The Incomparable Illusionist

The scattered light from several spotlights illuminated the stage, on which a thick, swirling fog was slowly creeping. It was getting bigger and bigger with each passing moment. It seemed that it was about to enter the hall, hiding the first rows with a heavy blanket, but the haze, as if bumping into invisible walls, remained on the stage more and more concentrated and becoming completely impenetrable to the eye. Slow beautiful music came from somewhere above, but with every second it accelerated, becoming louder, more aggressive and crazier, bringing associations with the beautiful melody of Edvard Grieg's "In the Cave of the Mountain King "*. The fog, as if alive, moved in time with the invisible orchestra, releasing upward whitish tentacles and resembling an amorphous equalizer. When the music reached its climax, the mist curled up in a spindle in the center of the stage and with the last chord disintegrated, leaving in its place a beautiful magician illuminated by a bright spotlight while the rest of the space was plunged into darkness.

The audience applauded, with the front rows mostly trying and I could see why.

In reality, Zatanna was even more attractive than in the photo: shapely waist, slender legs wrapped in mesh stockings, luxurious thick curly hair the color of a raven's wing, sensual scarlet lips, beautiful face, big... eyes... size four, no less... But strangely enough, I felt nothing but genuine admiration. It was like watching a beautiful flower. A plant can be as beautiful as you like, but that doesn't mean you want to fuck it. Ha hah... For some reason, Poison Ivy in her sexinatorium came to mind.

The illusionist gave a moment to admire herself for a moment, and then snapped her fingers and a magic wand appeared in her hand.

"Hello, distinguished ladies and gentlemen, my name is the Incomparable Zatanna. - Her pure melodious voice reached every remote corner of the hangar. - And on this wonderful evening, I want to help you immerse yourself in a world of magic and wonder.

"She didn't introduce herself very well. - Harley whispered in my ear. - Where are the big titles, like Earth's Greatest Wizard or something?

"The greatest mage on Earth was her father, so she didn't want to overshadow him with her fame. - I answered, engrossed in the performance and not bothering to clarify that he was the greatest because he wore a mystical artifact with a Lord of Order named Naboo imprisoned in it.

I remembered from my homeworld that magicians and illusionists try to perform in silence, using only gestures and facial expressions, and the magician was no exception to this tradition. The girl removed a cylinder from her head, deftly twirling it and tossing it in the air a couple of times, demonstrating the lack of contents, then the magician touched it with her wand to pull out a white fluffy rabbit, which after a moment turned into two white doves. The birds flew around the hangar and back to Zatanna again, disappearing into her headdress. The card tricks also had their own twist, and I couldn't imagine how they could be performed without magic, especially when the deck hung in the air, fanning out. By the way, the high cost of tickets for the first rows got a little justification when the illusionist started calling the audience from the hall to help in the tricks, although who could enjoy piercing a defenseless girl, securely fixed in a box, with swords?

"We should try it at home, but you won't be poking me with swords. - Harley whispered hotly. I'm sure you would.

"Huh, absolutely.

Strangely enough, Zatanna didn't utter a sound the entire time she was speaking, though I was sure she had to say the words backwards to create magic. Her lips were frozen in a polite smile, and only parted when she had to give instructions to the audience assistants.

Are those cables?!

During her promenade over the heads of the admiring front rows, I managed to make out a glimpse of an almost invisible rope under the very ceiling.

"Ha ha ha.

I managed to pass off a laugh as a delighted sigh as the girl rushed sharply toward the ground, but slowed down at the last moment, dropping gently to the stage.

Now I watched the illusionist twice as closely, noting that she performed ninety percent of her tricks, if not more, by sleight of hand, with little or no recourse to supernatural powers.

As a closing number, she demonstrated the disappearance of a car, which was rolled onto the stage by the ticket taker who met us, throwing an awning over it.

One would assume that the auto would hide under the stage, but the sorceress had foreseen this moment. After she stomped her foot, the decorative partitions fell to the floor, showing that the stage was erected on ordinary pillars. The lights came on, revealing the absence of mirrors and any hidden room.

Having finished the performance and having waited for a storm of applause, the magician bowed to the audience, lastly saying:

"And remember-" She lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper that was perfectly audible in the farthest corner of the room. - Magic is real.

