12

Yuki Tenno

5:32 am.

The debriefing done and we are heading outside again. Not to fight, though we will have to stay awake until Mistral arrives, but just in case there is a Grimm flare up and we have to fight. I can feel that Yang's body is tired and to be honest, so am I. Though it is a different kind of tiredness.

Who am I? What is happening to me? Why do I act so much more differently?

After a while Qrow arrives and is carrying some... chairs. Huh. Folding chairs, depressingly like Earth's campi... Why is that depressing? Not now? No, I can.. now. Why is it depressing?

I'm too tired. Later. Yang and everyone gets up and start helping him set them up.

"Thought you lot might want something more comfortable to sit on." Ten of them. Oh, Huntsman, he's quite strong. Not that they are heavy, more awkward, just... "Hey firecracker. You alright?" Yang gives a smile, a half cocky grin.

"Think some Grimm are going to keep me down?" Claim it's Grimm, and not Ruby. The idea of Farming. "Though bed does sound nice. If Mistral ever gets here."

"How's your guest?" Me? Stop asking about me. I'm fine fine fine fine. Not fine. Oh great, now I'm having that bug again.

"Quiet. Brooding." Uhg, really? Brooding? Yang slumps down in her chair.

"I think she overused her Semblance. Growth that is." Pyrrha mentions. Overused? "Remember her before we left?" Ah, me regenerating their physical state, healing away the tiredness from training before.

{Yuki, how much were you using Amber's Semblance on yourself?} Yang asks.

{Umm... Hold on... A lot. Yeah. Constantly, with pulses of more intense usage for whenever I was slowing down. And using it to heal people. And... Yeah. Constantly. I couldn't afford to get tired, or eat or drink and there was a couple of times when I needed to stop breathing.} Only after I stop speaking do I realise how still Yang has become.

"You stopped breathing?" She speaks aloud. "Yuki, you can't just abuse your- Abuse a Semblance like that." Qrow is looking at Yang. No, me. "Why do you think we weren't constantly using our Paradigm Shifts?" During training? And probably during the night.

{Aura cost? Training for efficiency needed. That and unfamiliarity in a combat situation with a new tool that is only half used.} Three good reasons.

Yang looks to the group. "She Paradigm Shifted Growth to stop needing to eat, sleep, drink and apparently breath, on top of healing herself and other people. Constantly."

Qrow's sharp breath in sounds like a hiss and runs a hand through his hair. "How is your Aura?" He's asking me.

{Still broken.} Yang echoes.

"You may have done permanent damage to your Aura, Yuki." Pyrrha- what?

"A Semblance isn't like a button you can push and just get a result. It's like a muscle, you have to train it slowly." Weiss explains. "Not overexert yourself."

{People were dying.} Yang winces at my hostility. {I'm sorry. I'm just tired.} Damm, I'm screwed. {I'm guessing my Aura should have started regenerating by now.} I 'frown'. {I hasn't been regenerating for a while now, at all. It's...}

I prepare myself. {It's why thing's got so bad. I had to slow down, gradually, through the night as it started regenerating slower and slower after I started using it to heal my injuries instead of taking hits.}

Yang exhales painfully after echoing for me. "You what?"

{It was more Aura efficient to take a hit and heal it with magic amplifying the Semblance than it was to stop the hit with Aura.} I explain.

Only to see out Yang's eyes just how shocked everyone is. "Didn't that hurt?" Nora asks.

I don't like how concerned she sounds. I don't like how concerned everyone is looking. Ruby at least is falling asleep. Silverlight overusage? {It slowly became less and less effective, at least to heal my mental tiredness. And my Aura stopped regenerating. That's one of the reasons I turned to using an 'Instant Win'.}

The truth of the matter starts to hit home, but at least I'm not native to Remnant, otherwise I would be freaking out or something. {I thought I was just getting tired.}

"It stalled completely?" Qrow asks gravely. I pass a nod along for Yang to confirm. "Shit."

"Swear." Ruby mutters tiredly, only half aware of things. Apparently Qrow swearing is one of those things. Did she do that when he swore before? Did he swear when Ozma and Summer was revealed? Then again, she was awake and was crying herself.

Qrow pulls out his scroll and starts sending a message. Yang pulls out her scroll and opens up the Aura monitor app, linking it to herself and me. 0.0%, that's probably not good. Nor does everyone's reactions bode well.

Qrow looks at Yang and she holds up her scroll. A moment's gaze feels a lot longer as he stares at the little display before letting out a relived breath. "Stable."

"How bad is it?" Ren asks.

"She should be dead." Fuck. "Aura is part of life, Yuki." Yang. My first thought turns to Yang. Qrow's does as well. "Yang's fine, at least she isn't bleeding Aura. I think you're both stable, but I want you to keep an eye on it. I've messaged James and we'll find a doc to have a look at you."

Medical intervention. That's how bad it is. He's trying to stay calm, saying we're fine, probably to not disturb the almost asleep Ruby who he keeps glancing at. Yang keeps glancing at her too. "If it weren't for your Semblance, if you had your own body, it probably would have bleed out and died."

{Yang, I am so sorry. I didn't-} I cut myself off. 'No officer, I didn't know that kills. That means the guy I stabbed 46 times will get back up now.'

"Can I help?" Jaune offers.

"Not really. You could probably give her some Aura, and that might let her start regenerating on her own." Qrow mutters. "Not sure that's a good idea, I'm not a doctor."

"I already did." Jaune looks to Pyrrha. "She was empty when she..." Died.

"No regen." Yang points out, looking at 0.0% on the scroll screen. Two words. That's all the sign I get as to how she is feeling. She isn't feeling great.

The severity of the situation starts to hit me, not the fact I might drop dead, but that I might take Yang with me. And there is only one thing I can do in times like this.

Get clever.

"Won't take a jumpstart then." Qrow mutters. "And you used it up immediately to... Shit."

"Swear." Ruby mutters again, she's basically asleep, despite trying to keep awake. I don't think she's really aware of what is going on around her.

{If I'm going to kill you, have Jaune boost me and I'll jump to...} List viable hosts... {An animal or Knight or... The CCTS Tower. A Knight is too small, but the main computer of-}

{Yuki...} Yang, I might die at any moment. I'm not going to risk not having a backup plan.

{I'm not going to take Ruby's sister from her.} Her eyes snap to Ruby. Because that's what it's about.

{I...} She nods and softly relay's my 'plan' to the group, her eyes never leaving the definitely now sleeping Ruby Rose.

6:18 am.

The reinforcements from Mistral arrive.

Yang, Blake, Jaune, Pyrrha and I aren't on the edge to see them fly in, but we hear the cheers in the impromptu control room a few doors across.

The makeshift hospital on Amity isn't the best, key word being makeshift, but our 'special privilege' and VIP status has afforded us one of the very limited and very good Amity Contender Medical Wings, used for injured combatants.

Seems Mercury's broken legs were greatly overexaggerated, seeing as people are only shipped down to the general Kingdom's hospital in the worst of conditions. Though I would guess that this wing of Amity was only added after someone got hurt while Vacuo was hosting. They don't seem the sort of kingdom with stellar health care.

Aura monitoring and medical equipment is all around us, and Yang is already feeling a bit irritated by the sterile environment. Makes sense, she's not the one who is hurt but she is paying for my mistakes.

