Tatzelwyrm

Hi😄 I read up to chapter 6 The writing quality is good, there are little errors. I feel that the chapters are a bit long to read. The synopsis clearly describes who the protagonist is and what kind of world the story is set in. I like how this story is realistic and the characters are portrayed like real humans, especially since it is set in a fantasy world. The second last sentence of paragraph one in chapter one: instead of just 'had', maybe 'they had' or 'and had'? The world building and story building are very detailed. I feel that the transition from chapter 1 to chapter 2 is a bit confusing, but it makes sense. In the middle of chapter two, the scene where the mother embraced the child before their separation: 'One of them did not seem to entirely grasp the gravity of this moment' It was a bit confusing when I read 'one of them' because although I could guess who it was, it wasn't clear. I really like how the author is able to make a dangerous situation seem like it is dangerous - because sometimes I read in stories where it's meant to be a dangerous situation but the characters are carefree and there is little suspense. In the middle of the escape scene in chapter two, the author wrote: 'It looked at him with big wet eyes.' I think 'it' isn't usually used when talking about a child. I like how there is always something happening within the story (the story is always moving, not static -) and the descriptions are great. There is a lot of detail in this novel and the story direction is good😊

This is my impressions of your story: Pros: + Lots of descriptions + A father-daughter relationship? + Plot makes me invested to know what would happen next Cons: - The descriptors seem to drag the story on - Sentences can be shortened - First chapter was a bit confusing (I struggle with this as well) - Set up for the bigger picture? (Needs Build-up) This story reminds me a lot of the anime "The Rising Shield Hero" as the relationship between the Nannade and Garrett is similar to Naofumi and Raphtalia. It might have a more serious connotation compared to the latter, but good nonetheless.

I’m pleasantly surprised by the quality of this work. It’s a very enjoyable read, with excellent pacing, writing style and story development. Keep up the good work, there aren’t much stories here that are able to live up to the same level. I’m convinced this work will obtain a lot more attention in the future, I surely recommend giving it a try.