Aftermath

They both let the silent settle in the room. It was not awkward, more restoring like. It gave time for Matt to calm down and AJ to rule his temper.

"I'm glad I was here…," AJ confessed when he thought the moment was right. He then placed a friendly hand over the guy's shoulder to emphasize what would follow. "Count on me for whatever you two need. I'll always have my door open for you, ok?"

Matt bit his lip and nodded. He knew AJ was one of the good ones when he saw him manage the store as a safe-haven for everyone that was into music, but he never would have imagined this level of support from a guy that barely knew him for more than a couple of weeks. The assurance in his eyes was something Matt didn't know he needed until he saw it shine in him.

He had been leading a battle on his own for so long that he had forgotten what other people's support could do for someone. It meant the world to him knowing that maybe it would be alright to share his thoughts with someone else. He wouldn't be betraying Corey by doing so, and he couldn't deny the way his heart kept beating faster by only feeling AJ's hand over his shoulder.

AJ was an alright guy.

Actually, AJ was an awesome guy.

"I'll never be able to thank you enough," he added in a whisper. "If you hadn't opened..."

"Don't think about it anymore. Nothing happened. I was here, and he was safe with me." AJ quickly diverted his line of thinking, not wanting him to dwell on it for more than he already must have these past two weeks.

Matt nodded in relief and let go a deep, cleansing breath for the first time in weeks. All of his fears and nightmares left him. Somehow, hearing the musician say it helped him confirm what he already knew. Corey had been safe at the store, and he would always be if needed be.

"He must have been so scared all by himself," Matt reflected.

For a moment, AJ doubted about sharing the details of Corey's state when he got to the store, but he ended up opting for a mild version of the events. "Yeah. I almost got a heart attack when I heard banging on the door, but when I saw the creep, I understood."

The discomfort was evident in Matt. His scowl deepened as he shifted in his place, trying to find a better position. Silently, he reached out for his beer and drank half the bottle in one go, needing the distraction from more harmful thoughts.

"Hey," AJ decided to try his luck. "After the guy was gone, Corey had some sort of meltdown and I tried to help, but I think I made it worse," the remorseful look on his face made Matt smile in relief for having him open the door and not someone with less kindhearted intentions.

"He had a panic attack?" He questioned, scrunching his nose.

The musician had wanted to spare him the details, but he guessed there was no turning back now. "I guess. He had trouble breathing and kept shaking. He wouldn't let me touch him or help him in any way. It was pretty intense, and I gotta admit I was out of my depth there." He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Yeah, those are not fun to watch." Matt added, lost in thoughts for a while. "He hadn't had one of those in a while. Fuck! It's like going back to square one!" Before AJ had the time to question him about it, he countered. "What did you do?" 

Using as few words as he could, AJ told him what had happened and how Corey had reacted to all of his attempts to calm him down. Contrary to what the musician would have expected, his student didn't look distressed at all. In fact, he started grinning as if he had just learned the biggest secret ever and couldn't wait to tell everyone.

AJ frowned and raised a questioning eyebrow that only made Matt burst out laughing for the first time since he got there. He rested his head back with his hands on his thighs.

"Did you seriously tell him to calm down? He was having a panic attack!" He stated, with a smug on his face AJ wanted to erase as he felt his cheeks burned hot. "The whole point of a panic attack is that you can't calm down. How do you expect him to do it only by telling him?" It wasn't a judgmental comment, it was more of a juvenile tease that bruised AJ's ego a little but made him happy to witness the infamous crooked smile flourish once again.

"Well… I've never been in that position," he justified with a shrug. "I don't know what to do with someone in the middle of a panic attack. He wouldn't even let me touch him to calm him down."

"Ok, ok. I get it. I'm sorry." Matt tried to sober up from all the laughing. "As for the touching… that's a Corey's thing and you should never do it, panic attack or not." AJ frowned, but Matt didn't give him time to interrupt. "But! When someone's having a panic attack, they are not in control of their emotions and their body reacts in a flight or fight response to what it interprets as a life-threatening experience; even when there is no such thing."

"You talk as if you really know how this stuff works. Ever had one yourself?"

Matt shook his head no. "It's just… it's not Corey's first attack, and I've always been the one to calm him down." All humor died again as the younger guy receded to the depths of his mind. "Whenever he's like that, he just needs to feel safe. He needs to know he's not alone, and that whatever is happening, it will pass and he will be well again." He locked eyes with the musician and shrugged. "There is really no magic recipe or anything. Don't ask things he obviously can't do. Don't treat him like an alien and don't make him believe it is his fault or that he's imagining things. He just needs assurance."

AJ nodded silently, going back to that night. The blond guy had truly calmed down when he let him know he wouldn't leave him alone. Of course, most of the calming down had happened when he played for him. AJ couldn't help the ghost of a smile and bit his tongue to keep it from turning into a grin, but knowing Corey had felt the same connection as him—at least on some level—was mind-blowing. Corey had felt what he was trying to convey through the music and calmed down from his panic attack; he felt safe.

"What did you do to calm him down?"

"Like you said," AJ looked away. "Just tell him I was with him and wouldn't leave." A gush of guilt hit him for lying to the guy, but he didn't feel like sharing that part of the story just yet. Plus, it would probably do no good. "That and assuring him the man was gone."

Matt nodded and drank the other half of his beer. It was good to know Corey had been in competent hands, regardless of how inexperienced, but he had meant well and did everything he could to help. Now, Corey was fine, thanks to the musician; physically, at least.

"Hey, what did you mean by going back to square one?" AJ ventured asking before the candid sharing moment was gone.

Matt took a deep breath. It must have been no mystery for AJ that Corey struggled with deeper things than what had happened that night, which rendered almost useless to try to hide it from him. If anything, it could even be harmful for him to not know at least part of the story, in case he ever was in a similar situation with Corey again.

Matt reflected on the options silently.

The matter of Corey's inner battles was never an easy subject for him. Even with Corey himself, it was impossible to talk about it. Corey had always been a guarded guy—at least for the last two years—, and trying to address the subject had turned into a sore topic, even between them. Matt, not wanting to put any extra pressure on his sensitive soulmate, always stepped back and let things be.

As things were, he had to tell something to the musician. He could tell him all about it, but Corey would probably lose it if he knew he was sharing their personal businesses. Plus, it wasn't his story to tell. Only Corey could decide what he wanted to share and when, if ever.

But, if he didn't tell him, AJ would be running blind again and that might get in the way of providing real help to Corey if he was ever not able to be with him again. He could be indirectly putting his soulmate in harm's way by not giving the musician the proper information to know where everything came from.

The events that night had made it clear for the young man that Corey was not really getting better, at least not as much as he would have thought. Maybe he was rushing things, but he would have thought he should be better after two years and finally leaving alone.

I'm not helping him. He concluded during the last two weeks. It was a possibility he had denied himself to consider until now, and the realization had overwhelmed him to the point of insomnia.

Maybe a new perspective would be fine. Maybe, just maybe, AJ could point him out in a direction he hadn't considered before.