15

KABANATA 15: Solaced

He's sweating hard. I needed to remove his clothes to clean up his sweats. I had no idea what pain is crossing in his head but I've seen how hard it was for him to battle the pain.

"Come on, just breathe, okay?"

Para siyang batang tumango. Wala na siyang lakas upang ipagtulakan ako palayo. He's not strong enough to oppose me. And he knows I was there to help him.

Kinapa ko ang gamot sa ilalim ng kaniyang mesa. Bakit ganoon? I was just holding the medicine, then he came back panting, sweating, and suffering with a terrible pain.

Tinulungan ko siyang humiga sa kaniyang kama. He's now topless since I removed his cloth. I find it weird for a girl with a guy in a room, but I can't help but to show sympathy. I wanted to leave the room since it's not good for a girl to stay in a man's room yet I chose to stay. I find nothing wrong and I also wanted to give him good care.

"Where the hell is that damn medicine?" Iritado kong bulong ng hindi ko iyon makapa sa ilalim ng kaniyang kama. Ginapang ko pa ang ilalim para lamang hanapin ang gamot ngunit hindi ko ito nahanap. Napakabagla ko nga naman talaga, hindi ako nag-iingat. Hindi ko alam kung saan ko naitapon iyong gamot, hindi ko tuloy mahanap at wala akong maipainom kay Lyreb.

"How- how did you know about the medicine?" He stuttered, trying hard to speak. He's panting and sweating hard again, he's still in pain so I need to find that damn pill to ease Lyreb's pain.

"Oh dear, how could you not tell me about your illness?" I sounded irritated.

"I'm not sick!"

I stopped crawling and stood up to face him.

"Oh, you're not? Look at you!"

"Yes, I am not sick!"

Napairap ako, kahit na hirap na hirap na siya'y magaling paring makipagsagutan. Hindi alam ang salitang talo kahit na nanghihina na siya at obvious naman na.

"Right you're not sick, so what is the meaning of this? Huh?"

Lumingon siya sa kabilang side ng kama upang umiwas sa akin at mariing pumikit habang hawak-hawak ang ulo.

"Why do you fucking care?"

Muli akong napairap, "I'm trying to help. Please, let's not fight. Don't be mad, you're sick-"

"I am not sick! This is nothing!"

Napakamot ako ng ulo, "Okay fine, you're not sick!"

Sa huli'y ako na lamang ang nagpatalo. Pagkatapos ay gumapang na muli ako sa ilalim ng kama upang hanapin ang gamot.

Wala pala siyang sakit ah. Ano na lamang pala iyong nakita ko kanina? Bakit ganoon na lamang siya nasaktan? Bakit dumugo ang kaniyang ilong? I won't win against this stubborn man, I just need to ride his mood to help him out.

"I am not sick..." aniya sa gitna ng aking paghahanap sa kaniyang gamot.

Nakapunta na ako sa kung saan-saang sulok ngunit hindi ko parin iyon nahanap. Anong demonyo na naman ba ang nakikipaglaro sa akin? Nandito lang naman iyon, kung nahulog man ay madali kong mahahanap! Bakit nawala?

I sighed, hinayaan ko siyang magsalita. Ako na ang hihinto upang huwag na kaming magtalo.

"My head hurts... because I'm reminiscing things... memories are running in my head like fuck! It hurts so bad! May mga mukha akong nakikita, mga mukhang hindi ko maalala ngunit tila parte ng aking buhay."

Tuluyan na akong napahinto at tumayo sa gilid ng kaniyang kama. Pinagmasdan ko lamang siyang nakapikit habang pilit na nagkukwento sa akin sa gitna ng hirap na kaniyang nararamdaman.

"Fuck these memories!" He yelled, "Rupert never told me anything about the faces I've seen..." maktol niya, nangunot ang aking noo matapos magbanggit ng hindi pamilyar na pangalan.

"You should rest," suhestiyon ko. Akala ko'y sasagot na naman siya ng pabalang o kontra sa akin ngunit wala akong natanggap na reklamo.

"I can't..." Kalaunan ay saad niya.

Napabuntong hininga ako. What should I do? Did he lost his memories? Nagka amnesia ba siya? At ngayon ay pilit na bumabalik ang mga ala-ala niya kaya ganoon na lamang sumasakit ang kaniyang ulo? What do you call that kind of amnesia? I forgot, no, I just don't know, but I'm sure he has amnesia.

