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The Crafter and The Slug

Zach is a normal human thrown into something completely out of this world. He meets a Legendary Sannin in a bar and gets his ass whopped while his friend stands there and watches. Then gets blessed by a couple gods only to be put into a cheesy rom-com movie situation. Follow the lovey-dovey story of a man who's pull-out game is weak and the princess of Konohagakure. Can he survive on Naruto's world, or will he have to build a Death Star and just say screw it? Heads up, I know the beginning is really rough I'm sorry. I'm not good at starting stories, or even writing them. This is my third attempt at writing and the longest so far. I'm trying to keep to a two-a-day release schedule. From what I've been told the story picks up after Ch. 16, but he doesn't get very bad*ss until around Ch. 19 Discord: https://discord.gg/Eph2esQ

Yay_Pepto · Cómic
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80 Chs

CH. 78

(A/N: Yo, it's been a bit. I got a bit of inspiration last night and today so here is a nice juicy 4ker for everyone! _Ashura_ and Dracoswimmer2012 thank you for the daily support with the powerstones, don't think I don't see them when I check on the app every once in a while. I hope everyone enjoys the story and thanks for coming back for the chapter everyone!)

–Zach's POV–

I watched as Tsunade strolled up with her patients in tow. Hitomi was being helped along by Vulcan and Hermione under each arm behind her. Seeing her mobile gave me great relief, though I knew Tsunade wouldn't let anything last on our baby. My attention was diverted from my family to the group of teachers who all had wands raised at me. I was still on the defensive but could recognize that I was the unknown variable to them in this situation. My wife, who laid the oh-so-perfect one, walked slowly from behind them towards me. Each step she made was heavy enough to echo throughout the hall and caused some of the other teachers to turn their wands onto her. With the movement, I gripped the handle of my ax tighter and prepared to act upon any aggression. Tsunade seeing the telling signs slowly held up her hand letting me know not to escalate the situation and that she could handle it. 

Tsunade: "We're here because for some reason one of the 'finest magical institutes' in the world had an incursion from a beast that injured children. My question to you is, how did this enormous beast somehow sneak into the castle? Dionysus knows that it's not stealthy one bit just by looking at it. My daughter would have died tonight without her protection equipment, give me one good reason why I should keep either of my children in this forsaken school?"

By the end of her tirade, she was in the face of Dumbledore. The way she was railroading the old manipulative goat brought a smile to my face. However, the smile brought the wrong reaction to the teachers holding their wands at me. No casting was made but they did tighten up their loosening stance as Dumble's got his tongue lashing. It took a minute for the manipulative fool to gather his words and respond.

Dumbledore: "Well you've answered one of my questions and I can deduce the other part. You are the parents of the lovely lovely Hitomi and Vulcan. I promise you that this was a one-off incident and has never happened before in Hogwarts' history. I will personally go check the wards after this situation is resolved. However, I would strongly request that we have a meeting in my office and not in front of all these students."

Looking at Tsunade I could see she was approving of this option. Airing the dirty laundry to the students was never a good thing and normally I would agree with her. But in this situation and staring down the three biggest assholes in the building, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to use the meta-knowledge to fuck everything up. I slowly closed my eyes dropped down to one knee and did something a bit out of character and started to whisper under my breath.

Zach: "Lord Dionysus, we may be friends but my need for you goes farther than our friendship. Your godchildren are in danger at the moment by a being that has torn apart their souls and bound each fragment to an object in this world. I beseech you to reach out to your uncle to reclaim 2 pieces of a soul that evades his domain."

(A/N: It's been years, I believe that he's the godfather. If he isn't, surprise now he is!)

–Dio's POV–

(A/N: In this, Zeus is Dio's dad. Persephone is his mother. It's sorta canon in the whole pantheon shit. But then again, everyone is breeding everyone else in the incest-pool of a shit.)

Here I am in Miami partying it up with this amazing group of people. When the college fraternities and sororities took up the Greek connotations I never imagined this. No wonder my power has been climbing, these people never start partying and I love it! As I'm bumpin' and grinding with this really cute red-head I started to have a really weird tingle in the back of my head. A large part of it felt like a prayer, but since the app, Prayer Blocker 3.0 came out it's blocked everyone sent to me. With the prayer forced through it gave me a pause and when I heard the first two words from the prayer I froze. The voice was like a sword slashing through paper, no way would Zach be that formal and pray like this unless it was serious. 

