Different Point of View

"So you got here late, because you forgot to walk your dog." Mr. Chatfield tries to confirm.

"Yes." I say.

"Mrs. Teller, are you aware that you stated on multiple occasions that the only thing you have at home is your daughter. Which is a person that could have easily walked the dog if there really is one." Mr. Chatfield states clearly being doubtful of the story. 

"I get that times are tough. What you got going on at home isn't something I want to pry in but I'm just concerned. What would your daughter think of your work ethic?" 

I had no response. What felt like a walk out of the principal's office was more serious than I cared to admit. I can't believe I fell asleep for that long and on top of that it was such a bad nightmare. I wish it wasn't the true story.

"So, you get in trouble or what?" Kevin says popping up out of nowhere.

"Jesus, what are you some kind of chameleon?" I respond, almost jumping two feet in the air.

"What's wrong? Everyone here can tell something is up." 

"You don't think I notice all the staring." 

"We're all concerned. Don't be a stranger and not ask for help when you need it."

  "Concerned this, concerned that. I know a perfect place for your concern. Kelly is alone next to the water fountain so why don't you concern yourself with her." I retort as the elevator door closes quickly. 

"Oh come on I apologized enough haven't I?" Kevin says with half his words muffled by the elevator.

The building is pretty large for just your average insurance agency. Recently renovated, the place is one of the only good ones around. The others have bad prices or don't cover the entire area. This baby is placed in the very middle of our district. Needing a job I rushed over knowing they would be looking for new hires. I was hired on the spot.

"Wow what's with the scary face?" Jane says as I step out of the elevator.

"Is it really that bad?" I ask looking around for a mirror.

"Well it doesn't really matter now. Did something happen?" Even though she asked the same question everyone else has, there's something different. Her voice, or maybe the way she put it. Something about it reminds me of him. 

"Yeah I got sent to the principal's office. Then Kevin insisted on figuring out my life story so he could spread it around the office." I joke around the issues. 

"Well that's behind us now. Why don't we get to work." She insists. 

My job isn't what you'd call difficult. I make rounds to all the cubicles and ask if they need assistance in anything. I'm essentially a floater. I also run out and grab coffee and food for anyone higher up than me which is most people. I don't do this job for money. Money used to be tight long ago but we eventually got through it and now we have enough for a lifetime. I do this job to distract myself. Sleeping can't be the only thing I do in a day.

The atmosphere is always calm. Even if there's a bunch of talking, beeping phones, and the occasional dripping of coffee are somehow peaceful. The layout reminds me of office shows on tv. Jennie always loved shows about offices. There was one that I don't remember the name of but it followed a guy who wanted nothing more than to live in a new city. He wanted to show his family the world. While that dream burned inside some goofy reason showed itself and he realized that he couldn't go. A pretty sad story covered up by funny use of words and silly situations. The office looked just like this place. I could see the character sitting here looking out the window. I could see myself in the same situation. 

"Hey Tammy. You think I can borrow you for a minute?" I heard from a cubicle.

"Oh hey Alex. Do you need something?" I say peaking over the barriers.

"Yeah, you mind checking these numbers for me? It's busy work tonight." Alex adds on as I walk over to look.

"Oh I get it. Well this isn't exactly accurate." I point at the screen.

"You're kidding me. I could've sworn I checked like four times." 

"Well you're in luck. This looks like an easy fix. This is where the problem started so all you have to do is fix this and it should recalculate all by itself." I conclude.

"Amazing. Ah, I thought I would be stuck fixing this all night. I'm surprised."

"About what?" I asked.

"That you aren't the one sitting down right now. How come you never talk to the boss? You're a genius with numbers but no one is going to know if you don't show off." Alex states.

"Believe me when I say this. I am no genius." That word can only be said about two individuals I know. 

Time in the office moves quicker than one might expect. It's been over 3 hours since I helped Alex with his work. I just do the usual runs to give a refill and help whenever I'm asked. Whenever I take time to myself I look out the window. It's a high view from all the way up here. People look like ants. That type of view. Too bad that building is in this beautiful scenery. It truly ruins the feel of city night. It doesn't fit the look. It shouldn't exist considering what it's done to this city. If it crumbled to dust with everything in it including people I wouldn't be the least bit empathetic. 

"Still staring out that window huh?" Jane says sneaking up on me.

"Not much else to look at." I respond.

"How has the night been treating you? You look pissed again. Is it because of that place?" She says. I don't respond. 

"Want to talk in the conference room. No one's there." She asks.

