What Makes Us Human?

My name is Park Jin-hoo, I am 19 years old and I suffer from Aphenphophobia.

A normal day in my life would be something like this: I wake up at 6:30, I prepare my breakfast, while I eat, I lock myself in my room until 12:15; I prepare my dinner, while I eat, I lock myself in my room until 9:00 p.m.; I heat dinner at 12 and while I eat I lock myself in my room; at 11:00 p.m. I fall asleep and the cycle repeats itself as it has been repeating itself for the last 13 years.

As you have seen, I don't leave my room much, much less my house. My parents died 5 years ago in a car accident, I have been surviving thanks to donations from the internet and the funds of a foundation created by my father.

Fortunately, all this ended exactly 2 hours ago when the building I lived in burned down and the front door got stuck because it hadn't been used for years. I was getting food out the window, which was just the right size for the junk food I was ordering.

In short, the smoke made me lose consciousness and I probably burned to death. Luckily, it wasn't a painful death since I wasn't even there, but... There's something echoing in my head since I died.

For starters, when a person 'dies', isn't he supposed to be dead?

If the answer is 'yes'... Why did I wake up in a huge old, dusty and dirty room, lit by torches?

A more detailed description would be that I can see several columns and arches made of reddish marble. The walls were decorated with carvings of scenes from the history of some prosperous civilization. Let me add that it is strange for someone like me to say something like this, since locking myself in my room was a way to satisfy my obsession with history and learning ancient languages. My only 'hobby'.

A thick layer of dust covered almost every surface there was to be. There was a dark red rug with a decorative pattern woven along the center of the room, but it was in such bad shape that I wouldn't have been surprised to see patches stuck to it. Various chests and racks in the corners seemed to contain artifacts and items from this unknown and ancient civilization.

The hall was something fit for an emperor, a magnificent piece of architecture from a time when art still had value in society, and not simply a decoration to flaunt status. I was mesmerized by the scenes carved on the walls; scenes of medieval military victories, seemingly important political events, and even nature scenes that seemed to symbolize a connection to the world around us.

The deeper I went, the more things I saw. Suddenly I was surrounded by statues, mainly of kings and what seemed to be divine creatures from the mythology of this civilization. Many of the statues are too worn to see detailed carvings, and some appear to have been intentionally defaced.

I approached the closest one, it belonged to a man wearing what seemed to be a senator's robe, with a crown on his head and a scroll in his hand.

The scroll is titled ['Letter from the Senate, proposing that Nott's Theocracy be dissolved in favor of a Denier Empire.'].

I kept walking until I saw a stone altar. This altar was built into the wall, with the statue of another man on top. The statue was in very bad shape, and his expression was angry and fierce. A Latin inscription was engraved around the edge of the altar: 'The true Emperor, protector of Mankind'.

In another corner was a large statue of a woman, holding an apple in her hand.

The statue itself was made of smooth white marble and was carved in a classical Roman style. Although her facial features seemed slightly distorted, her body was perfectly proportioned. She also has an inscription at the base of her statue and I am forced to strain my eyes to read it:

'Lady of life, Mother of existence.

Your fruits restore our spirits.'

But these statues paled in front of the one that was in the center of them all. He was huge and looking at him made you feel deadly and mundane, he was also the only one flanked by two guards. This man wore a red robe and his face was carved in a stern expression. His right hand was raised in the air as if he were greeting the audience, while his left hand was placed firmly on his sword.

'Kethirion Nundrandruhk I, Emperor of Londorthell, protector of the people and conqueror of the world'.

'May the memory of these great deeds remain in history for all eternity.'

As I felt small in front of Emperor Kethirion, the unexpected happened.

"Hail, Nundrandruhk," the voice said, and instinctively I turned to see a woman standing beside me. I hadn't felt her, or smelled her. She could have done anything to me and I hadn't realized it until she did it...

She had long black hair tied up in a braid, and she was wearing a long hooded robe. Her face was covered by a veil, but her piercing blue eyes stared at me. In her hand, she held a black cane with a red skull embedded in the top.

Something in me made me forget that I hadn't socialized in 13 years, and that I didn't care about my personal space; then and as if it were something instinctive, I said:

"She is beautiful..."

"Do you speak latin?" she asked me, her voice low and soothing. "I didn't expect to meet another Imperial today." She offers me a smile, then her expression turns slightly more serious. "My name is Mater. I am the Patron Goddess of the Hour of Dawn. May I ask who are you?"

"No… I-I'm not an Imperial," I say, clearing my throat. "... In fact, I am a human, a mortal..." I finished saying while she lowered her head.

I felt the need to do it, it was not an obligation; or well, if the feeling that I could lose my life made me lower my head, then yes, it was by obligation.

"Do not be ashamed. It is rare to find a mortal with enough Latin to be able to carry on a conversation with a goddess. You should be proud."

It was true. She had a point. It was not every day that a mortal met Mater, the goddess of Dawn. And much less knew how to speak Latin. I guess she made me feel a little better. Barely.

"Why are you here in this place? Are you here to seek knowledge, as many do? Or do you need guidance in any way?"

She suddenly placed her hand on my shoulder, and I could feel an intense wave of heat rush through me.

<I see. So that's why I can talk to her like she's an ordinary person.>

This clarified one of many doubts. But seeing that she seemed like a peaceful being, a hint of ambition began to rise within me...

"Whatever your purpose, fear not, you can ask me any question I answer."

"All I know is that I died, and that seconds after I died... I appeared here."

She smiles warmly at me.

