C15: Evangeline

"Hey Justin, I have a gift for you. Here," I handed him a small, brown paper bag. It's the watch that I bought earlier before I confronted Ivy, who threw her frappe on my face.

He reached for the paper bag and looked at me, his eyes narrowed, filled with questions. "What for, Eve? I'm the one who should be making efforts to make it up to you. After treating you like trash, I don't deserve any of this."

"You know what?" I replied, "You won't be that guilty if you only spent time with her. I can sense that something's off. You're not telling me everything. I'll ask you again. What else should I know? You and Ivy are hiding something."

"I –"

"How stupid did you two think I am? I'm done being lied to. If you won't say it, I'll find proof."

"You're not sounding like yourself, Eve." I faked a laugh. "People who can be considered as an emotional mess can go crazy. I was only holding myself back all this time, but I smell something fishy. So please, just drop it."

Justin gulped, avoiding my eyes. "What do you want to know?"

"EVERYTHING! ISN'T THAT SUPPOSED TO BE OBVIOUS?!" I stood up from my seat, my clenched fist freezing cold and shaking. My heart pounds in my ears, blood rushing in my veins. "WHY CAN'T YOU FOR ONCE, BE HONEST? I need to know the whole truth, not the half-truth that you told me a few days ago." I pointed my index finger on his face. "I'm telling you now, Justin. You are not a good actor. You're not a good liar. The main reason why I cried when you first told me was not just about you confessing that you've been cheating. I already know that judging on how guilty you are, and the content of the bottle you gave a few months back and knowing that up to that point, you're fooling me makes me feel this pain!"

I grabbed him by the collar, ignoring my eyes burning with tears. "NOW TELL ME, WHAT ELSE SHOULD I NEED TO KNOW? WHY AM I NOT ENOUGH?!" Our faces are just a few inches apart from each other, yet, I never felt us this far. His heart is far from me.

"The things that I told you before, not all of them are true," he said, looking away. "I'm serious that we're done, and I want to save our relationship, and I wanted to start a new life by migrating. The lie was, I covered up the fact that we spent a few nights together. I didn't tell you because you'll be hurt," I forced a smile, letting go of his collar. "It's a relief for you, right? Because you said it all. Or perhaps, I'm missing something?"

"Eve, I thought –"

"That everything's okay?" I fired back. "You said that I made it sound easy? Yes, I have. I had to process it so that I can get back to my senses. You might be wondering, why a gift, right?"

He remained silent, already expecting that it's nothing positive even if it's supposed to be a gift.

"You said there'll be seven bottles in all, but there's no need for you to bother. I'm already returning those. I no longer need them. Just like you, who no longer needs me. I put it all in that paper bag. Of course, there's a real gift. There's a goodbye letter too, and a watch. Consider it as my souvenir. My last gift for you. You're welcome." I let out a long, exasperated sigh.

I hate myself. I hate having this feeling. I can't stand the sight of him. I used to be hurt alone before, but now, I don't feel anything else but anger and hatred. My chest tightens as I processed the thought.

"I wasn't expecting that you'll be like this. I thought all I had to do was to regain your trust and fix everything. This is, in fact, the last thing that I'm expecting from you. I've never seen you this mad, this out of control. You've completely lost your sense of self. If you were a dragon, you wouldn't hesitate to breathe fire on me. I can, however, understand. I don't deserve you, nor your forgiveness."

"Sounds like everything's fine with you. Am I right?"

"I have to accept reality. I know that we're over, but I at least want to tell you what the seventh bottle was supposed to be about. My plan was, the seventh would include my message for my wedding proposal." He looked down in embarrassment as if waiting for me to push him out of the door.

"I was planning to take you to the airport on the day of your flight, but …"

"You already know the answer to that," I replied, my feelings beginning to fade and lighten up. I looked down to avoid the sight of him. "Now, get out of my house and never show yourself to me again. You wouldn't want me to do that for you."

He stood from afar, looking at me for the last time. An awkward, and deafening silence fell between us until he finally decided to take his coat and the paper bag as he left the house.

My knees weakened as he went out of the house, weak enough to make me lose my balance. As I kneel to the floor, I poured out all the emotions that I have left, all the things that I held back in my heart – a river of tears flowed, and I screamed at the top of my lungs until I felt empty.

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The morning right after the breakup is the heaviest morning I had my entire life. I want to stay on bed for the entire day, or probably the entire week. The sounds of the chirping birds outside my window are refreshing, but I feel nothing but dead inside.

However, the fact that Justin's completely gone in my life can still be considered as a blessing because finally, I'm done staying in a relationship filled with lies and betrayals.

Justin, wherever you are, I can guarantee that I can still forgive you later on, and I wish for your happiness. May you find someone better, who can satisfy all your needs. He surely knows that, because that's the content of my goodbye letter to him.

I searched my phone on the bedside table with my hand, and as I reach it, I immediately signed in on Facebook and visited the group that I created, Home for the brokenhearted girls, and created a post.

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Hana Evangeline Perez:

Hi everyone. Just yesterday, Justin and I made a conclusion in our relationship. We're done, 100%. I'm an emotional mess right now, but that aside, I want to invite you who are living nearby. I want to throw a party. I'll be leaving the country for I don't know how long by the end of the month, and I would be so grateful to meet some of you in person. I look forward to meeting you, my brokenhearted folks! Let's celebrate our independence from toxic relationships and other kinds of loss. We're going to help each other become stronger, even in our little ways.

When: February 22, Saturday – 7 pm

Where: My house (leave a comment if you're coming, I'll pm you my address)