Chapter one daily troubles

<p>Has there ever been a time in your life when all you feel like doing is sleeping that any form of love alway seems to slip threw your fingers every time i look at my self i see nothing i like nothing that could make another human being like me but we all have to put on the fake smiles and laugh at our insecurities let other put you down so that maybe they don't have to go through what you are the all mighty alarm sounds saying its time to hid your face because if she see you another bruise or something throw its hard to move when you feel like you get no sleep but i do it anyways to feel my body move as I shift my self up and off the bed its cold the floor but i bare with it i always seemed to like the cold from when the leafs fall to the snow that blanket the neighborhood its like a sound proofing for everything I move my mind from that to getting dressed no sense in putting something cute on i don't look good anyways i put jeans and a huddle and called it good ran a brush through my think mop of hair only two hurt my self i didn't care if i am late i will walk the 20 miles or so to school if i had to oh school what a lovely place oh who am i kidding the world was backwards for me what I read is not what is there or it's completely wrong and I make a fool of myself when asked to read out loud it was Unnerving when i have to the laughs i would get the angry responses I would get or the snarky silent replies hurt even more and the teachers they new the only think i love was the strange but inquisitive miss nikes she loved how i saw things and how i would paint the wonders of the world but i would have to get passed the seven long hours frist but even before that i would have to leave the house to make the bus the house had nothing wrong with it but as you already know i would have to make a run for the front door or risk getting the shirt beaten out of me or a long talk about how i am like my mother but i can take the beating any day but the words eow in my head for weeks and keep me from what little sleep i get so i open my room door good no one there i had put my bag on and my keys in my bag no sound and i have learned the best way not to wake anyone is to Carry my shoes and put them on out side i could here the lock tune to the door i ran out the front and to the side door i opened it and rushed in she went running passed i quickly put my shoes on and looked around all of my things art Related things i had gotten where here the only place i had to call my own and had the keys to she didn't like that but if my father fond out she took this away from me he would care but the fact that i can and Black mailed him worked in my faver she went back in side i looked at my watch i have to run to meet the bus i took off from the yard and ran like no tomorrow to meet it I made it just barely i am sorry i had some problems this morning "your mom again "yes sir "thats ok get to a seat thank you sir" the ride was nice but i noticed that we took a new tune sir have you gone the wrong way nope new kid we have to get of ok <br/><br/>we came to a stop i looked out and a guy with a black hoodie on and tennis shoes stood with ear buds in he climbed on the bus thank you sir is this the time ever day yup be on time or i will leave ok he had green eyes under that hoodie wow what really got me was when he pull out a sketchbook and continue to work on something evil and good it like he split the difference between two pages how did if only i could do you have a problem no i am sorry its your art what about it no don't tell me you think it strange don't you or i have no friends well no i said your work is well done from the out line to the detailing i wanted to get a better understanding and look for it i am sorry he blushed what do you mean and how would you know oh i am sorry i know how it feels to have people look with out asking but i pulled out my book and handed it to him he looked confused well open it his face lit up when he did wow you did this yes i did and i really am sorry about that its just you don't find a lot of people who are as good or better then you you know yeah i do um would you mind if i no please go on he handed me his book how did you do this part oh um let me show you as he was doing just that he asked whats your name Jewels really his eyes never leaveing the pages what a lovely name thank you and yours he was quite for a minute mine is Owen nice to meet you and thanks for showing me how to do that your welcome anytime i went to leave his seat but he ask how is the art class here i smiled you will love miss nikes here let me see your schedule for the day he pulled it out of his pocket here you have every class with me what the hell i do how i have no idea but at least you have a gide yeah and i guess a friend haha yeah i guess so the bus stopped and more and more people got on then the ones that like to hurt me beth and her bitchs got on as it wasn't enough to almost have my head taken off every morning they had to mess with me to wich made my anxiety through the roof hey a soft voice said are you ok what i .... I yes i am fine just people your know yeah i do he said look what we have here beth said in her all to happy voce fuck up and you are she said oh me no need i Don't want you to know you seem like a maga bitch so why dont you go back to where you crawled out of because I don't want to be associated with someone who looks like they are wearing special-effects make up to look like a