Chapter 7

Always About Her

He entered the room of his grandfather and it always feel the same. Palagi naman siyang kinakabahan kapag nakikita ito. Nervous with the fact that he might lose one of his best friends.

Mabibilang sa kamay ang best friend niya - ang lolo niya, ang ama niya, ang kapatid niya, ang VESTIGE at si Eniessia. Siguro ang kakaiba, si Eniessia lang ang nag-iisang babaeng pinagkakatiwalaan niya noon. But the thing is, Charity is now added to his trusted people.

"Papi," he called. Nakahiga lamang si Don Santiago sa kama niya at mistulang pinagmamasdan ang apo. He does not even say a word to him but blinked his eyes.

"Papi, are you really mad at me?" tanong nito sa kanya. Lumapit si Esaac sa tabi ng kama ng lolo niya. He held his hand and caressed it softly. Hinihintay niyang magsalita ito tungkol sa pagtatampo niya. He had made a promise not to give his everything for a woman but he did.

"Jacobe, apo," panimula nito. "Hindi naman ako galit sayo. I just thought that you would keep your promise about loving somebody."

"I know, Papi and I am sorry. I just thought that this feeling would fade after years but still, it is here." Tinuro nito ang dibdib. Damang-dama niya ang pagka-guilty sa pagkahulog sa dalaga. He felt not so de Sevilla at all.

"Jacobe, you know what, love is not that harmful. Hindi mo kailangang tumulad sa amin ng papa mo. You deserve to be happy, apo. You deserve to love the woman that you love."

"You know Papi, I would love to have that feeling," anito. "But knowing her, she is cold-hearted." He smirked in disbelief.

Napatawa na lang ang lolo niya sa sinabi. "Your grandmother was like her. She is cold-hearted. I loved her until we had your Uncle Jousef and Juan. I thought she would change."

"But she did not." Tinapos ng apo niya ang kasunod na mga salita. He knew it. Alam niyang nasaktan din ng isang babae ang lolo niya kaya nag-iingat din siya.

"Yeah. She got her alimony and disappeared. Luckily, she left our kids with me." Napabuntong-hininga si Don Santiago habang nakatingin sa apo. He is definitely protecting him from hurt like what he had before.

"Did you regret loving her?"

"Of course not, apo. Kung wala siya, wala ka. I mean, I am thankful for pain that I felt because of my love for your grandmother. I have my family, my children and you. You are a gift of hurt to be thankful for."

Agad na napaisip si Esaac sa mga sinabi ng lolo niya. He is into her but he is too vulnerable for her strong personality. Masyado siyang mahina para tapatan si Charity. He might lose himself if he will fall for her completely.

"Papi, I will just get away from her. I cannot afford to lose myself."

Patuloy pa rin niyang pinag-iisipan ang mga nangyari. He had given his trust on her. He had tried reaching out for her. Sinusubukan niyang tulungan ito para magkaroon ng kaibigan pero ayaw niya. He tried a lot of work just to make her his friend. Pero wala.

"Huwag kang matakot mawalan ng sarili dahil sa kaniya. Mahahanap mo rin iyan mismo sa kaniya."

He pondered on the words of his grandfather. Natagpuan niya ang sarili na nakadungaw sa balkonahe ng kwarto niya. He is looking at the balcony of Charity's room but it seems like it's so dark and quiet in there. Madalas niyang makitang bukas ang ilaw nito sa kwarto tuwing gabi pero ngayon, walang liwanag ang nanggagaling dito. Trev had told him that she was already discharged from the hospital by his father but then, it seems like they have not gone home.

Ilang linggo rin ang lumipas pero hindi niya pa rin nakakalimutang sumilip sa balkonahe para tanawin ang kwarto ni Charity. Palaki ng palaki ang pag-aalala niya sa kalagayan nito lalo na't iilang buwan na rin nang huling magkita sila ni Charity. She does not even go to school anymore. Though requirements na lang ang kailangan nilang ayusin, umaasa pa rin ito na muli niyang makikita ang dalaga. She probably had let her parents fix her requirements dahil nabalitang nag-migrate na rin ito sa ibang bansa.

