The Result

Ethan tried to rush home as fast as he could. But, with the death of a person on the tracks, the trains were delayed massively. 

But eventually, he was able to get home after a couple of hours. He didn't speak a single word during the entire trip home. His efforts were solely dedicated to suppressing his emotions, showing no outward expression.

He didn't even see the scenery on the way back. He saw none of the passengers. The time passed by in the blink of an eye as he moved only on instincts.

Arriving at home, he ignored his mother who was awake and cooking dinner. He didn't hear her ask about why he missed school and rushed towards the bathroom.

He entered and immediately locked the door behind him. He went to the sink and stared at the mirror.

Ethan finally got a good look at himself. He was completely pale with black rings under his eyes. It was like he hadn't slept in days.

Seeing his face, the dead body was instantly brought to the front of his mind. The person was dead because of him. He had killed him.

That image of the dead body immediately overwhelmed him. The emotions that had been suppressed had been released.

He immediately emptied the contents of his stomach into the sink and lay on the floor contemplating his actions. The image of him pushing the man and the image of the body on tracks kept replaying in his mind. 

He was starting to breathe so fast that felt like he might collapse. He was gasping for air as if he was drowning. He couldn't control himself. Tears started spilling out as everything deep inside was starting to explode. 

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry..."

That's all Ethan could murmur between his choked sobs. He was no longer sitting upright. He was lying down on the floor in a pool of his tears.

The rationale behind the murder was thrown out the window.

All that was left was his suffering.

The weight of his actions crushing him.

The bloodied body on the tracks.

That's all he could think about.

The system. The death game. The reward. Nothing came to mind. All he could think about was his actions. He wished he was dead.

He cried more than he ever had before. The bottle that held his deepest, darkest thoughts had long since broken. 

At one point he started screaming incoherent words. It was a mixture of a signal to help, an apology and other thoughts running through his mind. 

Thankfully for Ethan, his mother was on the other side of the apartment and couldn't hear his voice.

When he killed that man, Ethan also killed a part of himself. That was haunting him.

Ethan didn't know how long he was on the floor of the bathroom while he was trying to get his breathing under control. It might have been 5 minutes or 3 hours. He didn't care.

Ethan finally was able to slowly get up. With his weak legs, he staggered the bathroom around before leaning against the sink. 

The vomit was starting to smell, so he cleaned the sink and then washed his face with water. 

His face in the mirror wasn't much better but at least he released his pent-up emotions. Not just about the murder, but towards life in general. His poverty. His lack of friends.

But during his breakdown, he was able to sort out all his emotions. All his jumbled thoughts, regrets and worries. He felt strangely calm now.

Among other things, there was one realisation Ethan came to. He couldn't regret his actions. Even knowing his current suffering and how terrifying the image of the dead body was, he would still kill that man 100 times out of 100. 

He didn't know why. Whether it was because he wanted the reward or wanted to live, Ethan couldn't tell.

"I killed him. I have ended the life of another human being. I will apologise to you, but I won't regret it. I'll pray for your safety in the afterlife. It was unfortunate you got caught up in this."

Saying those words, Ethan's face regained some colour. Though the image of the body didn't escape his mind, he no longer felt any fear towards it. He accepted his actions.

Cleaning up the rest of the bathroom he finally checked the system. With his newfound coins, he could finally buy more things.

However, he only bought another Basic Tracking Compass and crushed it.

That action was a resolution. The resolve to go through this game and eliminate all his enemies.

Not just to survive. Not just to win. But also so that he wouldn't regret his actions. If he stopped now, he would break. He needed to move forward with the game.

He checked the direction before asking the system to remove the arrow from his vision. He was too exhausted.

Ethan presumed that the next target wouldn't be as easy to kill as the person he killed today.

He was going to prepare tomorrow. Luckily it was the weekend, so he had the entire day to himself.

*Grrrr!*

Ethan was reminded by his stomach that there was nothing left inside it and he hadn't eaten dinner.

So he quickly ate food and hopped into bed. 

***

An hour passed.

He couldn't sleep. No matter how exhausted his mind or body was, he couldn't sleep. Though he accepted his actions, the screams of the crowds were preventing him from sleeping.

Understanding this, he got up and logged onto his computer. He had several messages from his clients, so answered them and started coding.

While on a different tab, under several layers of security, he started searching for ways he could acquire weapons to kill his other targets.