Chapter 37: Overthinking and Anxiety I
C H A S E
"I wonder where the others are," I thought, walking down the endless dark corridor. Being alone in a place like this, I felt fear creeping to my mind. Pictures of my friends suffering brutally flashed at the back of my mind as my whole body starts to shake. In the past, I was bullied for being a scaredy-cat, but when I met them, they accepted me and treated me accordingly. Knowing about my fears, they never did any tricks or pranks that could possibly trigger it and even protected me from it.
Almost everyone is afraid of the dark because they fear the unknown, and I'm one of those. With Naomi, who is in love with black, I saw the beauty inside it. It's amazing how a person loves dark lonely places and not fear the unknown. I envy her for her bravery and many other things, she was perfect in my eyes. Unfortunately, it is the world's rule that no person can be perfect, making her experience cruel things at a young age and losing precious people, things, and memories.
"If she remembers... will she forgive us?" I asked myself, slowly sitting down on the floor then hugging my knees. It felt creepy to sit here as my imagination runs wild. My senses became extra sensitive, to the point that even the small brushes of wind gave me chills down the spine. It's scary... I'm scared. It felt like something will crawl out of nowhere and creep to legs up to my neck.
"So useless..." I whispered as a whimper escapes my mouth, while my body shakes uncontrollably. These fears made me helpless, just like in my relationship with Julia. Falling in love with the right person, but at the wrong time, why is it our faith? I want to fight for her... but I was threatened by my own fiancee. Destroying her family to the point that they would wish to die... that would be my biggest mistake. I'm sorry for hurting you Julia, but I have to protect you... I have to...
Slowly, my consciousness starts to drift away, because of exhaustion. Everything became blurry and I can feel my body slowly sliding down the floor.
---
My eyes flung open as I felt water all around me. Looking around, there is nothing but water. It felt as if I'm drowning in an endless ocean. Trying to swim around, I can feel the air slowly escaping from my lungs.
"Am I going to die here?" I thought. Will I miss the chance to prove myself to others? To reconcile with Julia? Is this my limit?
My consciousness drifts away again, as my lungs run out of air. Is this my karma for being weak and hurting Julia to protect her? If it is, then I'll accept it with open arms. Without moving, my body sinks deeper into the endless water, my life slipping away.
"Chase, you idiot! Wake up and fight back!" A voice echoed in my mind. It was cold but full of worry and comfort. Who is calling me? A weak and hopeless guy like me should suffer, so who is saving me?
---
Opening my eyes, the dim-lit ceiling greeted me. What? I thought I was drowning and on the edge of death, was it just a dream? Suddenly, I felt a presence right above my head, making me look up and there I see a sleeping Naomi. She looks perfect as usual.
Her white long wavy hair was perfectly set behind her ears. Those beautiful eyelashes, down to her pointed nose and sharp jawline. Clear, pale white skin and calm expression, contrast with her black attire. I admire her, she is the second most beautiful woman I have ever met, Julia is the first.
Thinking of Julia, if she found out that I admire her best friend, I'm afraid she would get more jealous and even cause a fight. In the past, she did something she regrets because of jealousy, and it was partly my fault. I always wanted to protect her but ended up failing. What should I do?
"Are you done daydreaming?" Naomi's words brought me back to reality, and our eyes met. Those violet eyes that always show a hint of sadness, staring at it longer will make me cry, so I averted my gaze away from it.
"How long was I out? How did you find me? What happened?" I bombarded her with questions as I sprung up, looking straight to her face. She only looked at me calmly, while anxiety is starting to build up inside me.
"Just a couple of minutes. I was walking around when I heard a sudden thug and splashing of water, so I immediately rushed to the source, only to find you sinking. You can check the corridor behind you and conclude what happened. Only an idiot would sleep in a place like this," she coldly stated, ending it with a mocking tone. I did as she said, and found the floor gone and full of water. That's when I noticed how wet my clothes, and the lower part of my head.
"Thanks," I said, standing slowly. She did the same and gave me a towel.
"Try to dry yourself somehow, I don't want Julia to worry about you. Let's go," she stated as she turns and walks in the opposite direction of the wreck. Drying myself with her towel as I followed her, my anxiety died down and I could be my happy-go-lucky self again.
"Do you have anxiety and fear of darkness?" She asked unannounced, making me stop for a bit.
Recovering, I followed her and said, "I do. How did you know?"
"You're not that stupid to sleep in a place like this, especially when you're alone, I think. It's all a guess, but your sleeptalking did help. Also, I figured that you and Julia are opposites. So, yeah," she replied nonchalantly.
"You never change. Your personality and thinking are still as perfect as before, that it's somehow scary. Don't you get tired, being independent, and perfect every single second?" I asked, making her stop. She thought for a while, before looking back at me.
"How about you? Don't you get tired of being trapped by your fears, family, and fiancee? Of hurting Julia?" She said, her voice was cold, so is her eyes. Slowly, I can feel fear creeping its way all over my body, shaking and sweating uncontrollably.
Taking in deep breaths, my system slowly calmed down as I summon my courage. "Yes, I'm tired of it all and am trying to change it. I answered your question, how about mine?"
A bitter smile crept from her lips, as she looks at me with eyes full of pain. "Of course, I am. Tired of acting, of everything. What will you do? Can you save me from this suffering? I bet you can only feel guilt." Her voice was colder than it was before, and I can hear pain from it.
"Let's go," she said and we walked down the empty, dark corridor.