Part 41

Josh's POV

"What the hell is going on with you?!" I asked, marching over to where Justen was sitting.

"Josh, if I'm being completely honest, I have no clue," Justen said.

"So that gives you some right to cut?!" I asked.

"No, I've just been really confused lately and I haven't been knowing how I'm feeling," Justen said. "It was the only way I could calm myself down."

"How long?" I asked.

"What?" Justen asked.

"How long have you been cutting?" I asked.

"A week or two. Maybe even three," Justen said, looking down.

"Three weeks?!" I asked.

"Yeah, and you know why?" Justen spat. "I started cutting when you and I broke up because I was hurting and it was the only way I could be sure the pain I was feeling was real. I was cutting because of that and then I started cutting because my dad wasn't doing any damage to me. He has been changing and I don't understand what's going on with him. I cut then because it was the only physical pain I could cause to myself. Don't even ask me why I continued to cut after we got back together because if you asked, I wouldn't be able to tell you. It might be a habit now. You know, go to school, meet up here, then go home and cut."

"Holy shit," I said.

"Yeah," Justen said.

"I am so sorry," I said.

"You weren't earlier," Justen said. "You weren't sorry about me cutting until I told you why. You probably just thought I was cutting just because I could. Didn't you?"

"No, I would never think such a thing," I said.

"Then what were you thinking?" Justen asked. "What were you thinking when you first saw the cuts today during lunch?"

"I wanted to know what was going on. I saw the cuts on your skin and the first thing I wanted to know was why. Like, why you were cutting," I said. "As the day went on, I wondered if I was the reason you started to cut. I then wondered what was going on at your house to make you want to cut."

"Well now that you know, are you happy?" Justen asked.

"No," I said.

"What do you mean no?" Justen asked.

"I mean I'm not happy now because you're not happy," I said.

"Whatever, I'm going home," Justen said, beginning to walk away.

I couldn't let Justen walk away on me so I grabbed his wrist again like I did at lunch today.

"Don't leave," I said. "I'm so sorry. I wish I knew what you were feeling so I could help you through this but right now I am as clueless as you are."

"Your point is?" Justen asked.

"We shouldn't be arguing about this," I said. "If you know how you are feeling, let me know. Heck, even if you don't know how you're feeling, tell me so I might be able to help."

Justen didn't say anything.

"Being a part of a relationship is more than love, it's being able to tell your significant other how you're feeling," I said. "So please, even if you have no idea how you feel, let me know."

Justen looked back at me with tears in his eyes. "I am so sorry," he said.

"I am too," I said.

Justen, looking like he was about to cry, pulled me into a hug. We stood there hugging until I felt like the back of my shirt was covered in tears.

"I'll try to tell you how I feel, I promise," Justen said.

"Even if you don't know how you feel?" I asked.

"Even if I don't know how I feel," Justen said before hugging me again.

"I'm so glad we had this talk," I said as Justen let me out of the hug.

"Me too," Justen said. "I know I got mad and may have made you feel like trash, but this talk really helped."

"Now, how about we lay down in the grass and look at the stars like normal?" Josh asked.

"I'd like that very much," Justen smiled.