Him - 2

"Sire?"

"Tan, where are you?"

"On my way, sire. I thought you wanna stay longer?"

"Pick me up now. Usual place," call got cut.

Stars are bright though there is no moon. The night is getting dark. It's chill and gloomy.

I feel alone. Sad.

Tears are rolling from my eyes. I drop to my knees on the asphalt road. Feeling heartbroken. It hurts so much! Like my flesh being torn from my bones.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." I cry my lungs out.

They told me, she almost got raped. She fought until the man went down. My heart sank when I heard that. Imagine how hard it is for her. With all that happened. She must be scared to hell!

I can't brush the image of me tearing her clothes in pieces, rummaging her like a wild beast, merciless towards a sweetheart like her! I curse myself! I damn myself! I wanna kill myself!

I know it's a nightmare that links me to my past life. That's why the guilt eats me alive. Past or present, that evil is me. That never erases the fact that I was once born an evil man who treated his wife like a piece of trash.

"You son of a bitch! I hate you! I hate you, Khittan!!!" I scream aloud. Scratch my hand, my body. I swear to God, if I have a gun, I might finish myself tonight!

"Sire! Sire! Stop it!" Tan grabs my hand.

"Let me go! Let me die!!!"

"Sire, calm down! Sire!!" Tan hugs me tight. I bawl my eyes out. Cursing myself in every bit that I have in my life.

How can I live, knowing that once upon a time ago, I destroyed someone's life? And still, I was born in this silver spoon, gold chamber just to make others suffer?

"Tan... I hurt her... I raped her. I killed her..."

"Calm down, sire..."

"What am I supposed to do? She must be scared, I can see how scared she is! She sat there, with her brave face, but I knew she was hurt! I leave a scar in her life!" I grab him by his collar.

"Sire..."

"Tan, I must be the biggest sinner. Because destiny kept tying me with her! Destiny punished me for good!" I crumble in front of my driver.

"Sire, should I call Prince Yug?" I can hear his voice, but my brain going somewhere places. My eyesight starts going blurry.

"Sire!"

:::

I can hear a fainted laugh from across the room. I step carefully, silently on the floor. There was a small gap at the door.

Who was laughing just now? I asked myself. Slowly, I peek at the gap. There's a woman, wearing a nightgown. She was laughing at something.

Or someone.

I peek one more time. I can see a shadow through the candlelight in the room. My curiosity spikes up.

The shadow got smaller and smaller. There is a man, also in his nightgown, kissing the woman on her cheek. She giggled as she playfully pushed him away from her. Then, she turned back, hands trying to reach something.

It's her. Karin.

Who is the man? My heart thumping so fast. Is he...?

The man turned around. My eyes got larger. I gasp for my life. My body almost leaned forward, crashing the door.

All of a sudden, the room moved away from me. I tried to chase them, but they drifted so far away from me. I ran with might, trying to chase the room. Everything was dark. And here I am, trying my best.

Wait! Wait!

"WAIT!!"

I open my eyes. Everything seems familiar. The ceiling looks normal, with off-white lighting.

"Khit! Are you okay?" I heard a voice calling me. I look to my left.

It's Yug.

I slowly bring myself up from the bed, knowing that I'm in my room now. Yug sighs, giving me a worried look. He passes me a glass of water.

"Feeling better?"

"How many days did I pass out?" I ask.

"Don't worry, you blacked out last night. Less than 12 hours," he takes a seat next to my bed, on a chair.

"I asked Jennie to take over the office in the meantime. Your parents will be here this afternoon,"

I look down, playing with the fabric of my blanket. I dare not to lift my head.

"Khittan, it's just a fucking nightmare-"

"You heard the fortune teller yourself! How can you say that?!"

"Fuck, I should not bring you there in the first place!"

"Too late for that..." I reply, brushing my hair to the back. It's too late for him to feel guilty. Besides, if Yug didn't bring me there, I wouldn't know anything. I will stuck in uncertainty. It'll get even worse than now.

"Khittan, it's just a dream..."

"You're not walking in my shoes, Yug..."

"I wish I was, and you know what? If I'm you, I'll just ask for an apology and walk away. As simple as that," Yug's expression is getting fierce. He must be angry by now.

"I did ask for an apology. And she did forgive me," again, I held a huge sigh.

"Then, what's the problem, Khittan?"

"You do not understand-"

"Which part am I not? She forgave you! Just move on!"

"You don't understand..."

"Which part is the part that I don't understand you, for fucking sake?! She's nobody! Used to be your wife, but not your current wife! We're talking about reincarnation, that's centuries ago! You need to let her go! Just move on, Khit-"

"I'm fucking in love with her, Yug!!"

Silence. I hold up my tears, but my voice is enough to show Yug that I'm crying inside.

"I love Karin. Ever since I saw her. At first, I thought it was just a dream, so I brushed my feelings away. But, the more I see her in real life, the more I realize I do love her," I explain to Yug, in tears.

"You have no idea how hurtful it is to see your loved one get hurt," I continue. "The most hurtful part is when you realize it's you who hurt them yourselves!" I grab the sheet and suppress my anger.

"Khittan, did you remember the Black Knight?" I glare at Yug.

"It's not the time to talk about my car!"

"I remember, you love it so much! It's your first car from your father. Then, when Arith entered college, you gave him the car. I asked why because you love Black Knight so much! We even teased you, calling the car your wife. Do you remember what you said?"

I frown at him.

"You said, letting go of something that you love is the most noble act in this world. Seeing the happiness within another important person is the most selfless act that brings happiness within yourself."

I agree. That's indeed my words.

"I think, it's time to let her go. Let her find her happiness. Find yourself the happiness. You deserve it. How long must you punish yourself? Karin forgave you. That's the end of the story, Khittan," Yug emphasizes the happiness word. A reminder from him that I must keep to myself.

"Besides, you should realize that you a have bigger responsibility than all this. Your family needs you, Khit. The country needs you," says Yug. "I know you love Karin. But, you should love yourself first," he pats my shoulder.

I mute myself. Everything that Yug said, there is nothing wrong with them. But, I'm the one who wronged. I'm asking myself over and over again. Is this the end? Is this what I want?

If so, am I ready to let it go?

Can I forget Karin, for the rest of my life?