Ramblings, and Rectification

Arriving back at polis had been relieving. I could see some of Lexa's tension leaving her shoulders and her eyes gaining a little of their former spark. I was proud of her, she had done something no other Heda had ever achieved and it was all done during the short amount of time she's been leading. She will go down in history as the Heda who had combined all twelve clans... a true Heda.

The city celebrated through the night at the news that there would be no more war between the clans. I had stood outside on my balcony, just listening to the people of Polis. It was rather soothing honestly, staring out into the night while the city was lit up and loud through the night. My mind started to drift to Lexa, not surprising as I had been thinking about her a lot more recently. She said we'd talk when the war was over but she hasn't even mentioned our little conversation. Sighing to myself I just knew that I'd have to be the one to bring it up, again. Lexa was rather stubborn when she wanted to be, but that added a little to her charm.

Putting on my shirt, I leave my room and cross the hall, approaching the door to Lexa's room. I take a few calming breaths and give myself a little pep talk before raising my fist and knocking firmly. After about thirty seconds the door opens and I see Lexa in all her glory. She is wearing a black nightgown that falls just below her knees and her hair is flowing freely down her back. She opened the door wearing her Heda mask. However, once she sees it's only me, she lets it slip and I can see the lost and sad Lexa, my Lexa.

"Lexa, we need to talk." I tell her firmly, staring into her eyes to convey just how much I care about her. She must have seen what I was trying to telepathically convey because she nodded sadly and opened the door wider for me to step inside. Once I was in the room I walked over to her balcony and waited for her to join me. I don't know what it was about balconies, but they made you just feel so philosophical and the sights tend to calm me down. Staring out over the city, I hear her soft steps padding along the stone floor leading out onto the balcony.

Lexa's POV

My mind has been troubled ever since Costia had been killed, I was filled with guilt and regret. I had pushed away my best friend and I know it must have hurt him dearly. I am the only one he has left, and he is the only one I have left as well. I know It wasn't his fault that Costia had been killed, I just wanted someone else to blame... because I truly blame myself. She was killed because Azgeda had assumed she knew information on me due to being in the position of my lover. When it came to Costia, I kept all duties that I held away from our relationship. Even if I had not been Heda for very long, I had tried to keep it all away from Costia, but it was all for nothing.

Perhaps that's why no Heda has ever been joined in union... to protect someone that they love. The night Costia's head had been brought to Polis, I had been completely devastated. Not only had I lost a lover, but I had lost a friend. I had pushed James away and it had been one of my biggest regrets. I needed him after I lost Costia, hell, I still need him. But due to my actions, I had pushed him away and forced him to separate his friendship from his duties. Every time he had talked to me after that, his voice was always void of emotion and it broke my heart more and more with every word.

There were many nights where I would stay awake mourning the death of Costia, many nights the only sound coming from my quarters would be sobs. I had wished that James would disregard my order and come to comfort me like he always used to, but I knew he wouldn't, he was loyal to the orders of Heda to a fault. I had told him that I wasn't his friend, I was his Heda, and he treated me as such.

When he talked to me outside of the Azgeda capital, I was overjoyed, and frightened. I was worried that he hated me for pushing him away... but he didn't. He still cared for me, and he always will. I have never been good with making friends, that is why Costia and James were the only friends that I ever had. No matter how much I had wanted to, I couldn't find the courage to be the first to speak about what happened. When I realized James didn't hate me, I wanted to hug him and speak my heart just like old times, but that general had to ruin the moment. I had promised we would talk once the war was over, and it was. Now I have to find the courage to-...

"Bang, Bang, Bang"

I was pulled from my thoughts by a loud knocking upon my door, I cleared my head and put on my Heda face. Opening the door, I was greeted with the sight of James. The sight of him made me think back to what I was just thinking moments ago. It's time, I realized. James had come here to finish the talk we started back in the ice nation.

"Lexa, we need to talk." He spoke firmly, his eyes searching my own. I Could see emotion in his eyes and sense his want, no, need to talk. It was as if I was looking directly into his soul. Staring into his eyes, I felt a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. I had only ever felt that when I was with Costia and that feeling was a seed being planted, a seed of emotion that would grow and evolve, only I didn't know it yet.

Nodding softly, I open the door wider to allow him to enter my room. I wasn't too surprised when James walked straight to the balcony. He always chose the balcony when he wanted to talk about something that would involve what he considered weakness. He had always been prideful and guarded, but I have always been able to get his guard down, and I always will.

Shutting my door, I walked across the cold stone floor and stood silently next to James. The night breeze felt nice on my skin and it added to the peaceful atmosphere. Polis was so beautiful at night, tonight more so than usual with the celebrations happening below. We stood next to each other in peaceful silence, just enjoying each other's company and the soft glow of the city below for several minutes before either of us spoke.

"Lexa, you know that I care about you right?" James asked quietly, though loudly enough for his words to ring in my ears.

"Of course I do James, you're my best friend." I say in reply, turning to look at him. He was still facing out over the city but as if feeling my eyes on him, he turns his head to look at me as well.

"I'm so sorry about Costia, Lexa. She didn't deserve what had happened to her." He spoke sadly, his words bringing me comfort.

"It's not your fault James, and I am so, so, sooo sorry for blaming you." I replied, my voice cracking at the end. I could feel the sting of tears behind my eyes but I had cried enough over Costia, It was time to move forward or I would never truly be free. Taking his large hand in my own small hands, I held it tightly with my gaze boring into his own.

"It's alright Lexa, I understand why you said such things. You were in pain, and you needed an outlet, you just lost someone very important to you." He told me, giving my hands a gentle squeeze as he finished.

Realizing he is too good of a person, I wrapped my arms around his torso and gave him a large hug. Feeling his arms wrap around my shoulders in a tight embrace made me smile into his chest. "You will always be my best friend Lexa... never forget that. No matter what." He whispered into my ear. His words only made me smile wider and hug him tighter. We were embraced for what seemed like hours, and I didn't mind one bit, I felt safe, and I felt at peace for the first time in months.

Eventually pulling back, his hands were still resting on my shoulders and he was staring into my eyes once again. For some reason I didn't mind this, his eyes were so beautiful to me. It seemed like he wanted to say something but couldn't find it in himself to say it.

"Is there anything else you'd like to say James?" I ask with a soft smile, wanting him to say whatever was on his mind.

"No, I am just happy we finally worked this out." He replied, smiling sadly for some reason.

"If you're sure..." I say, disappointed he didn't say what he wanted to.

Letting go of each other, we walked back to the door to my quarters.

"Thank you for seeking me out tonight, James. I doubt I would have had the courage to be the one to seek you out." I said with a small laugh.

Chuckling at my words, James shook his head. "Nonsense, you are the most brave person that I have ever known."

"Riiiight." I answer sarcastically, opening the door and giving him a pointed look.

"I'm going, I'm going, have a goodnight, my Heda." He said, shooting me a cheeky grin as he left my quarters.

"Goodnight James." I replied, rolling my eyes at his teasing.

I went to bed that night feeling a lot lighter. Our talk made me happy that I still had James, and because of that, my dreams that night were filled with a young spear wielding man.