Side Story: Someday I'll Wish Upon a Star

Her sister's life had been much simpler now, St. Louis observed. She'd always wake up early and prepare meals for herself and her...was husband the right word? She noticed the rings, and they were happy with each other, so perhaps it was. It's not like every day you would see a human marrying a KANSEN. She did push for him to go after her before, but this still caught her off-guard.

After the meal, he, Commander Kido—or, as he insisted to be called, just Kido—would depart for work, and Helena would do errands around the house. Sometimes she would go out, either to buy things or chat with her elderly next-door neighbor who didn't seem to mind that she was a foreigner—and a KANSEN, to boot. Then he would go home, they would have dinner, then share stories of their day or listen to the radio together before retreating to their room. God knows what else came after that.

Helena had asked if she would stay at their house, and she did. But after seeing that, she excused herself after just a night and decided to stay with Mikasa and her KANSENs at the port; otherwise, she would've felt like a third wheel all the time. That Helena didn't allow her to help with chores didn't help either.

Not that St. Louis wasn't happy for her sister. If anything, she thought she deserved it. A gentle, kind, and hardworking person like her should never be on the battlefield. And that man, she had seen the extent of how far he was willing to go for Helena, so she was happy for him, too.

"Do you really need to go?" Helena asked before she left, holding her hand tightly. "Can't you stay here? Maybe a little longer, at least?"

"Ah, well, I'm sorry, Helena. It's just...I don't know what to do around here, and I don't want to be a bother, either." She said, looking away from her sister, who still had her grip on her. The look of disappointment that Helena couldn't quite hide didn't sit well with her, though.

"But you're never a bother..." she murmured. Her voice was like a child denied a favorite toy.

"Well...I, uh, I just don't want to get in the way, and besides, Mikasa has offered me a place to stay along with the others."

"Still..."

"Alright, how about I stay there for a day or two, at least, so I can think it over? Is that okay?"

"...Alright..." Helena finally said. "But can I ask one thing?"

"Ah, what is it?"

"Will you come to the Tanabata festival with me?"

St. Louis didn't really know what it was. She heard about it, though, if only a little. If she recalled correctly, Mikasa's KANSENs talked about it before, bemoaning the fact that they couldn't celebrate it because of the war. She didn't press them for details out of courtesy but could gather it was some sort of an important holiday, and one of the most anticipated, at that. So it couldn't be so bad.

And Helena seemed adamant that she join. And St. Louis just couldn't say no to her. She had always been weak to her requests, even without the puppy-dog look, and it never took long for her to cave in.

"Alright, I'll come with you," St. Louis relented. Whatever misgivings she had disappeared into thin air when she saw Helena beaming. It was always worth everything she could give to see it.

"Thank you, sis. I'm so happy. I promise it'll be fun; we'll hang out with friends and eat festival food and—"

"Whoa, slow down, girl. I get it. I get it," St. Louis cut her off with a hug and laugh. She had not seen Helena being this excited in a long time. "But I'm looking forward to it."

And she meant it, too.

***

St. Louis had only been to state fairs before. The festivals the Japanese enjoyed were of different kinds, yet they were just as bright, loud, and colorful—like a party where everyone's invited. And everyone did come. To celebrate. To forget their worries.

She was here before, walking the streets of the Imperial Capital when it was a decrepit, war-torn ruin. Now, it felt like the war had never taken place at all.

The hot summer night, with only the occasional breeze, was more bearable with the thin blue yukata Atago lent her when she and the others learned about her plans. She was initially worried that it would come loose somehow, but the obi did wonders in ensuring that would not happen, even with the swaying of her hips.

"You would surely turn heads, Louis-chan. Big sis is kinda jealous," St. Louis recalled what Atago said as she helped tie the obi around her waist and attached a fox-shaped netsuke to it. She hoped, for now, she wouldn't. She already had unwanted attention from the young officers at the port, and she needed no more of that.

The way to the festival grounds near Asakusa was mostly filled with Atago telling stories about Helena that St. Louis had never heard about in her letters. Since many of them were embarrassing, she could understand why, though. The one of Helena getting all red after accidentally eating wasabi was particularly amusing, but she wouldn't tease her about it tonight.

"Sis, Atago-san!" Helena waved at the pair as they arrived. Kido was right behind her, as he would usually do, smiling, dressed just as lightly.

"Hello, Atago, Louis-san," he greeted, and St. Louis responded in kind. "Thank you for coming. It means a lot to Helena."

"What I won't do for my cute little sister," St. Louis quipped, ruffling Helena's hair and getting a giggle out of her.

"Speaking of which, where are the others?" Kido looked around, neck craning, eyes wandering.

"Oh, everyone went ahead of us, Commander. I was about to look for them," Atago explained, her gaze darting between Kido and Helena.

"Ah. I'm going with you, then," Kido said. That was unexpected and even curious, but St. Louis found her sister's lack of objection even more so. She had expected that she would be disappointed that he wouldn't be there.

