2.5.4

By forming a temporary pact with Beatrice, Subaru gained a tiny but tangible piece of security. However, the circumstances pressing down on Subaru had not fundamentally improved at all.

As was his wont, Subaru continued life as a hermit in the room he had been granted; Beatrice was not hovering around Subaru, protecting him twenty-four hours a day.

The problem was from the night of the fourth day to the morning of the fifth—to reduce the effort needed to protect him during that time, he'd be leaving the room, not showing his face again until the appointed hour.

In return, the one who visited Subaru time and again, and currently nodding while sitting on the side of the bed with a charming smile on her face, was Emilia.

"I see, so Beatrice came to properly apologize. I'm glad. A job well done."

For Emilia to approach him like this after Subaru had treated her so poorly, which weighed heavily on his conscience, it was no exaggeration to say he thought of her like a goddess, his one light in a dark world.

When Emilia visited again and he tried to apologize for his initial rude statement, she simply brushed off Subaru's horrible words.

"You were just overwhelmed, right? It can happen to anyone. It can't be helped. Ram and Rem will be pleased to hear you say that, though."

Subaru gave no proper reply to the gentle request she'd slipped in at the end.

Their loyalty was so great that they'd kill someone merely for knowing an inconvenient truth. Subaru had experienced that firsthand, but he couldn't hate them for it even so.

He closed his eyes and thought back on his days at the manor. Back then, during those memories, were there not moments when Subaru and the sisters drew closer together?

—Maybe he just wanted to believe it was so.

Emilia looked at the tray left on the side of the bed and the untouched meal, slowly going cold, resting upon it as she murmured in a sullen tone.

"So you really didn't eat breakfast, did you?"

"…Sorry."

After snapping at Emilia, Subaru had become more quiet and withdrawn. Though Subaru acted like that, Ram and Rem diligently went about their duties as servants.

Even when they knew he would never touch the food nor thank them for it.

One was rude, while the other was polite only on the surface, but both were very formal and professional at heart.

Subaru knew that. Despite knowing that, he could not accept the food.

—For all he knew, it might be poisoned.

That was the thought that passed through his mind when he looked at it.

He hated himself for doubting the two of them. However, Subaru knew a future existed where the sisters waved around horrid weapons to kill him.

He knew they had many virtues, but they'd try to kill him anyway.

It was when Subaru had accepted that fact that his despair had truly begun.

"Maybe it's tough, but it's bad for you if you don't eat at least a little bit."

"My stomach won't take it… Well, maybe if Emilia-tan went 'Say aah' for me I could eat, but…"

Subaru cursed what an incurable joker he was, sending such a flippant remark Emilia's way when she was genuinely worried about him.

However…

"Here, then. Say aah."

"—Eh?"

"I said, say aah—"

Emilia had set the food tray on her lap, lifting a spoon and looking at Subaru.

She used the spoon to scoop up some soup, which was still somewhat warm, and gently brought it toward Subaru's mouth.

Subaru immediately shook his head, unable to understand what Emilia was trying to do.

"No, nonono, wait, hold up, Emilia-tan, what are you doing?"

"What do you mean, what? You said you'd eat if I did this, didn't you? So eat. I'm saying 'say ahh' and everything."

"Err, this is like a ritual that girls don't actually do; their faces just go bright red and that's as far as it goes, I thought?"

"If you're going to speak like a child, you can't be embarrassed at being fed like one. That would be silly."

As Subaru dragged his feet, Emilia went "Say aah" again with a powerful, compelling stare. Subaru finally buckled under the pressure, feeling like he'd gone red to the tips of his ears as he opened his mouth.

"A-aah…"

"There, swallow. Here's the next one. Here, here, here, here, here."

"That's too fast!! Was that aah just to get my guard down?!"

The way Emilia carried soup to his lips, automatically with no wasted motion whatsoever, made him wonder if she'd been in a fast-feeding competition or something. Subaru tried to keep up with one spoonful after another before roughly waving his hand midway.

"T-time-out, time-out! Can we stop? It's going down my th-throat the wrong way…!"

"Goodness, and it was going so well, too… Subaru?"

"Cough, cough, r-really, my throat feels…all weird…"

Subaru averted his face from Emilia, faking coughs to try to make the action seem more natural. He didn't want Emilia to see his face just then.

