Chapter08

Julian's Pov

When I awoke – with a pounding headache – I was alone in a cold bed.

I cringed, rubbing my temples, as I sat up in the bed.

I remembered everything from the night before, yet, I didn't understand why I had acted like that.

Of course, I knew that it was the Wine that had caused me to act like that – but I still questioned the choices I made.

I blushed as I recalled calling Lincoln a 'cuddly bear' and slept on his chest for the night.

I was beyond mortified; but Layton seemed to enjoy my cuddling, which surprised me greatly.

After I had taken some headache tablets, to curb the hangover, I had a bath and then returned to sleep.

I didn't do much throughout the day; simply relaxed and recovered.

I didn't hear anything from Lincoln, until he returned that evening.

"What's for dinner?" Those were the first words out of his mouth – and I hadn't prepared anything.

I gave him a blank look, staring up at him in obvious fear. I hadn't made him dinner, I didn't realise I needed to.

Seeing my expression, he sighed heavily. "We'll order in, but tomorrow you start cooking" he instructed me.

I immediately nodded yes, blushing from disappointing him.

I glanced up at Lincoln, from behind long lashes, and notice the large purple bags under his eyes.

"Are you alright?" I asked, worried slightly.

Lincoln worked awfully long hours, and he was always serious.

I wondered if all the work he did – to keep the Endoro pack up and running – was effecting his health.

Without thinking about it, I raised my hand and placed it on his check.

I ran my index finger under his left eye, along the creases of the tired bag, frowning as I did so.

It was only as Lincoln froze at the contact, that I realised what I had done.

"Sorry" I apologized, dropping my hand and stepping away. Lincoln looked down at me, frowning, before he gave me a quick nod.

"There's a pizza menu in one of the draws in the kitchen" he said, before turning away and walking upstairs.

I took a deep breath, clearing my head, before I got the menu and ordered a pizza.

I waited on the couch, flicking the TV onto to some reality show. I wasn't really watching it.

When Lincoln returned, he had showered and re-dressed into something casual.

He ran a hand through his wet hair; as he took a seat next to me.

"Turn this shit off, and put the game on. Then, sit on my lap" Lincoln snapped, sounding angry.

I quickly changed the channel, putting the football game on for him, then cautiously looked at him.

Lincoln raised his arms, making room for me. He gave a deep growl when I didn't obey.

I quickly moved; shifting my body so that I was positioned on his lap.

His arms slipped around me, as I leant onto his body.

His muscled chest and arms surrounded me like a cage, cocooning me into his large body.

As if it was an automatic response, I rested my head against his shoulder.

"I want to mate you" Lincoln announced suddenly, eyes never waving from the football match.

"But, I won't" he continued, no doubt being able to hear the pick-up of my heart beat.

"I have changed my mind. I will no longer give you a week, I will mate you the moment I smell your desire".

I thought over his words for a few seconds, "but you haven't smelt my desire yet".

Lincoln finally moved his eyes away from the football match, and looked down at me.

"No, because you have yet to feel any desire towards me.

But, I will find a way to make you feel it. Even if it kills me, I will make you want me".

I gulped deeply, eyes cast to the downwards as my cheeks brightened.

It scared me to think about what would happen if I didn't feel any desire towards Lincoln any time soon.

It wasn't that I didn't find Lincoln attractive – because I did – it was that I was still scared of him.

I knew that; it would take me a while to no longer be scared of him. To no longer fear the Bad Alpha.

" Lincoln?" I questioned, laying my head down on his shoulder again.

"Yes?"

"I want to feel desire" I replied. I was blushing a bright red, absolutely mortified at what I was saying – even though I felt he needed to know.

Lincoln didn't reply to me, so I pulled back slightly and looked up into his green eyes.

"Lincoln? Will you make me feel desire?"

There was a long, heavy, pause – then Lincoln shook his head.

"No, I won't. I can, but I won't. If I begin to pleasure you, you'll feel the desire – but it would be forced, artificial.

And I don't want that, and neither would you.

I have done that to women in the past, not that they didn't feel some desire just looking at me, but I won't do that to you".

"How will I feel desire towards you?"

Lincoln let out a small chuckle – but it was full of bitterness. "Julian, if I knew that, I would have already made sure you'd it.

Because I want you to feel desire on your own – but I just hope it's soon".

I nodded slightly, and lay my head back down.

"Oh, you'll also be moving all your stuff into my bedroom. We will share my bed from now on – no deliberation on the matter".

The following evening, I had dinner ready for Lincoln when he returned home.

I had made him a casserole, and I was glad when he enjoyed it. "I liked that" he nodded, wiping the edge of his mouth, "that was good".

"I'll make it again some other time" I smiled brightly; glad to have pleased him.

"Good. I'm going to change". He left the room, as I cleared the plates away – smiling brightly.

Reaching over to the window ledge, I flicked on the electronic radio; making soft music play.

Fleetwood Mac. I hummed along to the voice of Stevie Nicks, as I washed the plates up.

Suddenly, a hand encircled my waist and I jumped – Lincoln chest pressed to my back as his arms wrapped around my chest.

I yelped in slight shock, as Lincoln bent down and pressed his face into my neck.

He chuckled, he was obviously in a good mood, and his breath blew over my skin.

I shivered slightly, causing him to tighten his grip on my hips.

