Me, You, and Him (Part 1)

<p>It was a monday morning, school starts and everyone goes to their ususal seats. I live normally as any other students near me. Though unlike any other, I am a social outcast, I hate talking to people.<br/>Fuck them- (I just have social anxiety)<br/>Though my best friend, Harumi who is really talkative has no problem in blending with society even if we are almost at the same level. I admire him for that because unlike me, he tries to keep up with the social normality which results him to make more friends. In fact, I envy him for that. For trying to be better than some social loser like me. I just lay down or keep quiet, minding my own business because even if I try to converse with a person, I stutter and shake a lot. I can't handle the fast heartbeat and weak feeling in my body. I become insecure with a lot of things especially these days where handsome or tall are better, even big dicks are the priority.<br/>Something I won't or can't even compete with.<br/>When class was over, I was walking with Harumi since we go to the same direction when heading home. Harumi and I talk lots of things, various ideas and various topics. Including but not limited to sex and other erotic stuff. We're boys so it's normal to talk about it. Aside from that, I talk about a certain someone. Someone I admire and someone I plan to confess to.<br/>Hanabi who is simple girl yeat beautiful. Something about her simpleness gave my heart some fluttering feelings that makes me smile too much. While walking with Harumi, we came in contact with her. She greeted while I greeted nervously, Harumi even teased me without a doubt since he knows i have this huge crush on her.<br/>"Heading home?" She said with sweet voice.<br/>"Ah y-yes"<br/>"I see, Take care"<br/>The conversation didn't last but it felt genuine. Something I long for, something that makes this empty heart filled with possiblities. She makes me happy.<br/>Harumi talked with Hanabi for a bit. Lucky for him, he can hold a conversation. I can't even say a simple hello nor talk back to my bullies. I'm really useless. When the two had finished their conversation, they parted ways. I began to ask Harumi what they were talking about. Perhaps I was curious and a little jealous.<br/>"Oh Hana wanted to invite me to join her for studying since finals are closer"<br/>"Eh?"<br/>Wait, "Hana"? Since when did they have a nickname term basis here! Also she invited him for a study meeting with him alone?! FUCK!<br/>"Oh..."<br/>"Ah wanna join us?" Harumi asked with a smile.<br/>"I...can't"<br/>Fuck this! I had the opportunity to do so but I declined because of my social anxiety. I was afraid what I may say or do when we meet up. This is so annoying, I feel so sad and hurt. But I know Harumi, he doesn't have feelings for her so I know he won't do anything but I don't know about Hanabi. I'll just have to know when I gather my strength and courage to tell her how I feel. When I got home, I felt some lingering sadness and fatigue. It was like the best and worst day of my life but if ever Hanabi really likes Harumi, then I don't even know how to face him at all. I just can't handle seeing those two dating. It feels....unfair.<br/>Beep!<br/>My phone? Someone had sent me a text. I wondered who it was until I saw the name. It was another friend of mine, Kira. She's an athletic tomboy but with a great figure. She became my friend during my middle-school days. I tried to be her friend but she kept rejecting me no matter what. Though I didn't give up, I tried seven times every day in one month. Until she gave up, we had so much in common like video games and anime. She's fun to hang out with too.<br/><br/>"You home?"<br/>She's asking if I'm home? For what exactly? I replied without haste.<br/>"Just got home, resting on my bed"<br/>She didn't reply. It was a moment of silence. I let my phone go for abit until it beeped again. The next reply from her shocked me.<br/><br/>"Are you masterbating?~"<br/><br/>This woman! My face felt hot and I flustered a lot. I quickly denied it. I stood up quickly, very flustered and threw my phone gently on my soft bed. I sat by my study table. I felt extremely horny-<br/><br/><br/>The sun rises, I didn't bother waking up since it was a weekend. I covered myself with my blanket. I dreamt something horrible. I still couldn't keep the thought of Hanabi and Haruno together. Especially doing sexual stuff.<br/>Just from the thought, I got a boner. I don't understand, did I get hard by the idea of Hanabi being naked or.....Harumi stealing her from me...?<br/>No! Harumi is a good person, he didn't mistreat me once in my highschool days. Not once. He has been a good friend. There is just no way he'd do something so cruel. I trust him, besides he likes someone already apparently but he wouldn't tell me also he even supports me time to time. I sighed upon thinking every aspect or possible outcomes of Hanabi and Harumi's spending time. I feel pain in my chest like an overwhelming feeling. Something that's like squeezing my heart.<br/>It hurts....<br/>I gave up on the thought and went on with my daily life, I did everything I could to stop myself from thinking about those two, but something unexpected happened while I was out. While walking home since I went out to get food, I saw Harumi and Hanabi enter a house. I felt that pain again, but I didn't understand why I felt it or why I did the next thing when I saw them. I followed, it seemed like the two are hanging out. I shouldn't be worried. I.....<br/>'What the fuck should I do?! There is no way that they are doing what I'm thinking right? Harumi knows I like Hanabi, he wouldn't do....something like fucking her...right?'<br/>My thoughts didn't stop there. I could even imagine it, I felt overwhelmed. The thought of those two fucking like rabbits. I don't want that. My heart beats faster, my head spins, my breathing goes awfully heavier. I feel like I'm having a panick attack. I'm sweating buckets. It hurts....