Almost Death

I didn't have enough control to cast a single Bunshin. The sheer waste of potential kind of, ... no definitely upset me. My large chakra pools would only always be wasted. Thinking back over my life at this point I kind of just felt like completely and utterly giving up. I had spent a large portion of my childhood alone in this world. I was constantly having to fight to keep my life from being slain why the citizens would do so I had no clue, and really I just wished I could earn there respect not their anger. It made me feel truly lonely.

I watched kids pass by every day I walked my trail to my house alone. I watched them play with there parents as I stood to the side. Their grandmothers, grandfathers, people who honestly just loved them. something I probably would never truly have, well at least I had someone I could consider a cousin, and a uncle, I supposed. I wanted to protect them and their ramen shop.. But really they couldn't stay with me, in fact our connection really came from my constant need for large amounts of food to eat for who knows why, and my addiction for the food known as ramen. Honestly I was completely and utterly addicted to the food with no hope of ever giving it up. I kinda wondered why though. The family; I knew they probably only treated me nice because it's necessary for business.

Thinking about my "grandfather" as well I remembered the eyes he had shown me, they were filled with guilt. I could understand if they came from his lack of ability to keep me around, but that wasn't the case as I could feel the meaning his eye's showed. He was keeping a secret from me, and truthfully it burnt me up inside to know that. He probably wouldn't care if I died in fact. Actually I remembered he let me be chased around almost everyday with someone after my life because he claimed to be unable to stop the one sending them.

"Naruto, you have failed to cast a Bunshin, and as such you have failed to become a shinobi of the hidden leaf village, along with your other low scores." The voice of Iruka, a scar faced ninja, who I considered to be a little closer to me than the rest voiced out his final verdict. I would not be a ninja. I couldn't hate the man. I remembered his hate he had for me at first. I watched as eventually he could tell what ever the problem was, that it wasn't my fault. I finally had found a person who looked at me like I was a human instead of a prospect or demon. My situation closed out all other thoughts. I would be unable to change my fate. Maybe that Neji was right. I heard he always talked about our fates being set in stone. There was nothing, absolutely fantastically nothing I could do. Going out of the room I ignored the jeers sent towards me for failing and made my way over to a familiar swing. However when I was ready to sit down on it I decided it wasn't worth it and just left. After all none of my choices had ever been worth anything to anyone why should my own first choice be worth something. So I left, walking towards the Hokage's faces.

Making my way up to there I looked over the edge of the cliff, when a thought crossed my mind. Would I have to suffer if I just jumped. The answer was, disappointing though as I knew pain would become my only friend at that sort of end. My regeneration was so great I would probably live after the fall just ever so slightly. Then I would be forced to feel the pain for months as I was unable to end my life in a hospital. I would likely even then be put into a psych ward. Thinking back at Iruka, the Hokage, Ayumi, and Teuchi, I really felt how pitiful my life was. I'm alone in this world, truthfully, maybe, Iruka would care, maybe as a kind of bystander to a disaster would, but the rest, no, they wouldn't.

"So let's end it all." With that I decided it was worth the gamble to die by jumping over the cliff I just needed to jump high enough to let the fall truly do me in. Grabbing a kunai that I had as I plummeted down the cliff. I set the kunai up so it would pierce my head when I hit the ground, that way I guaranteed my death as long as my arms were not hit independently causing my arms to swing away from me. It was in that moment of weightlessness that something miraculous happened. I thought I saw the figure of a being known to be an angel. Then darkness from all around consumed me waiting for my next life to be announced. The only thing though was that I didn't feel pain. Strange. Maybe a painless death truly did exist.

Soon however I realized I could feel my body or maybe existence. Getting up I looked around and I found myself somewhere extremely familiar. It was in a place I recognized all to well. It covered my dreams that always stayed with me. My nightmares of the night I was born, and here I was living it. A large fox, no doubt the kyuubi was attacking the village. The village was different however from what I remembered, it seemed to be more grand.

"Roar!!!"

The ground rumbled, the killing intent was only bearable because of my life time full of people hating me. In front of me I saw a blur of a red headed woman dead on the ground. In front of her was a man who I could tell was my father. The fourth Hokage. something I should have realized earlier. But it was only thanks to this life like play of my dream that I could. Then I awoke once more, this time in a hospital full of people taking care of me. Some people actually had compassion and pity for me around me. Many seemed to realize my attempt at my own life obviously wasn't something a demon would try. Still most wanted my death and ignored that obvious reason of my innocence. 'What was that' I couldn't help but think. I knew dreams were usually inferenced half known memories. But to see something I couldn't have known before except as a baby made me wonder if it wasn't the experience known as chakra memories. Something random I remembered from my classes that I half listened to.

Certain Images get sent into the mental half of our chakra and are eternally recorded into our memories. When we are in danger a memory could be replayed to the person in that moment of almost guaranteed death. It's why lot's of people say they saw their life flash before their eyes. It also made sense as they can play in a persons dreams constantly if that person was in constant danger of dying. It caused worse PTSD to if left alone and doesn't go to a place for therapy. If that was the case, then looking at the cliff from my hospital window I knew the memory was real, and I was the son of the fourth Hokage.