Lincoln pressed his lips to my neck – kissing it softly. I was shocked – no, terrified – as I had never been kissed before; especially not on the neck.

I froze up slightly, as Lincoln continued to press kisses over my skin.

I let my head fall back slightly – as I felt his teeth scrap over my skin.

I breathed deeply, heavily, as Lincoln carried on the kissing; rubbing his hips softly against my back.

It felt nice, and I enjoyed it. I wondered what it would be like to have him kiss me fully, lips on lips.

I wondered what it would be like to run my hands over his searing skin.

I wondered what it would be like if he were to make love to move.

I moaned, as he continued to kiss.

At the sound, Lincoln moved away from me – eyes wide and shocked.

"Desire" he choked out, "I smell your desire".

His words were a shock to me, but I was happy. I did feel desire towards Lincoln, and I was happy. But he wasn't.

He took a step back from me, running a hand down his face.

I was confused – he had wanted me to feel desire since the moment we met, but as soon as I first felt desire; he moved away from me as if I was diseased.

"I thought you wanted my desire" I whispered, tears filling up my eyes.

The unshed tears had caused my voice to wobble. Hearing my voice, Lincoln's eyes snapped up to mine. Seeing my upset, he sighed heavily.

"Why are you upset, now?" he demanded, sounding angry.

"You're rejecting me.

You said we would mate when I felt desire towards you, but now, you don't want me".

"Don't be so foolish, of course I want you" he snapped. Then, he turned on his heels and stormed out the house.

I whimpered at the sound of the front door slamming shut.

I didn't like it when Lincoln was angry – his anger always scared me.

Lincoln didn't return home that night, so I slept in the bed alone.

I wondered, and worried, about what was wrong with Lincoln – and if he'd had slept at all.

I couldn't help but worry about his health some more; he didn't sleep often, and worked too much.

By the time noon came, and I still hadn't heard anything, I decided I needed to see Lincoln.

So I dressed in a purple dress, and left the house.

I had yet to leave the house with Lincoln – and that had only been on one occasion.

So I was unsure on where to go exactly.

But, I knew that Lincoln office was in the big building near the entrance to the pack village.

So I headed in that direction. I was ringing my hands nervously, occasionally pushing my hair behind my ears.

When I first entered the pack village, I was surprised to see how busy it was.

The pack busied themselves, going in between shops with friends and family.

There was a high level of chatter and happy laughter. I found that odd.

In my head I had always thought that the Endoro Pack would have been reserved and sober – simply because of the strictness of their Alpha.

But, then, I knew that they probably all agreed with Lincoln's decisions and that he treated them well.

So, maybe, I was quick to judge when I wasn't in the pack.

As I walked down the main strip of the village, a man – in his early twenties – noticed me.

His eyes widened in shock, and quickly bowed his head to me in submission. "Afternoon, Alpha Female Lincoln" he said.

I didn't know what to. I was always the submissive one, and had never been submitted to before – I also didn't know how to react with being called the Alpha Female and that I had Lincoln name.

It was all a shock, but I knew I had to reply.

"Thank you" I said, smiling slightly at the man.

He nodded again, before moving away. Others followed his lead, when they worked out who I was, as I walked through the pack village.

I was blushing a bright red, embarrassed.

As I walked past an old couple, I heard them talking and blushed further.

"Isn't the Alpha Female beautiful?" the old woman gasped – speaking louder than she thought she was.

"Yes, no wonder that the Alpha chose her" her husband replied.

"Let's hope she can make the Alpha forget about Alyssa.

The poor man has never been able to get over what she did". The woman's words intrigued me, and I pouted slightly.

I wondered who Alyssa was, and if it was her who had made Lincoln so emotionless and closed off.

When I reached the large building, where Lincoln office was, I asked a pack wolf – similar age to myself – where Lincoln office was.

"Alpha Female Lincoln, let me show you the way" he said, bowing his head and averting his eyes.

I didn't like everyone submitting to me – it made me feel lonely.

It solidified the fact that I was their superior and I would never have more than a professional relationship with anyone, other than Lincoln.

It made me feel very lonely that everyone was so cold towards me – even though I would have been the same if the roles were reversed.

The pack wolf left me outside Lincoln's office, which was on the top floor.

I paused outside for a second, before I knocked on the door.

There was a long pause, before I heard Lincoln gruff voice. "What do you want?"

" Lincoln, it's me" I replied, biting my bottom lip. There was another pause, before the door opened.

I looked up at Lincoln, who didn't look happy.

"What?" he growled, blocking the doorway with his body.

"I was worried about you" I admitted, "after last night. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Where did you sleep?"

"I slept in my office". " Lincoln replied, his voice suspicious.

"I don't think that's very good for you, Lincoln. You'll get ill if you keep working so hard.

Will you come home tonight?" I looked into his eyes, hoping I sounded as brave as I wanted.

Lincoln just looked at me – as if I were crazy. I didn't understand his behaviour, but I stayed silent.

"Yes" he finally answered, "I'll be home at eight".

"Alright, I'll have dinner ready". I smiled, before I got on my tiptoes and placed a soft kiss of his cheek.

It was a bold move on my part – what with how rocky our relationship was.

But I did it anyway, blushing, before stepping away and offering him a small smile.

He looked beyond shocked. "I'll see you at home".