Unable to understand

'Somebody save me!' I cried in my head. I wondered how things could get so bad. Why?

“Abomination!” They say everyone is born equal. “Monster!” is it true? Ignorance is so beautiful. Continuing to believe such things and thinking to yourself; we are all born the same, but why am I treated differently? “Runt!” Why are they doing this? “You should have never been born!” I wish to die but don’t want to die. All because I fear the unknown. No, it is not the unknown, but the thought that if I die again, there will be no coming back.

Perhaps... Yes, perhaps my life will get better.

The small girl with golden skin and green wavy hair huddled in a ball. Her thin furred tail tucked between her legs.

Those who cursed her were black-skinned children with thick golden hair and matching tails. Their eyes glowed, fangs peeked from between their thin lips whenever they spoke.

The girl stayed still. No matter what they did she did not move.

It would be futile anyway. They might only become all the more vicious. At this time Dron would have appeared and saved her, but she didn’t know if he was… she just hoped that he would be OK. The beating continued. One hundred and thirty years. This has been ongoing for a hundred and thirty years now. She sank her fangs into her lower lip, wishing and pleading for strength. Prayed that it would be over. Prayed that he would appear. Why could she not be like the others? Why out of all those born the same as her she had to be the only one?

She could not shift. She looked different. Her litter mates had all died one after another, leaving only her. Two moon rotations ago her parents had died after being attacked by their prey during a stampede.

They are pigs who were omnivorous, but they had competitors, not one but two, and they preyed on them if found alone as well.

Pigs are born as beasts or if with a humanoid form with ears, snout, fangs and a thick swirly tail with clawed hands.

Her?

She was born with a bushy tail, curved ears, a snaggle tooth, and blunt fingers. She was deformed. What made it worse was that half of their Kur was killed during the stampede not too long ago. Another blow landed, and she felt her consciousness become distorted. She smiled, finally…

Finally, I fainted.

~ ~

Joaker Lu-labi:

{rumble}

That is my name, familiar yet not familiar. The memories flashed. My seemingly perfect lives before and one that was fuzzy. It felt that within one particular life; I had become something old, powerful, and forbidden. Something that had been hunted from existence because of its ability to guard those weaker. Even so, it seemed to be much more important than the previous lives I had lived. This should be in truth my fifth life, but the other two did not count. Why?

‘Human.’ Adaptation.

‘Wolf.‘ Loyalty.

‘Hyena.‘ Strength .

‘Pig.’ Luck.

The words echoed in my head. I could not understand. I struggled to understand, but it all slipped away.

{Rumble}

Now this life, why is it that I am drawn into this life? The memories so far—I did not want to receive. I was not born to this body, but dragged. The memories that continuously flowed should be short, but it seems that it was not so. I did not want to remember. Because of this, that soul overwhelmed me.

‘I will take over now.’

I opened my eyes slowly.

Pain came from everywhere filled with squeals and snorts.

The urge to drag the closest to me and bite down with all my might almost overwhelmed me.

{rumble}

I wanted to touch my head, but I couldn’t even move my hands. The pain was both foreign and familiar, but I wondered to myself why would it be familiar when in my memory I had never suffered since my existence.

It had always been me being praised, envied, loved and adored. Dron, that name seemed to constantly be repeated in my mind like a prayer. This… “Dron.” it escaped from my bleeding lips when the memory suddenly surfaced and merged with my own, forcing me to frown even deeper.

I suddenly felt the fear, despair, and unwillingness to continue living. The emotions overwhelmed me so much that my mind became warped.

I thought that maybe those silly books I read became reality because I am now a pig.

Not pretending to be a pig, or born in the year of the pig but a true pig!

A weird laugh escaped my lips. It was oddly familiar, but the name could not come to mind right now because the blow that struck my left side caused me to wheeze from the pain.

A blank filled my mind. I should remember.

Did I?

