What A Bunch of Drama Queens

Outskirts of Puente Antiguo, New Mexico-

-June 1, 2010, 1900h local-

"How are the little guys doing?" Naruto asked while taking another donut from the box. He's been hanging around in the breakroom ever since his second favorite person to mess with arrived. And yes, a field tent has a breakroom. Get over it.

"First of all, THEY'RE NOT LITTLE. The little shits change size! One moment they're the size of a chihuahua. I got no problem with that, and I can admit that some of them are cute..." Clint took a shot of his coffee before continuing. "But god damn. I draw the line when they're the size of a Polar Bear. I should know. One chased the ATV I was using in Greenland."

"Wow, I thought they'll loosen up a bit and grow to the size of your barn or at least an elephant. The trees would cover them." Naruto nonchalantly replied.

One of his clones overseeing the base noticed Thor and Dr. Foster entering the base. He decided to wait and see what would happen.

Clint's head turned so fast that Naruto thought he might break his neck.

"You motherfucker. How large do they grow?" Clint asked through gritted teeth.

"The size of a large hill or a small mountain. There's a gray zone."

"And you let them play around my house like fucking Lion King!?" Naruto just stared at Clint incredulously. "What? Cooper can't sleep without Disney on..." Naruto just raised an eyebrow and continued staring at Clint. "Fine. I just like Lion King. But that doesn't..." He stopped mid-rant when the alarms started blaring. "We're not done." Clint added before running towards the armory.

Naruto decided to take a leisurely stroll towards the observation deck above the hammer, where Phil should be. He brought a donut and another cup of coffee just in case Phil would like some. He also ensured that his 'disguise,' which boils down to a suit, black hair, no whiskers, and an ID, was still intact.

After some careful dodging of running personnel and a two-minute walk, he finally reached the observation deck.

"God damn. Can the guy kick ass..." Naruto said when he saw in the feeds, Thor beat down three highly trained SHIELD agents. "Want some?" Offering the coffee and donuts.

Phil thought about it for a moment before accepting it.

"I got my eyes on him. Want me to take the shot?" Clint's voice can be heard through the radio.

"Negative. Don't take the shot..." Phil promptly replied. "I wanna see what happens." He then placed the radio back on the table.

"It's either Thor is an exceptionally powerful individual even among his people, or their people are naturally more powerful than humans."

"Based on the stories compiled by the research department..." Yes, SHIELD has a historical research department. A massive one at that. "It might be a bit of both."

Four minutes and twenty-eight seconds. That's how long it took for The God of Thunder to reach the crater from the moment he breached the perimeter.

"It's a good thing Sitwell got a flat, or I wouldn't be able to watch this up close."

"You're saying that like you have nothing to do with it." Phil replied.

Naruto stared at Phil before releasing a chuckle.

"Looks like the Prince is ready to use his weapon." Naruto mumbled.

"All units hold your place." Phil ordered through his radio.

Thor slowly walked towards Mjolnir. He's looking at it like it's the important thing in the world, and considering his current predicament; it's quite understandable why he would feel that way.

Both Phil and Naruto expected for something to happen when the God of Thunder came into contact with the legendary Mjolnir. Maybe a bolt of lightning, a low rumble from a distance, even a teeny tiny spark. But nothing happened. He couldn't even lift it. Only a copious amount of grunting happened.

"That's a letdown..." Naruto commented right as Thor shouted into the sky, dropped on his knees before dropping to his knees like a defeated man. "What a fucking drama queen."

"Take him down and bring him into interrogation room 1." Phil said into his radio.

-Outskirts of Puente Antiguo, New Mexico-

-June 1, 2010, 1930h local-

"You made my men, some of the most highly trained professionals in the world, look like a bunch of minimum-wage mall cops. That's hurtful..." Naruto stood outside the interrogation room, watching through the one-way mirror. He has no idea why Phil is going through this route of interrogation when he's already 99% positive that the guy in there with him is the literal God of Thunder. "In my experience, it takes someone who's received similar training to do what you did to them. Why don't you tell me where you received your training? Pakistan? Chechnya? Afghanistan? Asgard?" Thor can't help but look at Phil. "Asgard, huh? Don't worry. We'll get the answers out of you. We're good at that."

Phil gave Thor one last look before walking out of the room. He saw Naruto still observing Thor.

"What's the lore behind Mjolnir again?" Naruto started.

Phil didn't understand why Naruto was asking that but answered with an abridged version nonetheless.

"Forge by dwarves at the heart of a dying star. Created for the Crowned Prince of Asgard, Thor. So heavy that only Thor and Odin himself can lift it."

"Assuming all of that is true, and we have the real Thor, why wouldn't he be able to use it? Even if he was banished and restricted presumably by Odin, why would Mjolnir be here?" Naruto asked one after another.

Phil took a moment to digest what Naruto said and thought of what he was trying to get at. It didn't take long for Phil to realize what Naruto was getting at.

"It's a test—a right of passage." Phil answered.

Naruto would expound on the conversation further, but his activated eye saw a slight shimmer washed over the room before a person practically materialized inside, acting like opening the door. Blue eyes, shoulder-length black wavy hair, and wearing a black suit with a green shirt.

Naruto quickly realized what was happening. A genjutsu, or rather, an illusion. It's either a shitty one, or his unique constitution made the guy's illusion ineffective. Not guy, Loki. The fucking God of Mischief and Illusions.

Loki's not even that good at illusions if it doesn't work on Naruto.

