A Sea of Pain

Mao Jin paced about restlessly, using his closed fan to hit against his palm. The dull rhythmic thuds could not drown out the faint gasping sounds that his keen ear occasionally detected coming out from the chamber. He heard the door slide open and swung round. "Wanwan! How's Madame?"

Wanwan came out, brisk and purposeful with her sleeves rolled back; though it was the first birth she had ever assisted at, yet she had heard plenty of stories, and she carried herself with confidence. "Madame is strong, she's bearing the pain very well," she said proudly. "Not a single scream yet!"

With a shudder, Mao Jin averted his eyes from the chamber. He had never liked the sight of blood, or even the idea of pain. Wanwan's cheerful report sent shivers up his spine. "That doesn't sound good," he said feverishly. "Are you sure we shouldn't call the doctor?"

"Aunt Hui is already inside, what would we need the doctor for? Don't you worry, Mao Gongzi. Just go wait in your study and I'll tell you once the child is born. It could take hours, you know. I heard of a birth where the mother laboured the whole night, once."

Mao Jin swallowed. "The whole night? Is that normal?"

Wanwan shrugged. "I'm not sure."

She hurried past him to get more fresh water, while Mao Jin groaned. "This is really unbearable. There'll be no hope of peace and quiet until that child is born. Ah, why can't it be faster?"

Closing his eyes, he tapped the fan against his forehead and recited poems with his brows knitted in an attempt to keep calm.

Inside the chamber, it was surprisingly quiet, other than Suzhen's deep, laboured breathing and an occasional gasp. The soft sounds of the midwife moving around and the soothing noises she made as she clucked and encouraged Suzhen were the only sounds besides the cicadas shrilling outside, and the wind rustling at the curtains.

"There there, my pretty, you're doing very well," crooned Hui Niang, a buxom lady with crow's feet peeking at the corners of her eyes and strong arms bared to the elbow with her sleeves rolled back. She dabbed gently at Suzhen's forehead.

"I had no idea it would be so troublesome to birth a child," Suzhen said faintly, looking very white and stern. Her fingers dug convulsively into the bedclothes but otherwise no other signs of pain escaped her lips.

Hui Niang burst out laughing. "My dear, what are you talking about? Your pangs have only just begun, you might have hours more to go for all you know."

"Hours?" Suzhen repeated in despair. "If I try harder, will it be sooner than that?"

"Can't say, my love," Hui Niang said calmly. "Every woman is different. Now, don't you worry about that. Just focus on--"

Suzhen's face contorted and her teeth met in her lip. She fell back as the first major spasm subsided, panting. The pangs were getting worse and she felt panic rising in herself. This pain was different from any of the wounds or internal injuries she had ever experienced. It would subside, only to rise again, washing over you and then retreating only to come again, like a terrible sea of pain.

"Why does it hurt so much?" she demanded. "There must be something wrong. Something must be wrong."

"Don't be silly," exclaimed Hui Niang, amused. "How else could one give birth to a child? Of course it will hurt. A living thing is fighting for life, after all. It will hurt like nothing else in your life will hurt. One simply goes through with it; that's what women do best."

Suzhen turned restlessly on the bed, moaning softly. "It's too hard to be human," she said through her teeth. "Even to exist one has to fight so hard."

"Well, that's life for you," Hui Niang replied philosophically. "Now, don't talk so much and concentrate on pushing. Think of your child. Don't hold it back. Scream as loud as you wish--it helps one deal with the pain."

"I have never done that in my life," groaned Suzhen. "It doesn't make the pain any easier to bear."

"It will this time," promised Hui Niang, matter-of-factly. "Now, push!"

Mao Jin's nerves were already on edge; he jumped violently as a scream ripped the air without warning.

Wanwan appeared just then, in time for him to grab at her arm. "Something happened, didn't it?" he demanded wildly.

"This is normal," Wanwan retorted. "Don't worry, Mao Gongzi. Madame is doing fine." She disengaged his arm and disappeared into the chamber again with the basin.

He groaned again. "I'm going mad. How can such bloodcurdling screams be normal? How am I expected not to worry with sounds like that?"

"I can't," gasped Suzhen. "I can't do this. I've tried as hard as I could!"

"You must keep going," urged Hui Niang. "You've barely started, dear, how could you stop now?"

"Madame, don't give up," Wanwan chirped. "It'll be all worth when you see your baby, I promise. They all say so. Come on, Madame."

Mao Jin hovered distractedly in front of the chamber, seeing dimly the outlines of Aunt Hua and Wanwan's figures bent over the bed.

"Madame Bai," he called out agitatedly. "You had better give birth to that child safely. After all the lengths I went to take care of you, you're not to let me down, do you hear?"

"Mao Gongzi speaks as if that is easily done," Suzhen replied through clenched teeth. "Why don't you try giving birth yourself?" She uttered another sound of pain. Wanwan brushed the damp hair back from her face and wet her lips with the air of a professional nurse, murmuring encouragements.

"Jinshan Temple," he said desperately. "I found out where he is. Fahai--the person you're looking for. He's there."

There was a brief silence as Suzhen's low moans died abruptly. Wanwan glanced anxiously at her, and then jumped as Suzhen's fingers closed over her hand, kneading her fingers fiercely with a strength that left nail marks on Wanwan's flesh.

"Jinshan Temple," she repeated breathlessly with ashy lips.

Mao Jin winced sensitively as there was a deep, visceral groan, and Hui Niang abandoned the washcloth with a sudden exclamation. "It's coming," she said excitedly. "But--so soon?"

"Did I do the right thing?" Mao Jin muttered to himself, biting his lip in a fever of worry. He turned away and tried to resume reciting poetry, but for the first time his mind was a blank.

Hui Niang straightened with the baby in her arms. "It's a boy, a fine healthy boy!" she announced breezily.

"Mao Gongzi," Wanwan called over her shoulder happily. "It's a boy!"

With a deep sigh, Mao Jin sat down and leaned his head back. "Thank the gods," he muttered shakily, and let his hand with the fan fall limply into his lap. "What an ordeal."