"No thanks." I say with a little aggravation.

"Come on. I think you need to stop looking out that window." 

"Oh and what would that do?!"

"Would staring at it make it disappear?" She asks rhetorically. It feels like a huge silence encases the room.

"Let's get you to a different room." She says grabbing my arm. I swing her arm off me. My hand ends up slapping hers in the process and the room really does go quiet. Heads begin to start peeking over the cubicles. I collect myself only enough to have a calmer voice.

"Thank you for the offer but… but I believe my shift is over." I say making my way to the door ignoring all the staring. 

"What are you talking about? Aren't you on till-" I end the discussion by slamming the door. 

I think this type of situation calls for the stairs. I rush down to them even though I'm not in a hurry. I breathe heavily even though I don't need to. I feel bad even though I shouldn't. Why did I do something so stupid and in front of every staff member to ever exist. It was like I was performing on a stage as I acted like some child. 

"Hold up Tammy." Jane says, catching me at the front door of the building. I stop as she catches her breath.

"Look, I didn't want to yell, I just did."

"I didn't run after you for an apology. I know that you probably blame yourself. Not only that but I can tell that Jennie believes that she's the reason. When you go home you have to talk to her. You guys won't move forward if you can't stay with your family." Jane says letting everything out.

"You're the only person that knows the "full story" Jane because you have always been a great person and someone that's easy to talk to. I thank you for the advice but you don't know the full story. Because if you did, my only living ally would hate me." I conclude. The conversation goes dead and I begin to walk away.

"Don't give up on hope Tammy!" Jane screams from a distance. I don't respond. Don't give up hope. That night had no hope in sight but maybe this one does. Even if it does what happens next. Things go back to the way they used to be. I don't think life could ever be normal after that day. Even if that's the one thing I would wish for in this world, I know that hope isn't what will achieve it. 

Those words did soothe me in some way. Don't give up hope. I like the idea of hope. I just consider it unlikely. Jennie has always had hope for everything. She would hope for her most asked christmas present even if it was unreasonable. She once asked for a monster truck when she was only five. I explained that she couldn't even drive the thing then she went on about how she would sit in the passenger seat and we could both drive it for her. She has always been the adventurous type. She would always go off and get lost. And then he'd find her every time. No matter where she went he had her on gps. That has to be the answer. I don't know how he could've done it without one. 

The city at night is always a site to see. The lights illuminate the sky giving a view of everything and beyond. There aren't many super tall buildings in this area but the cool lights make up for it. The climate is always interesting to say the least. It rains, it's dry. You never know what will come next living here. That was one of the factors for moving here. We also wanted a safe place for the kids. 

The streets are awfully quiet tonight. With small little drops of water and smells of dinner even this late. The distance from work and the house isn't particularly far but far enough to sink the surroundings in. To be fully filled with sights to see is a life I've always dreamed of. Back in the country side I'd look out my window and see nothing but the green ground and the occasional crop field. I always dreamed of seeing the city lights and getting surrounded by them. 

One day a kid and his family moved from a big city and I always loved talking to him. I would ask so many questions, I was surprised he never stopped me. No matter how many questions I asked he would always answer them. He was super smart. One of the smartest people I had ever met but maybe that was because at the time I only knew 18 people and 5 of them were babies. He was always trying new things and wasn't sad about moving. I may have asked a lot of questions but he would ask just as many. He made sure to write everything he knew down on a notepad he always had on him. One day, after he had been here for 5 years, he left his notepad unattended. Curiosity got the best of me. I began flipping through it and page after page his notes were perfectly organized and categorized. He had a table of content on the first page. His table consisted of people in the area, places, food, and academics. I flipped over to the people section and there I was. 

'Tammy is the first friend I've made in this almost delicate place. She lives at 4336 arc lane and spends most of her time dreaming of the city. She asks a lot of questions. It's nice to meet someone who's as curious if not more than I am. She's my age and besides me, she usually keeps to herself, even around her own parents. I like talking to her. She calms my nerves in some odd way I can't explain.' 

The page was full of stuff about me and even a photo. I had never seen him with a camera so I guess he didn't want me to know about this. At the very bottom of the page it read 'P.s. I know you can build up the courage to ask.' And as I tried to think of what it meant the book was quickly snatched from my hands. I turned around to find him standing above me. He almost spoke but I started to cry non-stop. Even though I'm the one at fault I was the one being comforted by him. I eventually calmed down and that's when he put in the nicest way that I shouldn't have gone through his stuff. I understood but I began to tear up once again.

