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Rambling and Random bullshittery

This be your most daring story; A rambling if you must, Of language most foul, of unexplored ways to curse. Of bullshit in every turn, in every twist, in every twists of tongues. As told by thine ol'hands and masterminded by the crude tongue, with all my tics and antics. Do-told tale of a vegetable who limbs and stumbled on a new realm of where creation was pierced in it's boundaries. Of a connoisseur who learns of ways of an unshackled breathing body, the occasional doggie styles and the utmost high of all forms of unequaled shag-getry, wooing tarts and thots and hoes, all manners of terms modern and old to name all wenches of all- the ripened titties; "Thine taste ranges from nymphs of florescent pure to flooded lips which hangs and are forgivably bonk-able with a passing thought riled up by the hard down under, Which in short means all!" Heinously wholesome in ways of the vile tongue which grew most crude, terribly heinous with every breaths more lived- after to after and then more, much much more. A rambling- to what he sees, to what he does. This is a story of a living, in a world of pixels; of new universe where a man could swim in lava, a world where such and such is deemed mundane. An epic where a naked fledgling dove in the heat of an avian war, baby-steps towards a destiny-, etched in the root webs of two worlds with only a goal; To be the Pirate Ki- nevermind! To live most free. Rejuvenation; maketh man a new being, now what would be his tale when all he knew of living was blinking a set of dead little eyes, what would such a virgin of a human ways do in a surreal world that explodes magics and bullshits. I'll tell ye all! Just listen to the ramble. (Stay with me, I won't ever drop this.) [Warning:] 1. Not for the faint of heart. 1½. Smut will be there but it will be extremely rare. 2. The english dictionary would require a thorough update after I'm done with this epic. 3. Fuckery most heinous most foul. (By decree of a certain fool) 4. Don't tell your mums you learnt (curses) from me. 5. No other warning just enjoy, If ye dares. Cover art not mine, thank you for letting me use it and sorry but pray tell if you ordered it removed. Will use it until I could afford a more authentic cover art or until boss wants it removed.

JF_Fanai · Fantasía
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32 Chs

Foot of the town

"My baby's reduced to a vegetable…" mom wailed with the force of tears only shred when losing treasures of dearest kept.

Way to phrase it mom, way to phrase it, I was a vegetable alright, still am a vegetable and only we could call WE vegetable, however tis mom and the hair I had out there were silky smooth as she groomed with shampoo of the finest made- by the only Scrappy Coco, so with charred broccoli twas a given she'd cried her air out, "They'd given him a burned vegetable for hair, his soft silky hair…." She cried to a quaver.

All in the while dad still said none, I mean he couldn't do none he still was a punching bag, the forever scapegoat, grabbed by the neck he was dealt the pain meant for whoever gave their son this hair.

We were having our old family routine until;

"Tight real tight!" exclaimed Rip, sniffling a plenty in the nose- and loud by the side as mom freaked out about thine afro.

At which time my mom stopped in a quick fucking spit, suddenly with emphasis on the sudden- letting go dad and checking herself, doing her dress, unfolding creases on the sun dress she wore, she moved in an olympic level speed.

Jaws widened me and Rip- flabbergasted as we beheld on how those slender arms of gentle kind- which wailed and tortured dad did moved that fast.

And then she stood upright, with the softest and most innocent of smiles, dad too stood besides her, slower he were- untangling the locks on his curls by one hand and another he slid the edges of his shirt, tucking it in, which came untucked in mom's torture, he was with the more slower and believable pace.

"Wallace!" she whispered with a rough gruff, likely kicking him on the legs to better present himself more likely, we could faintly see her lower part moved.

And there we were;

With poise of proper and no signs of wailings was mom, dad was shabby but passably presentable,

"Hi Locket's friend I'm his mom!" She greeted, with the utmost of smiles too curved that it nearly beats the intent of smiles in being approachable and with another quick kick on dad down below, which we clearly did not see, "I'm the Dad… more or less.." joked dad, always wearing them funny bones.

Mom gave him a quick dead-glare as dad simply dumb-heartedly chuckled off, "We were waiting for your monitor before calling you and since it's here now your mom couldn't wait much longer," He said, "So you've made a friend? What's your name young man?"

"I'm Rip sir!" like a soldier who aced his drills, he answered the man with much respect- I find it pleasing that he knows a proper poise for moments such as these.

"Nice to meet you Rip!" said dad, "Can we have a little private moment with Lock."

"With pleasure sir, I'll take my short leave!" reported Rip, standing his butt up and walking to the pathway with a whistle.

He sure was a good tall gentleman.

Once he walked his tall feet away, immediately I was asked in unison, "He's not bullying you or anything right?" they asked yours truly, their faces squeezing close to the frame.

"No! I just met him after I logged-in," I answered quick, "He's a chill guy." I nodded my head.

And as I did so, I saw tears running down their cheeks again, "He speaks so clearly an-and he just nodded his little head,," mom broke out making another waterfall of tears again, quavering more to near an incoherent wail, "My baby nodded.. but.. what have they done to his hair.."

"This is how you mock us world?!" she played a full on drama.

We talked a great deal on how I felt, asked a many dreaded questions of the functions of the male's down below too, uncomfortable it were but tis mom and she demanded answers.