Apparently we are stable, and her slowed Aura regen was from her overusing her Paradigm Shift a bit too much, though not anything like to the extent I used mine. I feel like she's lying to the doctor, not based on her answers or tone or anything, but because she knows I'm listening and she might be trying to spare my feelings. I don't know.

I'm feeling pretty worthless right now.

No magic. No body. No usable Semblance or Aura. No skills. Not even a voice to talk with. And now I'm leeching off Yang. Her regeneration rate is apparently slower than it should be, as far as Qrow can tell. It's hard to tell because of fighting all night, that she was using her Paradigm Shift the most, or because of me, but she is noticeably slower than her teammates.

It's probably me. My apologies are worthless.

I am too.

The doctor leaves, the same one from Beacon and personally trusted by Ozma for top secret missions. Damm sexy too, a dusty red fox faunas called Kitsune (oh joy, how imaginative) with a playful persona. Is it racism? Probably. I'm probably drawing conclusions based on the persona she puts on and my own (limited) understanding of Japanese fox spirits.

A few minutes later, and Blake has taken up a chair and a book. Seems she is staying the night to watch over Yang. Ha, night. There are no windows in here, but we just walked in from outside's early morning not that long ago.

One more thing before Yang goes off to sleep, and I suppose (and hope) myself with her. I'd really rather not be awake while my 'host' is sleeping, that would get boring fast, even with all the mental checking I need to do right now.

Yang and I do a few checks of my Semblance's listening ability, to make sure it follows the same rules as Qrow, Weiss and I discovered. {Nope. Nothing.} Yang reports.

I 'flick the switch' that controls my ability to feel the position of her limbs across her body. Not something people normally think of as a sense, but it is one. There are actually like a dozen or so senses rather than the well known five. {Okay, that's... Body? Like, where my arms are and... That's so weird.}

I snigger. {Yang, how many senses are there?}

{Six.} Oh. Okay. {Touch, sight, smell, taste, hearing and Aura.}

Oh. That is weird. {Well, I don't know anything about Aura, but there are a lot more senses than that. For example, sense of balance, or in this case where your limbs are.} I turn it off.

{Gone. Nothing now.} Yang frowns slightly at me, at least mentally. I have no idea what her real face is doing as I am cut off from all her sensory feeds. Tch. I've been thinking of it like a computer, like a datastream. I suppose it is one, but people don't think of their bodies like I do mine.

No wonder I got Transference. {What's it like?} Yang asks and I flick my attention back to her.

{What's what like? Oh, being totally sensory deprived?} That is a good question. {It's... Nothing. But not nothing nothing. This isn't total sensory depravation, that would drive me crazy. More... quiet.} I hmm for a moment. {You ever listen to music and forget to see things, or concentrate so hard on one thing that the rest of the world fades away.}

{Ah. Only the whole world is what is faded away. Not gone, just ignored completely.} Yang nods. {Yeah, I've gotten like that. Ruby too, when she's got Crescent Rose in bits on the table.} The tone of her voice carries that warmth and love that she sometimes doesn't hide but is always there.

{Thanks.} She sends after a moment. {For you know, trying to protect Ruby.}

Silverlight breeding farm.

A now pressing horrible possibility. {I failed.} I send back. {She had to use it, and not alone at the top of a tower, instead she got up with the growing famous Team JNPR, people with cameras pointed at her... Someone...}

Someone will put the bits together, or Salem will release the information to direct the masses at her to hunt her down.

{You tried. And you died trying.} I died huh. I'm still here, it was on-

Only Amber's Gift to me that I lost.

{How bad was it?} Yang asks me.

{Not as bad as you losing your arm to him.} I divert.

It fails. {Uncle Qrow, and Weiss' sister, they... Over the scroll. It sounded bad.}

I try again. {I didn't value my- Amber's body nearly as much as you value yours.}

{You're avoiding talking about it.} She points out. {I know that tactic, Uncle Qrow uses it all the time and you are no where near as good as him at using it.} She pauses for a moment. {If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine.}

{I...} I hang.

And am met with the choice again. To open up and risk myself, or to try solve this on my own.

Because there is a problem. I am avoiding thinking about it. After the pain, after the dismemberment, there is something... Something I'm not thinking about.

{I didn't try to fight back.} Something tears at me as I admit that. Not just to myself, but to someone else. {Not really.}

Yang asks after a few seconds to process it. {Did you want to die?}

{No. I have things to do. I just decided early on that I couldn't win.} I 'take a breath', no. I'm just thinking like that to distract myself. {I decided he was too fast, too powerful. That I was too weak and broken. Even now, I can see how I would win.}

{But you didn't even consider it.} Yang sends back.

{I was paralysed. I couldn't run fast enough before he killed me. I couldn't fight well enough to hold him off until someone arrived. My one 'plan' was to grab him and Transfer over, but I basically forgot about that moments after I made it.} A hollow feeling spreads across my false sense of body. {He was toying with me, I think. Took me apart bit by bit.}

Limb from limb. How many attacks did I dodge and how many did I 'dodge'?

We lay in silence for a minute as I just allow myself to feel feelings. Fear, at how close it was. Anger, and myself for failing. Fear again at how everyone would be dead if I failed, Ruby didn't know how to save anyone. She would have worked it out, but how many more would be dead?

{I could have killed Cinder too.} I confess. {Before, when I first woke up. I got overwhelmed with... something I'm still not sure about, and made the wrong choices that let her go.} But. {Not just that, but I could have jumped over to her rather than Pyrrha. Killed her and taken the magic, jumped to one of her pawns and flown back.}

{Why didn't you?} Yang asks, even though I think we both already know.

{Because that would have taken too long. The city was in danger. Everyone was in danger.} Moral over tactical. {It's stupid. I can win, without all of you. I should, if to spare you the...} The war.

{Ruby.} I start again. {She... she stopped smiling Yang.} I feel Yang going still, somehow. Probably the same 'channel' that tells me her expressions. {Every passing Volume she smiled just a little bit less, and at the end...} I open the sensory feed to Yang's breathing, so I can feel lungs and air moving. So I can breath for a bit. {It's so strange, seeing her smile and laugh so much. To hear you cracking off puns and relaxed, even with the line around your arm.}

{Pyrrha looks like a ghost to me, the most important and impactful memory I have of her is her death.} I snort. {She's worried about people only seeing her as 'The Invincible Girl' and yet all I see is her dying.}

Silence. She's hurting too, from Adam. I shouldn't be a burden on her. {I'm sorry. I shou-}

{It's okay. Just whenever you need to, okay?} Yang asks and pushes me forward. Nudging me to stay open rather than closing off like I want to.

I... I should keep going. {Jaune blames himself. When Pyrrha needed him, she pushed him away and went alone. Like he was a burden. He matured, got better as a leader and more skilled and stuff, but I don't think that ever left him. I think it pushed him forward, even when he didn't know what he was doing.} I chuckle. {Which was most of the time.}

Most... {Nobody knew what they were doing. Not Ruby, who felt like she had to lead. Not Qrow, too used to taking orders and flying solo. Not Ozma who fumbled over centuries and then gave up when he had to confront his past, abandoning everyone. Not James, who was the most stable only to be broken by a specifically crafted play against him.}

And me. {And me. I'm in over my head, Yang. I know we can win, I have plans and stuff that might work, and if it doesn't I'll come up with something that does... but I don't know how Salem, Cinder or any other agents might move. I've never really played the Immortal Game before. If it were just me, I would hide away somewhere, gather resources and do science on magic until I came up with a solution. But it's not just me. And I don't think there's time.}

Yang offers support, why? Why does she... I don't understand. {At least you told us. We can work it out, together.}

{There are a couple of things I haven't told you. One's a cheeky little hack, harmless. Well, actually beneficial that you don't know it, a little bit.} Can I tell Yang? I should. In case I die. {I'm going to tell you, but please keep this a secret, okay?}

{Maybe.} She's a tiny bit hostile towards secrets.

