Chapter 30

Mara was sitting by her vanity, putting some concealer on, trying to cover her puffy red eyes. She had been crying most of last night and again this morning. Jason had called her and asked to meet up at his hotel. She didn't want to say no to him. Despite everything going on with Sam, Jason and her had been friends for years. She didn't walk to just ignore him.

Jillian had called, but Mara couldn't bring herself to answer. Jillian had seen her mom upset enough in her lifetime. So she let herself cry and lay on the couch. Finally, she made herself get up and shower. She kept thinking about Sam though. How upset he was when she left.

But the things he said were so hurtful. He basically accused her of already cheating on him. The only time she ever did anything like that was when she was barely 20 years old. Ok she understood he was threatened because it was Jason. They had a complicated past, but it was long over. Once he came to help her after Keith, things just got too blurred. She knew Jason was trying to be there for her. Her feelings were all over the place. It wasn't until almost a year later that they slept together again. Mara still wasn't in her right mind though and she knew Jason was trying to restart what they had so many years before.

It wasn't that she hadn't cared for Jason. In fact when they were back in school, she almost thought she was in love with him. He always had a way of bringing things out in her. Sometimes her favorite escape was riding on the back of his bike. Maybe she was naïve to think that he was over her. Either way she planned to tell him that there was no chance…

Later that night...

"Hey it's so good to see you," he kissed her cheek. She smiled. He had a suite in the Oliver hotel and she met him up there for drinks before dinner. They were talking about life for a while and there kids in school. When they were ready to go down for dinner, he pulled her into him and kissed her. "Jason," she pulled away. I can't." Sam was right, this was just a stupid idea. He tried to kiss her again. "No, no" she squeezed out of his hands. "Jason you always do this."

"Me" he looked at her angrily. "Yes! You just walk into my life and turn everything upside down." "Is it that kid Sam?" he asked. She shook her head. "He's not a kid, Jason. Don't talk about him like that. He's a grown man, an officer and he's sweet, and makes me happy."

"And I love you MARA! I always have and you know it!" Jason yelled. Mara just kept shaking her head. "Mara, I waited so long for you." "Jason, don't" "NO! I loved you and you chose him."

"Jason, I'm not doing this, I'm not letting you make me feel guilty for loving my husband." She gulped down the small amount of vodka that was on the table. "Look, I shouldn't have slept with you after he died, ok that's my fault and I'm sorry."

"Mara, you didn't even give us a chance. I was there for you." "Yes and I appreciate it Jason, I do. When we were in school, you were a great friend. You brought a side out of me that I didn't know I had. But there was a reason I went back to Keith. Besides the fact that I loved him, Jason we just wouldn't have worked. You wanted me to be that person that I was with you, but that isn't me, not the real me. And I would have exhausted myself trying to be that person for you."

"That's not true," Jason said. "Yes, it is. And if you thought I was just going to jump in your arms after losing him you were wrong. And the whole time I kept thinking what would he say? Look, it doesn't matter anymore…" She grabbed her bag and walked to the door. "I love him, Sam. I love him and I'm not making the same mistake again. I'm sorry Jason." He ran over to her and grabbed her hand, "Please Lily just give us a chance."

Across the street, in an unmarked car.

"Just tell me Ty." "Yeah man, she's up there now." Room 209. You want me to do anything?" Ty was sitting in his car across from the hotel. "No," Sam answered and hung up. Sam was on his couch, looking like someone had just ripped his heart out of his chest. He had asked Tyler to follow her. It sounded crazy, but he had to know if she would meet Jason. He had a beer in his hand and he stood up and threw it across the room. Walking over to the counter, he grabbed his jacket and keys and walked out.

A little while later, Sam pulled up to the Oliver Hotel. He felt like he was possessed. Never had he ever done anything like this before, he never cared enough. He just kept praying that he wasn't going to find her there. He walked in and took the elevator up. When the doors opened, he walked out and then he stopped in front of the room.

"What the hell am I doing?" But then the thought of Mara's body underneath Jason flashed in his head. He pounded on the door," POLICE open up!" he yelled. He felt like he was pounding on the door forever, but it was only 10 seconds. Jason opened the door, looking like he had been sleeping. "Where is she?" he stormed into the room.

"What, what the hell are you doing here?" Jason yelled disorientated. Sam ran in the bedroom throwing the sheets over, it was empty. He must have been holding his breath, because he finally felt himself breathing. "So is this a new thing, the Police just storm in your hotel room looking for women." Jason said.

Sam looked over at him, but Jason wasn't scared. He actually felt bad for Sam. He had been in his place before too. Only he was the unlucky one again. "She left, 15 minutes after she came up. She loves you. So if you don't mind I'd like to get back in bed and sleep it off." Sam left without saying a word.

When he got back to his place, Tyler and Adam were sitting on the back of Adam's truck drinking a 6 pack. Sam parked his car and walked over. Adam threw him a beer, Sam sat on the truck with them. "So man, were they doing the nasty." Ty asked. Sam shook his head, "No," he took a deep breath in. "He said she left, not long after she came up." He took a drink, "he said she said she loves me... I knew that guy was nothing but trouble." Sam leaned back on the side of the flatbed.

"That's great man," Adam said, "So why do you still look so upset. Shit you should be running over to her place now, not here with us." Sam took another drink. "I feel like an ass, I should have trusted her. But more than that, I don't know if I can keep doing this. I feel like a rat just running around on one of those wheels. I know I love her. But she needs to want this, she needs to make that choice. I don't want to persuade her or confuse her."

He put his drink down and looked straight at the guys. "I asked her to marry me." Ty and Adam both looked at each other. "What, when? did we miss something?" Ty said. " It was the night after the club. It just sort of came out. I mean it wasn't a prepared proposal or anything, but I asked her and she never responded. And then the other night, she said she doesn't think she can give me what I want." "Geez man," Adam said, "why are women so complicated?"

They laughed. Sam got off the truck. "Listen I know I want to be with her, but she needs to figure it out. I can wait for her. But she needs to come to me and tell me. I want her to be sure because I know I am."