We talked far into the minutes.

In our talks in our previous dinner, they told me they already knew I would've really felt and tasted in here as advertised, they had done much more thorough a research then I had ever did of the game, a fact which only solidifies their love of me.

But wholesome as it might, teary though it were, even as we talked, even as they heard my most coherent talk ever I've done, even if this felt finally deserved, even if we were staring at our family longingly, I felt it more right to end the call in honor of Rip, not cause I felt the tank of my tears about to explode and cry me an ocean.

"Mom? Dad? It's fun and honestly I am so happy to be able to.. talk to you face to face like this but can it wait for a while? I don't want to be rude?.." I asked and requested as do all good Samaritan Asians do.

But then;

"Oh ofcourse not! Why're we even talking right now.. right honey?" she reassured my worries.

"Yup! It would be kinda rude.." implied my oldman.

"Oh! But you must promise to call us before you hit the hay!" mom voiced a mother's demand.

To which me and particularly my dad were not ever meant to, or allowed to disobey.

With much a smile we bid thee well for the time being and the screen collapsed to little pixels, morphing the hologram back into the eyes and returning them to their normal sky blues.

Rip, he was walking and fidgeting about and along the little pathway, he was keeping little peaky tabs on me the whole time, caught him in the act by the corner of thine eyes and with my screen gone he decided to come to the shed, "Nice talk?" he asks.

"Oh Yeah! Sorry it's just… we were having a-" I was stopped mid-sentence when he said, "It's alright bro! I think I get your gist now." He remarked.

"Wh-what? You do?"

"Yeah! But we'll savor it for another day.. you wanna maybe come over to town? I could be your guide." He offered.

"Uhh!" there was a tad bit much to take in, 'What does he know? Did he know I'm a vegetable?' but shrugging and shaking them thoughts I replied, "I was trying to absorb cores here."

"Oh it's no worries, there's a slab in the Inn, you could absorb them then right? I mean you have much much to enjoy so.. I'll guide your first steps."

He speaks as if he saw through me, something was tickling my left nut and betting my right nut- I think he caught my drift, my awkwardness resulting from a paralyzed body, it were more likely since Mom did a mom at the start of our call.

"Uhh–Yea! Sure! I'm no guaranteed a fun traveling companion though?" teased I, I let show the ways of the tongue which broke ice- I let it out to be more worth a being to talk with or so my paralyzed body out there had deduced, 'A joke breaks any ice in a conversation!' it noted way back in the past, so I wanted to throw some jokes so as to sound more conversable.

"Hah! I'm smelling a long adventure ahead…. But first to town, we need to get drunk on beers and titties!" he cheered, rather forward and easy to talk to he was from the start– Then on and about in a spit we went.

I followed his lead and upstream we headed on.

Two fine talk gentlemen on a stroll.

We talked a great deal and more.

We lamented on the awkward genius and the rewards he left in store for any to grab, "Through the paradise it somehow soothes me knowing his kinda still alive." said I.

"I share your drift my guy! Also I rode that afterlife dick so hard," Rip smiled, "There's three dearies that are waiting for me."

I'll never yet know of what he meant by then but on we walked on;

He even taught me to hide my bio-chart which Kang could've taught me earlier, that no good fisherman.

Hiding it was a good take in cases of PVPs- so people could not scan and see through my soul, also the tell when one scans as he told thee, "Their eyes will turn slightly blue-ish when they uses the scan feature,"

And many a more things he knows, he was sufficiently knowing of the things he knows.

He was easy to be around to, donning me a blue vest, said I'll be more lesser seen an idiot.

The little hill I saw when I were flying high- now was oh so much bigger as we stood right at it's feet, a waterfall it came with- with more a clearer view, from there the stream infested with fat-crocs flows.

A waterfall from a giant crater- a hole in the middle of the hill or so Rip told thee, he told me a great deal of things.

Not long till we reached the Gate of the foot of the town.

Heavy stone slabs for walls, high up to twenty feet or more ran from one side of the falling steep and through the stream which flowed near to the ends of the walls on the other side- and closing the foot of the town's boundaries off at the other end of the long falling steep of the hill.

Walking closer I counted;

Eight soldiers who were in duty, two of them on top two little posts of the gate- a wooden one lifted up with chains, you know the likes.

And four others, sleazing back to back in chairs down the entry, "Rather lazy Monday!" commented I a witty remark.

Mondays are the least motivated days in a week and this be factual.

Up close- the walls we were, they dwarfed yours truly evidently.

There was no debate to be held on height or our heights- for everyone elses too, the wall most definitely out-talled anyone, so end the talks of the walls being tall.

Although, "Woah!" I held my breath, 'More fantasy stuff cool!' cheered the mind.

I might've let my fan-boy showed, eyes glimmering with wonder on the walls and the guards, hanging jaw at the little sights of the town ye on high that hill, all were a fitting scene for the plentiful fantasy stories I've pictured all these times.

"Tourists! Pfft!" blowing raspberries, Rip and I then stood before the guards,

A lazy monday indeed, dozing off they were and one even blew a snot bubble as he snored.

I hope everyone is doing fine?

Thank you again for reading and as always may a big fat fucking smile be drawn on your faces.

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