leave this beautiful life...
Completely disappointed with himself he had been resenting and just walking around wherever his feet took him. Ryan resents himself for being weak...for feeling the pain that he shouldn't have. He wanted to disappoint his dad, his stepfamily with his dad in it. They all were someone he didn't want to have with him because in their presence he always felt left out. He always feels worthless, his dad too made him feel an outsider. Should he have done that? Why couldn't he love him...Ryan was his own child. Did his love for him disappear?
Ryan has been walking around the alleys still deep in his thoughts. He recalled how his dad scolded him for getting injured instead of asking if he was in pain. He was in pain but he couldn't show him - his dad. He couldn't show it to anyone as he had no one. He leans against the wall and slides down sitting on the dirty ground. It was a narrow alley just within the city and to his advantage, it was almost empty.