~Poof~

Suddenly she disintegrated into the flakes of fog that started her performance.

The audience applauded again, and Harley and I were no exception. To the shouts of admiration, the sorceress reappeared on the stage, simply climbing up from the service aisle. She was clearly enjoying the attention, accepting flowers and gifts from her admirers.

I decided to stay put, planning to sneak into the sorceress's dressing room when the crowd cleared. The wait dragged on for fifteen minutes, during which we played anagrams, making up some pretty convoluted ones, until Zatanna left the stage, heading backstage, where she was to have another meeting with the loyal fans who had paid a hefty sum for it. As far as I could see, there were only three of them, so she wouldn't be occupied for long.

"It's time.

We leisurely approached the guard at the right entrance. It was no longer a ticket taker, but someone very similar: horns, symbols on his face, and a height of two meters. Hmm, but the writing was clearly smudged, as if it had been accidentally touched by hand.

"A pass. - Folding his arms across his chest, he said grimly.

"Can we make a deal?

"Five thousand, ten for two.

"I'll give you a hundred. - They gave me a skeptical look, obviously trying to figure out how to get rid of me more easily: by kicking me in the ass or by the scruff of my neck like a naughty kitten. - All right, you got it, two hundred. Count me and my girl.

"Hey, man, are you kidding me? I don't get paid to let in any scammers. Besides, your couple hundred dollars ain't even enough to pay for my Internet.

My lips stretched into a smirk. Huh, not a demon after all! Well, reputation, help me out or we'll have to crawl through the ceiling using my cane, but that's a bummer.

"Ha ha ha, boy. - The guard flinched, scrutinizing my face, which I wasn't really hiding because of the poor lighting. - You have no idea what two hundred will be like. I'm going to autograph them! Every single one of them. Can you imagine?!

The Joker was pretty well known in the world, though he didn't do much outside of Gotham, so it wasn't surprising that I could be recognized.

"You were acquitted... And you didn't do any of the things that are attributed to you..." The man's voice was doubtful.

"Hmm..." I pretended to think about it. - Maybe, maybe... Except that I have memory problems, and I might not remember anything... But you know," I stood up close to the demon imp, smiling madly, "at times like this, when I don't get what I want, it's like something dark and scary is trying to break out of my subconscious...

The guard's knees shook.

Suddenly, I took a step back, completely breaking the hanging tense atmosphere.

"Ha ha, okay, my final offer: three hundred bucks for entered to this dungeon**."

"Wha...

"I say I'll give you three hundred if you let me in... - Otherwise we'll have to find a way around, wasting time and nerves.

Of course, I kept that last thought to myself. It's one thing to say vague phrases that can be interpreted in different ways, and quite another to directly threaten a man just doing his job. It would not be too good for my new image of a law-abiding citizen. By the way, I'll have to see if this movie is out in the world, Harley should definitely like it.

The man was clearly overcome with doubt, but he stepped aside, making way for the backstage area.

After handing him three hundred, we were about to visit the great enchantress, but I was suddenly stopped by a voice: "Hey, and autograph!".

He had to sign. In principle, he didn't have much money, for the bills could be sold to some collectors for a large sum, which he wouldn't have to share with his employer.

When we got to the likely location of the enchantress, we found that she had already left, so we had to continue our journey in search of her dressing room.

Ten minutes later.

Shit, is this hangar infinite?! We've been walking for a shitload of time and we still can't find the right room, and this place was obviously hastily built to store props. With each passing second, the idea of using my cane and exploring this labyrinth from above or activating berserk mode and walking straight ahead, breaking through thin partitions didn't seem ridiculous to me anymore.

"Mr. J," my assistant, who'd been walking contentedly beside me with her arm around my waist, said suddenly, "I love that we're walking around like this, but didn't you want to go see the sorceress? Besides, giving three hundred bucks to walk in circles around a hangar isn't the best investment, you can do that at an amusement park. Oh, I'd love to go to Disneyland!" I was stared at with two eyes shining with excitement.

In circles? Ta-a-a-ack...

"Honey, where's Zatanna's dressing room?

"Dressing room? There's a trailer over there. - Harlequin pointed somewhere to the side, but I couldn't see anything but the usual walls.

Hmm, it's kind of blurry when I look at it closely. So it's some kind of illusion and my lovely assistant can see through it. Let's try something.