He remembers her rarely seen smile. He remembers her partially blonde hair that falls perfectly with no effort. He remembers her shotgun mouth of curses about everything. He remembers her saying, 'fine, fine,' especially when she does not have anything more to say.

Sa tuwing naaalala niya ang mga bagay na ito, napapangiti na lang siya. Pero ang kasabay ng ngiting iyon ay ang sakit na nararamdaman niya.

Maybe that is a part of him being a part of de Sevilla. They often get hurt by the women they love. They are too vulnerable to carry the pain. Mas malambot pa ang puso nila kaysa sa mga minahal nila. They often offer themselves until nothing left. They are willing to do anything for their girl's happiness. It was unconditional, so unconditional that they almost forget to love themselves.

He decided to go to Club Lavine to continue his passion, which is music. Simula nang maaksidente si Charity, hindi na ulit siya nagpunta sa lugar na iyon. He refuses to play his instrument for the band. Wala na raw siyang ganang tumugtog. Maybe later, he will try to bring back the Jacob Esaac de Sevilla in him.

Agad siyang nagbihis ng simpleng puting t-shirt at itim na jeans at saka pinarisan ito ng rubber shoes. He did not consider driving his car but his motor bike. He wants to drive freely and feel the air while driving. This might help his feelings to fly away.

Saktong alas diyes ng gabi nang makarating siya sa club. He went in with his usual benevolent figure but strong insides. Sinuklay niya ang kaniyang buhok pagkatanggal ng helmet at agad na nagpunta sa backstage. Doon niya nakita ang mga kasamahan niya na naghahanda na para sa pagtugtog.

"Kamusta na lover boy!" bati ng makulit niyang kaibigang si Gregorio. Binatukan niya ito at agad na dumiretso sa paborito niyang pwesto.

"Huwag ka nga. Iyan marunong magmahal. Ikaw ba?" banat ni Ethaniel.

"Nagsalita!" sigaw naman ni Greg.

Nagtawanan sila sa sariling usapan. Agad naman silang pinigilan ni Ivan na kasalukuyang seryosong nagpipipindot sa cellphone niya. "Mga bobo, manahimik nga kayo."

Tinapik naman ni Israel ang balikat ni Esaac. "Uy pare, maiba tayo. Kasi alam mo, na-miss ka namin, isang buwan kang hindi nagpakita sa amin. Anong ganap mo sa buhay?" pasimpleng tanong ni Israel kay Ez.

"Hindi ba nasabi ni Seth?" nagtatakang-tanong nito. "I thought he was with you these past few days. Wala kasi siya sa bahay namin sa village kaya naisip ko nandun siya kina Papi."

"Nope. Akala ko nga kasama mo sa village kaya hindi namin kayo ginugulo."

Lalong nagtaka si Esaac sa mga kwento ni Israel. He thought that Seth was with their friends. Wala ito sa bahay nila sa village. Sabi naman ng Papi niya, wala rin doon si Seth. And now, wala rin siya sa mga kaibigan. Where must be him?

"Seth texted me that he will come later, male-late lang daw siya." Isang pamilyar na boses ang pumasok sa backstage nila.

"Uy, Dok!" bati ni Gregorio dito. "Long time no see Bobo!" Binatukan siya nito at hindi na siya nakailag pa. "Aw!"

"Bobo, hindi pa ako doktor. Tatlong taon pa," anito. Agad naman siyang bumaling kay Ez na nananahimik lang sa sulok. "Bro, your woman did not mind to go back to the hospital for checkups. Hindi na siya ulit bumalik."