{Okay. So, Ruby didn't use her Silver Eyes on the Leviathan. Not the first time. When she stood on the Queen Lancer and looked at it, tried to call up all the good memories and feeling of protectiveness, she faltered. Penny's death. Pyrrha's Death. You and Blake holding hands with Ren and Nora, like how I found you. Jaune watching Pyrrha's video over and over again. They overwhelmed her. And she was almost right in the jaws of the Grimm.}

{What happened?} I giggle at Yang's almost suspicious tone.

{She called Jinn. Who stopped time. Clever, right?} Yang laughs.

{Nice one Rubes... So she used them after that, right?}

{Yeah, no questions asked or anything, though Jinn did warn her that she wouldn't do that again. And seeing as she is the Relic of Knowledge...}

Yang understands. {You think she won't let us do that, because we know.}

{Pretty much. So, um, if you have to use that hack, make sure you're not the one holding the lamp and calling her.}

{Cheater.} Yang sniggers before frowning. {Funny how simply knowing something causes it to change. That why you haven't told us the second secret?}

I nod. {Yeah. I don't know if it's even true, but if it is, it will make the whole war a lot harder. Knowing it puts the stakes and problems way up.}

{More than everyone in the world dying?} Yang sounds a little concerned about that, as she should be.

{Yes.}

Silence.

{Please don't think what could be worse. I know forbidding someone from doing something is kinda useless, but please try.}

{Okay.} What. Just like that? {I'll try.}

{Why do you trust me?} I accidentally ask. Dammit. I was just wondering why... brain to brain filter? Or did I... Too late. {You said you didn't trust me with Ruby. And... You haven't asked once for me to be pushed over to someone else, even before we learned about my condition.}

It's easy for me to forget we are in a hospital room. Well, infirmary or something.

{I didn't. She was crying and...} Summer. {And then you showed me Mom. Then you stood up to General Ironwood and I realised just how...} Farming. {And then I realised just how bad things must have been for Uncle Qrow to react like...} Death.

She sighs and sums it up for me. {You died for Ruby.} It stings.

{Not just to save her life, but to protect her from something that might only maybe happen.}

It still stings. {I didn't die, Yang. I'm right here.}

{Did you know that?} She counters.

{No.} The word is heavy. {I didn't. I thought I would die, was dying. It was only later, in the soulscape, did I get clever enough to save my life.}

{How bad would it have been if you used 'Nora Storm'?} Bad. {You didn't really go into detail on that one.} For a reason, she is asking.

{Bad.} I confess. {Even with Nora everyone surviving, if Salem realises... Just how much of an impact I can make, we lose one of our major advantages.} I sigh. {Salem and Ozma, they have been playing eachother for thousands of years. And only eachother. They're, for a lack of a better word, stale.}

Yang makes an understanding groan. {Like fighting and training against only one person. You learn eachother's moves and fall into bad habits that anyone else can take advantage of. When we said we wanted to be Huntresses, Dad and Uncle Qrow made sure to put me against a lot of different people. Otherwise our fighting would get 'brittle'.}

Huh. {Brittle. I like that. They're sharp, but if you hit them at an unexpected angle, the break.}

Yang runs though the fighting analogy and applies it to the Immortal Game. {Thousands of years... They must be... Shit.} Her eyes widen. {Don't tell Ruby I swore.}

{I won't.} I smirk back. {Like I said, I don't play chess. I'm here to burn the board that they think is a game. All the rules they have accidentality fallen into, or not. That's why I want Ozma on side, to play Chess against her. Distract her, make her think that the game is as usual, if a little unusual.}

{Salem and Ozpin... They... Nora Storm could have cost us the war.} War. She said the word. A little bit of me dies as Yang admits that we are at war. She exhales a tiny bit as she realises something. {You... You tried to risk the world to protect Ruby.}

I don't reply.

I did, didn't I? Yang continues the logic. {If you saved Vale using Nora Storm, or whatever else the other one was, Salem would know that... that the game has changed. That she needs to take action, now. Hunt us down, or send endless Grimm or something far more dangerous and subtle.}

I try to defend myself. {It wouldn't be the end of the war, just a change from 1v1 with us hidden to an open 2v1. A loud war rather than a quiet one. Probably announce Salem's existence and goals as one of my opening moves. Polarise the world against a single foe, make it clear that things like Mountain Glenn only failed because of her intervention. 'A world free from Grimm.'}

Yang isn't taking the bait. {But you don't know that. Ozpin, he hasn't told everyone about her.}

I sigh. {I know. As brittle as they are, they are still sharp. There are probably good reasons for him keeping this a shadow war, and I think that they might have gone public in a civilisation or two in the past.}

I think Yang is crying. {You... You risked the world to save my sister. Not from dying, just...}

{There are fates far worse than death, Yang.} Again I try to downplay what I tired to do.

{We will protect her.} It's not theoretical, not anymore. {Weiss, she knows what that's like. She'll help and if people learn about Silver Eyes, we will all be there by her side.} I think Yang is trying to hug me, though like her crying it is hard to tell with my disconnected state.

Up.

Red.

I fall.

Red.

I'm bleeding.

Red.

I can't move.

Red.

A nightmare. I fight nightmares.

Re- no

I stand.

Red.

No.

Red.

No. Limbs reattach. Wounds knit together.

Red.

Yang screams.

She falls.

Re- Moment

Time stops.

He is still there, blade vibrating in stopped time. I concentrate harder and that too goes still.

Yang gets up. I give her back her arm. We walk around him and go to Blake.

The Moment slips. Red flashes in the wrong direction, cutting open the building and revealing the basketball court outside. He has already turned to face us.

Red.

It does not touch Yang or Blake, splashing against my torso that stands between them. Attack.

YOL! Fire. He blocks. Block this. FUS!

He impacts the wall, though is still standing. FUS! RO!

The wall behind him shatters, and he is thrown onto his back.

"Get on." I open my wings, Yang and Blake climb on my back.

Up.

The roof is hard, unyeilding. Phaseshift. I relax. "Relax." Deeper. Like rubber it stretches.

Red. My underside is cut open, shards of metal embedded into me. But I am already healing.

Relax. We slip through and rise.

Red- Cease. It vanishes.

Higher, feel the sky running across my body. Smile at the moon. I look down and Beacon tower reminds me of the Imperial City from Oblivion.

Looks like it too.

We land.

Baurus is here, singing. "They say it's the dragon blood that runs through the veins of every Septim. They see more than lesser men."

The Market District. Yang and Blake the Khajiit hop off my back.

The sky turns red. A portal opens. Mehrunes Taurus walks through.

This is not Beacon. I call up a staff and shoot him with it. "Wabbajack."

He collapses, body stretching and straining in a hilarious way, glitching out as the ragdoll fails. A few moments of me laughing later, and there is a red puddle of twisted polygons where Adam Dagon was.

"Here." I pass the Wabbajack over to Yang and she shoots Baurus, who turns into a chicken.

She laughs, and we run around the Imperial City Wabbajacking people.

