THURSDAY: Chapter XXIX

We arrived at the airstrip by five and Scout quickly herded us into the aircraft. He lead Inca and Artemis around the back where there was a compartment for them. I went directly to the washroom and washed my face clean. I ran my fingers through my tangled hair and then set to work on my hands.

A hard layer of callouses and dirt covered them from so much time away from home, and I was determined to make them smooth again. I pumped a large amount of soap into the palm of my hand and started scrubbing. But when the dirt mixed with the water, it turned soft and dipped down my wrists like blood.

My brother's blood…

My fingernails scratched my hands as I scrubbed, and they left welts across the flesh, and yet the dirt and blood would not come off no matter how hard I tried. In the midst of the insanity in my brain, there was a knock on the bathroom door and my name was called quietly. I didn't even acknowledge it, so desperate was I to get the dirt and my brother's blood off my hands.

The door was pushed open, finally, and then closed quietly as I felt a hand grip my shoulder, saw the other hand turn off the water, and heard the most gentle of voices whisper: "No, Nova. Stop. You're hurting yourself."

"It won't come off!"

It came out like a breathy gasp as I fumbled to turn the sink back on, but his hand grabbed mine as he turned me around pushed me against the bathroom door, looming over me threateningly. But I knew he wouldn't hurt me.

I did that plenty on my own.

"What won't?"

I pushed against him, fighting my way out of his grip, but he held me firmly.

"What won't come off, Child."

"His blood..." I whispered. "Calix's blood..."

I closed my eyes so that I wouldn't see his expression as his eyes dropped to my irritated hands and his fingers wrapped securely over them.

"Your brother's blood is not on your hands," he said quietly. "Nor has it ever been. I swear it to you."

"You-" I pushed against him again, fighting him with every inch of my strength. "You don't understand!"

"Then help me to!" Scout raised his voice. "Talk to me! Or if you don't know what to say, then we can work with that, too! But if you're thinking something, I can help you so much more if you say it out loud!"

"I-" I couldn't get the words out. "I couldn't save him..."

I watched his heart break in his eyes as his hands brought me to his chest.

"Nova, none of us could. It wasn't your fault..."

"I should have done something!" My voice rose an octave. "I should have done more!"

I felt the wall coming down again; the dam breaking as tears flooded out, soaking his collar.

"You have done more," Scout said, ever so softly. "You've done more than anyone should have asked of you."

"It wasn't enough..." I sobbed into his shoulder. I felt him instantly hold me tighter, pressing a kiss to the side of my head.

"Sometimes it isn't," he told me gently. "Sometimes it never is."

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Scout carefully used a wet cloth to clean my face and he rinsed my abused hands in cool water before leaving me to compose myself before coming out. He reminded me that all the occupants had to be sitting for the aircraft to take off, and then he closed the door behind him, and I felt his loss instantly.

Due to this, I only waited two minutes before leaving the bathroom and racing down the hall to the passenger cabin. There weren't seats in the cabin. Instead, there were plush couches stretching from one side to the other, leaving just one walkway from the front of the aircraft to the back. I spotted Echo settled on the end of one, leaning her head against Madeline who sat beside Scout: her hand in his.

Suddenly uncomfortable at the sight of this almost-family, I hesitated, and then I sat down at the end of the couch and pulled my knees up, purposely as far away from him as I could get.

And I still felt like I was intruding...

I felt the plane start to vibrate beneath me, and then we were airborne. A moment later, I felt Scout reach over and grab me, sliding me over until I was directly beside him. I stiffened.

"Don't move," Scout whispered. "You don't get to play that game."

I looked up at him angrily.

"What game?" I hissed.

"Accepting me one moment," Scout responded in my ear. "And then acting like you're alone in the world the next. It doesn't work like that. Cry in my shoulder and then fall asleep there too, or don't do either. I don't do halfway."

It took five seconds to make my decision. I dropped my chin, let my head drift sideways against his chest, and then I closed my eyes as all the exhaustion was released into my bloodstream to overtake me.

"She'll be okay," I heard Scout murmur, presumably to Madeline.

"She's been crying again?" I heard Madeline return.

"She didn't cry once it all the years I knew her in Seattle," Scout whispered. "She's going to need a lot of time, Madeline... and we'll have to give it to her..."

"She'll need a lot of comfort, too, apparently," Madeline added. "Who's going to give that to her?"

I had to force myself not to tense at the silence that followed the question. Suddenly, the worry of being a burden to my mother returned and I felt a tremor run through me. And then a careful hand fell to my brow and swept over it comfortingly, and I relaxed as Scout wordlessly answered the question.

Hardly daring to breathe, I settled farther into his side and felt his arm go around my shoulder as I heard Madeline laugh softly.

"Congratulations, Sir," Madeline whispered, and behind my closed lids, I could almost see the nasty grin as she finished as though she was announcing the birth of his first child. "It's a teenage girl..."