The Fractured Soul

Seven years prior…

Thin tender blades of red grass crunched beneath Korsha's footsteps as she made her way up the steep hillside. The hard physical training she'd endured most of her life, combined with her youth, ensured that she was able to keep a strong and steady pace. Her heart pounded in her chest, though not from the exertion. Her eyebrows pressed against each other, forming a hard-line upon her brow. She stared into the endless steel colored sky above. It was heavy with the anticipation of a snow storm. It matched her clenching insides perfectly.

"Why are we performing this ritual out here? Wouldn't it have been easier to just do it at one of the cathedrals?"

Korsha glanced over her shoulder and saw Deidra a few paces behind her. Her forehead glistened with sweat, her arms pumping at her sides. She mauled the latest stick of gum with exaggerated chewing. Korsha didn't know how she was always able to obtain the contraband item or how she kept the habit hidden from the headmasters.

"Because our master wants this done quietly." Korsha said and then pressed her lips together to keep yourself from saying anything else.

For a long moment Korsha remained quiet, gearing up in anticipation for the inevitable onslaught of questions Deirdra would pepper her with. Korsha didn't even know what to think. Was this a mission or just another test? Her master loved his tests. He said that was a way of determining their current capabilities and future potential. Korsha wondered how many of those tests she'd failed. Her hands clenched into fists. She didn't want to fail him. After everything he'd done for not only her but for Deidra. She owed it to him.

"Tal," Deidra shouted, causing Korsha to flinch, "keep up."

Korsha and Deidra had fallen into a rhythm, their steps in sync. It wouldn't surprise her if their hearts were in sync as well. That rhythm was disturbed by the heavy thudding steps as Tal sprinted to catch up. He huffed. She wondered why he wasn't in as good a shape as they were. Wouldn't they want to run technomancers harder then those they were supposed to watch over? There were a great many things about the Dominion Korsha didn't understand but she wanted to.

"I'm the one who is supposed to be giving you orders."

Deidra laughed. It was infectious thing that caused Korsha to smile.

"You're not a technomancer yet."

"Yeah, four years can't come quick enough."

"Don't give me that. How hard could your training really be?"

"Harder than you think."

"Come on Deidra," Korsha said, "quit razzing him. We're on the same team."

"Not with the way we're treated." Deidra said in a hushed voice.

The ground leveled off, the grass replaced with a worn and tired path.

"Oh, thank the goddess." Tal said, leaning down to place his hands on his knees.

Korsha suppressed a sigh, bouncing from foot to foot. A short distance off she could see the small hut her master had told her about. She just wanted to get this over with so she could go back to the Academy. Tal sucked in heavy breaths, his chest heaving. She cocked an eyebrow. Deidra was right, it looked like Tal's physical training was severely reduced compared to theirs.

"I'm okay." He said as he stood up and waved his hand to usher them along.

Deidra rolled her eyes and huffed. If Tal noticed he didn't let on. It was something that she'd been doing to him a lot lately. He'd complained to Korsha that Deidra didn't take him seriously. She'd countered by telling him that Deidra took no one seriously.

"Whose this lady you're supposed to be meeting anyways?" Deidra asked, cocking her head to the side.

Korshaa chewed the inside of her lip as she thought.

"It's one of those interior names. Sounds like a pretty flower."

That made Deidra laugh as she ruffled Korsha's hair.

"You would say something like that. My little core worlder."

They dawdled along the path and Korsha wished that they would just hurry up. To them this was one of those rare opportunities to escape from the monotony of the Academy. She wished she could join them in this revelry but she was too nervous. Too focused on what she was about to do. After several agonizing minutes, they arrived at the entrance to the hut.

It was an old thing, made of thick branches and animal hides. Strange markings were painted onto the sides and Korsha wondered if the markings were wards or if they were actually arcane sigilry. If they were the latter she wondered how old the structure really was. Yet as wind scraped as the symbols were, they weren't enough to convince her that they were older than she was.

She pushed through the heavy animal hide doorway being careful to ensure that her horns didn't get caught as she passed through. Heat rushed to greet her with its embrace. The inside of the hut was painted with firelight and Korsha watched the streaking shadows manifest in warping patterns on the walls. There were only two people in the large room. The one standing off to the side blended with the shadows. There dark indigo uniform contrasting against the red insignia of the medical corps emblazoned upon their breast. The one she was here for was laying on a bed that had been situated close enough to partake in the fire's generous warmth while far enough away to be clear of the sticky smoke.

Korsha made her way over to the woman and dropped to her knees. She bowed her head as she spoke. For a moment she was quiet, trying to gather her thoughts. She'd rehearsed what she was going to say a hundred times in her head on the way up. Now she was empty, her mind having become a sieve. She opened her mouth and then closed it. Heat tinged her cheeks as she watched the rhythmic rise and fall of the woman's chest.

"I'm Vel'korsha'rahnan but you may call me Korsha. We serve lord Anadrov of House Iradel."

The woman's eyes cracked open. She smiled, a weak thing that struggled to lift her sullen cheeks.

"I see the captain has gone up in the world." The woman said with a hoarse laugh that turned into a coughing fit.

