Blaming Myself

Kate's POV

It's my mom's birthday today so I decided to take a break from the office. I tried to call Clyde but he didn't answer my call so I just left a message for him. I immediately took a shower and got dressed. When I got out of my apartment I was shocked when I see Clyde outside my apartment, waiting for me.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked with astonishment.

"I'm here to pick you up," Clyde respond.

"Oh, okay, but… I'm not going to the office today."

"Why? You still have work to finish, right? " Clyde asked.

"Um… I'll just finish tomorrow. This is important and then I already told you that I am not coming to the office today. "

"What? When did you say that? Why I don't know about this? " Clyde asked.

"Oh, I message you. Haven't you read it yet? " I said

"I left my phone in the car."

"Oh, I see. So, let's see each other by tomorrow then. Don't worry I'll be gone just for today and I promise, I'll finish my work tomorrow. Just leave it in my table. "

"Hey, wait. Why are you just leaving all of a sudden, I don't even know where you're going. Do you have anyone else with you and you seem to be in a hurry? "

"Don't worry I don't have anyone else with me. Right now, I can't tell you where I'm going. Don't worry I'll tell you next time. "

"What do you mean? Can you just tell me where you are going or let me just take you there. "

"No need, I can go alone. Just go back to the office; I'm sure they're already looking for you there. Don't worry; I'll let you know once I got home. "

"Hey, Kate, plea -"

"Please, leave me alone this time. This is very important to me. I hope you understand, Clyde. "

"Fine, I don't have any other choice though. Just let me know when you got home, okay? "

"Okay, I love you."

"I love you too."

When I am sure that Clyde had left, I immediately took a taxi. I took a deep breath as I stared into the window of the vehicle. It's been a while since I last visited that place. I think this is the perfect time to go back to that place again. A place that I have long avoided in my life, because for me that place was a big nightmare... but this time, I had to face that nightmare. I need to be brave to face the reality.

"Miss, we are now here at the location you said," said the taxi driver.

"Thank you," I said to the taxi driver.

When I got out of the taxi, I immediately felt the weight of my body, as if I would lose my balance. I closed my eyes for a few seconds and took a deep breath while holding my chest. When I opened my eyes I immediately bit my lip and then continued walking. I walk straight and try to avoid my surroundings until I saw a familiar name. Yes, this is the exact place; I will never forget this place… I am now here in front of my mom's grave. Unexpectedly, I burst into tears for no apparent reason. Maybe it's because I haven't been to her grave in a long time or maybe I just missed her, or I'm still blaming myself for my mom's death.

The only person who raised me…

I still remember every time I ask her where dad was but she just always tells me that dad was working in another country. I believed her for how many years, I thought everything she told me was true, but it wasn't… it was all a lie because the truth is dad had a first family and mom and I were just his second family. Um... I think that's not the right term to call us as a second family because mom was a mistress and she accidentally got pregnant. I don't know if dad knew that he had a child with mom… I never saw or talked to my father. I also didn't try to find him even in mom's last days… I didn't obey my mom's advice. I don't have a right to be mad at my dad, because mom was just a mistress and I was born in this world by accident. I didn't want to ruin my dad's family so I decided not to look for him.

Mom died, because of me… it's my fault why she died… if only that day, I chosen to stay at home rather than force myself to go to school… maybe… maybe mom is still alive. Maybe she was not in this place… Maybe she was with me and we were laughing happily because of what I have achieved in life now… but I can't change it…she's gone and until now I still blaming myself why she died and why I feel ashamed to face her grave every time I come here. I couldn't hold back my tears as I stared at mom's grave. I try to wipe out my tears when someone suddenly pulled my arm and hugged me tightly. I was surprised so I lifted my head and I saw Clyde who is now looking at me in pain. He caressing my face and gently wiped the tears from my eyes.

"Stop crying, sweetie. I am already here. I don't want to see you hurt because I can feel your pain as well. I am sorry if I followed you from here, I was just worried about you. Kate, you don't have to bear all the weights alone that you've been hidden for your entire life. Remember, I'm here, I'll protect you, your soon to be husband. I'll promise, I will never leave you. "

I just looked at Clyde's face while he saying those words. I just nodded to him and hugged him tightly again.