I wake up, and there is nothing. No light or dark, no up or down. Hot and cold are gone as is every sound and smell. I'm blind.

No, wait. I've just got my eyes closed. A moment to open them an- Why are my eyes moving by them- oh. It takes me a moment to realise what is happening, to remember that this isn't my body. Memories of the nightmare turned dream filter through my mind, and probably Yang's. She has a smile still on her face.

Then she sees the surroundings. A hospital.

She frowns, thinks for a minute, and then finally checks that I'm still here. {What was that?}

Or she could just assume I'm still here. That's right, she can tell when I'm getting a copy of her senses.

{The Wabbajack.} Yang gives a stupid giggle at the name. {A Magic staff that turns whatever it hits randomly into something else. From a game, and place we dreamed of, called Oblivion.}

Yang sniggers again at the stupid name, and it's effect. {You're a horse.} Oh. She's laughing at me.

{ALICORN! Powerful, Majestic, Invulnerable!} Yang sniggers at my sudden rejection of 'horse' as we lay there.

Slowly I come to awareness, making sure Yang isn't shooting down each sense as I turn them on. The bed is warm. A half sterile smell fills the air, the other half being Yang who... didn't have a shower before bed. Sound is-

"Having fun?" Yang suddenly turns her head and looks at Blake in a chair with a book. Did she stay here all night? No, not night. Day. We were up all night fighting, so it's probably evening now. Ah, that's why she skipped a shower.

I'm a parasite on her.

"Wabbajack." Yang mutters.

{That doesn't explain anything, you do realise.} I point out to Yang.

"I'm fine Blake." Yang confirms and gives a warm smile to her girlfriend? Are they dating? I don't know that either.

"You didn't have a nightmare." Blake mentions. Ah, that is what she... "Yuki?"

Yang's smile is half pointed at me now, I think. Shame I don't deserve it. Then again, how long has it been since she had a good night's sleep? I would guess 4 days. She reaches up and grabs the pink line around her arm, something I'm not sure she is aware of. "She's a horse."

{Alicorn.} I argue tiredly back. Already I am done with this. Not just her comment before, but everyone had fun laughing at my expense... No, not weeks ago. A couple of days ago.

That was a long night. Too long. Too much fighting.

I'm still tired.

"Oh sorry! 'Alicorn'." Thank you. Even if you don't sound sorry at at. Her tone drops to something less joyful and teasing. "She fought back." 'I couldn't.' goes unsaid.

Blake frowns slightly, or maybe she just isn't very expressive, but nods. "5 hours. You were asleep a lot longer this time."

5 hours is a lot. How little sleep has Yang been running off? It clicks. That's why her Arua regen was so slow compared to the others. Not just me, but she really was having... It seems this is a regular thing, Yang waking up early and Blake helping her through her mornings. A quote of the Canon floats through my head, but I can't quite remember it. Something Bumblebee shippers got excited about, I think.

I invaded her dreams.

The thought hits me. Somehow. Bullshit Semblance soul magic. Is that what the soulscape is? The same thing as a dream, but faster?

No, it was the other way around. I had the nightmare first and pulled her in. {I'm sorry. I had a nightmare about him first.}

{Nightmare. Good one.} Oh dammit. {And it's fine. I...} She has been having them every time she sleeps, I would guess. {It's fine.} She does sound like she's fine, but I don't know. I can't tell, not as I am at the moment.

Blake goes back to her book, content for the moment that Yang is okay. They'll probably talk later, when I'm not 'listening'. Oh great, another invasion of privacy for me to atone for.

She lays there, and I allow myself to slip into a kind of numb state as I allow Yang to put her thoughts together.

{The moon. It was whole.} Yang finally speaks.

{Yes? Oh. Right. Remnant's moon. Your moon should look something like that in a while. Maybe a few cracks, but otherwise whole.} She snorts. To be honest, I've been avoiding thinking about it. It should have reassembled via gravity by now, right? And it shouldn't be that big/close to the planet. Plus the apparent lack of fossils. Is this world really made by the Brothers?

I have a hard time believing it.

{There's a saying, us non-alien folk have: 'You can't put the moon back together.'} Now it's my turn to snort. {What?}

{I could totally put the moon back together.} Yang gives a disbelieving laugh. {I totally could. Just need some rockets, and the payload being more rockets, then attach them to the chunks and push them together again. Gravity will do the rest of the work.} Maybe Brother Destruction has left some lingering effect on it, or other magic at play. It should be already formed.

Then again, I don't exactly know that much about orbital mechanics and astrophysics. Enough to get started, but beyond that I'm going to have to improvise. A lot.

My rocketry program, if it ever 'gets off the ground' (and that one I blame on me riding with Yang) is going to need a far more energy dense fuel than liquid Hydrogen-Oyxgen rocket fuel. Otherwise this will be a pain to make with such a tight thrust to mass ratio.

{The moon doesn't have gravity.} She claims. {That's how it stays up there.} A sudden exhalation that somehow turns to a cough across the link forces itself out of me at the absurdity. It takes me a moment to recollect myself and then ask a question.

{Does Remnant have tides?} I have to make sure, just incase the moon really doesn't have gravity. Ah, 'Turn the tide against Salem.' James said that, somewhen. Good. I suppose the idea of tides is woven into the narrative. Surfboard's probably exist, and I can totally imagine Yang as a surfer chick.

{Duh.} She confirms and I grin.

{Oh you poor silly simple native.} I 'Pat' her on the head and tease her. She glares at me. {Everything has gravity.} Do photon's have gravity? No, they are affected by it, but have none. No wait, they have energy. E=MC^2, so yes. Uhg. {I see that teaching you primitives how to get into space is going to be a major problem.}

{So why doesn't it fall down then, oh wise alien visitor?} Oh, asking for a physics lesson. I can do that.

{Oh, but it is falling.} I tease before switching to 'teacher mode'. {Imagine two balls, a bowling ball and a marble, on a table. The basket ball is Ea- Remnant.} She sniggers. {It's Remnant and the marble is the moon. Now they are both falling towards eachother, the same 'pull' of gravity on eachother, though because the bowling is so much bigger it only gets pulled a little bit unlike the marble. Following so far?}

{They're both falling, but the moon is falling much faster towards the planet. Got it.}

{Now. I want you to imagine the marble is also moving sideways to the bowling ball. Sideways and falling. In just the right balance that the marble doesn't go flying off, or fall towards the bowling ball. It's 'falling' around the bowling ball in a circular path.}

{Ohhh... But wouldn't the air slow- No, there's no atmosphere in space.} She realises before I explain.

{Precisely. It stays 'falling around' the planet forever. Well, at least until something else happens anyway.} I smirk. {Now apply the same to the Sun. A larger, massive, but far away ball that the planet rotates around. The moon is affected by it, but that is just a very small mass compared to the Sun.}

{So why did you ask me about tides?}

I hmm with a smug expression. Yang rolls her eyes. {The tides form as the moon pulls the water on the planet up towards it.} Yang blinks as she realises what I said. {Everything is affected by gravity. You are right now. And you are exerting a gravitational pull, a slight one, on everything around you.} I want to make a 'you are attracted to Blake' joke, but I'm not sure how it will go over. Oh hell, why not? {As does everything else. It's no lie to say you are attracted to Blake.}

Yang starts coughing and Blake looks over. {Oh, that was a good one. Were you working up to that the entire time?} I suppose it is a bit of a pun, if a nerdy science-y one. I'm just glad she isn't taking it the wrong way.

