Chapter 5 - A certain street rat

*Several minutes ago*

My name is Arba, and I am convinced I am the dumbest person in existence. A radical claim I know when round earthers exist I know, but genuinely in this moment I am convinced that no entity alive is dumber than me.

I stare into the alleyway where three large muscular teenagers pound a child into a bloody pulp, it's a common scene in my home city of Miletus and I've seen it at least twice already today. The only problem is the brown-haired boy receiving the beating is my younger brother. Well, biologically speaking he isn't even that, so really I have no reason to help him if I were thinking logically.

"Oi!". Logically speaking I should just mind my own business.

 "Oi!". A sane person would just look the other way.

 "I'm talking to you jackasses!". Sadly, I'm not sane.

 "Yeah you, the trio who look about as useful as knitted condom, yeah I'm talking to you the gormless cretin society!".

Yep. I'm the stupidest person alive. Thankfully though I won't be alive for much longer to feel bad about it.

 The target of my affection is a trio of boys turning my younger brother Leo into a bloody pulp. I have no idea what's going on or how Leo was stupid enough to get caught stealing again but all I can tell is that judging by the blood pouring from Leo's ruined face is that if someone doesn't do something soon, he'll quickly run out of blood to leak all over the floor.

 The trio look at each other non-plussed as though they're dreaming, which is somewhat understandable, no matter how heroic my words sound they are somewhat undercut by the fact their coming from a malnourished ten-year-old dressed in rags. I'd describe myself as handsome but not even I am that delusional. I'm barely ten Imperial standard years old, and even for that age I'm short, you could politely describe me as skinny or accurately as rake thin, my skin is a dark olive and my jet-black curly hair that is so grime specked that it looks like its prematurely greyed. Not exactly a fairytale hero by any stretch, but I'm all Leo's gonna get. 

I point my finger at the largest and most heavily muscled of the trio, who I assume by the laws of nature must be the leader of the bully triumvirate. "Oi you, you walking abortion advert didn't your absent father ever teach you its rude to not to answer someone when their talking to you". The boy stares at me open mouthed, I've never actually seen someone genuinely be so shocked they look so much like a dead fish in my life.

Stepping closer to the trio I clear my throat as I analyse exactly how screwed I am. Answer, extremely! Each of these boys is at least fifteen to seventeen years old to my mere ten and unlike me each of them looks well-built and not half-starved. Why by all the gods did Leo have to piss off buff people! As I approach the leader, I have to shield my eyes from the sun refracting off his golden hair. Blue eyes, a chin built like fortress, naturally wavy hair and abs you could grind meat on that are visible through his shirt. I shoot the bloody Leo an angry look, why the hell did you have to piss off both buff and beautiful people!

The boy, nay the man, in front of me has to crouch down to meet my eyes since he's a damn giant on top of being a damn model. I clear my throat again, "Now sir, one I'd like to thank you for not immediately turning my face into mush", I give my brothers aggravatingly handsome assailant a quick half-bow earning me a chuckle and another few seconds of life. "Second!" I half-yell raising from my bow and getting right in his face," I am not one to question one's sexual orientation nor do I plan to impede you if you plan to pound children in alley ways, but I must request that you at least pay proper child support fees if you do, if your man enough to unzip your pants down your man enough to unzip your wallet!". "Third!", "What the fuck did you just say to me!!", the asshole in front of me grabs and hoists me off my feet in a single motion slamming me into the wall. "Say that again street rat, I dare you!".

Dazed my world spins for a moment before stabilising on the face of an insensate angel. "Third" I repeat slightly unsteadily before leaning towards my captor, "Did you know rat shit doesn't taste that bad". Confusion blooms across his damnably beautiful face for a moment before a hand covered in rat shit slams into his face and slips into his unprepared mouth. Fun fact, rat shit actually tastes terrible. Who would have guessed? The boy's handsome face bends in a rictus of disgust before turning a shade of green as he drops me and falls to the floor gagging. As I fall, I slip my hands into his jacket pockets and borrow his wallet.

I hit the ground running, by the time his cronies have realised what's happening I've grabbed Leo and we're already beyond their formation. They stand there stupidly for a second trying to process what just happened before a "KILL THEM!!" roars from pretty boy and they begin the chase. Personally I feel like that's a little bit of an extreme reaction but to each their own I guess.

Leo and I bolt out of the alleyway and onto the main street earning us curses from nearby pedestrians as we weave in and out of the flow of people on the main street. "Holy gods!" Leo splutters before turning to me and giving me a massive grin and a thumbs up his eyes sparkling, "That was awesome!". I turn ignoring to Leo ignoring, "I'LL SKIN YOU ALIVE AND FEED YOUR BONES TO THE RATS GUTTER-TRASH!" and the other non-creative insults being hurled at us. I stare at my brother dead pan for a moment, blood runs down his face from a broken nose and one eye is already swollen closed in a mess of drying blood. I hesitate before slapping him in his broken nose earning a pleasantly high-pitched scream which helps clear the crowd in front of us with gratifying speed.