"Then, we'll see you later, Kido-san, Atago-san," Helena bowed, and the two gave her a smile that could only be described as conspiratorial before walking off. St. Louis didn't think much of it, if only because Helena apparently didn't. She was unusually bubbly, like a kid in a candy store.

"Are you okay with him going?" St. Louis had to ask.

"Mm. Kido-san has always been so understanding. I love being reminded of it every now and then," Helena replied, a faint pink painting her cheeks.

"Gotta love how honest you've become, Helena," St. Louis mused, and the blush only grew deeper.

"Have I? But I'm not too forward, am I?"

"Well, not that it's a bad thing, and I'm glad you did. Just...don't tell me more than I need to know, alright?"

"Huh?" Helena blinked, puzzled. Figures, St. Louis thought. Helena would, of course, miss the innuendo. That was cute, though.

"Ahaha, it's nothing, it's nothing. So, where do you want to go first?" St. Louis changed the subject.

"Do you want to get some snacks?"

St. Louis wasn't that hungry yet, but Helena probably was, or perhaps she was just craving some. In any case, her eyes were sparkling. Whatever the reason was, it would probably be as good as any.

"Sure, why not."

"And, um, can I ask one more thing?" Helena's face, once again, lit up, and St. Louis would have been a fool to say no.

"Go ahead."

"Will you hold my hand? So we won't be separated."

Helen had a hand reached out already as she spoke. The yearning—unspoken but clear—in her eyes was unmistakable. It made St. Louis's heart clench.

So she took it. The hand, small as it was, seemed to fit just right with her own.

***

Helena glided through the crowd and the streamers with the assuredness and ease of a bird in flight, even with her in tow—and St. Louis, now the one being led, couldn't help but marvel at the girl whose hand she used to guide, who used to walk behind her.

How could she remain the same yet so different? She was still caring and sweet and somewhat like a child, but now she was also so much more. St. Louis could see it from the way Helena spoke and carried herself. They were as sure as her hand in hers. It was as strange as it was beautiful. A little scary, even.

She was so used to being the one leading and protecting. It had always been that way—until now. She wasn't sure how to feel about it, but seeing Helena's joy, hearing her crisp laughter that silenced all the other noise...

...Maybe she didn't mind.

They moved from one stall to another, buying a little of everything. If there was one thing the Japanese and Americans had in common when it came to festival food, it was the shared appreciation for the sweet and salty. No funnel cakes or corn dogs here, but Helena had her taste the taiyaki and takoyaki, the latter she personally fed her.

"Here, sis, say ahh."

Seeing Helena offering the small ball slathered in sauce and mayo was too endearing, if not embarrassing.

But St. Louis leaned forward, even if she had to go red from ear to ear doing it.

It was good, and she didn't even like seafood that much. St. Louis found herself enjoying it despite having to work her mouth to chew the whole thing. Maybe it was the salty sauce. Perhaps it was Helena.

Helena had a bite, too, and St. Louis again had the luxury of seeing her cheeks puffing up, and she had to laugh as her chest grew warmer.

The candied apples they had after that provided a perfect counterpoint. Its sweetness wasn't overbearing, the natural tartness of the fruit balancing it out.

"How do you like the festival so far, sis?" Helena asked as they were seated on a bench, satiated and content.

"Oh, it's nice. Must've taken a lot of hard work," St. Louis replied. Fighting alongside Mikasa and her group had shown her that the Japanese put their all in whatever they did, whether they were fighting for a cause or carousing for seemingly no reason.

"Oh yes, everyone worked hard," Helena nodded. "But it paid off, didn't it? To be able to celebrate with loved ones and make a wish?"

"A wish, huh? Is that what those papers I saw are for?"

She had seen them before, strips of paper with writings on them hanging on the bamboo trees, swaying like wind chimes but silent. She didn't have the time to dwell on them, though—not while Helena showed her around.

"The tanzaku? Yes, you write your wish on them. You should try it, sis."

"Hmm..."

That seemed easy enough. Still, there was something about writing a wish on paper. What should she wish for? What does a KANSEN wish for, even? Wishing for peace seemed a touch too trite. But what else could they hope for? It was their purpose, wasn't it? And besides, the war was over anyway.

"It doesn't have to be anything grand, sis," Helena remarked as if she had read her mind. "And don't think you'll be too selfish. It's okay, even if it's only for yourself. It's just once a year, after all."

"...Do you have a wish in mind, then?" St. Louis decided to turn the question back at her. She wouldn't be surprised if it were something along the lines of 'having a happy family' or the like.

"Oh? Well, I'm thinking of wishing that I could learn new recipes. There's this particular dish that Hiei-san is really good at making. It's not complicated, but I just can't seem to get it right, and..."

St. Louis almost couldn't believe it. Something so trivial? Was that all? But there was no uncertainty in the way she spoke.