Too much of 'who I am' has been avoiding conflict, never stepping out of line. {No. But I can be clever. Would you say you are 'falling' for her?}

Yang sits up. "Yang?" Blake asks.

"She's making puns." Yang explains and swings her feet off the bed. Time to start the 'day'. At least after another checkup.

{Nooo! My reputation!} I complain with faux-horror as Yang grins. {Well, that's Terra's moon. I have no idea if yours follows the same physics, but the fact that you have tides is a good sign.}

I do some quick math as Yang gets out of bed. Blake said 5 hours, so that makes it about 11 or 12, so noon. {Let me know when the press conference starts, or if anything else comes up. I need to do some thinking.}

Yang immediately offers her support. Why? Because of Ruby? I don't deserve it. {If you need someone to talk to, I'm not going anywhere.}

Yeah, cause I'm a parasite stuck to you. I want to make a snide comment on how she is unqualified to deal with crazy, but instead. {Thanks. Might be gone a long time, I've... got a lot of work to do.}

Minutes pass as I sit in silence. Waiting.

Yang hasn't called me, so nothing urgent has come up.

I guess it's time to start.

.

I should stop stalling.

.

What the hell is going on with me?

Why do I care so much about Ruby? About making sure she doesn't just live, but is safe and happy?

'She stopped smiling.'

It's just a show. A bad, terrible, poorly written and mess of management of a show. And sure, it was important to me.

But not that important. Not 'You died.' important.

It's not just that. I'm thinking too fast. Far faster than I normally think, almost as if I have...

Snapfire. Do I have Snapfire back? That's...

Ha.

HAHA. No, no way.

Do a check.

I compare my memories of Snapfire to the more recent memories of running through varrious problems that I've had to solve the past few days.

Holy fucking shit.

I've... I've got Snapfire back. How the hell did I not notice that?

My thoughts have been jumping cleanly from data point to data point, conclusion to conclusion, rapidly extrapolating and solving issues without having to go through all the intermediary steps. Just a crackling pulse of hightend thoughts just like befo-

Oh.

That's what has happened.

I'm no longer depressed.

.

Huh.

I've always thought of depression as a personality issue, despite knowing it's a medical condition. Taken medication for it and felt their effects, not that they 'cured' me, just altered the balance a bit. But this?

There were studies done that I looked up that proved that there are real physical changes in a person's brain from depression and bullying, as well as PTSD. Scars efffectively.

No wonder I have Snapfire thinking back, I've been thinking with an entirely new brain. (Or soul or whatever) One without the scars.

Ha, I'm 'young' again.

Which means.

Emotions.

Specifically my reactions. During the wall, I healed a bunch of people, children especially, even though I knew it was costing me Aura, Aura that I might need later. I don't regret it, even though the life that it ended up costing was my own. Even though Cinder is a full Maiden now. It was right, even if it wasn't the most tactically correct.

And Ruby. Flying to save her, to put myself in the line. My self worth is still in the negatives, but I've been reacting differently.

Why did I pick healing over fighting. There is the moral framework, sure, but I didn't really consider the consequences of the action beyond Aura cost. I didn't do a proper assessment of the pros and cons.

I reacted.

I've been reacting more and more. Emotions have been dictating my actions, guiding my way, far more than the cold calcualing logic of a simulation. Of my machine self.

I have empathy again. Not the simulated and amplified kind I have had to use for most of my life, but Real Empathy.

Other Emotions and personal connections are up too. I value people, and look at (some) of them as actual people rather than complex machines to be navigated around.

Depression.

I've lived with it for so long that I'm freaking out because I suddenly don't have it. I just didn't realise how dead I was before, and the sudden shift from broken brain to... 'soul'... has thrown me more than my desperate attempt at a slow recovery on Terra did.

So that's it then. I'm cured. It might have even been Growth, the first time I used it. Or Aura's native healing factor. Or more likely, the fact I am no longer using 'grey matter' to think. Uhg, that is a whole 'nother field of study I need to get into. Soul mechanics.

But. Ha. Hahaha! I can! I can get into it! I have the ability to think clearly now!

Oh, thank you Amber. I'm sorry, but thank you.

I guess I didn't lose your gift after all.

'For the first time in forever I'm alive!'

4 pm.

And my Aura sits at 0.0%.

Not good. Really not good.

After then announcement of my death (oh no I'm ded) and getting martyred, Glynda gave the population the line of bullshit on why the attack started. Oh yes, the Virus totally jumped over and began wrecking havoc on all the digital systems all by itself, but rest assured we have fixed it now. Just make sure to update your devices and stuff.

The Vale council is already drafting cybersecurity laws to implement, and I know that Atlas is doing the same. Though they were doing it before, with the Knights and stuff, this incident has given James the push he needs to do a full rework of Mantle's civilian digital infrastructure rather than just the military.

I hope he slept.

Hmm.

Weiss and Blake are getting up on stage to throw shade at the Red Fang, with Blake coming clean about her past. It's kind of hard to watch, but she stands strong and Weiss is right there beside her, which helps sell it to the crowd. Why would the Schnee Heiress stand next to a White Fang Terrorist? Well, that there are Red and White now, that Blake has come around and is all but pleading people to choose the better path.

Adam will probably try to push the idea that Blake is a sellout, living as Weiss' pet or some other racist bullshit. Ha, bullshit. From Adam, that's a pun. Dammit Yang, I'm getting infected.

JNPR joins them on stage and Weiss starts as they announce their project. Death of a friend, didn't know Yuki well, all should aspire to be heroes. This is a good speech, so much so I'm almost tempted to think that Ozma helped her with it. Though, considering it's Weiss, she can write her own speeches. Also the group's problem is Ozma is still there. Wait. That isn't right. They aren't starting immediately?

Ah, seems that Weiss has decided to go to Atlas first, before then coming back to Vale. Well, it's her project, I can't (and shouldn't) micromanage everything, especially in my state. Great, now I'm thinking how useless I am.

After the press conference they group wander back into the back room behind the stage where everyone else is waiting. Well, Glynda, Qrow, Yang and Ruby. Ruby has been looking a little worried at Yang, seems she knows about her medical stay now.

Weiss, heh, I think she threw in 'honouring the Schnee name' or something as a last line. The Gele will lap that up until we break him. But that doesn't matter at the moment. What does matter is how her mask falls off the moment the doors close, revealing just how tired she feels. {A joke, if you please Yang.} I start. {Now the depths of my cunning plan are revealed, as I didn't need to go up on stage with you.}

"So, that is two you owe me then." Dammit. At least she is half smiling. "I'll be sure to add it to your growing account."

{Note to self, stop trying to fight Weiss. She is far too g- Hey Yang, don't echo this!} There we go. Smile Weiss, and not in that fake way.

I flick over to focus on Blake.

{Can you thank Blake for me, Yang? That must have been hard.} I pushed her to throw away her dream, her-

"Thank you, but it's okay, really." Blake seems genuine.

{But your dream? Moving away from your past so you can start a new life, a better one?} I recall her reply to Dr. Oobleck in Mountain Glenn, when he asked everyone why they wanted to be Huntresses.

She smirks and makes a joke, though I can see the slight uncertainty in it. "Seems you misread the text. My 'dream' was to help people. I thought being a Huntress was the best way to do that." She looks out through a window, some people are milling about there, but the security is preventing any extra nosy reporters from catching a sneak peek behind the scenes. "This will help people."