goblin she went red and stomed back to her seat school came in to vew thank you no problem what are friends for yeah friends<br/><br/>first part of my day hurt the words would spine and plant them selfs in ways that only i would see i got called to read no i whispered any one but me we are waiting miss jewels the English teacher said ok the frist sentence said where is she going and how must i move from my home town I don't want to ever think i love is here. but I saw it she is going where and how must is love everything must i move from my home town the laughs were unbarred to day i left my seat even the teachers thought it was funny I didn't even know what to do i went to the bathroom and just cryed the pain and human humiliation was enough i went to the only place that i felt right i walked in and she looked up my dear jewels why are you not in class miss nikes may i stay here please I sniffled its the only place I feel save whats the matter she asked walking to me um well the tears came again I can't read I can't write and any time I read out loud they laugh and get mad and anger and even the teachers jone in they pick me to have a laugh at and miss nicks I can't anymore I can't let it go anymore it hurts me makes me feel like all I am to people is a fuck up and I can't she was crying too my dear you I she just hugged me is this true yes every day every class I am just someone to poke fun of and I can't take anymore I know sweetie look go back to class but I no butts go I will see to it that this stopes really yes no one needs to be treated day after day like that but I um come on now I left class because of it and locked my self in the bathroom and came here what do I do you just leaft yes ok fine you can stay here but you have to help me with something ok you see we are starting a new thing today oh yup papier-mâché and you will need a partner to do this and i have a new kid he seems sweet and his work is well done I had to ask to see some in oder to let him in to my class and would you be willing to work with him yes I didn't bother to tell her that I am already well aware of it I just said yes ok great now one more think help me make the paste for the next hour yes I can help three buckits later I was feeling better much better I even got to help make the example she was going through the process of fixing the mold and cutting the wire that would all the paper Mâché she finly got it into the shape she wanted and couldn't figure it out what is it you will have to see and find out ok it was tall and had one long peace from top to bottom is there anything else nope but you have beeter get your things and and clean up you have a little bit of time ok but you made most of the mess I wink at her you got me but go and wash up and good call that you had an apren on look at me well i just have one with me <br/><br/>the next class was math was never any good at that but what can you do right the hour seemed to wizz by it helped that owen was there to help he walked me through the process of solving though problems and I finshed my math homework in class thanks olly he blushed your welcome lunch was especially nice today and his way of thinking really helped me cool off a way of anxiety hit me in my tracks the people around me grew louder and louder tell the room was filled only did that stop when I was shook out of it a fante ringing was left in my ears but I was back into reality what was that feeling you just had I am sorry I need to go I got up dumped my food and ran to the bathroom their through up what I had ate back into the toilet god why does this happen I can't hold anything down the food hurts to eat and the noise that happens food anxiety is what the Internet said I put myself back together I have a few more hours a few I can do this the same old thing I tell myself every time I come back to this hell hole I know I am ling to myself but I have to believe it what else do I have the next hour went by slowly please just let me have my class please hurry the class I get to shine in the one I love and miss jewels James to the Office please oh what did I do the fear set in I picked up my things fast and left the room shaking I fond my way there there was mother I could tell that something was wrong her face may seem normal but she was mad underneath all the makeup she had on your daughter has missed many days of school and gone missed thought out the day care to explain to us why you go missing I um I spoke meekly I don't have an answer sir I can't seem to get anything done when I am there and I can't control my problems that I have so I ….. stopped there he just looked at me you have to be in class I didn't listen I was to busy trying to not want to hide his voice got louder and louder I understand sir I got up and left I went to my safe place there where a few minutes left of class so I waited for it to end and the halls to fill and her room empty out I ran in bad day yes very but wow it's a giraffe she had finally finished it it just needs to be painted she handed me the brush no oh but yes I can paint it yes but I want it colorful many colors ok but you also have to help the new kid with the paper and molds so today you do that the next you paint thank you now go on sit down we have a lot to go over yes miss nicks now everyone we have not only a new person here but a new thing to do today she went on the explain how and what we where doing but I new already so I gave him the short Version of it what do you want to make