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The Emperor's Cunning Wife

(Slow burn romance, Cunning MC Update Sched: 1 chap per day) With one hundred million dollar bounty on Ning Lou's head, she was one of the most notorious criminal pursued by federal agents who swindled her way throughout the four continents. Living as an anonymous magnate in an inconspicuous villa, she was at the peak of her life. But who would have thought a trip to the bathroom ended it just like that? The most illogical part was, she transmigrated in the body of an unloved empress and in an era unknown in history. Caught in a web of heinous schemes inside the Imperial Harem, she must swindle her way to survival, while maintaining her distance from the so called 'Emperor'. However, this man was harder to trick than the old Buddhist monk. “Your Highness, the emperor sealed and barricaded all the secret passages!” “Your Highness, the emperor has replaced the eunuchs and maids!” “Your Highness, all the concubines suddenly fell ill, and the emperor said Your Highness will serve him tonight.” “Your Highness, the Phoenix Cloud Pavilion caught fire, so the emperor said Your Highness must sleep in his chamber tonight.” “Your Highness, where are you heading to?” “Don't stop me, I'll swindle my way to be the Emperor instead.” (Cover is not mine. Credits to the owner.)

Realm_Spirit · Historia
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19 Chs

A Constipated Situation Part 5

"Officer Gao, you won't mind this old lady staying near you while you examine Lou'er, right?" The old lady asked.

The needle that was about to prick Ning Lou's skin trembled in Gao Ling's hands.

"No, not at all." He breathed, enduring his all not to show any signs of his anxiousness in front of the old woman.

"You can continue," she said while staring at the needle.

"Yes," Gao Ling replied.

When the needle was pricked, Gao Ling glanced once more at the old woman. The Empress Dowager, however, was so preoccupied with the needle that she didn't notice the sudden flash of actions Gao Ling made with his other fingers.

He secretly twisted the needle, and a groan from the one on the bed disturbed the old woman's attention. Gao Ling was planning to grab the opportunity to switch the needles with the one in his sleeves. But, before he could even touch the other needle, the old woman's voice scared him out of his wits: "Hold on."

Gao Ling's breath hitched.

Gao Ling's hands started to tremble. He missed every single opportunity he had. Did the Empress Dowager notice? Or was it only coincidental?

"Pull it out slowly," the old woman ordered, making sure Ning Lou suffered less.

"Yes." It took a while for Gao Ling to reply. His two fingers holding the needle in place became seemingly paler as the seconds went by. Gao Ling felt the needle become heavier in his grasp. He felt petrified pulling it out.

"Is Officer Gao finished?" The Empress Dowager asked impatiently.

"A little bit longer." Gao Ling gulped. His voice stuttered. He instantly knew the mistake he had made.

"Is there any problem?" The Empress dowager asked after noticing the peculiarity in his tone.

Just as he was about to tattle and drag the matter along, the Emperor, whose existence was forgotten, came to his aid.

"Officer Gao might need a little more time for the diagnosis. Grandmother shouldn't worry since there won't be any problem. Officer Gao will explain and report to you the Empress' condition once he is done.

Grandmother shouldn't worry since there won't be any problems." The Emperor spoke those words while looking at him instead of the Empress Dowager. Is the Emperor trying to say something to him? His mind was filled with questions.

"How can you be sure that there won't be any problem? Lou'er might be poison! That servant definitely fed her with it!" The Empress Dowager protested, sending a glare to the Emperor.

"If Grandmother really wants to know the truth, we can ask Officer Gao. Grandson is sure Officer Gao is already done," the Emperor said, eyeing Gao Ling.

Gao Ling finally understood his earlier words and nodded towards the old woman. "Yes." With it, the needle was pulled out, and Gao Ling felt a sigh of relief as the previous burden on his shoulders was now lifted. He showed it to the old lady and the Emperor, ending his act for the day. "The Empress is not poison."

"See, Grandmother should rest at Loving Piety Palace already. Your grandson will assign servants to stay and serve the Empress tonight. As for that servant who didn't do her duties properly..." He looked in the direction of Xiao Qu.

"Zhen will take care of her punishment." Xiao Qu's expression sank upon hearing the Emperor's words.

"Hold on. Officer Gao, can you examine the Empress again?" The old woman approached, turned to face Gao Ling, and insisted on another diagnosis. She adjusted her attitude while talking to the physician. Gao Ling perceived the change in attitude in the old woman's voice and gladly accepted her request. Finally, the storm has passed, and he successfully survived it.

"Fifty canes, then bring her to the Eunuch Sun for the transfer," the Emperor said, never once sparing Xiao Qu a glance.

Fifty canes! The two eunuchs exchanged glances and looked at the girl they held with complicated emotions. Nevertheless, the Emperor had spoken, and the servant could only follow along.

Just as Xiao Qu was dragged outside to receive her punishment, a whistling sound resounded inside the room, followed by a nauseating smell. She was quickly released by the eunuchs.

Everyone pinched their noses, and some servants gagged in reflex.

The Empress Dowager turned around and pressed her handkerchief on her nose.

Tang Mama pressed her nose on the sleeves of her uniform.

Gao Ling, who was nearest to the source, was suffocated. He fanned his nose to disperse the smell, but it was so deadly that he needed to go out. "Your Excellencies, this official will go out first." He scrambled to the door, tripping in the middle.

The Emperor coughed and lowered his head to pinch his nose. He ordered the servant to take care of the Empress, who seemed constipated, before going out in hurried strides.

The Empress Dowager, who was also enduring, ordered the servants to open the windows and set up some sandalwood incense inside the room.

Xiao Qu, whose knees were on the floor, didn't expect that she would escape just because of the Empress's farts. She silently promised in her heart that she would serve her wholeheartedly now.

--

Meanwhile, Gao Ling came out of the Phoenix Pavilion after finishing his tasks. A eunuch greeted him outside the gates of the pavilion and whispered words into his ear. Gao Ling nodded at him and strode the Emperor's study.

in the Empress Room.

The Empress Dowager sat near the bed while watching Ning Lou fall asleep. Tang-mama prepared the table and set up the dishes for the old woman's dinner. She had complicated emotions, recalling the earlier events. How many times had it been? Only one year passed, and that girl underwent multiple assassination attempts. Tang-mama sighed and quickly finished the task at hand.

"The meal is ready. Empress Dowager should eat while it's hot," Tang-mama softly said.

"I don't have any appetite," the Empress Dowager responded, downcast.

"If Empress Dowager doesn't eat the meal, the Empress will probably get mad when she wakes up." Tang-mama tried to persuade the old woman.

The Empress Dowager paused and smiled faintly, reminiscing about the memories when Ning Lou invited her for meals and took care of her when she had a cold.

This girl will indeed get mad at me. She wiped the tear that was about to fall and stretched her hand for Tang-mama to hold.

Tang-mama assisted her to the table and set the silver bowl and silver chopsticks. The Empress Dowager picked up the chopsticks and started eating.

Tang-mama stayed and talked about each dish a bit to boost the old woman's appetite. Gradually, the old woman's mood became less gloomy.

(A/N: I decided to keep Xiao Qu. We need someone to bring her Opness down.)