CHAPTER 17

HAN JIHAN

       We walk home in silence. Silence which can crawl under your skin like some creepy insects. The silence which is deafening, and agonizing. I had sat in my backyard and counted the days from the last he called and thought about the places I would take him when finally he would come. And he is here now, just beside me as we both drink the silence. No words to exchange as he said all it takes to kill the words from their origins, moments ago. 

       I don't look at him. I wanted to but not anymore, I feel- I don't know what I feel but I'm sure it's not numbness. We are close to my home, I can almost see the cowhouse two trees away from the backyard. The yellow light floods from the lamb dangling from the doorstep bleeding to the small area of the backyard as it (barely)manages to reach the cowhouse. 

       We are close. 

        He'll be gone, he will be gone when we reach there, when I will be safe under the wings of my parents. The last responsibility he got. 

        I'm not certain if he will ever come back, why should he anyway? He doesn't want me. He doesn't want to do anything with me. Maybe I could tell my parents to set him free and not be so clowned by the things his parents must have said to them.

       As we walk I feel his eyes on me, it takes all in me to not look at him, to not meet his brown gaze. I sigh into the night, I can't believe this is all going to end like this. God, I don't even know when did I ever start to believe I stood a chance. 

       "Jihan. . . I didn't- I'm sorry." I hear him say, striding a little behind me. I suck in a harsh breath before swirling to face him with a ticking jaw. 

       "Sorry? For what, though?" I cocks an eyebrow at him. He looks ashamed but still holds my gaze as he says, "For what I said." He looks like a child who got scolded by his mom for doing something he was not supposed to do. Eyes candid and the frown soft and guilty. But all I know is that I can not fall into his charms now. I can't. 

       "Save it for later, Jeon. You and I," I waves a hand between the two of us and said: "We both got better things to do and places to be. We're just ruining it for ourselves."  

       "I—"

       "I have to thank you anyway for scenting me. I don't have to worry about my parents now." I walk backward, slowly at first, eyes on his pretty face. The pretty face of a man who doesn't belong to me. I offer him a lopsided grin for the last time before swirling and running off to my home, leaving an open-mouthed Jungho behind. 

       "Jihan!" He calls out for me but I don't bother to look back— wait! Isn't it bad to leave him here now? Come to think of it, he did come to look for me in this dark. It's very terrible to walk out on him now. I halt on my feet, biting down on my lip. God, it's embarrassing. I can't believe I did this. I close my eyes, and in a second he's beside me. Gasping for air ever so lightly. 

       "Sorry, but you sure are nuts, village boy." He rasps into my ears. Blood rushes to my cheeks with a whoosh like waves to the shore and my cheeks are as the sand on the shore on a hot summer day, heated. Suddenly he's so close, so close that I can feel his body heat on my skin and my skin? It's fucking tingling. My hand flies up to the side of his chest in a way of pushing him back, away from me, to prevent him from getting on my way to get some breath.

        And suddenly, I can't breathe, too. 

        But my hand is stuck on the muscles of his chest,  I can't move it because it doesn't want to be moved. All it wants is to run the fingers all over his little pecks and maybe give each a peck. 

       God, Jihan. Stop it! 

       He doesn't move as if his legs forget their movements. I cut my eyes from his chest to his yale blue eyes that I wanna drown in. "What do you think you're doing?" I whisper on his cheeks, feverishly, when he leans in, hands snaking over my waist, and draws me in painstakingly slowly. 

       "I don't know. . ." My skin tingles where his words touch. I exhale shakily.      

      What is this? I can't let myself feel this way. . . not again.

       I push him back but he won't budge, I try but to no avail. I don't even know if I'm conveying enough force to make his body move. He's so close and he smells divine. Pine and forests going straight to my nostrils and making me go weak on my knees. 

        "Fucking let go of me." I want to snap but the words barely leave my mouth.   

       What the fuck does he think he's doing? 

       "I'm sorry. . . I didn't mean it." His words are muffled into my nape. Just above where he licked a few minutes ago. A buzz runs down my spine and all the hair on my body decides to perch up at the sensation. 

       My hand on his chest moves a little harder this time, winning to detach his body from mine. He trips back a little, not enough for me to take the chance and escape from his touch that melts my soul. 

       "Jihan, I'm sorry." He places his hand on mine where it lay on his chest in a firm grip, deterring its struggles to push him away. "I just wanted to set you free, believe me when I say that." 

       "Get your hands off me, Jeon." A low growl begins to rumble in his throat but he swallows it before it can come out thundering. My eyes travel to his face from our hands resting on his chest. He almost looks as defeated as a young pup. Eyebrows hunched and lips down in a frown. A sigh leaves his mouth and my skin gladly breathes into it. Soar into it. My mind screams "last, last, last…", my heart hammering in my chest with striking thuds. And my omega howls then whimpers in my head in despair. 

       I want to pull him closer and push him away all at once like I want to kiss him and slap him across his face for making me clueless and desperate all at once. But, for now, I'm drowning, willingly and delightfully in those unrealistically yale blue eyes of his. 

       Jungho looks at me intensely before leaning in, slowly. Everything is slow, even my breathing is as if I fear if I did it fast I'll choke on his thick scent. I'm about to close my eyes when the yell of my name strikes through the air. We jerked away from each other, but our eyes are still holding on. Soon, it goes for the source and I find mom at the doorstep of my home. "Come here already, you guys. You could do that all in the morning, now get in here." She yells again to be heard over the distance.

       Our eyes, once again, find their ways to lock into each other. I swallow. Mind doing the "last" trick all over again. My jaws are tense as I avert my gaze away from him. I close my eyes and draw in a breath, it smells like Jasmine's and him. I can feel it on my tongue. 

       I run, despite my heart weighing me down by the despair it contains in its chambers, soon his hurried footsteps follow me, and I feel him behind me, whispering sorrys into the thin air. 

       And all I can feel is him. 

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