Hindi man niya sabihin, lubos ang pag-aalala niya rito. He may not say it but he is worried about Charity. Wala siyang balita sa dalaga, ni hindi pa niya ito nakikita muli. Minsan, umaasa siyang makita ito sa loob ng village o kahit sa loob ng club na ito. He is still hoping that Charity will never build the same walls again and will not close her doors to anyone.

"Wala akong magagawa, Bro. Kung ayaw niyang magpatulong sa akin, I cannot insist myself. Maybe she had better plans for herself. Ayaw ko na siyang pakialaman gayong parang ayaw niya namang pakialaman ko siya."

Ilang minuto ring nabalot ng katahimikan ang lugar nila sa backstage. Tanging mga paghinga at pagtingin lang ang namumutawi sa backstage. Maybe they are just getting sensitive with each other. Maybe they just want peace for once.

Walang anu-ano, mga yabag naman ang nag-ingay sa paligid. "I am sorry, I am late." They were all shocked when Mr. Noe Sethiel de Sevilla entered the scene.

"Saan ka ba nagpunta, Kuya?" tanong ng kapatid niya. He stood up and patted his brother's shoulders. Tinignan niya rin kung tunay bang si Seth ang nakikita niya ngayon. Hindi siya makapaniwalang mukhang puyat ang kuya niya. He does not even get out of their house, unfinished. Palagi siyang perpekto kaya maraming babae ang naghahabol sa kanya.

"I just went away and find time to relax," sabi nito. "I found my escape, Bro." Maybe escaping would help them all. Ito na lang siguro ang tanging way nila para makalimutan ang mga problema. Escaping is a thing that really helps them to forget everything and move on from anything that keeps them hurting.

"Oh, ang kulang na lang si-"

"Hi guys!" bati ni Israel sa mga kaibigan.

"Bobo ka," sabi ni Ethan sabay bato ng pinakamalapit na bagay sa kanya. "Bakit ngayon ka na lang ulit nagpakita?"

"Nahiya naman ako kay Doc," ani Israel nang bumaling kay Trev. Ngayon na lang ulit sila nakumpleto matapos ang napakahabang panahong. Sometimes, they lack one to two people in the band. Minsan wala si Trev, o kaya si Israel. May mga pagkakataong wala ang magkapatid o kaya naman si Greg at Ivan. Si Ethan lang siguro ang regular band member ng VESTIGE na halos palaging nandiyan.

"Tara tugtog," tamad na sabi ni Ivan sa mga kabanda. Agad silang lumabas mula sa backstage at saka hinarap ang madla. The euphoria of their screams and praises, to all the claps and recognition that they receive whenever they come out of the curtains, sanay na sila. They started to play the instruments and then sang the lyrics. Seth bangs his head when he beats the drum set. Is, Trev, and El manages to pluck and strum the strings as Greg and El himself sing the lyrics. Ez and Van press the keys to the beat of the music. Kahit wala silang practice na ginagawa, they all perform well.

Natapos na sila sa pagtugtog at isang round pa ng mga kanta ang tutugtugin nila. They all went to their favorite table in the club and started doing their jam. Mag-inuman. Pero as usual, Esaac would not taste a bit of the liquor because it is against his beliefs.

"Good faith, Pal." It was Ethan raising his glass in the air.

"Hindi ka talaga umiinom ng alak," puna ni Israel. "You had the guts to contain yourself." Bahagya na lang na natawa si Esaac. He does not really want to talk about his faith by any means. His faith will remain and nobody can get it away from him.

Patuloy pa rin ang pag-obserba niya sa mga kaibigan. He trusts them. Bilang na lang siguro ang mga taong magiging kaibigan niya. He may not be too bad but he is too good to get people intimidated with him. This is how he was raised. Ganito siya pinalaki ng lolo at papa niya kaya natutuwa sila sa kanya. His Papi loves him so much.