Yeah it will. Once I get her some Terran tech, Menagerie is going to become a bit of a powerhouse. Whoosh alone would do that. Reverse Osmosis, or the cheaper and easier Vacuum Distillation will help clean water. After that, electromagnetics for weapons and vehicles, and plasma. With plasma, Ion Implantation for Silicon wafers to make micro electronics would be the next best step I think.

Not that this will be easy. Salem will be looking at us now. Really looking.

Back to Beacon. I think Team RWBY and JNPR need their own super dorm or meeting room. Maybe commandeer a staff room from somewhere, something with a TV for display and stuff. Hmm, do the dorms have TV's? I seem to remember Yang and Ruby playing a video game somewhere, using their scrolls as controllers.

Well, we won't be here for much longer. Beacon has stopped the classes early this year, and we leave in a couple of days. Despite the sudden relief from Mistral, they had already sent over their passenger airships while these aircraft are sitting ready to act the moment another Grimm attack flares up.

A couple of days. I need to get my head together. I flick off my senses and start vaguely thinking in that direction. As much as 'I'm no longer depressed' explains a lot of things, there is the entire problem of 'waking up in Remnant' that I have been desperately trying to solve by watching and learning as much stuff as I could during the gaps. Oh, and there's my self worth issues. And my nigh-manipulative method of interacting with people. And my-

{Hey, have you started?} Yang disrupts me slightly.

{No, not really. What's up?} The tone of my words shows that it's alright, but also how tired I am. Sleep only helped a little bit.

{We were just talking, and wondering what're your colours.} Colours?

{Like my favourite or what?} There's a jitter I can't read before she replies.

{Like Ruby is red, black and silver. Weiss is White, blue and red. Like that.} Oh. Those colours. {We're trying to come up with a name for you.}

{A name. Right, faking my death. If Cinder picks up that I survived, if people around talk like Yuki Tenno is alive.} I sigh.

{Yeah. And you said you didn't like Yuki.} She hangs for a moment. {We kind of don't like how Ozpin gave you that name either.} I snort. Fair enough. {Why not something from Terra?}

She's not asking me for a Terran name, but rather why I don't want to use one. {Terra is colourless in it's names. Mostly. I mean, there are people who have names like Ruby or Sapphire, but those are more about the gemstones. Most of them aren't coloured, both first and last. And changing your name is a bit big thing, at least offline.} I push my thoughts towards explaining a bit more. {We haven't had a colour war, no Grimm. There is... Was a bit of cultural shift when I left.}

{Do you miss home?} She asks. That's something I have to ask myself.

{It wasn't ever really home. Home was... Somewhere else. Something I lost.} Stupid backstory. Stupid brain. Stupid choice and stupid world. {Probably why I'm taking waking up here so well, though that is one of the things I have to work through.}

Yang leaves it alone, thankfully. I suppose she understands working through your own stuff. {So. What are your favourite colours then?} Favourite.

{Ask Weiss what I think about favourite things.} I refer her to Weiss and wait. Wait. And wait.

Huh, I could almost get bored here, waiting for Weiss to explain the fact that I don't have favourites, just assessments. Or do I now? What even is a 'favourite'? My running theory is something based on positive connotations from memories or events, but that's just a personal theory and one I haven't really put much time into analysing. Too busy making myself not feel at all.

It takes a little while before Yang speaks again. I'm not listening in on her senses right now, too much me stuff to work through.

{I...} Yang's voice is a bit pained. Weiss is done then. {Nothing?}

{I don't want to step on Blake's or Weiss' colours, but Black and White.} Not because they are my favourites, but... {Black absorbs the most light, converting it to heat. White reflects the most light, minimizing heat gain and increasing visibility.}

I snort. {Course, if I had it my way, I would also include Alpha, AKA Transparency. My 'favourite colours' come from the optical properties of colour. Like in pigment white is blank and black is all colours mixed together, but in light black is empty and white is all. I do tend to think more in light than in pigment, so black is my base.} Ehe. {There is also true grey, but that's only because it's perfectly between white and black. Though that's hard to get because to see it, it has to be lit. Which alters what colour it is depending on the light source's intensity and colour.} I shake. {I'm rambling. Sorry.}

{It's fine.} Is it, Yang? I sit in my room and cry. Work out what is wrong with me.

I don't even have my own body to do that.

Oh. I'm having a breakdown now then.

{What about materials?} She asks. {Like, Pine or Slate.}

{Glass. Crystal. Something transparent to make a lens out of.} I reply before snorting at the idea. {Something for another colour to be amplified through, but inherently colourless on it's own. Look at Paradigm Shifts. I helped you all shine brighter.} My words are a tad bitter. I helped you but I can't help myself.

{Or empty space. Sorry, I'm not really helpful right now. I'm just.} Not a person. {Maybe after I've sorted my head out, I'll have something. Maybe I'll have one of my own and I'll have to throw away whatever name you lot give me. Or I'll make it a middle name or something.}

{You better not.} She's dropping the topic, but they are still going to name me.

{Uhg, fine. Any other questions before I head off?}

{Nah, we're good. See you later.} Yang snorts. {I almost forgot that you're here, not some scroll call in my head.}

I have a stupid joke. I alter my voice via the amazing power of not having vocal cords, and speak in a calm, soothing, irritating, monotone. {I'm sorry, but the number you have dialed has been disconnected. If you would like to leave a message, please do so after the tone. BEEP.} Well, Yang thinks it's funny.

I wait.

And wait.

And make sure there are no last minute things Yang needs.

Well, another last minute thing Yang needs.

Okay.

I should be good.

Earth is gone.

.

Not destroyed, but getting back is... How would I cross the multiversal barrier? That's assuming I'm in another universe and not in a coma, which is probable. I don't think my coma dreams would result in so much pain.

Red.

Adam... took me apart piece by piece.

Later. Earth. Gone.

Can I get back? Do I want to? How do I feel about it? My mind immediately turns to psychology, the basic loss effect, but I push it back. No, no logic this time.

How do I feel about it?

.

hollow

empty

Four days of very good distractions and I... I miss Earth. Not it's people, but the culture I was part of. Remnant seems like Earth a lot, but that's just surface level stuff. I miss advertisements, as stupid as it is. 'People like grape'? 'Udder satisfaction'? The branding here is so basic. The advertisements show a lack of art and skill in pulling people's attention.

I don't like ads, but this is like looking at a novice trying to make memes...

And memes. References. Jokes. If I tried to make a Star Wars reference here, how many would get it? Do some Yoda speak, and they'll probably look weird at me. Joke about Schrodinger's Cat, and people wouldn't get it. Nobody here would get it.

'Did you know you have a dead cat in your room?' 'Well I Do Now, Don't I?'

I laugh. And laugh. And laugh and cry. And cry. And cry. My face isn't wet, because there are no tears. My eyes are not crying, because I don't have any.

Am I alive and dead? Hahah...ha...ha.

.

People. My family. How do I feel about that?

Relief.

I guess I'm a bad person. Family and friends were more obligations than anything. There's a feeling of loss there, but it's mechanical. The feeling of loss comes from the disconnection, from parts of my mind trying to keep an eye on them. Between my parents splitting up and the ongoing hostility between my dad and everyone else, it's a relief I'm no longer stuck in the middle of that.