"Indeed, you are dead, but this is not the afterlife. This is the Temple of the Goddess of Dawn, my Temple, and you have passed beyond the veil. If you have any questions, I will do my best to answer. Of course, you can also ask about my Temple."

The next question could sentence my life, or at least what was left of it.

"Why are you so nice to me?"

"It's not a big effort for me to be nice. As the Goddess of the Morning and the first light of day, I am inherently benevolent, the one who brings light and hope to those who desire it. In other words, I suppose you could say that my very nature is kindness. Why should I deny you this? But nevertheless, if you wish, I can be much more cruel in an instant...

—A-ah, maybe it's a good idea to continue as we've been doing... And I actually have some questions.

"Of course. Ask me and I will answer. However, the answers to your questions may not be what you expect. I am a goddess, you see; And so my perspective may be somewhat different in many ways from that of a mortal. However, do not be afraid. I'll be honest, but it's my role to teach as well as answer. I hope you learn from what is being said, whether it is the truth you expected to hear or not."

At that moment, I felt like I had the power of the world in my hands. The wishes of millions of teenagers and my most embarrassing and personal wish...

"Can I reincarnate in another world?"

Her eyes glowed with a brilliant blue light.

"You may. Reincarnation is not a right, but a gift. For those who are worthy, the Goddess of Dawn can bestow it. However, there is a high price to pay. After all, you're asking to live not just a new life, but to live in a whole new world." The cane in her hand glows purple. "Would you pay this price? Or would you prefer to accept a more conventional afterlife?"

"Which…what would be the price?"

Although I imagined the answer to my question, it was not exactly what I expected.

"Your soul." Her voice was steady, as if she had been prepared to say those words. "My staff contains the essence of the Goddess of the Dawn, and it is what provides my powers. If I grant your wish, then your soul will be contained within it. You will have a new life in a new world, but you will not be able to experience its joys and sorrows to the fullest extent as you can here. Are these the terms you are willing to accept? It is a tremendous sacrifice for any mortal creature."

"Are you suggesting that there is a possibility that in my next life I won't be a human?"

"There's always a chance. Reincarnation, although it is a gift, is limited. You can be reborn as a human, or you can be reborn as another species. It depends on what the world and its deities demand of the cycle of life and death. That is why it is a sacrifice to sacrifice your soul. You can end up with something truly unique and new to this world… Or you can end up as a meaningless cockroach."

"So, in the hypothetical case that under the laws of the deities of that world I am reborn as a human, I still won't have more emotions because I won't have a soul?"

"I'd say you wouldn't actually have an absolute soul like most humans. In that life, you would be a physical existence, without what makes a human being truly human. However, I will say that even a human being without an absolute soul has some of those same qualities that make a person a 'person'. They may still have the capacity to love and hate, love and learn. You wouldn't be exactly the same, but part of what makes you a person would stay with you. Though I have to ask... It seems you are willing to lose your soul. Why? Most find the mere thought of life after death unbearable, and you, on the other hand, are so eager to throw away such great power. Why?

I really had a reason. And that was that I had nothing. I had no friends, I had no girlfriend, I had no pets, I had no parents, I had no siblings, I had nothing. There was nothing in my life of value that was really worth coming back for. And considering that the decisions I had been making in these last 13 years affected only me, why wouldn't I accept the gift that Mater was offering me? After all, it only affected me.

Still, something in me told me that this was not the answer a goddess would accept the way Mater would. Maybe she'd say something like 'You still have your life! You should value it, and in fact, I'd better send you back to your world to try harder.' What a deity like Mater would want to hear from a mortal, was something like this:

"Because for now I am a human, and as a human, my greed for knowledge and exploration of the unknown knows no bounds. Yes, I may regret it when I am reborn on a rock on another planet, and yes, I may suffer for all eternity for my stupidity, but aren't mistakes what make us human? I will follow what my humanity tells me to follow and I will do it until the end of my life."

I would like to add that I am a pessimistic teacher, and everything I have just said has consumed half my energy. Therefore, it will not happen again. Thank you.

She looks at me deeply. Without saying a word or creating any expression. Then, as if only seconds had passed, she raises her cane into the air.

[Perhaps she has discovered that I have tried to deceive her? But isn't she supposed to forgive me? I mean, part of my speech tells the truth... It's mistakes that make us human, and my mistake was trying to fool her, right?]

When a bright flash of light fills my surroundings, and suddenly everything goes dark, I knew that I, Park Jin-hoo, had really managed to trick a goddess.

When the light returns, I am standing in a clearing in a wide, dark forest with giant trees towering over even the highest branches. Birds fly among the branches and the air is scented with the scent of pine.

The forest is still and silent.

Out of inertia, I go down and look at my body... I would like to say that a battle is going on inside me for what emotion would arise from my reaction, but I realized that I felt lighter, emptier... And what really not I could feel absolutely nothing.

My body was human, yes, it was not the body of my past life. That was a given because here I had abs and slightly tanned skin, whereas on Earth I was skinny and sickly pale from not getting sunlight in years.

I take a step forward. My body loses balance and I fall to my knees.

Not only am I over 2 meters tall, but the body mass of this body far exceeds that of my original body. And as weird as this sounds, I'm glad I am completely naked, I can make a more accurate estimate of how different I am.

But it didn't seem like my guests would care to know.

Suddenly, I can hear a rustle in the bushes surrounding the clearing. My body, as if unaware that fear or a similar emotion no longer exists in me, freezes in place.

I can hear something coming for me, something big and heavy.

When he comes out of the bushes, I see him.

It is a creature, covered with a thick layer of fur.

He is taller than any man, with claws bigger than my arms.

He growls at me

"Fenrir...?"

A giant wolf.