pull her off her leash to get her into the truck.

...If the cops saw them they would more than likely mistake them for two kidnapping pedophiles dragging a grade school girl.

......

Far out of sight of the pendejos, in one of the farthest and uncrowded aisles of the supermarket

A battle like no other was unfolding

There Dani and a little old lady could be seen struggling over a maruchan.

(KW: Maruchan is a ramen)

Off to the side Carplex and Kira could be seen filming the whole thing as they cheered on their asshole friend.

- Life isn't fair old lady, sometimes you have to let things go," he said struggling for the last box of maruchan.

Dani wasn't about to give in!

Much less considering that today was movie night at Tanya's house.

The little old lady narrowed her eyes at Dani's words, her look betrayed how annoyed she was

These young people now...

- I was a boxer in my youth.... If I can't beat up a nerd like you I'll be ashamed for the rest of my life, punk! - Grabbing a chicken from her shopping cart she proceeded to do her final combo.... FROZEN CHICKEN SUPER PUNCH!

(KW: Holy mother, Dani is going to die).

- I... just... want!... my!... MARUCHAN! -

Despite the tremendous power contained in the frozen bird, Dani was unwilling to yield.

Gathering all the power of her body she stole the maruchan from the old woman's hands!

- Ohoho, it's not going to be possible - Rolling up the sleeves of her arms the old lady showed that her words had no lies in them.

Having muscles worthy of a villain taken from the early parts of JoJo.

Indeed... The old woman was showing her true power!

- But I have something that you don't - In spite of everything, the idiot was still sure of himself...

- ... Girlfriend? - She said, making Dani's eyes water.

At the same time Kira and Carplex squirmed with laughter.

- ...I wished, i'm a impopular -

- Makes sense to me -

- I've got the assholus plus ultra! - He shouted as he pulled out a syringe from who knows where and injected it, pulling out big muscles and squeezing harder, surprising the old lady.

- Unbelievable... He sacrificed all his chances of having a social life to beat me, the Grandma Tyson?! -

- I sacrificed everything, but it will be worth it - Said the asshole while smiling, it seemed that he was already savoring the victory in his mind.

- Maybe little Mike can handle you," said the old lady as she smiled and dropped the maruchan.

Dani successfully took the maruchan from him and like the asshole he was, he proceeded to do the most logical thing... make a victory pose.

But unfortunately this was far from over

Out of the shadows appeared a big black guy with a tattoo on the side of his face.

His gaze made the celebrating asshole tremble.

- I'm death' - Dani thought

- Well well, who took my grandmother's maruchan? - Asked the guy with a smile

- I-I sir - Without letting him continue Kira proceeded to cover Dani's mouth while whispering something in his ear.

- Not that I'm calling you a coward Dani.... But cowards survive -

- You and I have a lot to talk about kid, come out immediately - The black man smiled as he cracked his knuckles before putting on his mittens.

- Think Wolf, I didn't do anything to granny and she and her grandson will beat the hell out of me, if I get out alive I can sue him for a millionaire sum, and if I die you can sue them for an even bigger sum and you can live like kings - He said between whispers while they left Carplex abandoned there.

- I don't know Dani, things might not work out as you plan -

- What are you clowns talking about? - shouted the guy

- About stupid things - Dani said

- You think you're funny, asshole? -

- There's a reason I'm Mr. Comedy -

- Don comedia eh... Well now you'll be Don MB - Said the black guy while smiling

- A pos demonstrates -

- Well, if you insist - He snapped his fingers and 4 gay niggas appeared - Oh, not to scare you, but MB means Mind Breakead -

- Don't make me pull out my secret weapon -

- Secret weapon? - Asked the intrigued guy

- My legs... NIGERUNDAYO KIRA! - I shout before running off into the sunset.

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