The Diary of the Girlfag

<p>𝑮𝒊𝒓𝒍𝒇𝒂𝒈 𝒎𝒆𝒂𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈: 𝑮𝒊𝒓𝒍𝒇𝒂𝒈 𝒊𝒔 𝒂 𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒎 𝒔𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒂𝒓 𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒂𝒈 𝒉𝒂𝒈, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒊𝒈𝒏𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒇𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣, 𝙚𝙞𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙚𝙭𝙪𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙤𝙧 𝙧𝙤𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮, 𝙩𝙤 𝙜𝙖𝙮 𝙤𝙧 𝙗𝙞𝙨𝙚𝙭𝙪𝙖𝙡 𝙢𝙚𝙣.<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>Diary #1<br/><br/>August 26, 2022.<br/><br/>Friday<br/><br/>This is not the first day of the school diary or whatever your thoughts are. Wait, I am the only one who reads this anyway so never mind. My mom used my old one to smack a roach, because, priorities. Whatever. <br/><br/>So I lit up my first diary on fire along with the dead roach that ended up sticking on the back page, it's gross I know. I hate roaches and I wonder why they exist on this planet and what entered God's mind to create such a disgusting excuse for a bug. Congrats, new diary! You're born from the ashes of your predecessor (literally). May you never meet the same fate. <br/><br/>Hi, I'm October Maeve "Toby" Morales, a 20-year-old Filipina student trying to survive in Los Angeles California, I'm turning 21 this year. <br/>Back when I was in 7th grade, we were all required to have our journal and our teacher would check it every Friday so I got used to it, and this might be a childish thing for me to still own a diary or a journal of my age. But hey, I don't have that many friends to talk to plus my mom will probably call me "malandi" if she ever knew my secrets. So I will keep you forever, not unless my mom uses this as a roach killer too. <br/><br/>This Diary is exclusive only to me and Toby. Just in case this diary ended up surviving for 50 years or more and I forgot who the hell is Toby. Yes, I am that Toby. My mom named me October Maeve. Such a fabulous name, I know, but she gave me the nickname Toby which doesn't make sense to me at all. And my friends started to call me Toby as well. And I finally accepted the fact that I am indeed Toby. Not as bad as Timmy right? Timmy is such a weird and hideous name for a grown adult. (No one will ever know this anyway and I'm not sorry, because ew Timmy)<br/><br/>I have been single since birth even though I used to be victorious in beauty competitions in our local barangay and school <br/><em>(PS- not paid and I am confidently beautiful without a soul, I honestly hate all of them, except my two best friends Bakirah and Angela, they called us BakOkAng girls and they'll just start laughing, and I don't dare to search on Google what it means or else If I ended up not liking the full definition of it I might end up slashing someone on the throat)</em><br/><br/>My mom tied the knot with her white American boyfriend named Simon whom she met on a Facebook group called <strong>"American men love Filipina single moms" </strong><br/>They've been married for 5 years now. <br/>I thought my mom would end up marrying an Indian and Pakistani guy and we will eat naan bread for the rest of our lives, but glad she married a 65-year-old man who likes fishing and cowboy hats. Honestly, that old man's obsession with cowboy hats is so weird. He wears them everywhere, even to the grocery store or restaurants. I'm starting to think he's secretly a country singer. Who knows? That old man got a potential but I hate how he screams Yeehaw for no fucking reason at all especially at night, when I asked him about it he said that he's just proud being a Texan, which actually not something to be proud of.<br/><br/>When I finally graduated from Senior High School, he finally decided that both of us should reside in Los Angeles, California and we are now finally here living along with Simon's daughter Emily, and actually, if you search on Google "Generic white girl names" her name is the first thing that will show up. If you ask me if i like her, the answer is <strong>No. </strong>She's such a freeloader and she thinks that my mom only married Simon for money. She is also 5 years older than my mom so it's weird. <em>Really weird.</em><br/><br/>So a lot of people outside our neighborhood thinks that Emily and Simon are my grandparents and my mom is their adopted daughter from Mexico and I am her daughter from an unknown white man who decided to grab some milk from Walmart and clipped into the unknown level of back rooms and completely disappeared.<br/><br/><br/>My mom decided to change her surname to Williams, but I refused to change mine. I still use the surname, Morales. It's my mom's maiden name since I have no father because according to her, he got eaten by a shark and his remains are nowhere to be found. <br/><br/>From the Philippines to the US it's such a huge adjustment for both of us, not to mention that my mom loves to cook Tuyo (dried fish) every breakfast and Emily just started screaming and complaining it smells like a rotten vagina. I'm glad she is aware of her smell, especially that time when she sat on a dining chair to eat and she just split her legs and my mom randomly starts to crave Tuyo again. Gross. <br/><br/>I miss my friends, especially my crush Eric. They said I should move on especially since he's in a relationship now with our local tricycle driver Edu. It still breaks my heart every time I think of it so I still keep the picture of him topless on a basketball court <em>(don't ask me how i got the photo) </em>and secretly place it inside the Bible so when my mom commands me to read a Bible phrase, she assumes I'm smiling because of God and his proclamations, but no, it's just my sweaty baby boy while I'm reminiscing that day I'm sitting next to him and I could smell that fake Victoria secret perfume on his crotch, it's such a heavenly experience. My uterus is literally screaming in joy.<br/><br/>And No, he's not a basketball player, he's one of the people who cheer for Edu whenever he plays Liga Basketball even though he's nothing but an extra player when someone gets an injury or a foul, so the whole time he just sits on a bench looking like a sweaty soggy ballsack. He also reminds me of a sad blobfish on the ocean whenever I met him on the tricycle lane waiting for passengers. <br/><br/>I don't know if I'll ever move on. Or maybe I will. Eric is one of my 10th crushes who rejected me. And I hope when I find one again I hope it will never turn to 11th, and he will be my first-ever boyfriend.<br/><br/>I'm tired of being rejected just because of my preferences. When do you think will I have a boyfriend? Am I not that attractive enough to have one? <br/>A lot of questions keep popping up in my head. And I hope when I graduate from this university I can finally have a boyfriend and burn this place on the ground .... Or just marry him straight away :)<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>PS- I hate dried fish, it smells like poverty.</p>