“I am the beginning of the end”.

It was 10 in the morning when my state of contemplating began.

The mere fact of being cheated on was the worst feeling anyone can feel… trusting that someone for the longest time that you have known, suddenly you had to cut everything off.

Even my prescriptions can't handle the emotions that I'm currently in. All I wanted was to just pass the day without the knowledge that I have in my mind. No matter how much I want to end it all.

Suddenly I hear a ring on my discord…

*ring ring*

…

*ring ring*

…

I check the username and I see on the screen…

💬

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**Winter is calling you **

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I don't even know why I ranted to him about my situation with my ex.

Guess at that time, he was the only one I had that I can really trust, even tho he already confessed his feelings for me and I had to reject him because of my current circumstance at that time. I still did my best to remain faithful to my ex, even if I already knew something was going on behind my back…

But never in my life, I would expect that I will be cheated on by someone while we were off for 3 months, he already was able to move on and with someone…while here I am following the "3-month rule"...

(What is the post-breakup 3-month rule? it means is that all parties previously linked must wait three months before dating again. The reason for this societal dictation is to give the people involved a breather, some lead time, and maybe a little room for forgiveness.)

... And yet I thought he will be decent enough for it, cause I t cared about me, and … yeah sure count the fact that one of his bitches chats me and slaps my face on chat to say " You should be ashamed of yourself that he trusts his ex more than his girlfriend."

It was the most toxic thing that I have ever heard someone say to me, without knowing me first.

I don't know why… I had to put myself up for years…three, tormentful years. There was a moment of happiness, but I gueess that might be artificial, just for the sake he can get what he wants …I hate having this doubt in my head, like looking for a sense of morale just to justify or to say "I'm sure there was still a moment that he meant what he said, or that he was true to his emotions?"

But then why didn't he just tell me that he is with someone else, when we were getting back together? Why were you hiding me from her?

*ring ring*…*ring ring*

Okay, screw it winter.

*answers discord call*

"Hey, Cara... How are you holding up right now?" [yeah sure try not to cry...we both know where this bottle will go...] I wish I can be there to comfort you, it's this stupid quarantine...are you ok?".

"I'm not okay obviously...this is just fucking stupid and frustrating at the same time. I don't know where I have gone wrong...or what the fuck is wrong with me...I don't even know why I didn't see this coming!"

"*sights* it is not your fault ok? that guy is an asshole. I know you love him and you just did everything for him. He's the problem, not you."

"I know... but [ok here come the freaking tears] why didn't he just tell me that he's with someone already! Not only I was cheated on, I feel bad for the girl! Trust me I have no issues with the woman... it..fuck!! *throwing tantrums to the table*."

"I mean fuck ... I don't want this to pass...I don't want this to be left out and let other people know that he is the damn 'good guy'...the world should know who he really is."

"Well, what are you planning to do?"

... I have a lot in mind that I want to do for revenge...my adrenaline and my hormones are raging at this moment... I have this all bottled up for the longest of time in this relationship but it just ended up with me having both PTSD and stress disorder and on top of that anxiety attacks and bipolar episodes... just great another add-on of being 'me'.

"You know what...I want to see this girl... I already have an idea who she is, considering when he hides a lot on his profiles... plural ... like multiple of it...I see there is a specific girl who likes his posts.

I just notice some of his recent profile pics... the aura of his pictures was...different.. like he is not the type who takes pictures that way...not saying he takes them badly... just it is different when someone else takes it." a few scroll downs later in Facebook "found her."

And there she was... she's...this just infuriates me. I mean ... she really intimidates me in a way, but not the bad kind... it's probably the envy...body figure and clothing, she definitely has it.

"What are you doing Cara?"

"I'm stalking the girl...she does mean photography...the bike...oh the necklace...*flashback* I saw the necklace on his desk with her picture on it*

"Yeah I'm 100% sure this is his current girlfriend. I'm positive about this".

I tried to browse her profile on Facebook, her name is Maelyn. She is working as a supervisor to one of the leading and there I saw her MD features... the times when I wasn't allowed to visit him back then...those weird scheduled times that I can sleepover in his place and why he rushes me to leave the next morning and guilts me with his mom.

It was because he was with her...So if 'she' wasn't the person who was buying him the new gadgets and clothes, it must be her.

"Cara you shouldn't be torturing yourself like this. You already have confronted him... Just block him off and give yourself time... not like this."

"Look this is just unfair for the girl who barely knew my existence...plus I'm part of his stupid scheme and I didn't ask for it!"

"Well, you can't just barge into her life and just drop this on her. I know you mean well Cara, but I really think this is a bad idea!"

I gave it a thought to be honest since I know she will not probably listen to me...all I know at the moment is that she deserves the truth... She needs to know about him, I don't want her to go through the same hell as I did. No one deserves that.

"Trust me Winter... okay? I will just compose my self-thoughts...and then I will send her a message. Please don't drop the call on me?"

"Don't worry I'll be right here. Just take your time. Let me just fix my stuff from work and get some coffee."

Now... how the hell can I make it easier for her to know about her boyfriend?