StickCakes

(Scene opens with James and Chad walking into a cupcake shop)

Chad: So why do they call it a pair of underwear if it's only one?

James: I don't know, I wasn't at the meeting.

(Dawn is behind the counter)

Dawn: Hey guys *waves*

Chad: Hey Dawn.

James: Dawn? What are you doing here?

Dawn: I work here now.

Chad: What happened to your job as a maid.

Dawn: Oh I got fired, apparently it's against the law to use radioactive chemicals to clean windows. And Now I have to go to court on Thursday smiles* cupcake? *She hands James a cupcake*

James: Thanks and good luck with your case. *He bites into the cupcake and it explodes, glitter comes out of the cupcake*

Chad: Woah *Chad jumps* What was that?

Dawn: It's a surprise cake.

Chad: That's not even a good name for it.

James: *spits out the glitter* Why?

Dawn: The store wanted us to make more unique cupcakes.

James: No I mean Why?

Dawn: The store wants to have more creative ideas because our competitor "Claire's Cakes" is beating us when it comes to sales?

James: No I mean WHY?

Dawn: Why what?

Chad: Why did you think that explosive cupcakes were the way to go?

Dawn: It's a great marketing gimmick. The minute somebody takes a bite they will be greeted with an explosive surprise! *evil laughs*

James: But it's a waste of money. Who wants to buy a cupcake that explodes immediately?

Dawn: They can't buy a single cupcake stupid. They come in packs of twelve.

James: Did she just call me stupid *Looks at Chad*

Chad: That still makes no sense.

Dawn: It makes perfect sense, it encourages people to eat more cupcakes to be fulfilled. So if you keep taking one bite on all the cupcakes you essentially just ate one entire cupcake.

James: If I hear the word cupcake again I'm going to explode.

Chad: So you're basically selling one cupcake for 15.99?

Dawn: Yup. Want to buy one pack?

James: No!

Dawn: Why not?

James: Because I'm not an idiot.

(Luke runs into the store.)

Luke: OOH Explosive cupcakes that no one in the right mind would buy because you're essentially paying for one cupcake in a large box! I want one! *Looks at James* James, pay the girl.

James: You literally said that no one in the right mind wo- Oh who am I kidding, you're not in the right mind.

(Luke takes the box and begins to eat the cupcake)

Dawn: Why thank you, Luke. And as for you two, how can I help you?

Chad: I just wanted some ice tea.

James: I wanted a cupcake but now I lost my appetite.

Dawn: One ice tea and one depressed man coming up.

(The phone rings)

Dawn: *Answers the phone* Hello? Yes this is Dawn, how may I be of service to you.

Chad: She's very formal.

James: Yeah she's "formal" alright.

Dawn: Oh I see. No, I'm not angry. *Yells angrily* I SAID I'M NOT ANGRY GOODBYE! *she hangs up*

Chad: You okay Dawn?

Dawn: No I'm not okay Mr. Hunter, it's just that May and I were supposed to sell cupcakes tomorrow but she called in sick and now I no longer have a business partner.

(Luke is covered in glitter, mouth is full of frosting)

Luke: Ooh we can help. *Purposely spits frosting all over James*

Dawn: Really you guys would do it?

Luke: Yeah, I'm great at selling. I'm a people person. One time GWC and I were selling chocolates for our local highschool. We acted like Jehovah witnesses and we sold a lot of chocolate forcefully.

James: *raises an eyebrow* Of course you did.

Dawn: I mean if you guys don't mind I love the extra help. This Business isn't doing so well and we could defi-

James: What's in it for us?

Chad: James! You don't say that. We are offering-

James: I didn't offer anything.

Dawn: You can keep twenty percent off of whatever money you make.

James: *light bulb sound effect ding* Excuse me while I talk to my comrades. *He huddles with Luke and Chad* Okay I'm in now.

Chad: I cannot believe you are being so selfish right now James.

Luke: Yeah what kind of example are you?

James: Listen to me, every box is worth 40 bucks right?

Chad: No, what kind of person would sell a box of cupcakes for 40 bucks?

James: The same person who made explosive cupcakes filled with glitter.

Luke: I like where this is going, so every box is worth 40 bucks. We keep 20 percent of every box we sell… we make… that makes….*Luke does some mental math* 800 dollars a box!

(Chad and James look at each other)

Chad: You're supposed to add the decimal.