"Ha ha ha!" After the emotional peak had subsided, I found that I was looking a little to the left of where the girl was pointing, but now that problem was gone, I could see the passage to the van that the sorceress had apparently been driving around the world.

~Smack~

I kissed the girl, making her eyes shine brighter with happiness.

"We are definitely going to go to Disneyland!

Now there was nothing stopping me from approaching Zatara's van, standing in an empty patch of hangar space, and knocking politely.

~Tuk-tuk-tuk-tuk~

"Ha ha ha... - Just in case, I increased my concentration again.

"Come in. - It came from behind the door.

"I apologize for the intrusion. - I said, stepping inside, holding the blonde's hand.

"ZEERF."

Suddenly, the sorceress exclaimed and my body turned into a statue. I couldn't even move my eyes!

"Who are you and what do you want?" The sorceress's tense look and her reaction told me that she obviously didn't expect to see any other characters. "Did the Chaos Lodge send you?"

...

...

...

How the hell are we supposed to respond if we're both frozen?!

"No, we just need a wizard's counseling. And I also wanted to tell you that your performance was awesome!" To my surprise, the spell didn't work on Harley, who, realizing that I was silent, decided to take the initiative.

Hey! That's not fair at all! Why didn't she freeze? Wait, the spell clearly said "freeze", but it didn't say to whom. Maybe it was referring to my assistant and not me.

I felt like I could move... Awesome!

***

"Introduce yourselves first. - Zatanna eyed the human-looking couple who had come in suspiciously, but who were not affected by the illusion spell.

This is the school most often used by the sorceress, so as not to waste the reserve when it is not necessary. Minimal impact - maximum result. And all she has to do is set the parameters mentally while casting the spell. The method she uses to affect reality is conceptual and can fulfill her will in a variety of ways. For example, a simple order to freeze may simply influence the mind so that the target fulfills it, or it may instantly freeze a small area to absolute zero or turn the target into stone.

The trailer owner cast a second glance at her magic detector, which looked like an ordinary divination ball.

It's clear, just white mist without a single fleck, which means the magic in the invaders might be there, but there's too little of it, and most likely their resistance is a racial trait. Or they're both crazy, which is less likely. Which is why she decided not to waste mana.

There is, of course, a veil at the entrance, but it is not too reliable and has many holes, for example, a couple of symbols on the face completely nullifies its effect, otherwise the hired workers could suspect something, and an attentive person can notice the incorrectness, and then the illusion becomes useless. It seemed to the sorceress that she had seen these two somewhere before, but she couldn't remember where. So, just in case, she concentrated on the most costly spell to destroy the danger.

***

"Uh... Don't freak out. I'm Jay Arkham, and she's Harleen Quinzel.

Zatanna visibly tensed after my words, but then relaxed, smiling contentedly.

"What kind of demon sold your asses to come to me?

"Hey, my ass belongs only to Mr. J!" My beloved instantly jumped up, looking with condemnation at the sorceress who had infringed on the most sacred thing.

"Yeah, well, I'm not looking to sell mine either. And what makes you think we sold anything to anyone?

"Heh," she grinned, "what other reason could a criminal have for looking for me if not for the ground burning under his feet? I mean, you're going straight from here to your treatment center. By the way, why Arkham?" Realizing that the people in front of her, the girl felt confident in her abilities. Even if her visitors had made a contract with one of the Lords, the latter had obviously screwed up, because her orb did not react in any way, remaining snow-white.

"Yeah... I take it you don't watch TV or read the internet?

"But somehow I didn't have time for that. - The sorceress shrugged her shoulders. - Organizing a performance takes a lot of time and effort.

"Uh, well, go in and read about the Joker right now. You have a cell phone, right? I can borrow mine.

"No, thank you. I may be a sorceress, but that doesn't mean I can't use modern technology. - The illusionist pulled out a regular smartphone from her desk drawer and surfed the net.

Her facial expression was funny to watch, almost an illustration of the five stages of acceptance of the inevitable performed by a person with lively facial expressions, only instead of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, there was: surprise, denial, surprise again, disbelief, and finally acceptance.

"Ahem... That's unexpected... But it still doesn't explain why you're here.

* In case anyone doesn't know. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugCfQYFgaEM&t

** who got it, got it.