"Next time!" I yell into his ear as we sprint for our lives, "DON'T GET CAUGHT!". Leo mumbles several impressive curses for a seven-year-old but wisely doesn't voice any of them too loudly. "Don't stop we'll lose them in the market" I call back to Leo accelerating and half dragging him onto a clear side street, free from the flow of traffic we rapidly pick up speed and slip into a side alley vaulting a low wooden fence before exploding into a sea of people.

The aptly named market square was swamped with several hundred people milling together in a sea of humanity and outrageous prices. Hawker's yell and scream at each other at passers-by each making more outrageous claims than their competitors from god's blessed produce to nirvanic ascension inducing foot cream, whatever that means. People move in tides thick enough to trample the unwary to death as guards desperately attempt to maintain the organised chaos.

Leo and I have two advantages over the trio pursuing us and those two things are our only hope of survival. First, we're small.

We sprint helter-skelter through the market; we hurl ourselves between the legs of a clanking 10 foot steel monstrosity that barks loudly at us we pass spewing steam from its mouth angrily. The crate of fruits its carrying wobbles unsteadily in its steel fingers as it sways spilling fruit onto our pursuers. Judging by the shouting behind us, the trio pursuing us isn't a fan of peaches.

We tear through the market deliberately weaving in and around stalls to throw our pursuers off, personally speaking I'm amazed they can even keep track of us but fate's damnable bullocks they somehow do. "By the dead gods what are these people blood hounds!" Leo exclaims as we crash through a market stall selling crystals of dubious quality and purpose earning foul curses from the elf running the store who hurls rocks at us as we run past. The market as always is a maze of controlled chaos, we tear through it like a warm through butter. A colossal bipedal lizard hisses at us angrily as we weave in and out of stalls and a human guard yells something at that we don't stop to listen to.

A dwarf stands ahead of us in front of a stall full of master crafted weapons, he watches us approach through squinted eyes and smacks a hammer into one hand menacingly. We deviate around that stall for no particular reason.

We race between two bickering food merchants and "accidentally" bump into them, the pair break from their conversation to casually hurl death threats and curses on our family at us. "Jokes on you we don't have a family suckas!" Leo calls as we blow past them, the duo uninterested turn back to their bickering after a moment failing to notice their missing coin pouches.

Leo and I race into an alleyway hidden behind the thronging market; we glance at each other each holding coin pouches that rattle with a heavenly sound. We grin at each other. Once a thief always a thief.

Our second and arguably greater advantage is that no one knows the streets of Miletus better than a street urchin. Miletus, one of the greatest cities in the world had many names, of its many names its most famous name is the labyrinth city. As a city that had existed in some form or the other for over twenty thousand years the city had been built, razed, rebuilt and altered so many times that the streets and pathways of the city had grown so intermingled that navigating it was almost impossible for an outsider. In fact, it was a great source of income for the street urchins as travelling merchants almost always had to hire guides in order to move through the city at any kind of speed.

We burst from alley way to alleyway, taking seemingly random turns one after the other always barely ahead of our pursuers, we vaulted fences, crawled under damaged buildings even briefly ascending two stories to run along the roofs of houses. I glanced behind us and saw one of our pursuers fall between two building having misjudged a jump. The other two stopped and glared at us angrily before stopping and descending to aide their ignored friend.

 I could barely believe we were still alive, sliding down a gutter to the ground floor before bundling ourselves in a refuse heap, we collapsed in a heap gasping for air unable to even stand. We lay there in that stinking heap of human offal and waste for several minutes desperately trying to catch our breathes. As soon as my chest stopped feeling like it was going to explode, I forced myself to me feet and whirled on my younger incompetent brother. Yanking him half to his feet by his ear I berated the idiot of idiots for all the idiocies the idiot had somehow managed to accomplish even by idiotic standards of idiots. "Just what in all the hells were you doing getting caught! Are you trying to commit suicide because if you're looking to die, I can drown you in the river like the stupid mutt you are!".

Leo collapsed back to the ground when I released him and made a non-comital noise somewhere between asshole and tool bag. I sigh shaking my head knowing that he hadn't gotten caught on purpose but still angry that he had. After all I was the one that taught him how to steal, what kind of apprentice shames their master like that! After a moment of self-righteous indignation I stick my head out of the refuse heap dislodging someone's old meal off my head, after checking the alleyway was clear I pulled myself and my disgustingly smelling brother out of the rubbish pile. I glance at the exit to the alleyway before grabbing the younger boy and hoisting him onto my back and walking slowly towards the exit of the alleyway. "We'll likely have to stay off the streets for several days; I don't know who those guys were, but they looked like the scions of some noble house". "…", "Oi" I smack Leo on the head earning another yelp. "Are you listening stupid, next time don't rob buff people or handsome people or even better yet just don't get caught!".