Friends? They were all online and I wasn't really talking much to them anyway. They have their own lives and I pulled myself as they became busier. No need to waste time with me.

I sigh. That's my self worth issues cropping up again. Something that is hitting me here, in Remnant. I think I hurt Ruby, when I freaked out a couple of days ago and flew off. Before Qrow flew up and helped me. Ha, I said I wanted to be a Tenno.

He probably thought I was going to say Huntress, or at least that's the common response.

But what does that even mean? What does 'Tenno' mean? Badass space ninja with way, way too much customisation for me to handle. Tenno... They loot and kill a lot of people. Grineer and Corpus, clones and slaves.

Is that what I aspire to be?

'Dream. Not of what you are, but of what you want to be.'

No. Not that side of Tenno. Lore Tenno. The protectors of the people, of Cetus and Fortuna, of rescue missions and sabotage missions to prevent the Queens from testing their new cannons on civilian targets. Railjack missions where I wipe out orbital checkpoints and help people move from place to place again.

The Tenno of quests like Saya's Vigil, The Glast Gambit and seasonal events. Bosses who hurt the people. I've been listening to Sargas Ruk too much.

They turned on the Orokin for their crimes.

Inaros stayed on Mars to defend the people there, as they were being taken by the Orokin.

Gara sacrificed herself to save the Unum, a Tower that cared.

Styanax coming to the call of a little girl to fight of an infested monstrosity.

'We don't know what that means, so I guess you'll just have to show us.' Qrow, he.

Nobody knows my culture, the stories I grew up with. The legends like Master Chief, Samantha Carter, Kain and Raziel, Lara Croft, Rika and Renamon, Gordon Freeman, Chara and Sans, Harry Dresden and John Constantine (who I always get mixed up somehow.) and so many others.

Because that's what they are now. Stories. I can't play them ever again, watch them ever again. The only copy of them here exists in my head.

And I am forgetting.

I always was, that's just how life works. The only difference is that I can't refresh my memories of them anymore.

Ha. So this is what 'last of x' feels like. No wonder Vegeta is so pissed at Goku all the time. No wonder Sasuke went on a revenge kick. Not that I am the last, but I am isolated. Totally alone.

Do I want to go back? If I could push a magic button an- ha. No. Maybe when the war gets bad, if I ever allow that to happen, I might regret it. But no.

I don't want to go back. I'm just reeling from the loss of Earth, from my connection to the culture there being severed. Homesickness. It's only been 4 days and it'll probably get worse.

I'm okay then. Just, unbalanced a bit. Well, more than a bit. If that were my only mental issue then it would only be a bit.

I sigh.

My self worth.

I probably hurt Ruby, almost definitely did, when I said I couldn't be friends.

I should make sure.

{Hey Yang, you busy?} Please don't be. I'm sorry for interrutping you. Uhg, this is why I don't like messaging people.

Whatever they are doing is more important than me. {Nope, what's up?}

{I'm sorry, but... I hurt Ruby, didn't I? When I said we couldn't be friends.} I wait. Guilt gnaws at me, regret for asking something both obvious and something that will lower Yang's mood.

Yang finally replies after five very long seconds. {Yeah, you did.} Idiot, of course I did. {But it was pretty clear it wasn't about her after you left. Uncle Qrow and I had a talk with her after, just to make sure.}

Idiot. {Why would she want to be friends with me. I've violated her... all of your privacy.}

{Still hung up on that?} What. No, don't YOU DAR- stop. Explain.

{Yes... no. I'm using it as a shield to try and stop myself from... I can't have friends.} I'm not good enough. {I'm sorry, I'm probably ruining your evening. I'll talk to you later, maybe.}

Stupid. Just because I wake up in a new world and 'get a fresh start' doesn't mean my problems suddenly go away. I've already learned that lesson from all the moving I did. Schools and houses, we all carry our cages with us.

This isn't a work of fiction where you can just go 'Oh, I have a problem.' and suddenly it's solved. Epiphany Therapy isn't real, and if it works, then I probably didn't have that problem to begin with. Ha- no. Bad thought. Thinking on the repercussions of how things might be if it were real won't help me now except as a distraction.

{Ruby says she's been thinking of you kinda like you're like a character from a comic, the ones from a bad timeline who come back to save everyone.} Yang's voice takes me off guard, I thought I made it clear I was done talk..ing to... her.

She. {You echoed me.} So much for privacy. But, who am I to complain about a lack of privacy, I live in someone else's head.

Then her words hit. And I have to start laughing. Oh god, I am aren't I? Not exactly, but here I am moping about a world lost, with knowledge and technologies unheard of in this time, angry at people for truths they never uncovered and here to help them from... {That's dumb. Ruby's Dumb... You guys have comics like that here too?}

{Yep.} Yang pops the P, and again my thoughts flicker to how that is impossible as she isn't using her mouth. {Ruby says it's not dumb. She's pouting.}

She's echoing me, but I don't want to look at them. Though I can imagine Ruby, the cheerful pre-Fall Ruby, pouting. {She shouldn't look up to me, you know. I'm no hero.}

{Jaune and Ruby say otherwise.} There's a hint of laughter to that, they might have disagreed at the same time.

{I cheated. Magic, foreknowledge, stolen body.}

{Given to you. Pyrrha says she saw you, with Amber. And that's she's had a lot more 'intrusive fans'.}

{Stop. Please.} I whine. Acceptance hurts. Please stop.

{Weiss says she wishes someone was listening when she sang, and she's glad that someone was.} I immediately understand what she means. How many of the crowd clapped and thought it was a nice show, not understanding the real pain in it.

{Ren says thank you for the advice, that it helped.} Unlikely. At most only a little. {And Nora too. They're dating now, case you didn't know.}

{I didn't.} What have I done? I just... tried my best.

{Jaune is asking if your not a Huntress, how can he be a Huntsman?}

{That's cruel. How dare you.} Very real anger flares up in me at the hostile attack. No. Idiot. Stop, hold back the anger, it's not a healthy way of dealing with things. {He can be a Huntsman where as I can't because I cheated. I've never been in any real danger.}

And now Yang is smiling at the double standards I know I'm setting. {Weiss says: 'Your lack of body says otherwise.'}

Shut up! {I'm not canon!}

{'Nor am I.' Pyrrha.} That stabs at me. No, I don't want Pyrrha to die, how DA- not good. Really not good. I'm getting psychosomatic stress responses. Crackling waves of heat sweeping across my back, my skin becoming itchy, jerky muscles twitching. I'm having an anxiety attack. I don't even have a body and 'my body' is reacting.

{I'm too old.} I whimper.

{How old are you?}

{27-ish.} Almost 27. A decade older than them anyway. Far too old, that's like a third more than-

{Ren: 'Sorry, but your not my type.'} SHUT UP! {Nora wants you to stop moping.} GO AWAY!

Stop. Please stop. I don't even know if I'm begging Them or me at this point. Just stop.

{You've only known me for at most 4 d-}

{Ruby knew Penny for less.} I gasp, a paradoxical hollow intake of air that doesn't exist. {And I don't really care. You put my sister first, helped her remember Mom, pushed all of us to get better.}

{i'm not the hero she thinks i am} i barely speak

{Tough. Now come on out. Blake's read a book called 'The Man with Two Souls' and apparently we need to take turns being in control or you'll go crazy. Oh, she's probably the one who understands what you're going through most by the way. Says she's sometimes fantasised about waking up in one of her books, though she's had to rethink a bit of it to add 'realistic consequences'.}

{She didn't use the word 'fantasise' did she?} Distract. Run away. Hide.