During this whole time, the thot was still grinding all up on me, with a shove and a proclamation of "HOE BEGONE!" I left the party house and once I was out of view I teleported to the underworld. Unfortunately, Hades' is a grumpy asshole at the best of times to normal gods. But unfortunately, my father cucked my uncle and Chronos be damned. I'm braving the depths for my godchildren. Arriving at Hades' throne was intimidating, though my mother was right next to him in her throne it made no difference in the pressure. I was the one not welcomed in the domain and the pressure my uncle exuded made that perfectly clear.

Hades: "What do you want, son of the adulterers?"

After rubbing my hands together in a nervous tick I steeled myself for this conversation. I'm willing to face the challenges of Hades' for my God Children.

Dio: "Lord Hades, I beseech your help with 2 matters. One matter is an antithesis of your domain and the other matter piggybacks on top of it. I was made the Godfather of the mortal that has gained many of our attention. -Looks over to Persephone- Your two grand-god-children are a blessing to watch. -Looks back to Hades- There is a mortal that has broken their soul into multiple pieces in order to try and obtain immortality. My follower has found 2 pieces that he's bound his soul to and is asking for help removing them from the mortal plane. Would you be willing to go to the mortal plane and claim these soul fragments and bring them to where they belong?"

Watching Hades sit there in contemplation at my words made me sweat bullets. Seeing my mother sitting next to him with a happy and content smile gave me strength. As Hades was giving a displeasing face, Mother lightly placed her hand on his forearm and he deflated. With a visible sigh, he replied to me. 

Hades: "I will retrieve this soul. Let it be known it was not for you, it was for the children that are under your care. Thank your mother for this, maybe give her some of your wine as I got to fetch this being."

With a huff, Hades disappeared from his throne. The smile on my mother became brighter as she got up from her throne and rushed towards me. As she reached me she wrapped her arms around my neck and the most comfortable hug I'd ever felt. 

Persephone: "I've missed you, my son. Tell me all about this mortal family you're involved with. I've heard rumors that it's not just you but much of the family has had contact with them!"

That's how I spent the time with my mother, telling the story of Zach and his escapades throughout the verse. How he met his wife, and the challenges they faced and overcame. To where they thought they would settle down, even though it's becoming more trouble than they wished for. 

–Quirrell POV–

Here I am standing with my wand raised at this metal behemoth with a human head. He's quite literally kneeling on the floor and acting like he's praying. My lord who occupies part of my body has stayed quiet during the whole ordeal, mainly to ensure that Dumbledore does not catch onto us. Every time the metal man moves, me and the other professors refocus our wands on it. Suddenly his body started to emit a blinding light from it, there was no way to pinpoint the source and I covered my eyes to keep my vision. 

As the light was fading I sensed something directly in front of me. My lord's instincts helped me to identify a threat and as I tried to flee from the new adversary I was halted dead in my tracks. Opening my eyes I looked at the new being in front of me, standing there at 12 feet tall and with his hand splayed out all I could do was stare in fear. With eyes that looked like burning brimstone looking back at me, all I could do was stare. The small motion of him closing his splayed-out hand caused the most pain I had felt in my life. It was like my soul was being sucked out of me. But in part, that was not a wrong feeling. After seeing a black smoke leaving my body and coalescing in this being's hand I could do nothing but sit there on my knees staring at my lord somehow being confined to this being's hand. The hand that held my lord's soul was lifted towards the face of the being and from what I could tell the being was not happy with it. After the initial look, the being started to look around and eventually focused in one direction. With his free hand, the being raised it towards that direction and closed its hand, making it feel like a come here gesture. No more than a minute passed before a white-gold tiara came flying into the hallway and into the being's hand and I could feel the same presence from it that was in me. Though trailing right behind the tiara was another black smoke that looked just what just came out of me and coalesced just the same. With another frown, the being brought up both hands that contained what I assume are the fragments of my lord. The whole time all I could do was look on in horror as he brought the three things up to face level. Before anyone could get a word in, the being closed both hands and there was an audible pop. Both of my master's black form and also the object were destroyed easily by this being. He then turned to the man in the metal armor and spoke.

???: "This is despicable. If you find any more of this parasite, pray to me directly and I will take care of it. I will let you deal with the mortal that was harboring this piece of filth, it is beyond my domain."

After the statement, the being disappeared, and as small as I tried to make myself did not matter as all the attention was brought upon me. As I tried to get up and run, my legs suddenly stopped working and I started to fall forward. As I raised my wand to help focus on apperating, my arms and hands fell limply by my side. Within a hair's breadth after the being left, I was lying face down on the ground with no feeling in my arms or legs and wishing that I was dead. As I moved my head to see what had happened I saw a pair of women's shoes and looking up it was the blonde-haired woman, who came with the metal man, looming over me menacingly with her placed like she was going to chop me.