Ilang minuto rin silang naghintay para sa huling set ng kantang tinugtog nila. Muli silang bumalik sa dating pwesto at saka pinanood ang iba pang performers. In no minute, nakuha ng isang performer ang atensiyon niya.

She was wearing a flow red dress that lengths until her heels. She is wearing a half mask that covers her eyes and straight bangs. Her hair was flowy and it has bit of highlights. She stands on the stage with a mic and its stand. She gripped the microphone and started talking spoken poetry.

To keep you is a gift and to let you go is my lost,

I learned to let you go then my heart is in frost,

I look at you and started to remember,

All the days that we had together.

I remembered your eyes, the brown you own,

The window of your soul, the inside you never shown,

I admired the way you take things lightly,

The sun seems too shine on you brightly.

But where are you now?

Where is the promise that you vowed?

I thought you will try harder,

But it seems like you drifted away farther.

The ecstasy that you made me feel,

The happiness, they felt so real,

Until you became my downer,

You absorbed all of my power.

The power of being resilient,

The power of contentment,

The power of keeping myself unbroken,

Yes, I am broken.

Broken by the love you give,

Broken by the bliss that I received,

Broken and still breaking,

Hopefully waiting for the happy ending,

But not. Never.

Agad na nasapo ni Esaac ang dibdib. It seems like he is listening to Charity. Parang para sa kanya ang mga salitang binitiwan ng babae. Maybe he had not tried even harder. Maybe he forgot to hold on. Maybe he had forgotten to love her more. Maybe he just neglected the fact that she is too hard to love that is why he must strive harder.

It was short but striking. Mas natamaan siya sa pangalawang pagkakataong marinig ang tinig ng dalaga. Lalo siyang nalulungkot sa mga naririnig niya. Hindi siya ito. Hindi dapat siya naaapektuhan ng ganito. Hindi siya ganito. Positibong pananaw ang palagi niyang hawak. Imposibleng si Jacob Esaac de Sevilla ang nakaupo ngayon sa upuang iyan.

Lalo niyang nasapo ang dibdib at nagsimulang pumatak ang mga luha niya mula sa mga mata. Hindi ito nakikita ng mga kabanda niya pero damang-dama niya ang pagkabasa ng pisngi. Siguro ito ang tinatawag nilang genuine tears, luha ng mga lalaking tunay na nagmamahal.

Naisip niya, hindi naman niya iniwan si Charity. Lumabas lang siya sa kwarto nito para pareho silang makapag-isip. Masyadong magulo ang mundo nila ng mga panahong iyon. Space nga siguro ang kailangan nila nang mga panahong iyon.

Natapos ang gabi nilang pito at nagkanya-kanya na sila ng uwi. Nag-convoy na lang sila dahil iisa lang naman ang village nilang lahat. Esaac was left in front of the Club Lavine because he still wants peace and be alone. Naupo muna siya sa kanyang motor habang nakatitig sa over-looking view ng tapat ng club.

He was still thinking of her. As always. Hindi niya alam kung bakit si Charity pa rin ang iniisip niya. He has been exploring people online pero ni isa wala siyang nagustuhan dito. His friends even arrange blind dates for him, but darn, hindi siya sumisipot.

Napasabunot siya sa sariling buhok nang muling dumaan sa isip niya si Charity. He covered his face with his both hands, hoping that she will appear as soon as he remove those hands. Kahangalan mang isipin ang ganitong pangyayari but there is no harm in hoping.

Iilang segundo ang lumipas at nawawalan na siya ng lakas ng loob. Akmang aalisin na niya ang pagkakatakip ng mga kamay sa mga mata nang may marinig siyang paparating na motor. His heart pulsated in expectation. His mind was telling him that he is right. Dahan-dahan niyang inalis ang mga kamay sa kanyang mukha. Unti-unting tumambad sa kanya ang isang babaeng nakasandal sa motor nito. She has those beautiful curves that her clothes define.

'Siya nga,' naisip ni Esaac.