Fifty-two

"Zahra?"

"No! Go away!" I scream, hiding my head under my arms and between my legs.

"Zahra, it's okay. You're okay."

A hand grabbed one of my wrists and I screamed. "No! No! Leave me alone! You're not real! I won't let you keep scaring me!"

"Zahra-"

"NO!"

I struggled to get up and run, however, arms were around my waist, holding me hostage. I didn't want to see anymore! It was too much! No more games! No more monsters! No more dark places and useless weapons and broken doors! No more! No more! No more!

"Zahra!"

"No! Leave me alone! Let me go!"

I was turned around to face my captor and I couldn't keep standing. She had taken on Aspen's form. "Zahra, look at me."

"No, no, no!" I cry, shaking my head to rid myself of the illusion she was making me see.

"Zahra, where are you? Where are you right now?"

"No, no, no!"

Hands cup my face. "Look around you. Where are you?"

"No!" I whimper, finally giving up the fight. However I do look around and see trees, grass, sunshine, and beauty. It wasn't the dark, dingy house I had been in for days now.

Throughout the whole "game" there was not once when the scene changed. I was always in the same place, but with different people or creatures.

I finally realized what was happening and looked to the person holding me. "Aspen?"

His blue eyes brightened. "I'm here, Zahra."

I looked around again, taking in the meadow, my safe place. I was in my head. I had been summoned after passing out when seeing my mother, or her supposed form.

"Don't go," I cry. "Please, don't go!"

Aspen curls his arms around me and holds me against his chest. "I'm here. You're safe here." I clutch him tightly, needing him to not disappear. "I can stay here," he whispered.

"I want to go home!"

"I know."

"I don't want to be here anymore! I want Roan! I want June! I want the village back! I don't care if I lose the game! I don't care if I am weak! I want to go home!" I scream.

I continue screaming for a long time. Aspen doesn't stop me, doesn't try to make me slow down, but listens. I know I don't make sense to him, but I don't think I have any sense anymore.

After what feels like hours, I'm quiet, still holding him to me. He doesn't try to move, but he does finally speak. "I summoned you for a reason, Zahra. I came here to ask you something, then go." I whimper, clutching him even tighter. "But I can see you are really hurt. So, I will stay. I won't leave. I won't ask anything important. We can just stay like this as long as you need."

I want to loosen my grip, but can't. I'm terrified I'll go back, terrified next time, he won't be real.

"You're safe here," he whispered again. "No one can touch you here. It's just you and me. Nothing can enter this place. It's sanctuary, a safe haven. You have no need to fear being here."

"I don't want to go back," I whisper, voice cracking.

"I won't make you," he replied. "We will stay here for as long as we must."

"I can't go back, Aspen. I can't."

"I know," he said. "Don't worry about that right now. Just remember that this is safe. Nothing can hurt you here."

"I want my brother."

"We'll see him soon. You will see him soon."

"I want peace."

Aspen didn't respond to this, however he did kiss my head and began rocking us back and forth.

After a while, I finally relax, finally feel safe, finally believe this was real. I snuggle into Aspen and close my eyes, exhausted.

When I open them later, we were laying down with light blankets over us. Aspen had his arms around me, but loosely. He was awake and staring into space when I sat up.

Aspen smiled at me. "Good sleep?"

I nod. "I haven't slept in days."

"Do you feel better?"

I hug myself. "I still don't want to go back."

"I didn't say you had to," he whispered. "I just want to make sure you are thinking better than earlier."

I nod. "I think so."

"That's good," he said, reaching up to brush hair out of my eyes. "Zahra, you don't have to worry about me leaving or you waking up. I won't let either happen. You can stay here. We can stay here."

"But I want to see Roan."

He nods. "I know. You will."

"When?"

"I'm not sure." My eyes begin to fill with tears, but he says, "I need to ask you a few things to see if our information is correct. Do you think you can do that?"

"Okay."