Quirrell: "P-p-please let me go, I-I-I was forced into this. Y-y-yes, I was imperio'd to harbor him!"

All I could do was plead to this woman who stared at me like I was nothing but a bug that should be stomped out. Seeing that I would not get anywhere I looked around for Dumbledore and when I spotted him I gave him a pleading look. With a complicated look on his face at me, he slowly nodded his head and opened his mouth.

Dumbledore: "Now, now. There has been enough violence and death today. Ma'am, if you could please leave him for our law enforcement I would greatly appreciate it."

With Dumbledore's pleading, I let out a breath that I didn't realize I was holding. Knowing the reputation of the old man and how he always wants to give second chances really plays to my advantage.

–Zach's POV–

Seeing three parts of Tom's soul be brought to Hades' hand shocked me for a moment. It took me half a second to put together that the other soul fragment would have come from Harry. Lost in thought for a second after Hades left I was broken from it as the coward Quirrell tried to run away. I didn't have to worry, Tsunade was pissed off enough and hadn't really had anything to take her anger out on. Within the blink of an eye, she had cut his achilles tendons with her chakra scalpels and when he tried to use his wand she cut the tendons in his arms to make him a perfect doormat. Hearing the poor excuse for a human pleading just made me want to wretch and judging by the look on Tsunade's face it just pissed her off more. But what really took the cake was when Dumbles tried to spout his nonsense, that's when I blew a gasket. After getting up I stormed my way over to him and with a metallic finger pointed directly at the old man.

Zach: "Are you a senile old man? A literal god just appeared and removed three pieces of Tom Riddle's soul from this plane of existence. One that was inside of this piece of garbage who not only harbored and did who knows what to keep himself alive. He's the one who also brought the fucking troll for the test! Don't ask me how I know this, there is a lot I know about that you rather I did not. But look on the bright side, that little piggy doesn't need to be slaughtered like you raised him to be."

By the end of my tirade, I was looming over the headmaster with my finger poking his chest. Before Dumbledore or anyone could respond the hallway we were in was filled with running footsteps coming in our direction. With a look I could see a group of redheads, which I recognized as the Weasleys, running down the hall with pale white faces. One of the twins carried a limp boy in his arms that had untidy jet-black hair and a bloody face. When they caught sight of the group of us they changed their path and ran towards us.

Percy: "Professors! Something happened to Harry!"

Ron: "We were just playing chess while we waited for word that everything is ok. Suddenly a black smoke left Harry's forehead and where it came from started to gush out blood!"

When Tsunade caught sight of the boy in question she was to him in an instant. The boy who was carrying him turned away trying to shield the little one from the sudden appearance of my wife.

Hitomi: "Gred! My mom's a medic, let her look at him!"

In all my rage I had forgotten for a second that she and Hermione were there. I was so focused on the adults in the room that they slipped my mind. I was also a little ashamed and mad that we were about to kill a man in front of the two little girls. The twin who was holding Harry turned back to Tsunade who took the boy and placed him on the ground. As she started to diagnose and treat Harry I decided that I had enough of the bullshit. Lowering my hand and still staring at Dumbles with a threatening look.

Zach: "I'm taking the piece of shit. I don't trust your government. It already lets branded cattle walk around free while the one who didn't betray anyone has been stuck in prison for a crime they didn't do."

Dumbledore gave me a blank look, clearly trying to process all that had been thrown at him. Along with parts of his grand plans that came crashing down, he looked like he was at a loss for the first time ever. With a smirk, I turned around and walked over towards where Quirrell was trying to worm crawl away but failing miserably. As I reached the pathetic piece of work I looked around for the matron of Gryffindor's house and found her hovering next to Tsunade with an extremely concerned look on her face.

Zach: "Professor McGonagall, you've got a rat problem in your house. Ask the twins for the map and solemnly swear that you're up to no good."

Fred: "HEY!"

George: "You can't give"

Fred: "Away our secrets!"

I chuckled at their antics, but doing this would help them meet one of their idols sooner. Reaching down I grabbed the worm by the back of his robe and lifted him off the ground one-handed. With a flick with my other hand, I opened a portal back to the restaurant and I made my way through the portal despite the cries of objection from the headmaster and some of the teachers. However, I did stop right before I went all the way through and turned to the kid's group again.

Zach: "Oh yeah and Weasleys, I know Ron's not the brightest. But you should really think about how long rats live."

I switched the worm to my other hand and with the free hand I did the mic drop motion as I fully went through the portal. 

