I feel dirty because of you...

I wasn't expecting anyone, especially not him. My ex-fiancé, the one I hate as much as I once loved him, is standing there, in my studio, with a thin smile on his lips.

-What are you doing here?, my voice sounds harsher than usual

He moves slowly, as if he fears my reaction.

-I know you don't want to see me but I need to talk to you

I cross my arms over my chest.

-Speak then

-It's my grandmother, he begins hesitantly, she would like to see you

I hold back a sigh. His grandmother. The one who always treated me like her own granddaughter. The one who still doesn't know that I would like to cancel the engagement.

-Why?, I ask although I think I already know the answer.

-He misses you

He misses you. The words echo in my head. I already hate myself for what I'm about to do.

-When?, my voice is barely above a whisper.

-You have to go there as soon as possible. I'll let you know for now.

He heads towards the door, visibly relieved to have accomplished his mission.

-Wait, I'll stop him, I want things to be clear between us

-How so ?

-You and I are over, I told him, I want to break off my engagement

He nods, but I know he sees through my mask of coldness.

I hate this situation as much as I hate the fact that my grandmother doesn't know yet that I want to call off her engagement.

-My grandmother wants you to be her daughter-in-law, he said to me suddenly.

-I'm not asking for comments, I replied coldly, now get out

Without me expecting it, he quickly approached me before taking my hand.

I pushed him away brutally

-I TOLD YOU TO GET OUT OF HERE!, I screamed with all my strength

He seemed shocked by my sudden exclamation.

-You weren't like that before, he said to me before leaving.

Yeah and it's all your fault, I thought irritated

The simple touch of his hand on mine had set off a chain reaction of disgust and despair. And a feeling of contamination had taken hold of me.

I rushed to the bathroom, ignoring all the curious looks around me. Tears clouded my vision as I frantically scrubbed my hands with soap, as if I could erase his presence from my skin. Every second I spent without feeling clean amplified the feeling of dirt that invaded me.

My manager, who had observed the scene, quickly approached me. His expression was one of concern and compassion. Without a word, he gently placed his hand on my shoulder, a simple but comforting gesture.

Words were useless in this vulnerable moment. I broke down in tears, letting go of all the accumulated distress.

I don't understand why he won't leave me alone. I wish I didn't have these nightmares about what he did to me anymore, I didn't want to see him anymore if he disappeared from the face of the earth, I thought in despair

My manager was there, silent, but his presence was a balm for my bruised soul.

When he suddenly took me in his arms, I found a little respite, a little peace from the storm raging inside me. And for that, I was grateful.

-Huyn, my manager suddenly whispered to me, I think maybe you need to see a psychologist

-My parents won't let me, I replied in a voice hoarse from my tears, you know that very well

-I will take you there discreetly, he suggested.

-I'll see if I'm really not well,

-All right

-And please, I asked him, told security not to let Donovan in again

-Yes I will tell all the studio staff, he reassured me

-I don't want to see his face here anymore, I added, exhaling weakly, and let's go to work, I want to clear my mind