Luke: Oh right… Let's see. 8000 dollars a b-

James: Oh my god! It's 8 dollars a box!

Luke: Oh well I'm no longer excited.

Chad: But still if we start selling the boxes now and the rest of the week…

James: We'll make a fortune!

Chad: Yeah we will!

(The Spedteers face Dawn)

Dawn: So we have a deal?

James: Do fish swim?

Chad: What?

Luke: Who still says stuff like that?

James: The answer to that question is yes!

Dawn: You could've just said that but thank you. Why don't you guys meet me in the parking lot after my shift is done?

Chad: Awesome. Have a nice shift.

(Scene changes showing Jen GWC and Emile in the library studying for a test.)

Jen: So the semicolon is what kind of character?

Emile: Useless. *Emile is on his phone*

Jen: You're right but that's not the answer.

GWC: and besides the semicolon isn't a useless character. Authors use it when-

Emile: GWC.

GWC: Yeah?

Emile: shut up.

(Luke walks inside the library with Chad, they're holding a box of cupcakes.)

Chad: Hello there friends, would any of you be interested in buying some miniature cakes.

*At the same time*

GWC: Not really.

Emile: Nope, not at all

Jen: Get lost morons.

Luke: Well we tried. *Luke begins to walk away*

(Chad grabs onto Luke's shoulder)

Chad: Where are you going?

Luke: Somewhere that's not here. Duh

Chad: You said that you're great at selling stuff.

Luke: *sudden realization* Ah, right. Time to work my Teppish charm.

(Luke walks back to the table and slams the box on the table)

Luke: ALRIGHT! Listen up you spineless sticks! We are selling Cupcakes and we are not leaving unless you guys buy a box! *spits at GWC*

(Chad pulls Luke to the side)

Chad: What was that?

Luke: I'm selling some cakes. Duh.

Chad: Okay well don't be aggressive, be more sentimental.

Luke: Why?

Chad: It helps with sales. Come on, who would say no to an innocent child like you? Studies show that whenever customers feel bad for the seller they are most likely gonna buy their products out of pity. Why do you think Girl Scout cookies do so well?

Luke: Right. *Luke walks back to the table*

Jen: Get lost Luke, we are trying to study for our Literature class.

Luke: I have LUKEmia. I'm trying to raise money for my surgery, Doctor's have been saying I have a small chance of living. My dog died tomorrow.

(Chad facepalms)

Emile: What?

(Chad once again pulls Luke to the side)

Chad: LUKE-mia? Really?

Luke: Yeah, well I was gonna say cancer bu-

Chad: Luke, you have to make it believable.

Luke: Got it *Luke walks back to the table*

Emile: Luke if we buy one of your stupid boxes can you please leave us alone to study?

Chad: Sure!

Jen: Great, GWC pay the man.

(GWC looks at Jen with a confused expression)

GWC: Why do I have to- oh never mind that. *GWC pulls out forty bucks*

Chad: Pleasure doing business with you gents.

Luke: Hey why not buy twenty boxes?

Emile: Because we are not idiots.

(Bruce walks by the table)

Jen: Hey Bruce!

(Bruce looks at them)

Jen: We have a box of cupcakes!

Bruce: That's great! Now we have twenty-one. *Bruce shows the crew his 20 boxes*

(Jen, GWC, and Emile look at Chad and Luke)

Luke: sup.

(Scene changes showing James in Literature class with his multitude of cupcakes. James walks up to his elderly professor)

James: Hello There Mrs. Jody! *smiles*

Mrs. Jody: Why hello James. What brings you in today?

James: Well, *James places the box of cupcakes on some desk* I am selling these delicious cupcakes. Would you have a heart and buy a box?

Mrs. Jody: Oh James, I would love to buy a box of your miniature cakes but quite frankly I can't eat a lot of sugar.

James: Yeah but scientists have proved that cupcakes help the elderly… um… uh… *sweats* not die.

Mrs. Jody: Oh, I see. You know maybe that's why my late husband George went. He should've just eaten more cakes. Alright, you convinced me. I'll take two boxes!

James: Awesome *hands over the box to Mrs. Jody* Thank you.

Mrs. Jody: No, thank you. For the gift of life. *She hugs the boxes*

(Chad and Luke come running in)

Chad: James!

James: Yeah? What is it?

Luke: We just sold over thirty boxes.

James: What? No way!

Chad: Yes way! We made 240 dollars in less than an hour.