I have an idea he pulled out his book how about this guy i Drue him a week ago or so wow look at him it's gorgeous I think yes a beautiful blue back owl sat in a tree holding a simple golden flower yes ok i will work with the wire and you can go paint that guy i can see him calling your name are you sure yes it's not a problem I can get the shape today and then the next we can cover him the next and then paint well you see i agree but let's do that together it's a big job sense she wants then big for the show room the what wait you don't know how could she i walked right up to miss nicks you didn't show him the show room she face palms herself no the class gaps here she handed me the key come we left the art room and went to the show room why's the big deal he asked as we open the show room he stopped midway wow the room was very big and tall the walls had works of art from every class that came and went only miss nicks favorite went in here for all to see and to love she has a few of mine in here want to see yes I walked him over to the one she loved I painted a meteor showers and what my eyes saw the color was right on the from the hints of blues to the slight warm Orange I hid in there I can't take my eyes off of it the shower look so real it's like I am there here this is the one I painted before the sun set the shower started early so I wanted to get it I was so in tranced that I couldn't stop the warm colors fall with one another making it seem as if the where put there by nature how did you get so good my god look at this she said the same think when I showed her she asked for it but I had to shower both before I can proudly say I am the only student to have two pieces pulled by her really yup and as far as I know not a single papier-mâché has made it in here oh my god really yup look around you see any nope that's why she's making one to put in here together does the school know oh yeah she lets people in once every month four a price that's how the art class stays alive this room keeps it that way his eyes lite up we have work to do let us be the first ones to get one in here yeah he went back to the room and went to work I gave back the key to miss nicks I have a key but it was a Secret between me and her I come by to clean and look after everything she loves it when I am in there she knows how happy this makes me I went to helped him fold it and press the wire and it was looking really good you can't tell but it's an owl she's going to look good what shall we name her Mesa I like that name ok mesa we are going to get you done tomorrow let's get the giraffe started can I help um let me see I asked it was a yes she wants a lot of colors how about this I draw a small sketch of it and filled the spots with colors and make a rainbow giraffe are we going to have lines to separate the colors or fade in good question i though for a minute fade in we get more colors that way ok the eyes are black and it's nose why he ask because I said so I said and stuck my tongue out in a childish way ok miss J he laughed at me I painted the head and some of the neck but it's huge <br/><br/><br/>The class was coming to an end and the peace was coming along let's start cleaning up so soon yes we are going to want to do that trust me things get messy soon I hung the owl on the hook and looked at it it's haft way cover face and wings and went to wash up my hands where cover in the glue and paper I folded my smack and put it in my art bag after washing the table down and hanging the tarps to dry everyone else just started now this monster i pulled out my sketchbook and started an a more detailed out line of the draft what colors go where and how to fade he was right next to me giving me a second opinion as to how I paint helping me not want to throw my book when the bell rang I had a plane for the next day and it was going to be fun to the bus and to the long ride home I always started to feel some anxiety come over me but this time it was a lot between the call home and the visit from her she's going to kill me I just know it I could feel myself start to shake here we go the room spinning and then the floor or so I thought I was cote this time by Owin what the hell Jules are you ok yes but no I didn't I ran I just ran as fast as i could away from that mess I made god me and this anxiety I cote my breath after I felt save but the thought of going home grow in my mind that I was about to walk home when dam it Jules your fast he said in between breaths what's going on with you one minute your fine then the next your shaking and running off from lunch and now you passed out I don't know you all that well but from what I have seen this is not ok what is going on I put on that smile that holds everything together I am stressed about a lot of things and my heath is not so well ether but I want you to know that if I don't come to school tomorrow I am ok I am just sick and need rest <br/><br/>I could see her hands shake and her eyes hid the tears that where about to fall but she pulled her feelings down into her heart and smiled she's lying through her teeth I can see it the pain behind the smile but all I could think was don't go home please <br/><br/>She left for the bus before I could even speak my thoughts but her fake smile still put on I sat next to her and held her hand she seemed surprised but welcomed the confirm I think at least we sat there on the bus like that tell i had to go you will be ok she smiled and I left I am sorry <br/></p>