<br/>"O-"<br/>My heart felt heavy. I feel hot.<br/>"Oi-"<br/>I can't think, hear, see or even feel anything. I'm scared.<br/>"Oi!"<br/>Upon realizing it, I was being shaken by someone. Infront of me, with hands on my shoulders. I looked upon only to see a face full of worry and concern. It was Kira. She was looking at me and was shaking me, I was confused but nevertheless. I felt glad.<br/>"You good?"<br/>"I....don't know"<br/>"Jeez you look like you'd pass out any moment, come on let's get you home"<br/>"Ah....thanks"<br/>I picked up the things I bought, walking by her side. I felt relief, to the point I forgot something. The pain I was feeling from earlier was gone now. That was so weird, I feel fine now. I feel...fine? No, I feel empty. I feel nothing at all.<br/>"Oi, we are here you know"<br/>Kira talked to me again as it seemed like I spaced out while heading home with her.<br/>"Thank you....uh, Kira do you wanna come in?"<br/>"Eh?"<br/>"I....need someone right now, that means I really need you"<br/>I stared at her but Kira was dumbfounded or rather maybe she was flustured. Her face looked red, it was understandable considering how a guy like me is inviting her in.<br/>"I guess, I don't mind spending time at the moment with you..."<br/>She said witha soft voice.<br/>I opened the door with my keys as we entered my house. Inviting my friend over, I still can' stop thnking about what I was worried about. I can't focus at all, I was supposed to finish making some dinner for Kira and I but I can't focus at all and I keep shivering for no reason. I don't understand. FUCK!<br/>Washing the vegtables to cutting them, my hand kept shaking non-stop. my breathing kept going hard, I feel so heavy. The more I tried, the more I made a mess. I even made a cut on my cut, the blood dripped and I don't even feel it. It's like my mind isn't focus on the pain.<br/>"Hey, you okay?!"<br/>I didn't even know what to do anymore, I just washed the wound and Kira did the cooking since I was clearly incapable to do dinner at the moment. I needed to take a breather, for now I need to clear my head so water and air will do fine. Back to point, clearly the sight of Harumi and Hanabi were the cause of my problem. It seems the jealousy was too much, but it could be just a normal study up right? I won't know unless I ask them, even if they won't admit it. I'll know eventually.<br/>"Oi, spacing out again? Dinner is ready"<br/>She seemed enthusiastic to eat already, might as well induldge on the glorious food. You know, despite her tomboyish act, she's a decent cook like wife material cook. Though I don't even know her preferences.<br/>"So did something happen? You were like panicking when I saw you then earlier you just cut your finger like you wanted to. Is something bothering you?"<br/>Should I even tell her? She might judge me but Isn't it better to tell someone than hide it? Especially if it's troubling you. She's my friend after all and we had years of trust.<br/>"It's about my...uh....crush and best friend" <br/>She stayed quiet for a moment, eating and thinking.<br/>"I saw them both together....going home"<br/>She then stopped and looked at me with a serious gaze, as if she's intent on listening, no words or any movements. Just an understanding gaze.<br/>"I believe....they are together behind my back, but before you say that there isn't anything wrong with that. Harumi knew that I liked her. So.....if they went out without even telling me....that feels like I just got betrayed" <br/>Woah, for some damn reason I'm shaking so bad even when holding the spoon, I can't seem to get it to my mouth. Am I nervous? For what? Is this what it feels to open up to someone? I don't understand since I'm always to myself. I felt nervous indeed but when a soft gentle touch had caught my shaking hand, I looked at her whose eyes was full of concern. She smiled abit as if to reassure me. She gently stroked my hand to calm me down. <br/>"It's okay. I got you"<br/>Kira's words were so gentle, it makes me want to cry. Since when was she so pretty too? It felt odd, she was always so teasing and rough and yet now, she's like a different person. My face felt hot from everything, her smile, her touch, her eyes. Is this what they call love? <br/>NOPE! no way, I like Hanabi besides I wouldn't even have a damn chance with someone as good as her. I am just a nerd who likes games and movies. I pull back my hand and smiled, I thanked her and once we were done eating. I was the one who did the clean up since she did the cooking. A lot of things had happened today and I think it's time to confess and do something with Hanabi<br/>That is after I find out if Harumi likes her. Enough with these games. I want to do it right away.<br/>Monday, I focused on everything that my class needed. I made sure that everything won't be missed or even fail. I looked at Harumi who acts like how he usually does, so when he was alone. I went to him, I confronted the incident to him. I asked genuinely.<br/>"Oh, we did study like I told you. If you were there and saw us, why didn't you say hello" <br/>He jokinly said and smiled.<br/>It looked like he wasn't lying. So I told him that I would confess to Hanabi and for a moment, he was silent then he gave me a thumbsup, told me good luck. I decided to run as fast as I can to Hanabi, who was just by the greenhouse. Tendering the flowers like usual, she looked so pretty when she does so. <br/>"Hanabi" <br/>I called out to her, I felt nervous that my hand are practically shaking and my sweat kept going. I looked at her sincerly. In turn, she looked at me with sincerity, hearing me out and smiling like usual.<br/>"will...you go out with me?"<br/>For a brief moment, I felt my head spinning or rather it was the world around me that was spinning. My heart kept beating hard. My breathing kept going to fast. It was too silent, I couldn't even look at her anymore.<br/>"Sure" <br/>Her reply gave me joy but in reality, I wish she had just rejected me. For my sake....and hers as well as his.</p>