James: You made Bruce buy twenty boxes didn't you?

Luke: That is absolutely true!

Chad: That's besides the point, I just got a text from Dawn. She said she'll give us more boxes later today. Which means more money for us. BOOYAH!

Mrs. Jody: Excuse me, boys.

Luke: Yeah what's up old lady.

Mrs Jody: That Science report that you spoke of, did it mention anything about cookies?

(James raises an eyebrow and slowly walks away)

(Chad follows)

Luke: Want more cupcakes? *Smiles*

(Scene Changes, Luke, Chad and James are in Luke's dorm)

James: So how much money do we have left?

Chad: We have just over 1000 bucks left.

James: Sweet *James puts on an expensive jacket* Dude I still can't believe I can afford clothes this expensive.

Chad: I know! I just ordered a very expensive tanning bed!

James: Why?

Chad: Because I can, if we keep selling this much we'll be set for life.

James: Ooh, Financial Aid who? *James Looks around* Where's Luke?

(Luke pokes his head out of the bathtub filled with money. He has swimming gear on)

Luke: *takes off his snorkel* You called?

James: No, I wanted to know if you were still here. Now shoo, shoo.

(Luke dives back)

(Emile walks inside Luke's dorm)

Emile: Alright what the H is this?

Chad: Oh hey Emile, wanna buy more cupcakes?

Emile: No! I want to know what you guys are up to and how you were able to afford so much crap. *Emile sees a soda machine, a flat screen TV, two massage chairs, and a sports car that is parked inside the dorm*

James: We bought all of these things with the money you guys gave me.

Emile: I see, well I want in.

James: What no way!

Emile: Why not?

James: Because this job is only for men.

Emile: Bro, you're literally walking around campus lying to people about the miracles these cupcakes bring.

James: Well when you put it like that-

(There's a knock on the door)

(Luke leaps out of the bathtub)

Luke: *wraps a towel around himself* ooh that must be our 7 o' clock massages.

(Luke opens the door and three women walk inside. Their names are Sandy, Cindy and Patty. Patty is a fat one)

LUke: Chad you get Sandy, I'll get Cindy, and James you get Patty.

(Patty cracks her knuckles)

James: Gee I'm so lucky. *gulps*

Emile: I still want to be a part of this.

Chad: Emile buddy, now is not the time. We'll discuss this tomorrow. *Chad shows Emile to the door and shuts the door closed*

*Luke can be heard from the other end of the door*

Luke: Alright girls, I have this really bad pain in my back please work your magic.

Patty: Hey Fruit cake lay down!

James: Please be gentle, I bruise easily.

*James Screams in pain*

(Scene changes, Luke, Chad and James are selling more boxes in the cafeteria, Luke was fighting off the crazy students and James and Chad are selling boxes as fast as they could)

Luke: Get back demons! I said stay back! *Luke was using a ruler as a sword*

James: One box for you, another one for you. Wait! Hold up! NO! Don't eat the box!

Chad: Alright that's it! Ladies and Gentlemen, We will be taking a short break from selling cupcakes. We will be ready to sell more in an hour.

(Everyone groans)

Random Girl: You suck!

(Everyone walks away)

James: Alright how much did we make?

Chad: Let's see. We made approximately 500 bucks.

James: Okay and how much do we keep?

Chad: Lets see.

(Luke walks up to the other two covered in bruises)

Chad: Oh god!

James: Are you okay?

Luke: *Happily* Of course! I've been through worse. This is nothing. *Faints*

(Chad and James look at Luke's body)

James: He'll be fine.

(Two random men walk up to the boys)

Man 1: Excuse me. Are you by any chance selling cupcakes?

Chad: Why yes sir, we are.

James: Are you willing to get some?

Depressed Cop: Maybe.

(Luke springs up)

Luke: How many boxes do you two gents want?

Man 1: Well we'll take them all!

Luke: Seriously?!

(The two men pull out their police badges)

Depressed Cop: That's right.

(Luke looks at the badges)

Luke: Sorry, we only accept cash. *Faints again*

Depressed Cop: These are police badges.

(Luke resurrects)

Luke: Sorry buddy cash only. We don't even take cards. What makes you think we'll take badges? *Faints again*

Man 1: What is wrong with him?

Chad and James: No one knows.

Depressed Cop: Look these cupcakes are stolen, and witnesses say that they saw three lanky males robbing a truck filled with sweets last Tuesday.

