Familiar Book

"I say we get our water and be gone," Chief Engineer Portlost said warily, taking the initiative. "The stream is as fresh here as it is inland. No use hauling that barrel over hill and dale when water is close at hand." He had not been pleased at the sight of the leopard footprints, and besides, he didn't like land anyway. He was a seafaring gnome, and had spent the last half of his life walking the heaving decks of ships at sea. Being ashore made him nervous.

  "Nay, we should explore a mite," Sir Grumdish said, "discover the lay of the land, and search for fresh meat. We've all the day before us, plenty of time to set some snares and try to catch a sheep or two. I know I'd not turn my nose up at a bite of broiled mutton, no offense to Cooky's skillet meat, may his burns heal swiftly."

  Though he had brought neither sword nor dagger, the UANP weapon gave Sir Grumdish a comforting sense of security. He did not doubt the device's ability to skewer a beastie at a hundred paces, and he was simply dying to fire it at something, be it shark a-sea or leopard ashore. Or even a large and rather famous blue dragon, if it came to that. He had not forgotten that they were now within the domains of Khellendros.

  "I agree," Conundrum said. "We do have all day."

  Razmous smiled as he shrugged off the shoulder straps of his bladderpack. "Well, you know how I feel, and as Commodore Brigg placed me in command of this expedition, I say we have a look around. Agreed?"

  Chief Portlost muttered some expletive about putting a kender in charge and flung off his bladderpack. The rest followed his example, except Ensign Gob, who had not even removed his glass helm, for he seemed to enjoy inhaling his own vapors. He left his helmet seal tightly cinched, baring his teeth at anyone who offered to help him out of his diving gear. The morning sun was already growing hot on their black frogsuits, and they gazed with longing at the cool shade promised by the gently swaying palms and tall hedges of thorny willow.

  The stream leaped and tumbled over the hills" sun-bleached stones, gushing in torrents over small falls, or flowing deep and cold through still forests of tall reeds. Its water was icy cold, indicating that it probably emerged from some spring deep in the hills rising to the east. It entered the sea down a long ebullient fall of many steps, so that the sea's tides could not enter and make the water brackish. But farther inland, it paused in its journey to spread in a wide bean-shaped green pool bordered by papyrus reeds along its curving shore. On the side on which the five intrepid explorers-six, counting their gully dwarf-found themselves, the land sloped down swiftly through willow forests to the lake's deep shores.

  Here, in a sheltered, sunlit cove, they discovered a sight that filled them with wonder and curiosity, if not a niggling twinge of fear. High in the forest where they hid, they could not he seen, and so they stood and watched it without fear of discovery. But still, it was such a horrid thing, they could not help hut feel a quickening of the pulse and a tightening of the chest.

  Except, of course, for Razmous. Kender are born without the self-preserving instinct of fear. A monstrosity such as this was nothing less than an opportunity for grand adventure. Even if it did have three large, egg-shaped eyes-the largest one in the middle of its forehead-and a single scythe-like horn sweeping back from the center of its skull. Even its skin was flaming red, and steam rose around its thighs where it stood almost hip deep in the lake. Still, for a kender that was no reason not to creep closer for a brief examination of the creature. Even if it was easily sixteen feet tall, with legs like tree trunks and biceps as big as the average dwarf, that was no reason to assume even more interesting details couldn't he spotted upon nearer inspection.

  "Come on," Razmous whispered to his companions. "We'll be very stealthy."

He was creeping away on his tiptoes before anyone could object. The others followed with a great degree of trepidation. Sir Grumdish shook and chattered his teeth like a frightened child, all desire for testing the UANP vanished from his mind-upon reflection, the weapon appeared woefully inadequate. They edged far too close to those enormous bloodshot eyes (one of which was always scanning its surroundings), flapping ears, and piggish nostrils-and especially its prognathous out-thrust jaw with its goblinoid tusks dripping with saliva that hissed when it struck the water.

  But the monster had not heard, scented, or seen them. Perhaps their black frogsuits blended with the shadows of the forest or covered their scent sufficiently, or perhaps the monster was too busy with its own activities to notice them. It seemed most intent on something in the water. It stood still as a stone, only its massive chest swelling with each breath, as it eyed something in the water.

  Suddenly, it dove after some fish or other creature, chasing it round and round the pool with much noisy thrashing and angry snarling. So huge was the monster that its violence sent huge waves crashing halfway up the bank to the explorers" hiding place. It smashed the water with its gigantic black-clawed hands, lunged this way and that, angrily snapped its jaws, and plunged beneath the surface, revealing a broad back studded with bony protrusions.

  "What is that thing?" Conundrum whispered in awe.

"Probably a chaos beast," Razmous answered. "All sorts of strange monsters were born from the Chaos War. Probably, he's attracted to this area because of the shipwrecks. It's a fact that shipwrecks often-"

  At that moment, the beast surfaced, its three eyes smoldering and its claws empty. It glared around at the surrounding forest, its flat, piggish nostrils testing the air currents. The gnomes held their breath, the gully dwarf cowering behind them. But the fearless kender crept another step closer.

  Though Razmous made no sound, the monster suddenly crouched, all three eyes swiveling around to probe the dense underbrush where the gnomes hid.

  "Who is there?" it howled in a voice that was somewhere between the rumble of a crocodile and the bellow of a charging bull. The smaller trees shook at the volume of its voice. Out on the Indestructible, everyone suddenly looked up in wonder at the strange noise.

  "Who is there?" the monster demanded again. It took a step back and crouched low in the water. "You might as well show yourselves. You can't escape me. My three eyes are sharper than an eagle's, my nose more sensitive than a hound's. I can hear the heartbeat of a mouse at a hundred paces, or the water passing through a fish's gills at ten. There is no place to hide in this barren wilderness, no stone under which you can cower that I can't overturn. Come out and let me see you and tell me the nature of your ship and how many survived, for I have eaten many of your kind, farers of the salty sea, but-" Here it paused and tested the air with its flaring nostrils-"I cannot place your smell. What are you?"

  "Nothing!" Razmous squeaked cleverly in his high kender voice. His words came out of the forest like an echo, scattered by the trunks of the trees so that it was difficult for the monster to determine its exact origin. However, his companions were beside themselves in fear and rage at his foolishness.

  "Who is it who is nothing yet answers my questions?" the monster asked as it crouched a little lower in the water.

  "Nobody," Razmous squawked again, suppressing a giggle. Conundrum clawed at his arm, trying to pull him down and shut him up, but the kender merely turned on him with a grin spreading from pointed ear to pointed ear, and stepped out from their covering screen of trees.

  "Don't worry," he chided over his shoulder. "I read this in a book somewhere."

-----

"You're mad!" Sir Grumdish howled. "You'll get us all X killed."

  "Don't worry," Razmous repeated confidently. Those accustomed to traveling with kender learn a number of words and phrases that, when spoken by non-kender, are not indicative of anything especially alarming, but when voiced by the merry adventurous race usually portend some disaster or otherwise unpleasant event. "Oh, look!" "Wow! I wonder if…" "You must have dropped it!" and the much dreaded "Did I ever tell you about the time…" are some of the more common cues to either flee without looking back, or grab the kender before he gets himself chopped. Yet few words ever spoken by kender conjure up such fear as "Don't worry." Except perhaps "Oops!"