CHAPTER 54: A ROAD TO HEALING

We ended up not going to Ma Linda and instead I walked and I walked along the secluded beach near the house. Chuck walks behind me and I thank him for that. He hadn't tried to talk to me since Bianca said all those things to me, stared at me in pity and disappointment and then left, back to the house, probably.

I see things clearer now but I can't just go back home and confront them in front of my whole family while I'm trembling pathetically. That's why I decided to just walk off my excessive feelings before I return. I stop at some point, staring ahead. The sky is starting to turn darker and it's probably dinner time. We should probably head back.

"Ready to go back?" Chuck asks softly from behind me. I take a deep breath before turning around to face him.

"I'm ridiculous, aren't I?" I smile at him. I feel ridiculous.

"You are," he nods, smiling and his smile grows as he reaches out his hand to pat my head like I'm some kind of a puppy. It feels good, though.

"Let's go," I take his hand in mine and we walk back to the house, me, ready to admit that I was completely wrong and self-righteous and just overall a jerk, and Chuck, ready for a big dinner my grandparents are sure to cook for us.

The house is getting bigger as we walk closer but my heart, for once, is calm and I'm pretty surprised by that. I guess I'm not that big of a drama queen, huh?

We walk inside the house. Grandma and grandpa and Bianca are still busy in the kitchen and Aro and Ari are helping set the table. We greet them before heading to the bathroom to wash our hands and faces before we each go help to prepare dinner.

Dinner tonight is all of Chuck's favorites, of course, because I have no particular preference when it comes to food. I can eat whatever. Chuck's favorite foods are, surprisingly, sweet food. Sweet egg roll, honey glazed ham, sweet and sour stir-fry vegetable and the desert of raspberry pie.

The seven of us cramped the medium-sized dining table. It turns slightly awkward when we just sit there, staring at each other, not saying anything. It drives me almost crazy, the awkwardness, so I break it. Mostly also because I want to get this over with and start healing and be an actual good family member to them. But also because I can't stand Bianca's glare. They're too scary. I'm scared of her.

"I'm sorry," I tell them above the deafening awkwardness. I look up from my hands and stare at my family. Chuck, sitting beside me, reaches out to hold my hand under the table. I squeeze back gratefully. "I'm sorry," I repeat and am about to say something else when my grandmother, with her lovely smile, holds out her hand to me, touches my cheek, and caresses it gently.

"We know you are," her voice soft and I feel like sobbing.

"An apology is enough. No need for reasons. Only a promise," grandpa said from the head of the table, staring gently at me before he turns to Bianca who rolls her eyes before nodding, and to Ari and Aro who are grinning and shrugging.

"It's not fine," Ari shrugs, "but we're older now, so we understand," he looks at his twin who also nods in agreement.

"We forgive you," Bianca adds with another eye-roll.

"Thank you," welp, I'm choking now for real and it's embarrassing.

"Stop crying, you look ugly," Bianca kicks me under the table and I almost -almost- curse.

"He's cute when he cries," Chuck chuckles as he helps me wipe my tears.

"That's because you're studpily in love with him," Bianca glares at Chuck who just chuckles.

"Now, now, let's eat, shall we?" grandma pats Bainca's back before turning back to look at me, "go wash your face first, Levi, you look a mess," she says and that makes me chuckle. I nod and stand up.

That was a lot better than I thought it'd be. WHy the hell did I wait years to apologize? Stupid me.

I look at my expression in the mirror. Ew. Yes. I look a mess. I chuckle to myself before splashing cold water onto my face.

It's refreshing.

This feeling.

Not the cold water, mind you.

But the feeling of something heavy that had been buried deep in me being lifted from my chest. My apology sucks, I know that. But I have an amazing family and even if my apology sucked big time, they still accepted it and even forgave me.

This makes me wonder why I was so selfish and so self-centered and self-deprecating when all I had to do was apologize for feeling whatever I was feeling. For thinking whatever I was thinking. Of the situation. Of them. Of myself.

I'm stupid. Yes, we've established that earlier on, I know. Just reminding myself. And warning myself.

"What took you so long? Did you cry again in there?" annoyed Bianca is truly, very scary, I thought as I sit back down on my seat.

And of course, I stick out my tongue at her because I am a five year old. Heheheh.

"Lee, don't you bring something for us?" Aro asks just as we start eating and that reminds me.

"Right, I almost forgot," I laugh, "I did bring some stuff, also for Bianc's birthday. Sorry I missed it," I turn to Bianca for the last one, smiling apologetically at her who, once again, rolls her eyes.

"You missed not just one, actually," she shrugs and I feel worse though I know she's just saying it and not really mad or something.

"Sorry," I tell her anyway because I am. Sorry, that is.

"I'll forgive you if you give me something cool," she smiles threateningly.

"I did! I, well…" okay I forgot it was Allen who bought it and not me, "I mean, we, my friend and I, did give you something. A tablet, so you'll study better," I tell her with a voice slowly lowering.

"We?" grandma asks, turning between me and Chuck who now also looks at me.

"Yeah… No, my friend Allen bought it for her," I tell grandma, "it's kind of… a repayment of some sort because I help him with his club's thing." okay that's not the whole truth.

"A tablet, though?" Grandpa looks at me with worry on his face and I smile at him, also worrying about how I should proceed with what I'm about to say.

"Yeah, a tablet is expensive," Ari chimes in and Aro nods in agreement.

"He likes you or something?" Bianca looks at me suspiciously.

"What? No! He's straight!" The horror of the questions makes me sweat cold sweat.

"So? You like him?" Bianca asks again, more suspiciously this time with a hint of a teasing which I do not approve at all.

"What? No, he has a girlfriend, B," I roll my eyes at her.

"So if he's single you'd like him?" I mean, what's with the questions, witch?

"What? No!" Okay. That was a pitch too high.

Bianca stares at me and hums, nodding to herself before dropping the subject altogether to concentrate on her dinner. I sigh in relief, unconsciously unclenching my fists.

"Well, tell him we're grateful," grandma pats my shoulder, smiling, and I nod, also smiling although inside I really want to bury myself in the dirt somewhere.

That talk ends there and I can finally eat my dinner though somehow, I feel something is still amiss. I don't know what that is, though. Must be something small hanging at the back of my mind. You know that feeling, right? When something's bothering you, like you forgot something, or you saw or heard something but your brain couldn't completely capture it and processed it at that time so it lingers in your head instead, nagging and bothering you for the rest of the night trying to be noticed?

Yeah. that feeling.