Tired of the begging

Jason Davenport

As Amelia pushed me out into the blasting rain, I realized something.

I was exhausted.

I was tired.

I was tired of the crying, tired of the begging.

I knew I deserved everything that was happening right now and then some more, but I was tired.

This was what I'd also be. The rapist. The criminal. No matter how hard I tried. No one would ever see the good in me.

And it was all my fault.

I showed the good in me too late. Way too late. So late that everyone would stand waiting for me to draw the curtains and prove to them that it was all an act.

I'd always be the asshole. The monster. The beast.

I looked up at the sky and sobbed. "Are you disappointed in me too, mom? This is what your boy turned out to be. A useless piece of shit."

I slumped to the floor, my chest feeling like it was about to explode. "I'm a criminal, mom. I lost every-every thing. My friends, my family, my dignity. This is what I've become."