Something hot was welling from deep in Subaru's eyes. He opened his eyes to give his tears somewhere to run and desperately tried to stop them from flowing.

She continued to be kind to him in a world where he could see no hope.

He wondered if he was truly worthy of such treatment…

…for Subaru Natsuki was in despair precisely because he rejected that he was.

"Hey, Subaru."

As she called out to him in concern, Subaru lightly cleared his throat and tested his voice as he got back in order.

"…Mm, ahh, ahh. Okay. Yeah. I'm all right now. I think. I'm all right."

He made the richest expression as he turned toward Emilia…

…and met her extremely gentle eyes, looking right at him.

"Let's continue."

"…The way you put that makes this feel really naughty somehow…"

"—?"

Emilia, tilting her head, apparently hadn't noticed the risqué, bewitching nature of her statement.

Or maybe it'd all been in his head to begin with.

And so he finished eating, with Emilia offering a 'Say aah' and him opening his mouth, cheeks red from shyness and complicated sentiments. With the meal finished, Emilia clapped once in satisfaction.

"Good. Now, what do we say when we're done eating?"

"That was great."

"That's bad manners. Once more, and say it right."

"Thank you for the food."

"You're very welcome."

Faced with Emilia's broad smile, Subaru patted his belly, which strangely felt nice and full.

His stomach felt no discomfort at having been stuffed after two days of going empty.

"Ram said, 'He hasn't eaten properly in a while so we must be gentle on his stomach,' and that's how Rem made it. They're such good girls, aren't they?"

Emilia's words, as if boasting on behalf of the sisters, stabbed Subaru's doubts like a dagger.

If that was the truth, he'd be happy enough to cry at such a show of concern. But Subaru knew better. The very pain of the delusion made him want to cry.

If only their gentleness and kind treatment didn't have that lurking behind it.

"Well, now that you've eaten, too, you must be tired, so I'll head back and let you rest."

"You could always sleep here beside me?"

"Good, good, seems you're already your usual self. Now, I do have things I need to be doing, too. Don't tell anyone I was slacking off, okay?"

Emilia winked and stuck out her tongue.

Subaru, remembering what Emilia would normally be doing at a time like this, felt deeply ashamed.

Emilia had a kingdom resting on her shoulders; she didn't have one second to waste as she spent each day striving for a better future. She shouldn't have been wasting a single second of that precious time on someone worthless like Subaru.

"—Emilia. Keep your door locked at night and don't let anyone in, okay?"

Perhaps he said it because Emilia's kindness had rekindled the tiniest spark of the will to defy Fate.

Emilia brushed back her silver hair and inclined her head ever so slightly at Subaru's sudden admonition.

"Or you'll sneak in?"

"Right, exa… No!! Hey, that was Puck not Emilia just now, wasn't it?!"

"Wow, got it in one."

Puck popped his head out of Emilia's hair and grinned at her and Subaru. He swished his tail as Subaru glared at him, no doubt having been listening in that hiding place from the very beginning.

"I didn't want to intrude on such a lovely scene, but your emotions suddenly turned serious, huh? That got my attention."

"…I just have a bad feeling, okay? You take good care of Emilia, now."

With the black cloud lurking, Subaru had to be evasive when speaking about the future. Even so, Puck, able to read emotions, accepted his words without question.

"I'll have you know I really don't like feeling left behind in this conversation," Emilia complained.

"It's just saying a cute girl like you should always be careful about night visits, and to watch out for cars and men. Right, Dad?"

"That's right, Lia. Daddy forbids you from seeing men…bad-looking, dark-haired men in particular."

"Brutus?!"

Puck laughed out loud as Subaru invoked the name of the famous betrayer. Emilia pinched the laughing Puck and shoved him back into her hair, this time rising to her feet.

Subaru saw both of them off and, now alone in the room, flopped onto the bed.

He'd gotten them to watch out more, but it was a small comfort. To begin with, the current crisis had little to do with either of them, so he figured they'd be all right.

"Aw, no…"

The instant Subaru's mind felt a smidgen of relief, his consciousness dove into a deep sleep.

The pangs of sleep that he'd kept at bay with pain for so long suddenly rushed back, robbing Subaru of his will.

And his stomach was full, too. His consciousness felt like it was sinking downward, unable to resist.