Chapter 101: He would not wish to see you like this:

Song Ze Yu brought me outside to a pavilion surrounded by flowers. Most were Iris. It was Ah Lin's favourite flower. He liked the meaning behind Iris. The sun shone brightly as a bright blue butterfly landed on my finger. It just stayed there flapping its wings. This was quite a beautiful sight. 

"Ah Lin, I miss you. Are you really dead?" I whispered looking upwards. "Are you that reassured to leave me here alone? I don't remember anything. Ah Lin. Do you blame me? If not for me you would have lived a happy and healthy life," I exclaimed as tears rolled down my face. 

Suddenly, a child walked up towards me and muttered "Jie jie*(1), don't be sad. Here's a sweet. Mummy says when people eat something sweet they will feel happy again,". I smiled at the little girl wearing a hospital uniform and muttered, "Thank You,". "I'm so sorry if my daughter bothered you," a woman mumbled as she ran towards her daughter. "Mimi, I told you not to run around," she berated. "No it's ok, your daughter didn't bother me anyways," I uttered. "Sorry about that," the woman apologised before bringing Mimi away. 

"Hui Qing, he would never blame you. He loved you. He loved you more than you could ever imagine. How would he ever blame you?" rationalised Song Ze Yu. "He once told me that you were like a light in his dark life. For both of us you were like an angel in our dark pitched life," he explained, "To be honest you shouldn't dwell on his death but look at the things he did during his life. Although he died young but he lived a happy and content life. Even in his death he helped saved 3 other people using his organs,". 

"If he was here, he wouldn't wish to see you like this,"whispered Song Ze Yu as he placed a necklace on me. The necklace had 2 rings carved in a infintiy shape hanging on the chain. In the middle of the chain there was a locket in a heart shaped. I later found out that some parts of Ze Lin's ashes were sealed inisde. It was apparently Song Ze Yu's idea. "This necklace, I'm sure you will know what it represented. Hopefully while wearing this you can imagine as if Ze Lin is by your side," Huan Ning muttered as I nodded. 

I know they are right and they are saying these thing for my benefit, but I don't think I will stop griefing over his death for a long time. For me it was as if it was yesterday when he was very alive yet it's already been 4 years since he left. He was only 19.

"After I leave this place, can you take me to his grave? I wish to talk to him," I muttered as Huai Ning nodded. Perhaps quite happily. Maybe he thought I would go into depression or something. But only I know that from this moment I would live my life for Ah Lin. I'm going to do everything he wished to do in his stead. 

"But if you still can't let go of him, you can pretend I'm him," Song Ze Yu joked. "Fu*k off," I muttered, "Just because I lose my memory but I still know what you did to me three years ago. You lied to my for a whole year,". Song Ze Yu laughed and then said "Wait you remember that?" he asked as I nodded. "I only remember things to do with Ah Lin. I remember going to visit his grave. I suppose I only remember things to do with him," I replied as he nodded.