Chapter 25

Pregnant, living in a haunted house, and now her mother was going to visit. Nina was feeling a lot of stress. The news that she was having a baby had been delivered by text. Louise didn't answer her phone or respond to requests for her to call. In the end a simple message of "I'm pregnant" was typed and sent. It still took a couple of days for a reaction.

Nina kept her mother up to date on any news. The move to the country had been relayed and some pictures of their new house had been sent. Louise had said that she would come and visit at some time, but no firm arrangements had been made. The news about the baby might provoke her to action. Rory had thought that she would come.

A phone call confirmed that her mother had read the message. Congratulations were offered and some horror that she would be a grandmother. "I look too young" she had trilled. Later the same day, another call had been made. This time Louise revealed that she was returning from Spain for a brief visit to see her darling daughter and the new house. Nina told Rory in a morose tone.

The whole thing with her mother. Nina hadn't really reconciled her feelings about Louise, even after having intense talks with Rory on the subject. He had been like a counsellor when they first met. Coaxing memories out of her which she had pushed to the back of her mind. Facing the truth had been hard, but cathartic.

There was a particular incident which had refused to be dismissed. The one that repeated in Nina's brain when she thought about her mother. Probably about 5 years old, she had woken one morning and made her way to the kitchen. There was no sign of her mother, so, as she was hungry, she looked in the fridge. Two bottles of white wine and a mouldy salad was all that was on offer.

Heading for the lounge, Nina had turned the television on and watched cartoons for a while. Hungry and afraid, she had gone to her mother's bedroom and opened the door. Inside was Louise and a man. He had looked at the child in horror.

"You've got a kid. You never told me you had a kid."

"Nina, go and wait in the lounge darling."

"I'm hungry."

"I'll get you something in a minute."

"There isn't anything. I looked."

The man was not happy. He left the bedroom and went to the kitchen. After looking in the fridge and cupboards he came back glowering. Grabbing his jacket and shoes he left without a word. Twenty minutes later, Nina was still hungry and Louise was still complaining about how rude the man had been. Then there was a knock at the door.

"I got some food. Cereal and stuff for the kid. There's a loaf of bread and some other bits. If you've got a kid, act like a mother, for Christ's sake." 

The man had returned. His thoughts had been about Nina. A child who was being neglected by her mother. He deposited the food on the doorstep and left again. 

Louise had been embarrassed. Nina got her breakfast and lots of cuddles and attention. It had taken the harsh words of a stranger to shame her mother into making an effort. That was the nadir. Never that neglectful again, Louise was still not very good at running a household. As she grew older, Nina had taken on the responsibility of ensuring that there was food in the house and bills were paid.

At the time it had been hard, but there was no choice. If Nina didn't act like an adult, nothing would get done. Obviously, it wasn't a normal childhood. She had never discussed it with anyone, before Rory had prised it out. It was alike a guilty secret she had to keep. Even though it wasn't her fault, she still felt shame.

Nina had chosen to remember dancing, birthday cake, visits to the theatre, and how people loved her glamorous mother. The man with the bag of food only crept, unwanted, into dreams. Her chats with Rory had brought forth the terror of being left alone in the flat, the money spent on wine and not on the electricity bill, Louise's hangovers and barely marked birthdays. 

Leaving her mother as soon as she could afford her own place, Nina had worried about her being left to cope alone. Without her daughter to take responsibility, Louise had found herself a boyfriend. Someone else to keep her life in order, thereby putting off having to cope on her own.

There had been little change over the years. Louise had moved on from boyfriend to boyfriend, each one lasting longer than the one before. The search for a permanent partner, seemed to have ended with Maurice. They had been together for nearly 5 years. A record for her.

She didn't hate Louise. The woman was exasperating and, the kindest word was, reckless. There were times when her mother was fun and caring, too. They didn't see each other often now and an effort could be made for the visit. 

Seeing Joy and Martin and their wonderful relationship with Rory had slightly annoyed her at first. All that hugging and oversharing. It felt so alien to her. Now, Nina could appreciate that she was the one who had the dysfunctional family and with the realisation had come an acceptance of how her mother behaved. 

Louise was her only parent. They loved each other in their way. Nina could watch the excesses and tantrums and let it all wash over her. The memory of the man and the food still came back to her occasionally. At one time it had been a horrible recollection, but now she looked on it as a turning point. Things had got better after that. Not much, but the bar was pretty low.