Convictions

"Misogyny?" the yellow-haired woman asked. "Banish?"

Unconsciously, my face warmed so much that I knew I was blushing a bright red. The woman was looking at me with both surprise and disbelief. I couldn't blame her.

'Why would I even say that? It's an impossible feat even for a princess. What more for a nameless boy?' I cursed myself in my mind.

I started to make a bow of apology, but then she started giggling.

'Ah, she must be thinking I'm joking, or maybe she's just laughing at my audacity.'

Behind the woman, my mentor got up from his seat and placed a hand on the woman's shoulder. He was staring straight at me, though.

"Is that really your dream, princess?" Farseer asked, calling me by a title I hadn't heard from him in months. "I can sense your conviction, but I do want to hear it from you again. Are you serious about this dream?"

The woman's giggling stopped, and she too looked at me with a serious expression, although there was an excited glint in her red eyes. I looked back and forth at the two of them. I even glanced at the silent Janmira, whose face was facing the table.

I thought about it. Was I really serious about my goal?

I didn't even know when I had started have such far-reaching dreams. I knew I've always hated the common notion that women were temptresses. It was a stupid tradition that was brought about from crazed religious fanatics. Yet, it somehow stuck through the years, and women became beings barely human to the eyes of faithful men. I have a few doubts, but I believe that the Aerim Continent alone has such backward conception of women.

So, did my dream start in my past life? When I had first read about women being equals with men in other countries? Did I feel so empowered after reading about a clan who looked at women as superior beings than any other?

If so, I don't know why I could ever have been so weak when I was sold off to the temple.

Then, did my dream start when I started my new life? The Music definitely brought me back in time due to pity. But, I owe it to the Goddess to make this life meaningful. So, was my dream a sort of obligation? Because I should be dead, I have to repay it through deeds?

That didn't seem right as well. Knowing the gentleness of the Music, I can't help but disbelieve that it was a creature who would ask for something back for the good it has done.

So, what was it?

Why was I so adamant about changing things?

The two adults were patiently waiting for my answer. Yet, I felt that I would be a hypocrite or a fraud if I tell them about my firm convictions when I, myself, don't even know when and why I had started having them.

Filled with shame, I looked down at the floor. A hot ball seemed to be stuck in my throat. I wondered if it would be too late to laugh at it all and claim it was all a joke. Then, I heard the matter-of-fact words of the woman.

"Well, you are a girl living in the Aerim Continent, after all," she said simply. "If I was born here, I too would've felt suffocated by it all."

I looked up at her, staring at her with bewildered eyes.

"Isn't that right?" she asked with a small smile. "I mean, it couldn't have been all fun, even as a princess. Or, especially because you were a princess that you felt this bad... You've had a tough life, Princess Eleftheria."

My eyes stung as I listened to her words. It was a simple consolation, something you would probably hear on a normally bad day. But, I've never heard one like this.

I have been comforted for being born a girl, but never for having gone through such atrocities because I was one. Living my whole life inside the Kingdom, no one has ever doubted the way men treated women. It was a prejudice long ingrained in the minds of both men and women long before their grandparents were born. So, receiving such consoling words from an outsider was so different that I couldn't stop the tears that slid down my face.

'Ah, I was tired,' I thought. 'I never knew because everyone else was a part of the system, but now, I know it's been so tiring.'

Even after living as a boy for months, there was still a fear in my bones. Whenever I had committed a mistake, I had the great urge to bow myself deep unto the ground, my head all but touching the dusty ground. Whenever I saw a strutting man, I would imagine Sir Saturno's face on them, and I would feel equal parts terror to my hatred.

In all my two lives, I always had to be on my toes, every single day and everywhere I went. It didn't matter if I was in the presence of commoners, nobility, or royalty. Maybe that must be why I had so greatly clung onto Miss Quisling in my past life. She was the only person I could breathe easily with. Not that it mattered now, since she all but betrayed me.

"Princess Eleftheria?" I heard the woman ask from above me. "Are you alright? Did I say something wro-"

"Thank you." I looked up at her ruby eyes. "You have given me the words I needed to hear for the longest of times."

She looked surprised but kept silent. I smiled at her, and then looked at my mentor. Engraved on his graying and wrinkled face was a bright wisdom. I breathed deeply.

"Yes, Farseer," I said. "I am serious about my dream. I had thought about a great reason for having such a dream, and I felt a great confusion as I kept at it. But, all I needed was a simple reason. I dream of a world that views women as human beings simply because I am a woman too. I have no need for any more reasons than that.