Korsha's eyes widened as she saw flecks of blood stain the white blanket she'd been wrapped up in. She saw the medic coming towards them out of the corner of her eye. Standing, she took several steps back giving the man room to work. A hand grasped her bicep and pulled her back. Deidra's hot breath brushed against her neck and ear as she whispered.

"Can you really heal her?"

"It's not healing. At least not in the conventional sense."

"Is there anything conventional about what we do?"

It was Korsha's turn to roll her eyes.

"If her master's right then her spirit's been fragmented. That's why none of our medicines are working."

"How in the nine did that happen?"

Korsha was quiet for a moment. Being an Imperial binder, she was privy to knowledge that many were not. She'd never been told out right that this information was secret but there were hints. The instructors didn't allow Deidra to accompany her to her lessons. The same went both ways. Probably a measure to ensure that their craft was focused and lacked broad understanding.

Drawing in a breath, Korsha held it as she considered what to do. What would it hurt to tell Deidra? It wasn't like she was saying anything that could be considered a secret or sacred knowledge. Deidra understood the basics of what she did anyways. She had to, if she was ever going to keep her safe.

"Usually when a spirit is fractured there's some sort of trauma."

Deidra let out a low whistle, "If that's true then were all fractured. How many pieces you want to bet we've broken into?"

Korsha shrugged. She didn't know and if she was being honest with herself, she didn't want to know. It wasn't like every trauma caused one spirit to break. Sometimes the cracks were there before they were even born. Why that was the case only the gods knew.

Korsha focused back on the woman. Within the next several minutes she was going to be dropping into Keshkigal. The underworlds. She chewed the inside of her lip as her heart sped up in tempo. She found herself falling into the rhythm, some part of her already eager to flee from this universe. Her eyes snapped open as a firm hand gripped her shoulder. She realized that her shoulders were aching from the tension. She took a deep breath and focused on relaxing them as she turned.

Deidra stared down into her eyes. For a long moment the two young women stared at each other. All the fears melted away as Korsha knew that Deidra had her back. She didn't even have to ask. She took another deep cleansing breath his Deidra squeezed her shoulder.

"Go to your spooky thing."

Korsha smiled, a genuine thing that pressed up against her cheeks and played at the edges of her eyes.

"It's not spooky."

"It is to us." Tal muttered.

Korsha shook her head as she made her way back to the woman and knelt down once again. She reached into her pouch and produced a disc that she placed upon the floor. She activated it with the tap of her finger. The rapid double beat of a drum filled the room. The dancing shadows seemed to re-orient themselves to the new beat. She settled back down and grabbed the last remaining tool that was necessary for her journey. She cradled the pill in her hand, feeling its oval shape digging into the flesh of her palm.

Without another thought she popped the pill in her mouth and swallowed. It dissolved into liquid and trickled down her throat. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She concentrated on the drumbeat until it became everything for her. She drifted. She became one with the drumbeats. Merged with them. Then all at once she was the slight silence between and she slipped through reality.

****

Three hours later…

Korsha gasped, her eyes shooting open. Her gut churned and she clenched her mouth, hoping that she could fight the nausea. Seconds later she realized it was a losing battle. Jumping to her feet, she sprinted out of the hut. The night was cool and rumbled with distant thunder as she fell onto her hands and knees and emptied her stomach.

She trembled, barely able to hold yourself up as she gazed down at the warm putrid bile beneath her. Her whole body was vibrating. This wasn't just the intense guilt that now coiled around her heart. This was a punishment.

Her hair was pulled back, being held up. A distant part of her was scolding her for not putting her hair back in a bun or braiding it. Something warm and damp brushed across her clammy forehead. She shook her head as tears poured from her eyes.

"Did something happen?" Tal asked somewhere behind her.

"I don't know. I just saw her rush outside. She threw up. Korsha, what happened?"

Korsha's brow flicked up and down as she tried to figure out what to say. Part of her wanted to lie. To tell them that this was just a bad reaction to the pill. It was uncommon but not unheard of. But a lie would be like a wall between them. It would separate them from her. That thought terrified her and so before she knew it words were pouring out of her.

"I had to do it. I… I had to follow orders. I – I – I thought this was just going to be another test. I didn't think he'd make me go through with it."

"Orders? What orders?" Deidra said a dark tone to her voice.

Korsha turned her head, a monumental effort. She stared up into Deidra's face, their eyes met. Silence hung heavy in the air, wrapping itself about them. Then Deidra's eyes widened. She pulled her hand back, letting Korsha's hair fall around her face. Her head shook side to side emphatically, slow at first and then picking up speed.

"That's illegal."

"What in hell's is going on?" Tal said, nervousness now tinting his voice. "Korsha, what did he make you do?"

Korsha opened her mouth to confess but another wave of sickness struck her causing her to vomit up her guilt. After several intense waves her stomach finally stopped cramping. She lingered there for several moments, swaying slightly back and forth on her hands and knees. She closed her eyes. The world spun around her. After the worst of the sensation stopped she pushed herself up and turned to Deidra.

"I gave her purpose."

Deidra took a step back, hand coming up to her chest as her mouth fell open. She stared at Korsha in wide-eyed horror. A new wave of tears streamed down Korsha's face as she saw Deirdra's horrified expression. The image burned itself into her conscience.

Looking back on that moment, Korsha would later realize that Deirdra's expression, that moment, that choice, had defined her. Binding her to her fate.