He doesn't have any sickness, he's just suffering from amnesia.

Papaano siyang nagka amnesia?

"Come on, rest,"

"I said I can't..."

Muli kong kinuha ang maligamgam na bimpo at pinahid sa kaniyang nanunubig na katawan. Basa na rin ang kaniyang kama, talagang pinagpapawisan siya.

Bahagya akong nalungkot ng maisip kung paano niya tinutulungan ang sarili kapag inaatake ng amnesia. I guess he still doesn't know he has amnesia, he's in denial, since he was born stubborn I guess. I'm not being rude, I'm just stating the fact. He is hardheaded, stubborn, adamant, in denial... Lyreb. Damn this guy!

"Leave..." He commanded.

Nangunot ang aking noo. Napakarami niyang arte, siya na nga lang itong tinutulungan.

"Kailan ka pa nakakaranas ng ganito?"

Malakas siyang nagbuntong-hininga.

"This is the second time,"

Napalunok ako. Muli na naman akong nakaramdam ng awa. Papaano niya tinulungan ang kaniyang sarili noong unang umatake ang kaniyang amnesia? I'm sure it hurt him a lot. Ngayon ngang ikalawang beses dumugo pa siya, noon pa kayang hindi niya inaasahan?

"Damn, you're hot," puna ko ng kapain ko ang kaniyang noo.

"Thanks, I know that."

Ganoon na lamang ako napasinghap sa kaniyang sagot. Hindi ko iyon inaasahan. I was referring to his temperature... well, I couldn't deny, I'd lie if I say he's not, so, whatever.

"Idiot, you really are a bullhead."

Tila hindi niya nagustuhan ang aking sinabi. Napakatalim ng kaniyang tingin sa akin. Ngumisi lamang ako, pakiramdam ko'y nakabawi ako sa lahat ng pangbabara n'ya sa akin, pakiramdam ko'y nakabawi rin ako sa wakas. After all the defeats I received from him, I just annoyed the beast.

Napahinto ako ng makitang muling namuo ang luha sa kaniyang mga mata. Nakaramdam ako ng awa, hindi ko siya kayang tingnan na lumuluha. I would do anything to stop his tears from falling, and I'm hurt by the fact that I couldn't do anything but to watch him struggle and battle his pain all by himself.

"Lyreb..."

"Stay away, Belle."

Nanayo ang mga balahibo ko ng marinig ang aking pangalan. Ang sabi niya'y tatawagin niya lamang ako sa aking pangalan kung papatayin niya na ako. He lied, once again. Ilang beses niya na itong ginawa, ang sabi niya noon ay hindi niya na ako hahanapin. But then I'd hear his voice calling me in the midst of the dark soaking woods. He said he doesn't care anymore, yet he came back to save me once again.

He said he would kill me if he calls me by my name, he just lied again.

He called me, and this time, he is weak and sounded sweet. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why am I even smiling? Bakit ako natutuwa dahil lamang sa tinawag niya ako sa aking pangalan?

What is wrong with my heart?

"Let me help you..." I whispered.

He opened his eyes and stared at me. Nagsalubong ang aming paningin, kung tutuusin ay hindi ko kaya ang init ng kaniyang mga titig, ngunit masyado akong matapang na salubungin iyon dahil sa gusto kong gawin.

I want to give him rest.

"What?"

"Come," bulong ko at umupo sa kaniyang kama.

Bakas ang lito at gulat sa kaniyang hitsura dahil sa aking ginawa. Gayunpaman ay wala siyang nagawa ng ilagay ko sa aking hita ang kaniyang ulo. I stared at him for a moment, and there is this charming, bewitching feeling around us, making the both of us feel uncomfortable yet giving us the peace and arousal at the same time.

"What are you doing?" His hoarse whisper made my heart skipped a beat.

I smiled, "Rest. You need rest right? I'm giving you rest..."

For the first time, I witnessed how he became Adonis with his seemly, bonny, precious smile. Lyreb rested in my lap, and we shared the solace we had that night, hoping that it would last forever, and havoc won't chase us anymore.

"Solace," he whispered.