author's note

I do not know if anyone will read this or anyone of the few people who liked this book that I started almost a year ago but I'll be real for you I am a selfish and lazy bastard because I was too lazy to go to school and did not care for it as well as not care for my future I stopped going to school for a few years what caught up to me and I got fourthly taken out of my home and I had to go to school so eventually I got back to school and that is where I'm at right now but even in school I'm still the same old with me the only thing I do in school is sit down at my desk in the corner of the classroom on my phone either reading books or anything cuz honestly I just don't care about this life I don't care for living some nine to five job working in office or some other things I don't have a dream job or anything I'm quite lazy to the point where it is sad and honestly I would purposely starve myself for hours because I'm too lazy to get out of my bed to walk to the fridge and make something and I'm still skipping school so I'm not even sure if I will be in this home I'm 17 almost turning 18 in January I should get my act together honestly but I just seem to not care which I'm okay with I decided to stop caring for a lot of things I even stopped caring about my own family and how they are sad over my decisions where they've tried to help either be emotional support or physical support every time my parents or siblings or other family members ask how I'm doing I blow them off when they call I ignore when they text I ignore when they asked to go out to eat I don't want to rather spend my time reading my books which is still true and because I stopped caring about a lot of things I have been saying more true for words to the people around me which ends up hurting them cuz I will say directly to their face that I think spending time with them is worthless since I spent 17 years of my life with my parents and family members and I know I'm being a bastard because there are people out there who don't have family members or are going through the situation where their loved ones are dying in this almost 1 year span two good authors that I like have died one from cancer and another from a car accident and one of my family members also died this year so I understand how I should feel and how I should act I've been acting this way ever since 8th grade so 3 or 4 years I've been doing this thing back and forth and honestly a little part of me is disappointed in myself and that I couldn't get a good future like I dreamed about when I was younger but I know that that's just not for me I have even thought of multiple ways to try to pass away peacefully without having to deal with the pain of physical harm that's why there's a high chance of when I turn 18 and at the end of the school year that I plan on running away and off my myself it is a coward and selfish thing to do I know my family will be sad disappointed angry but I'll be dead or wander in the streets and I know I'm doing myself harm I truly do no matter how many therapists my mother has baby go to or hospitals it doesn't change the fact I just don't care for my future and you see the weird thing is I think it's about my pride because one of my family members is in her 30s or at least close to 30s has three kids and is still living with her mother does not have a job doesn't do anything around the house besides cause trouble and I refuse to be like that I think I rather starve on the streets then do that I don't know why I have such a pathetic pride has to do that and honestly it is quite cowardly that I can't face life head on like everyone else in the world but this world isn't for me and that is

another reason why I've been trying to make books I want to leave at least one book behind before I leave yet my dumbass is too lazy to write so I will try this book again and other books if I'm going to write who knows the only reason I'm even writing this chapter is the same thanks to the few people who supported me on this book and my other ones I'm not looking for sympathy Petty or any of that I already get enough of that honestly you can say positive or negative things about me I don't really care cuz that stuff doesn't matter when you're dead I just felt like I owed the few people who did enjoy or at least found my books interesting the truth of why I have not uploaded so until the end of the school year or I turned 18 I will try to upload because once I turn 18 I will be legally old enough to move out or in other words run away so it's the only thing I can do I always run away from my problems another reason why I'm doing this notice note is because none of you know me and I don't know you so I don't have to worry about you interfering with my life or in fact this could be a big mistake by releasing this chapter but I guess after so many years I wanted to vent a little bit well at least a vent to someone else beside myself and my dog

at a pure curiosity if you made it this far put a hashtag## in the comments I want to see who is dumb enough to read a author's note from an author who isn't popular and has not uploaded in almost a year.

and if you are having any troubles in life I'm willing to talk to you about it after all there's already one life that's not needed and you should value yourself if you are going through a difficult time since you will have more willpower than me

and if any officials ask or somehow catch window this this is all just a story for a future book