He begins with telling me about describing Marin's home to the others and of how Cat thought she knew it. Then described their journey. Finally he told me they had arrived. "But I want to show you and see if it's exactly what you saw."

"You won't leave?"

He took both my hands. "I'll stay right here."

I nod and the meadow disappears and I see the large, menacing wall. "No, no, no!" I whimper.

"Zahra, look at me."

I turn and look at Aspen. "Get me out, please!"

The scene diminished and my meadow comes back. "We will. I promise."

He holds me some more, we talk a little and then I sleep.

When I wake this time, Aspen is crafting a bow. I sit up and watch him, but don't interrupt his concentration.

When he puts it down an hour later, he looks up at me and smiles. "You look much better."

I blush. "I'm feeling better."

"Then, can we talk about plans?"

I nod, moving to sit with him. He pulls me into his lap though and begins to draw in the dirt. He draws a big circle. "Where would you say you are within the wall?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen much."

"How long did it take you and Marin to walk to where you are now?"

I gulp my fear down and think. "Maybe a half hour to the house he had me stay in that first night. Then another fifteen?"

Aspen nods. "Good. Can you tell me which house?"

"It's the biggest," I say confidently. "You will know it when you see it."

He smiles. "Okay. I want you to listen before you ask anything, okay?"

"I just want to know you are able to find me."

"We will." He kisses my brow then turns serious. "I need to give Roan everything you've told me." I widen my eyes. "This does not mean you have to return to your body."

"I don't?"

"No," he says gently. "You can stay here. I will go to Roan and give him everything he meeds to find and help you. Once I have and we have a plan I will come back and tell you."

I nod, so far understanding everything.

"Again, I will have to go so I can help, but you may stay. We will find you and get you out. When you're out and we've ridden far enough, I'll come back and tell you."

I begin to tremble, remembering why I didn't want to return to my body. "I'm scared, Aspen."

"Why?"

I feel myself begin to cry again. "She's horrible! She's terrifying! She made me see things – people who are scary!"

Aspen cups my face. "Who, Zahra? Who is hurting you?"

I shake my head. "She said her name was Leilani but she can be different things! One moment, she'll be a beautiful woman, the next a rat! She's made me see things I don't want to see ever again!"

"Zahra, you're going to be okay. We won't let you be here forever."

I look at him with desperate plea. "She's worse than Lucas, Aspen. I don't want any of you hurt by her either."

"I will give everyone a warning," Aspen promises. "We will make sure to be prepared for whatever she and Marin throws at us. You will get out and see everyone again."

I hoped so. He didn't understand the severity of what Leilani could do. He didn't understand how scared I really was.

"Hey," he whispers when I don't say anything. "Do you remember how the last time Lucas had a hold of you and I asked you a question to see if it was you or him?"

I blink and nod, remembering that day.

"Good. I want you to do the same with us. If this Leilani turns into us, but you're not sure if it's her or not, ask her something only we would know. Do the same when we finally approach you. Ask us a question only we know the answer to."

This gives me hope. It gives me such hope that I know I can wait a little longer for them to find me. I nod. "I can do that."

He smiles. "Good. It will be your weapon against her."

I frown. "But what about my mother and father?"

Aspen raises a brow. "I thought your mother was dead and your father left you?"

I nod. "Exactly."

"Oh," he whispered. Then he leans close. "Well, first, what do you remember your brother telling you about your mother?"

"She was beautiful and cared for me. He said she wanted to see me grow up. He said she loved me, loved him."

"And what do you know about your father?"

I cringe. "He was hard. Scary. When I first saw Roan, I thought he looked just as mean as my father."

"But Roan isn't scary anymore, right?"

I shake my head. "Roan is nothing like my father."

"Okay. Use your knowledge of the people you know and have heard about to your advantage. This Leilani person can't scare you with their forms if you know it isn't truly them, right?"

"And I won't be scared of you all when you come for me, because I will know you're real?"

"Exactly," he whispered.