Even with all the new information, like the king aka Odin, maybe dead, and all this shit has something to do with Jotunheim, not to mention the fact that Loki may have limited instant teleportation capabilities, Naruto remained stoic. Not betraying anything to Phil.

It didn't even take Loki five minutes to visit his supposed brother. Adopted brother perhaps since Thor and Loki have different biology altogether. If Thor can be described as a natural conductor for whatever that mysterious energy was, Loki was a poor substitute. And don't forget the ice. The guy was practically made of it.

Loki walked out the door while still holding on to his illusion based on everyone's reaction, or rather lack thereof. Only Naruto kept track of the god using his Shinigami eyes.

Naruto decided to have one of his few idle clones to follow the god.

Loki, just like Thor, slowly approached the hammer. But unlike his brother, he gave note to the disrupted surroundings. Like someone forcefully lifted the hammer and was quite successful based on the position of the hammer. It's quite concerning to have someone strong enough that could overwhelm the All-Father's enchantment. Nevertheless, he needs to know if he's worthy now.

Loki calmly reached for the hammer and tried to lift it, but as expected, he couldn't.

"So, Loki..." Loki's eyes slightly widened when he heard someone call his name. There should be none of these 'insects' should be able to see him. Only the high-ranking 'allied' sorcerers or some other exceptions should see through his illusions. Regardless, he's confident that he could fight whatever he encounters in this backwater world. "What you doing?"

Loki recomposed himself and slowly turned around. He saw a man wearing a bright orange jacket standing near the edge of the crater. The man looks to be able to use illusions as well since none of the guards notice him.

"Greetings..." Loki magnanimously replied. "You have me at a disadvantage. You know who I am, as you should. But I don't know who you are."

"Call me Naruto..." The man introduced himself haphazardly. "Again. What you doing? Trying to lift that hammer there, don't you? Do you even lift, bruh?"

Loki's temper was slowly thinning with each perceived insult. The only thing holding him back was the threat that Heimdall would be able to see him if he made a mess, and that would be detrimental to his plans.

"I would love to answer the question..." Loki started. "However, as this is an official business of the Asgardian Royal Family, I'm afraid I can't answer."

"Asgardian. That's what you call yourselves. I should've known..." Naruto replied. "But you're no Asgardian, aren't you?"

Loki's pale blue eyes turned even darker.

"How dare you insult me!?" Loki practically shouted; green mist started to flow out of him. "I am Loki Odinson! God of Mischief, Chaos, Lies, Stories, and Outcast! Regent of the Asgardian Empire! It would do you well to give the respect that I am due."

Naruto flashed a smile hearing Loki's declaration. He just knew he fucked during his emotional declaration.

"Regent, huh?" Naruto said with a feral grin. "That means Odin's still alive..." Loki just glared at Naruto. "Now the question now is, why would you lie to what I'm assuming is the crowned prince."

Loki, in one of the few moments in his life, was caught in his lie. Of course, he could talk himself out of the situation he's in with his superior intellect, but that would leave a problem unsolved. And he does not want to want any possible future complications.

With practiced ease, Loki buffed up his illusions and slowly made his way behind Naruto while leaving an image of himself continuing the conversation.

"Not a Crowned Prince. Haven't you heard, he was banished. I'm pretty sure that makes all previous positions null and void." Loki's clone replied.

The real Loki, on the other hand, was already in a position to strike. So without wasting any more time, he stabbed his dagger straight into Naruto's lower skull into the brain. A nice, clean kill. Loki's preferred method. Low effort, high payoff. Precisely the opposite of Thor's selected method.

However, Naruto didn't fall straight down as Loki expected. Instead, Naruto burst into a small cloud of smoke.

"That's not nice..." Loki quickly turned around and saw another Naruto. An illusion? It can't be a physical clone since he could feel his blade move through flesh and scrape at the bone. "I thought we were having a good conversation."

Loki called another blade in his left hand and moved towards Naruto. He stabbed and slashed, but Naruto easily dodged his attempts. He tried a few more times while occasionally using his illusions, but it quickly became apparent that Naruto could see through his tricks, and he's outgunned combat-wise.

Seeing that he's in a losing battle, Loki moved back and went to a defensive stance.

"Had enough?" Naruto asked.

"I'm not some barbarian that can't figure out that I'm physically and skillfully outclassed." Loki answered diplomatically. However, he didn't pass a thousand years old in a combat-related society without an ace up his sleeve.

Loki threw a venerable storm of blades towards Naruto before escaping the facility using his short-range transport spell using the same principles as the Bifrost. One moment he's in a crater, the next moment, he's a couple of kilometers away.

"Hey! You left this!" Loki once again heard Naruto's voice. "No littering."

Behind Loki, again, was Naruto carrying all the blades he threw, but he's quite a distance away. He has no idea how Naruto followed him, but he can only think of one way to escape the 'insect.'

Asgard is a special place created by the first Asgardians. It's in a different dimension, and it can only be accessed by moving through Yggdrasil. Basically, he needs to do one thing, even though it might have consequences for his long-term plans.

"Heimdall! Open the Bifrost!" Loki shouted.

Not a second later, a cylindrical rainbow hit Loki before disappearing and only leaving an ornate mark on the ground.

Naruto stared at the ground in a state of relative shock. After a minute, he finally snapped out of it.

"Fuck. That's something new..." Naruto let out. "That Hiraishin mark would be a pain to use. Too fucking far." He added before returning back to base.