The two of us slip into foot traffic beside a major carriageway loaded with bustling carts and animal drawn carriages. Blending into the background was easy for us but I wasn't planning on letting my guard down until I knew we were safe, which my gut told me wasn't yet. I didn't know who those people were, but they definitely didn't seem to be the type of guys to give up the chase that easily.

I had no idea how much of a lead we had on them if we had any, all I knew was I wasn't going to wait and find out. We walked in silence for several minutes allowing ourselves to be carried by the flow of people, "Do you think we've lost th--!" Leo starts talking but I clamp one hand over his mouth a second too late. I turn on him and give him my worst look I reserve for paedophiles and people who throw away uneaten food, "Why would you tempt fate you idi-", "THEIR OVER HERE!!" a voice interrupts my tirade. My head snaps behind us to spot our trio of pursuers at the end of the street closing on us quickly. My eyes narrowed as I judged the distance between us, a hundred metres but the people in the way would make it more like three hundred. With enough time to think I turn my head around trying to spot any potential escape or hiding routes. Unfortunately we've exited the alleyway right in front of a major carriageway that blocks most of our escape routes. 

A carriageway.

"We're doing runners" I call to Leo on my back, he nods his head as I pass him my stolen coin pouches before he deposits them somewhere in the folds of his dirty clothes. His ill-gotten gains secure he pats himself down to double check they won't be dislodge before giving me a thumbs up. "You've got 30 seconds" I call back to him watching the trio approach our position rapidly, Leo nods his face a mask of concentration and excitement 

Runners was a strategy I had developed with one of my other siblings Hanna. It involved two or more people where everyone involved would deposit their goods with one individual before splitting up and attempting to draw attention away from that person. Considering that the trio was probably coming after me due to the rat shit incident was only sensible to lean into it drawing him away from Leo. I could probably survive whatever beating I was given. Probably. Judging by Leo's still laboured breathing and bloody face he would not. "Ten seconds" I called back to him, and he nodded his head in affirmation.

I turned towards the carriageway which was two dozen metres wide and full of chuntering carts and wagons each capable of turning a grown man to paste. Crossing a carriageway was paramount to a death wish for anyone bar a superhuman, even the slightest mistake in timing would turn you into a cripple in best case or dead in a second in worst case. "Come on gods if you're listening don't screw me over just this one time you rotten bastards" I murmur under my breath as I tensed leg muscles preparing for the potential last sprint of my existence.

"Here we go!" I shout and I bolt onto the carriageway followed not even a second behind by the mad trio chasing us, seriously what kinda psychopaths are these guys!

The carriageway is full of a mad collection of vehicles I barely have time to register let alone avoid. Carriages are pulled by great lizards, some hover gracefully over the ground whilst more conventional models are tugged along by thick neck horses. We weave in-between nobles and merchants earning insults and stones thrown at us, "Gutter-trash!!", "Outta the way pond-scum!", "Driver hit the monkeys!!" says one particularly spiteful noble brat. My first thought is what the hell is a monkey, but I don't have time to ask.

A carriage the size of a small house trundles down the road approaching me deceptively quickly. In a move of pure desperation, I throw myself between the carriage wheels under the carriage and out the other side. "Split!" I slap Leo's hand around my neck. As instructed, he releases me falling in a crouch on the ground before tearing off in the opposite direction to me. We leave the carriageway already a dozen metres apart. I turn raising my hands above my head adrenaline screams through my blood. I survived! I can't believe it, the trio chasing me bursts out of the carriageway bloodied and battered stained with rat shit fruit and … and a collection of hooker pamphlets? Too high on adrenaline to think too carefully about it I whoop and mock the trio, "Is that all you have you wannabe noble rats! Just try and touch this! Come on!".

A hand descends on my shoulder.

 "If you insist". A voice rumbles behind me its tone is deep and full of authority. I turn my head slowly to see as I suspected a member of the city guard one hand on my shoulder the other holding a great halberd menacingly. "Shiiiiit" I curse, the guard nods his head, "Shit indeed, are you aware it's a crime to cross a carriageway outside of stated areas?". I twist my face into a mask of innocence, "Nooo? I feel very grateful that you've illuminated me as to the full tenets of the law, in the future I will be sure to". "Future?" the guard interrupts me.

"What misbegotten idea is in your head that you think you have a future, thief".