Chad: Woah, woah, woah. You're saying that these boxes of sweets are stolen?

Man 1: That's what he's saying.

(Luke gets up again)

Luke: Sorry cash only.

Depressed Cop: Handcuff them.

(The two men proceed to handcuff Chad, Luke, James, they are clearly resisting arrest.)

James: No way! I can't go to Jail, I'm too young to have my rights stripped from me.

Chad: Look, we didn't steal the cupcakes, we didn't know they were even stolen!

Man 1: Save it!

(The men drag away the trio)

(Scene changes at Jail, the men shove the trio inside of a cell)

James: You can't arrest me! I have a history test to take!

(The men close the cell, they lock it.)

Chad: This is so bad. *Looks down in shame*

James: Yeah, no kidding! We don't deserve to be in jail. Jail is for scum and low lives!

(Two men inside the cell look at James angrily, James notices and immediately starts sweating)

James: Except for you guys. I'm sure all of you are charming people.

Luke: Ah cheer up James, it's not all bad. I heard that they feed you twice a day! It's like a hotel but without anything worthwhile or pleasant and no bad wifi!

Prisoner 1: What is wrong with him?

Chad: No one knows.

(James sits down on the floor)

James: THIS SUCKS! I'm gonna go crazy!

Luke: Relax James, might I recommend my brother Like, he's a really good therapist and Lawyer! *smiles*

James: GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!! I DEMAND MY PHONE CALL NOW!

(A police officer walks up to James)

James: Listen here you! I demand my ph-

(The policeman pepper sprays James)

James: AAAAHHHH *Falls on the ground and begins to roll around*

Luke: My turn!

(Scene changes with Chad in the interrogation room)

Man 1: So you stole the boxes?

Chad: No I didn't we didn't even know the boxes were stolen?

Man 1: Okay, so who gave you the boxes?

Chad: Our friend works at a cupcake store and she gave us the boxes.

Depressed Cop: So your female friend gave you guys stolen boxes of cupcakes, even though we said that three men were the ones who stole them.

(Scene changes with James in the interrogation room)

James: I highly doubt she knew they were stolen. She just works in the store, I don't think she was responsible for the missing baked goods.

Man 1: Are you getting smart with me boy!?

James: No officer! I was just saying that-!

Depressed Cop: WHO STOLE THE BOXES THEN!

James: Ah leave me alone! I'm nervous and sweaty…..

(Now Luke is in the interrogation room)

Luke: All I'm saying is that my two close friends GWC and Rocky are really out there you know? It seems like I'm the one who always calls the shots. I feel bad for them honestly because I know they have lives of their own but for some reason they act more like side characters to my personal life story. I feel like I'm the main character at times. And I don't want to feel that way. Sure I might act out but I… I don't know what else to say, honestly. It makes me sad. Especially Rocky. *sigh* Have you ever met Rocky? That kid is so average. Painfully average, I feel that if I'm not doing something fun or life threatening his life would be as interesting as watching paint dry. You get what I mean?

(Both Police officers are confused)

Man 1: What are you talking about?

Depressed Cop: This is an interrogation, not a therapy session. *He shines the light at Luke*

Luke: I killed her!

Man 1: What?!

Depressed Cop: Should we write that down?

(Scene changes showing the trio at a payphone)

Man 1: You all get one phone call each. Make it count.

James: Alright Luke, you're up first, make the call count.

Luke: Relax. I got this. *Luke walks up to the payphone, inserts his coin and dials a number*

Martino: Thank you for calling Martino's pizza. What would you like to order?

Luke: Yes hi, I would like a pizza with extra bacon and a large liter of cola, ooh add a mega cheeseburger too while you're at-

(The police officer takes the phone away)

Man 1: Gimme that! NEXT!

(Luke walks back to his cell)

Luke: Sorry guys I tried.

James: I guess I'm up. *James does the thing again*

Jen: Hello?

James: Hey, Jen! It's me, James.

Jen: Sup chump what is it?

James: Okay this might sound crazy but I'm in jail with Luke and Chad, turns out the cupcakes were stolen. I need your help to get us out of-

(Jen hangs up)

James: Hello? Hello? Jen?

Man 1: That's it. NEXT!

Chad: My turn. *Chad does the thing*

Dawn: Hello?

Chad: Dawn hey listen to me.

Dawn: Hey Chad. What's up?

Chad: Hey are you working right now?