I felt as though-

“Ahhhh!” The hoarse cry left from between my swollen and bleeding lips.

The memories flooded my mind. The swollen eyes unable to fully opened, stained with blood, struggled to widen in shock.

No!

Unbelievable!

I did die. Died at the age of forty-two in the last life, leaving behind my son—a wild species and a husband—scum. I loved them both so much, but I gave up on life. And the wristband?

I had so many useful items within it that could be useful, but now they were all gone.

The other was… that family had left me among wolves to be tortured until death. The other life—pain.

My hands, that had previously refused to move, gripped both sides of my head.

I kept still, blanking out the pain.

Once the memories were finished, I felt as if I was falling apart at the reality. So back then I was not even called a real person? Then why did they deem me luck child?

Why was I envied?

Only to fall?

My life… it… was just a fairytale?

“No! Ahhhh… unbelievable!”

Denial rose, but the images continued to flash of the two lives that were supposed to be perfect.

I felt pure pain at knowing I had not been truly perfect. Those that were supposed to love me held no true love for me.

I thought of all this while they continued to attack me. Pulling out chunks of my hair, attacking wherever they could.

So lost was I in the memories that they seemed like nothing. One pain traded for another. What is the difference?

Arrived to a dying body.

Forced to see the dark side of my once perfect lives.

Right before another blow came and my vision went dark. But before that there was a sound of panicked squeals followed by something or someone holding me in an embrace so warm it was burning against my damaged skin. The scent seemed familiar. As if I had this scent close yet so far away in one of my lives. I felt I should hate it, but I was unable to.

Darkness, my forever friend; engulfed me.

—

An unspecified time later~

(Pig. We have been damaged.) A lyrical voice spoke from some corner of my mind. Pig? Is that my name?

Within there was a voice similar to my own. I felt as though I opened my eyes but could not see. I suppose I am within myself? Space? Psyche? World?

(You are pig because you are the half in comparison to our other souls, the more dominant side. The side born to this world which is about to die.) Die? Why is it about to die? I felt so confused by this. If I am a pig born to this world, why do I feel as though I am from another?

And why is this world dying?

(Pig, you are curious. A good and bad thing. But I will explain. We are four souls fused in one. Our first life was of a guardian who had failed its duty and was forced to suffer by being chained and secluded for over a hundred galaxy years. Our life after that was a luck child whose death was extremely tragic. We were used by those we thought loved us before being handed to the wolf clan to be tortured and sacrificed. Our purpose was to be a stepping stone for the heroine but the world core could not accept this and well… our third life we were another luck child except that within that life we had been born to a loving family. Our failure was our marriage, unwilling to accept a man who was no longer pure.)

Was it because in the beginning he said those sweet nothing in my ears, and I believed? Or was it because I had been blindly in love that I had no desire to have him marred by another female? Even though we all know the events, we are unable to understand that self in that life. Somehow, we gave up on life at forty-two years of age. This is our fifth life. The pig. This body is still alive but barely, with a soul that has been damaged because of the guardian’s sudden presence.) I was stunned. So it really was a total of five lives. Five? No, it should be four, right? The voice that sounded like me could no longer be heard.

With the voice gone, I found myself focusing. My mind seemed to twist for a moment as the familiar pain of the body fully woke me up.

There was a shaking that made me all too aware that this world was truly dying just like the voice had said.

{rumble}

The strange sound reached my ears soon after. I wanted to think further, but the memories resumed.

It hurt so badly that I wanted to howl.

Howl?

The memories flashed at a more rapid pace. My mind became unstable, forcing blood to flow from my nose, ears, and mouth. Pain. Pain. Pain!

It hurts so much because of these images.

Suddenly I wanted to wail. I wanted to continue living in denial.

‘Because I failed once? The duty… I failed?’ I asked, unable to know if I spoke from my mouth or mind. Bowing my head, I imagined I was clenching my fist tightly while I tried my hardest to comprehend everything.