"...Is that all?" She ended up asking anyway, and Helena looked at her as if the answer was obvious.

"Yes, it is. What about you, though, sis? Do you have anything you want?"

A good—and dreadful—question. She could wish for Helena to be safe and happy, to live the best life she could have—but she already was. She was no longer the little bird she needed to look after.

And that was the time she realized she had done her part as a KANSEN and a sister. What else was there?

"Sis...are you alright?" Helena's voice and concerned look snapped her out of her thoughts.

"...I...I just don't know. I can't think of anything."

She hated to sound so irresolute. Helena had always known her to be self-assured and confident—not like this. Not in front of her. But her own thoughts were against her.

Surprisingly, Helena simply nodded and sidled closer. St. Louis could feel the weight of her head on her shoulder.

"Don't worry about it, sis. It's just for you, not for everyone else. No need to hurry in finding out."

Simple words from a simple girl. But it was enough.

"I'll try."

At the very least, she could be resolute about that one.

***

"I'm glad today is not raining," Helena mused as they continued walking down the streets, now more crowded than ever. The sky was just as packed, brimming with stars.

The obvious reason would be that the festival would be canceled otherwise, but St. Louis had an inkling that Helena would not have brought it up just for that.

"Well, if it was, what would happen?"

"Because Orihime couldn't meet with Hikoboshi if it rains. The magpies wouldn't come, and they couldn't cross the Milky Way. People here call it the Amanogawa, though."

St. Louis chuckled. Her sister had indeed integrated herself into her new home. Still...

"...Who? Those guys you mentioned, I mean."

"Oh, sorry," Helena laughed sheepishly, her steps slowing until they came to a stop.

"Orihime, the weaver princess, is the daughter of the King of Heaven. All she does every day is weave clothes, and she becomes so lonely and sad that the King gives her the cowherd Hikoboshi as a husband. The two love each other deeply but end up forgetting their duties, so the King separates them. Orihime cries for days, and the King finally allows the couple to meet once a year on Tanabata. But they are separated by the Milky Way, and she cries again. The magpies come and create a bridge for her, and every year they do—but only if it doesn't rain."

Helena didn't miss a beat in narrating the tale as if she had it committed to memory. When she was done, her eyes were alight, and her smile was as radiant.

It was as if the story was her own.

"I'm glad it doesn't rain because otherwise, we couldn't be together like this. Even if it's only for a while, and you'll return soon."

And St. Louis realized that perhaps Helena would have to wait for more than another year before they could see each other again.

"I'm...sorry. But...you won't be lonely, right?"

It was probably a rhetorical question. She's surrounded by people who adore her. Her little family in this land she now called home. She won't, that much St. Louis was certain.

"I won't...but what about you?"

"Me? What about me?"

"Sis, when you were out there fighting, I was recovering at home, and you were often left on your own. And when it was all over, you encouraged me to follow my heart and come here, even though we will be apart. I...I didn't realize how lonely you must've been all this time."

The words were like a gut punch, and St. Louis could no longer deny it. She had never felt lonelier and more lost in her entire existence. Everyone had gone their separate ways, unlike Mikasa's tight-knit group. But even knowing that it wasn't strife that drove them apart didn't lessen the pang.

Her sister's eyes didn't accuse. She never would. But it was sad, something St. Louis thought should've been a distant memory. She tried a smile, and at least Helena reciprocated.

"You're too kind for your own good, Helena. But you're right...I...It's been lonely. I was lost, so much so that, at times, I would wake up in the middle of my sleep and stare at the ceiling, looking for something. I don't even know what, really."

She was being forthright again for the first time in a long while. It did provide a little relief. Helena nodded and sighed, and her entire being seemed to relax. It was like she had been waiting for this moment of truth.

"Would you like to find out...with me?"

"Eh?"

"Sis, maybe what you've been looking for isn't there. Not at that place you call home. Maybe it is not your home."

Seeing her hopeful smile, St. Louis began to understand.

"You mean, you want me to...to stay here? For good?"

"And not for me, sis. For yourself."

Living in a foreign land, which years ago was at odds with her own, and living among those who used to be adversaries, though only because they didn't know better—that was something she never had in mind. But she knew the challenges would be daunting.

Helena would've known this, too. She wasn't naive, even if she could be a touch too innocent about things.

And she would've said that they had faced worse things before.

St. Louis wouldn't say she didn't have doubts yet...

...There was a beacon. One that she would happily allow to guide her now.

She had wanted to voice it, but in the end, just an embrace was enough. Helena knew, anyway, as her arms wrapped around her. She let out small laughs every now and then, and St. Louis did, too.

When she pulled away after what seemed like forever, Helena cleared a tear from the corner of her eye.

"Come on, sis. There are more things I want to show you."

Again, St. Louis found herself being led, but this time, nothing was weighing her down; her head was clear like the purest water.

And her eyes, for the first time, were truly looking.

Maybe she could make a wish at the next festival, after all.

But for now, this was enough.