Special Chapter: Santa Claus Probably Is Real

[2021 Christmas Special Chapter.]

In the Occult Clubroom, there is a doll of a joyful fat old man in a red suit. You know him well, the guy with a long white beard. His laugh goes like 'Hohoho?' The guy with many presents? Whatever, you know him.

He is supposed to be the symbol of children's happiness in late December and snow. Not just children but maybe everyone who has a childhood. We love him.

"I hate him."

Well, except this bored vampire, who's been whining about how she can't conquer the world because of me. And that she wants blood which of course I'm not giving her mine. If I have to guess why she suddenly is looking at Santa Claus's doll, it may be related to the colour red.

Is she seriously thinking about eating the whole doll?

I put down my book, which I hadn't read all this time. By reading, I mean to appear busy and hide my eyes from worrying about the vampire doing something stupid and unexpected, like sneaking up on me and sucking my blood.

I only know her for three days, all I know is that we can't hurt each other. Despite that, she still has the vampire's abilities. I couldn't be more careful, the vampire's race has survived thousands of exorcist's raids. And they're still here.

"This fake human couldn't even fit a minotaur coffin," the vampire suddenly says, grabbing the doll and twisting it around.

She is drooling.

"There's no blood there." I say.

The vampire flushes and turns to me furiously, "I--I know that! I wouldn't want to eat his blood again anyway!"

That gets my eyebrow raised, "You say as if you've met him."

"I did!"

Woah, that's quite unexpected. Does a vampire also believe in Santa Claus? I give her a doubtful look. "You've seen him?"

"Of course!" She doesn't sound proud of that. That's a first.

Still has my doubts.

"Are… Are you sure it's not your father cosplaying him or something?" I say and hope I can take it back. Way to ruin someone's childhood memories. But it's all right, the vampire doesn't seem to be taken an offense.

"Cosplaying?"

Of course, vampires haven't heard of the term.

I decide to explain. Though I don't prefer and risk myself to have a conversation with her, well, it's a way to kill time anyway. I just have to be careful for any trick she tries to pull. "Cosplaying is like disguising as someone… That someone could also be fictional, you know?"

"Heh, if that's true, my father is an excellent cosplayinger."

"Cosplayer," I correct her. Now that I think about it, she could be ironically true. If Dracula himself walks around the city, other people would see him as a cosplayer. A good one at that when in fact he's the real one.

"Same thing!" The vampire bursts, "And I just noticed it. Do you think my father is cosplaying?" She pushes the doll toward me, "This fat?"

"Hey now, there's no need for body shaming anyone."

"Eat my feet!"

"No, thank you." Especially with small feet like hers. I would be behind bars the second I put them in my mouth. Even though she's actually hundred years old or something.

"This fatty is real, I don't know why you don't know that." The vampire shakes the doll around. I feel bad for Santa.

I shrug, "Well, I wouldn't know. We don't believe his existence and he never announced it publicly too. Well, except for the story where he flew around the city, delivering presents on Christmas."

"How?" The vampire says, looking at the doll as if there's an answer on it, "I know that he likes to deliver presents. But how can humans treat him like a unicorn?"

Where is this going? I already feel the sigh around my lips when she adds unicorn to the conversation.

"It may be because he wants to keep it that way. He does it silently anyway."

"Silently?" She asks.

"Yeah, he delivers his present through the chimney or any kind of secret way he could find."

"..."

She doesn't look like she believes in me. I wouldn't care anyway.

"Are you saying," the vampire comes at me. I back away, taking my defensive stance… closing my neck.

The vampire continues, "Are you saying this fatty didn't knock like back when he was giving me a present?"

"..."

Santa Claus… Knocking? "No," I answer. He is ruder than Alyssa now that I think about it. "Hold up, you're saying like… Santa really came knocking on your door."

The vampire nods, her lips tighten. I can see her fang poking out. "Because he does!"

I ask, "Is he even real in the first place?"

The vampire nods again. "He sure is! He always comes knocking on our castle's door when it's Christmas, trying to impress me with his present."

… Is Santa Claus real all this time? Man, I thought he was just fiction made for kids. If Santa is real... then why, why Santa? Why didn't you give me a PS6 when I asked? I was only twenty at the time and my heart is gleeful like a child.

…

The hell am I thinking about?

"Okay, sure," I shrug, "As if this is true, what kind of present did he gave you?"

"Everything that I don't like."

"Everything that you don't like?"

"I asked for toys but he gave me something else. He gave me human toys!"

"Is… Is there any toys for vampires then?" I imagine it may look disturbing. Like a water gun that shoots out human blood.

"Of course there is! We only play with living things! Not toys, like this!"

The Santa is being shaken again. I feel bad for Santa--less now when I remember about the PS6. Now that I kinda believe he could be real, my memory of not being given a PS6 on last christmas salten. Adult needs present too.

The vampire groans, "And he never came back after the sixty-ninth Christmas."

"He must feel very sad you didn't appreciate his presents."

"No… Not even close, human." I could hear her gritting her teeth, "Because he's scared."

"Huh?"

"He's scared of me after that one time when he didn't give me toys that I wanted, so I made him my toy for a day!"

Being a loli gothic vampire's toy… It doesn't sound pleasing. Totally.

"I was about to love him, too!" Now the vampire frowns, "As my toys of course."

"O… Okay?"

"If only his blood didn't taste like saltwater."

…

Hold up, "You… You had Santa Claus' blood?"

My mind draws a scene of a gothic loli eating an old man's neck. Now I just feel uncomfortable.

"No! Ew! I never drank his blood directly," the vampire shouts after hearing my mind, "My maids use a sucking needle to collect his blood. What you thought was disgusting, shame! A queen never will do that."

"What are you talking about?" This is me trying to deny what I imagined earlier.

She snorts, ignoring my claim and instead continues with her story. "And since then, I just let him get away. And the fact that he never came back to give me presents makes me…"

Just a few second, I'm seeing a hint of sadness in her eyes. Her lips are quivering. And she looks at Santa (doll) as if she wants to say something to him. But Santa is not here. The Santa who just wants to see the Gothic loli happy, is not here. He couldn't hear anything. Or maybe never will again.

"Human…" The vampire voice is shaky, "Do you know why there was a time when he was giving me presents?"

I shake my head.

"It's not what you think. I've heard from my sisters…"

She has sisters?

The vampire continues, "That other children have also received presents from him Human and Our kind. They also said that he gives away presents to make the children happy. I thought you were one of them... Until my father told me the truth. It's different for me. That Santa Claus doesn't want me happy as a child…"

Her face lifts up… And I could see disgust splattering around her face.

The vampire bites her lips, "Santa Claus wants to see me happy as his wife…"

…

Holy fuck.

What kind of development story is this?

The vampire raises the doll in the air, "And after that day when I realized; realized that his kindness is a lie.

"And for that."

She throws it down.

Thud!

The head of Santa Claus is rolling down the floor and stops at my shoes.

The vampire shrieks, "ANd FOr ThAT I HAtE SAnTa ClauS!"

…

Well, someone had a bad childhood.

I look down at the smiling old man.

I'm sorry, Santa Claus. Never a big fan of the genre.

You suck.

Why are we talking about this…

It's January.

Far from Christmas.

Unless…