Turns out that he was in love with me. He wanted to make what we had special or more special, I believe is what he said. I will never forget him because he was the only person I've ever looked at in that way. When you have a partner for so long; what you come to expect is nothing but the best, it's hard to see anyone else in that kind of way. 

It's that building. Sadly it's in my path too and from work. It's an unavoidable piece of land that I can't seem to shake. Even after taking different routes I end up walking in front of this outdated building with boards for windows. Taking a walk around I can't tell if I'm looking for something or just plain crazy. I can't be crazy if I believe I might be, right? The lab is surrounded by invading vines and anything green. The concrete walls are basically decaying like how roots can destroy the sidewalk if a tree is too close. Small holes poke through the wall giving some visibility on the inside. Peering through isn't very interesting considering that nothing ever happens in there anymore. What do I have to lose? It wouldn't hurt to look in one last time. Just as I remember. The ground is overgrown and all that's left is that random backpack. Wait what backpack? Looking once more, there it is. Some random backpack just sitting next to an open window sill. It actually looks super familiar. It has a cartoon character on it that is on the side of childish. Nick's friend has one just like it. I'm getting that backpack. 

How should I approach this? I guess the vines would make hopping over more convenient. Grabbing hold of two strands of vines I hoist myself over the wall in less than a minute. I've always been a bit of a jungle gym warrior. I swiftly grab the backpack and do the same maneuver to get back to the outside. I quickly open it revealing all high school relevant items. The only notebook in the bag had Greg Bell's full name written right at the top of the first page. The lunch box was still full with a sandwich still in an open container. The sandwich is moldy but doesn't look brand new. The backpack couldn't have been left here for extremely long. I'd say it's been about a week or a little longer. Maybe even 9 days or so.

"Hello?" I say to see if Jennie is still awake. Making my way through the house I can tell that she actually cleaned the place. She must have been in a better mood than the other days. Maybe she's starting to calm down and we can finally sit down and talk. The living room looks just as nice as the entrance. There she is, laying on the couch completely asleep. When she isn't yelling at me she seems almost peaceful. I sit down next to her but as soon as I take a seat she springs up in an instant.

"Wow, you got up quickly." I say.

"I've always been a light sleeper." She responds automatically.

"Did you pass out from exhaustion?" 

"Yeah, because you made me do all that work."

"Well it was just a suggestion." 

"Only one that you've been pushing for 4 days. Why didn't you just do it yourself?" 

"Hey, attitude."

"Attitude? If you think my attitude isn't justified then we shouldn't be talking right now. Just how stupid can you be?

"Don't call your mother stupid." I say, raising my voice.

"You being stupid is the least of our worries right now. We should be out looking for him! Why are we on our ass's here doing absolutely nothing? He's still out there!"

"You have school and I have work. We shouldn't be dropping everything in our lives."

"You haven't needed to work a day in your life. Dad's job gave us enough money to last a lifetime."

"Police have been looking day after day since the report was made. Do you think that we'd do a better job than the police? Their professionals, honey, if he's still out there then they'll find him."

"I can't right now." She stands up quickly and begins to leave.

"It's alright to have hope." I say. Her pace to the hallway goes dead.

"You're one to talk. What got you talking about hope all of a sudden. You know the moment we lose them is the moment we realize the truth." 

"What are you even talking about?"

"The fact that we are a curse on this family," Jennie yells at the top of her lungs, almost breaking into tears.

"The fact that if we never existed, Dad would be alive and Nick wouldn't be missing!" She continues to yell.

"Go to your room right now!" I raise my voice even more.

"Is the room a safe zone? Will I not curse our family to be torn apart the moment I get involved in anything. Nick starts helping dad with his work and the moment I start asking to help he dies within the next week. You know my last words to Nick? Go to hell. I may never see him again and I told him to go to hell." Jennie started to cry. 

"This isn't your fault Jennie. You know that right? You're making excuses for something that you don't need to make excuses for." I say calming down.

"I always thought you just liked to see the bright side to everything but it turns out you don't. You're incapable of feeling an inch of sadness for others. I can't believe my mom is a sociopath." She says storming out the room.

The door slammed shortly after the stomps stopped going upstairs. I broke into tears instantly. I can't take this brave face anymore. It's done nothing but blow up in my face. I've never been good with showing my emotions to others and when my emotions come out it's almost impossible to keep them at bay. I can lose my temper so quickly it scares not only others but myself. Even though situations look nothing but bad I have hope and an idea. This backpack could get me my son back but it might be a gamble.