Dawn: I am, I'm working at the games store.

Chad: Okay well- Game store?

Dawn: Yeah, I got fired from the cupcake shop because they didn't like the idea of me making explosive cupcakes. Made the Janitor's job a nightmare.

Chad: Dawn, the cupcakes are stolen. We were selling illegal cupcakes. We are currently in jail.

Dawn: Oh no, that's not good. Actually, it all makes sense. The owner does look a bit shady. Listen Chad I'm currently busy but I promise you that I will get you out. Bye. *Dawn hangs up*

Chad: Hello? Hello? Dawn! Don't you hang up on me. *Chad walks back to his cell with the phone, the phone comes off* Oh no. *Chad gives the phone to the cop* It's for you.

(Scene changes showing Dawn, Jen, GWC, Emile in the Cafeteria)

(Dawn retrieves the cupcake box)

Dawn: Alright so this empty box is all the evidence we need.

Emile: An empty cupcake box is evidence?

Dawn: Not the box itself Emile, the fingerprints duh.

GWC: Wouldn't it make it harder for us because we all laid our filthy palms all over this box.

Jen: It's worth a shot.

Dawn: I can talk with Timmy to see if he can find different fingerprints that aren't yours.

GWC: This is so stupid. Why can't we just be normal students without getting chemical baths, without summoning the demons and the literal devil himself, without getting almost kicked out of college for dangerous acts, and now they got arrested.

Jen: Relax, this is probably the most fun you had in years.

GWC: That… *stutters* That's… um… so?

(Scene changes, James, Luke, and Chad are still in their jail cells)

(Luke is playing the harmonica and is getting in his feels, he performs the most beautiful harmonica solo ever)

Luke: And done.

(Chad is the only one clapping)

James: Nice one Luke, but please never do that again.

Luke: *takes a bow* Jail is really fun.

Depressed Cop: Luke Tep, James Stale, and Chad Hunter?

James: Yes officer?

Depressed cop: You punks are lucky, turns out you three weren't the ones who stole the cupcakes.

Chad: *Sarcastic* No really? I thought we were the culprits!

Depressed Cop: Don't give me your sass.

Luke: Wait so we weren't the ones who stole the baked goods. Woah, talk about a twist!

Depressed Cop: I worry about you boy. Anyways turns out the real culprits were the managers of the cupcake shop.

James: How'd you find out?

Depressed Cop: Your friends had evidence. *He opens the cell*

(Dawn, Emile, Jen, and GWC walk into the frame)

Chad: Emile!

James: Jen!

Luke: Dawn!

GWC: Luke, really? You know what I'm out of here. *GWC walks out of frame*

Chad: Woah, you guys actually helped us.

Dawn: You're lucky Timmy scanned the boxes and found additional fingerprints.

Jen: Yeah, so basically you guys owe us big time. I'm thinking, the massage chairs.

Emile: The flat screen TV

GWC: *from a distance* the soda vending machine!

Chad: What no way! That is so not fair.

James: We are not giving you guys our well earned items.

Jen: Alright, officers you may close the cell again.

Depressed Cop: As you wish.

James: Alright fine! We'll give you guys the items.

Chad: Not my massage chairs.

(Scene changes. Luke, Chad, and James are inside Luke's now empty room)

Chad: Well at least you kept the soda machine.

Luke: Yeah, I dorm with GWC so basically it stays here.

James: What happened to the car?

Luke: I gave it to Dawn.

James: What why?

Luke: I don't know, it just felt right you know.

James: No! I don't know.

Luke: Well since we were giving stuff away I decided to give Dawn the car. I don't even drive and besides I miss sleeping on a bed instead of the driver's seat.

Chad: I'm just glad, we are no longer in prison.

Luke: I kinda miss it honestly, the roommates were nice, the officers took care of us, sure the food could've been better but I shouldn't be expecting Canadian Food wherever I go.

James: Well whatever, I'm glad everything got resolved. *James heads out the door, still limping from his last massage, he opens the door and sees Mrs. Jody)

Mrs. Jody: You lied to me about the research!

James: Did I? *sweats*

Mrs. Jody: I went to the doctor's office and he told me that I have diabetes now!

Luke: Dang, who could've seen that coming?

James: Mrs. Jody I can explain! *James jumps out the window*

Luke: Huh, would you LUKE at that? *Audience laughter*

(Chad laughs too)

(Episode Ends, goodbye)