Zach: "I'll be back"

Nodding to myself at what I would say was a great Arnold impression I walked to the door that connected this world to the Naruto-verse. All the while the sack of flesh that I was carrying was pleading and crying. Once through the door all I had to do was walk outside and yell for an ANBU and wouldn't you know it, one made me almost jump out of my armor with how they snuck up on me.

Zach: "Sheesh warn a guy."

The problem with them wearing masks is you could never see the expressions they're giving you. For all I know this person was making funny faces at me. But I digress and all this agent is doing is staring at me like I'm wasting their time. So I raised my prize up, who has apparently pissed himself with the jumpscare the ANBU did.

Zach "Ok, ok. I get it, I'm wasting time. This lump of shit is a rapist, murderer and who knows what else. He let a rampaging beast out in a school full of children and it almost killed my daughter and her friend. Let Ibiki know that he can have as much fun with this one and that he won't be missed when he disappears.

The agent nodded and took the load from me and disappeared just as they appeared. With a sigh I headed back into the inn and back into the Marvel world, there still was stuff to do.

–Tsunade's POV–

It's been a while since I was this pissed. But there were more important things to do right now than let out my righteous rage. My diagnosis from checking the boy over was grim at best. The present wound is only a lightning-shaped cut on his forehead, head wounds bleed worse and make it look worse than it actually is. But the trauma this boy has gone through over the years, broken bones that didn't set properly. Not to mention the malnourishment he's suffered and how it could and probably has stunted his growth. I could not dwell on that and worked on closing the head wound with my chakra. I vaguely noticed Zach opening a portal and spouting nonsense that caused the group around me to either start talking in hushed whispers or just stare in shock at the comments he made. Midway through the patch up the resident healer Madam Pomfrey came and asked me what she could do to help. I told her to run her own diagnosis and let me know what she came to and we'll compare notes after I finish closing the wound. I was getting frustrated by how long it was taking to close the simple thing and how much chakra it was taking me to do it. It took until Pomfrey's diagnosis was done and her horrified gasp was pretty much my feeling about it.

Pomfrey: "I really hope that my diagnosis is really wrong. The wound you're healing has been caused by extremely dark magic and I have no idea how you're closing it. This would be a wound that none of us could ever close and here you're doing the impossible!"

Tsunade: "I've got to keep up with my husband somehow, doing the impossible is a daily thing for him. Though that explains why it's so tough to close it up. Was that the only thing you found, or are we both about to give an earful to whoever is his guardian?"

Pomfrey: "Whoever they are, they need to be in Azkaban."

The woman that was fretting nearby, who I'm assuming is Professor McGonagall from the descriptions I was told, must have been listening to what Pmfrey and I were discussing.

McGonagall: "P-p-poppy… What did they do to him."

I gave a glance to Pomfrey and saw the look she gave the professor that said it all. Then I heard the turning of a heel and heard the rage of an angry Scottish woman. But I couldn't enjoy the tirade she was giving long, I had to re-focus on fully healing this wound.

–Hitomi POV–

Sheesh, I knew my parents were badass but never knew it was to this extent. They've practically started a civil war with the teachers and have made the Weasley clan speechless. Though I wonder what dad was talking about when he told them about a rat. Scabbers is just a fat lazy rat and wouldn't harm anyone. But oh well, I'm totally enjoying watching Professor McG lay the verbal smackdown on Dumbledore.

Hermione: "We should stop the professor. I don't want her to get fired! Plus how can she talk like that to the headmaster? He's her boss and she shouldn't be doing that."

I looked at Hermione like she had a third head.

Hitomi: "You do know that the headmaster was the one to hire the man who nearly killed both of us. Judging by what Dad said the headmaster knew there was a troll already in the castle. I'd want to yell at him too, but Dad really took care of that!"

I puffed out my chest at how awesome my dad was to cow this big wizard. Though Hermione deflated a bit as she thought about what I said about her hero. My dad had once told me that one shouldn't meet their heroes and Hermione is now understanding that now. Seeing her mood souring I grabbed Hermione's hand and walked her over to a wall away from all the commotion and sat down with her. It's going to be a long night and no point and standing around, might as well get comfortable and enjoy the show. Dad's bound to show back up and who knows what else he's going to do to stir the pot.

Hitomi: "Man, I would kill for some popcorn."

From the edge of my view to the left of me, I see a bag filled with the buttery goodness being offered to me. When I turned my head to look I saw Peeves with a handful of popcorn and bringing it to his mouth. When he threw it in his mouth all it did was fall through his body and pile up on the floor. With a chuckle, I got a handful of my own and Hermione just shook her head no. After that, we just sat there the three of us in silence as everything kept unfolding. I was lucky enough to catch Professor McGonagall slapping the headmaster, the sound made everyone cringe.