Chapter 6

I starve as I see clients throughout the day. I don't even get the morning to run on my treadmill. It doesn't matter for the amount of cock I wind up riding has me exhausted hours later.

I ignore several texts from Richard, not because I'm cold, but because I need his attraction to remain. I have a goal to marry him and disappear – if I know myself, I can break hearts too. You do not want to begin to imagine the shame I felt this past year. The humiliation. Not that anyone knew about us, or the pregnancy. I was dumped for an ex regardless.

One thousand three hundred dollars later, I am on my way home to take a long shower. My anger builds the longer I think of this entitled prick and his audacity to knock me up and leave and then come back as though, because of who I am, all is forgiven. The worst part? Robert would understand me entirely – why I didn't wait long enough to begin seeing people, I mean. When your lover comprehends why you do the harmful things you do to yourself, your life is hollow without them. No matter what, or who comes into the picture to clean up the mess, they had your back more than anyone ever will.

That is how I feel. My other half is gone and all that is left is thin frigid air between myself and future partners.

Fuck future partners.

Robert Schumann is the only one for me.