"And yes, esteemed magician, I did have a tough life. You helped me remember how awful it was for me with your kind words. Because I am a woman born in this continent, my convictions are as strong as any other woman or girl in these lands. I will dare to dream for their sake and mine."

I breathed out after my speech, and I found out that I had been gripping at the sides of the table. I let go, feeling the hard pulsing in my veins as blood started rushing in. There was a long period of silence, where all I could hear was the beating of my heart.

"Tell me this, Princess. Is it equality amongst all that you seek, or is it revenge?" Farseer asked with a grave expression.

I flinched, wondering if my fury had shown itself in my words. "I..."

"Heed my words now, child," he said. "There is a very thin line between seeking change and vile terrorism. I do not dare lead you to any of the paths, but I want your sights clear and sure when you decide to begin your first steps towards your goal."

I gulped down nervously. I brought his words to mind. I knew I was too cowardly to even lift a hand against anyone. I only need to look a few ways around the table to be reminded of the crime I had done to a certain young girl. I don't even think I could ever live with the guilt if I had hurt someone in worse ways, and I might not even take it if I would ever steal a person's life.

"You may not believe you are capable of such evil deeds now, Princess," he continued. "But life can take so many unexpected turns that in the end, you might find yourself wondering who you really are. You are still young and still have so much to experience of the world. Even in a colorful land such as this Isle, there will always be darkness hidden underneath. No matter how high or far we fly, we can never escape the darker realities of life. So, heed my words now, and never forget them."

I nodded my head. Yet, I still had my doubts. After all, Farseer may think me a child, but within me is a soul well into adulthood. I had already gone through so much pain and suffering on my downhill road to death. What more could possible break me?

"I understand, Farseer. I will keep your advice to mind," I said nevertheless.

He was silent at first, as though reading through my thoughts. Yet, he only nodded in satisfaction and ordered us to continue our meal. When we had eaten our fill in the somewhat stiff atmosphere, the red-eyed woman approached me and took my hand in both of hers.

"You are brave, Princess Eleftheria," she said. "You have a wonderful dream, so don't worry too much about that old geezer's words. He only says that because he worries for you."

"Thank you, umm..." I muttered, to which she laughed at softly.

"Regina, Second Magician of Elrock." She smiled beautifully, and she looked as pure as a pink flower despite her taboo clothing. "Our introductions have been interrupted, but nonetheless, it is a great pleasure to meet such a bright, young miss."

I smiled back at her. "It is so nice to meet you too, Second Magician."

"Oh, don't bother about the titles and all that." She gripped onto my hand comfortingly. "Just call me by my name like you do with that old geezer. Although... Farseer isn't really his name and more of a title... Anyway, just call me Regina! Or big sister, if you want~"

I giggled a bit. "Alright, Regina."

But I did become more curious about my mentor as all of this happened. Him and Regina seemed to be close friends, and he had mentioned visiting the Isle of Malaya before at least once. If that is the truth, and if my knowledge of the Continental Wars stays true, then wouldn't my mentor be at least 200 years old? It certainly doesn't make sense for a simple wine merchant to live that long.

And what merchant could ever be close friends with a Second Magician? Although I knew very little of the mages of Elrock, I could sense from the title that it meant great business. If what Farseer had mentioned before about her being older than he was, then how old was this fair-looking woman in front of me?

My smile probably broke apart, but fortunately, Regina had straightened back up and brought me to a room. Seeing the somewhat dyed down, yet still extravagant design, I sighed and got inside obediently.

"You've had a long day, and travelling by wyvern must have been tiring to your small body." Regina ushered me into bed. "So, sleep early. I want to all charged up for our activities tomorrow."

She smiled mysteriously and right as she was standing by the door and before ordering the lights off, she said in a hurry, "Oh, and please feel right at home. If you need anything, just order those familiar orbs around. That'll do the trick."

I looked around the room and saw about two floating stars. I nodded at the magician and went back down to bed. Finally alone, I sighed in satisfaction. The sheets were soft and the pillows were filled with the most comfortable downy feathers.

It has been quite a long time since I had slept on such a soft bed. And it was rare to even have my own room during our three-month travels. I always had to share a room with Janmira or even with them both. I could still remember the way my body ached when I had first camped outside in a forest.

Yet, I smiled.

Those past three months weren't that bad. I had a new family, and another one was added to my list just this evening.

I felt the drowsiness comfort me into sleep as my eyes followed the dim floating stars around the room.