Yang's a bit smug. {Nope.}

Suddenly I'm awake. The world is bright and colourful, the sounds loud and constant. Clothing sits on my skin and my lungs are freaking out breathing weirdly. "Ah! Yang! Take it back!"

{Nope.} Yang pops from inside my head.

I flex MY Semblance and am safe in the dark again.

Only to be out in the light again. "Stop that!" My skin is screeching with anxiety and panic, breathing... I can feel the inside of my lungs. Everything itches and I begin convulsing under long remembered actions. Old movements when I lay crying in bed, repeated over and over again, getting faster and faster until they are less movement and more ingrained twitch.

"Yang?" Ruby asks. She looks worried.

"No." I grit Yang's teeth and focus.

Dark.

{Don't do that.} I seethe with rage. Yang stills at my words, and the sheer anger coming off them.

'How did she do that?' The less enraged part of me asks. Amber. I could use Growth, and I can use my 'hosts' Semblance. Seems they can use mine too.

Finally she speaks. {Are you okay?}

{NO I'M NOT FUCKING OKAY! WHAT PART OF CRAZY DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND? i'm sorry, i shouldn't yell. i'm sorry please don't yell at me} SHUT UP ME!

{I-}

{YOU CAN'T JUST YANK SOMEONE AND SHOVE THEM INTO THEIR WORST NIGHTMARE! everything itches can't stop too hot too cold too }

{I'm sorry, I-}

{OH! SHE'S SORRY! WELL THAT MAKES EVERYTHING ALL BETTER. I'M SORRY OFFICER, THAT MEANS THE DEAD WILL GET BACK UP ANY SECOND NOW!... NO? THEY STAY DEAD? WOW! WHODDATHUNKIT? Stop. Stop. This isn't helping.} I grip the rage with my Will and force it still.

{My apologies Yang. I shouldn't have gone off at you. You, and everyone else, were just trying to help.} So much for all the good will I had before. I'm worthless. Can't even take a compliment without breaking down.

Yang sits silent, but not for that long. {This is a big thing for you, isn't it?}

Calm. No, not calm, but focused. {Yes. I have negative self worth. Not zero, negative. If I consider my presence to be an active detriment to everyone around me, unless I am preforming some task or service for them. Even then, the moment I stop, or preform sub-optimally, then their time and effort is assessed as better spent elsewhere.}

There you go, the root of all my problems. Some of them anyway.

She's probably echoing it to everyone, something I don't really want to happen. I don't even want to talk about it.

It doesn't matter.

Except it does. I can't run away. I literally cannot move away. Not without... {Again, get Jaune to give me a boost and I'll find somewhere else to-}

{No.} She cuts me off.

{I am active detriment to your-}

{No, your not.} Half controlled anger flares up again. {You're just got issues, we all do.}

{You are now holding me hostage against my will.} A bit of rage slips out, colouring the words with hostility.

{I don't think you mean that. I mean, you could forcibly take control of me and leave.} Yes, techically true.

But. {I am currently restrained by my promise to Qrow.}

{So you care about him too.} No, you idiot.

{I care about my word. About keeping my promises. How else are people suppose to trust something like me if I can't even...} I promised that everything would be okay to Amber.

I

lied.

I promised everything would be okay to people at the wall. People who had no real chance of making it once I left. Lie and inspire.

{I lied Yang.} I think I'm crying. {Amber, I said everything was going to be okay. I told children on the wall that things would be alright, even as I watched their parents die. I held broken people freshly physically fine, who will now always flinch at loud bangs and cracks. I chanted Weiss' song as I knew it was false.}

Why? Oh, me of course. {The children, there were only there because I put them there. Because I needed EVERYONE to fight. Because I rallied the city through James and Weiss to fight, because parents wouldn't want to lose their kids in the mass of crowd of an overpopulated city, not while the Grimm were starting to bleed in. Not while everyone was needed to stand and fight. Total War, total. Not 'the adults only', TOTAL.}

Emptiness 'fills' me. {I paid lives to protect you, too many lives. And in the end, we had to use Silver to win. Go ask Qrow, Yang. Go ask the price for Ruby's safety, and then realise that she isn't safe. None of you are safe.}

Guilt. That's an emotion I'm familiar with, even if never at this... level. This intensity.

{Salem-} Yang starts.

Cut her off. {If I were stronger. Cleverer. Faster, anything, then I wouldn't have to have spent that. I could have started with Silverlight. I could have opened with Starfire if I were cleverer. But no, I made a call and people are dead because of it.}

I scoff. {I don't even know why this is bothering me so much. People were always going to die, not unless I was perfectly competent. Empathy, I haven't had Empathy in so long... Now all I can see is...}

'Wake up! Please wake up!' He looks up at me, he doesn't understand why his dad isn't moving. He should have never been there, but we needed people to move boxes and pass food. The loaf of bread is dirty on the ground now, still warm and steaming. Like the insides of the boy's father's chest, open to the air.

Then he asked me to heal him.

A bitter laugh passes in this no-space. If my self worth before I arrived was bad, now look at it. Numb thinking the world was a dream the first time, and desperately trying to numb myself by thinking of it as fiction the second.

But fiction doesn't bleed. Red doesn't come out of each letter on the page, doesn't pour out the bottom of the movie screen. The screams come from nice little places where the speakers are, diluted in their variation by budget and loudness by a little dial. Smoke and shit don't stain the insides of your lungs and nose. Little shards of concrete and glass don't crinkle under your feet and knees as you get down and... stick my hands into open ribs, put them back in place to save just a little bit more magic, to heal just a little bit more.

And the fear. To force myself to be aware of every sound, to not just hear but listen, in case one of those monsters comes back and I have to defend myself. I used to fall asleep to a war soundscapes, let myself drift away with the sound of guns and violence.

I suspect now if I tried that, I would desperately try to pinpoint every action, build a map of the chaos in my head, be aware of every sound, for every foe, for every screaming and gurgling person as I rush to another and try to save them before they chock to death on their own blood or scream as shards of glass are revealed to be fire Dust going off inside their guts after the crate explodes from some accident or desperate attempt to kill the Grimm that never stop coming no matter how much fire I give them because even as they die more come to kill without mercy or hesitation in an endless wave of black teeth and claws and spine and feather sticking out of my chest that I must not block because it's cheaper to heal myself and I need to Aura to make sure the Huntress gets up and shoots the box even though the man carrying it wasn't far enough away because he tripped and his head fell off while his wife is screaming his name trying to do something, anything to save him while she hits me screaming at me because I can't heal dead only living, barely living and she said save her twins and they say save our mother and I can't save them all so I save the twins and they hate me and their mother thanks me as the blood pours out from her legs making the ground a giant red puddle glimmering with broken glass I pulled out of a dozen corpses to throw a the hungry black only to see it bounce off the white bone plate revealing my mistake that costs the grinning woman with a Dust grenade laughing as she is surrounded because 'You fuckers are coming with me.' before she winks and me and he says 'Give them hell, Tenno.' before he stabs the crystal into himself and starts screaming in pain and rage lashing out with fire flowing from his mouth as the Dust in her body ignites before I can pull the crystal out and save her head from exploding and ejecting bone shards into my torso that I have to pull out and spend even more Aura that could have been used to save... save... save no-one because I died.

I died.

People are still screaming